A matter of origins - a traveller, without psychological-physical or heritage connections

Hi ATS,

This could have been a very long thread indeed. I've decided though, that I will try to stick to the essentials, rooting out the unnecessary or cumbersome baggage which I tend to write with, carrying a burden of detail that's exhausting to look at, let alone read.

So in that spirit of minimalism, I offer you the central point of the thread, which remains as though I had filled this page with weighty details of my life & experience, yet finding its target without being overloaded in that manner.

I have many reasons for this belief, but I abstain from presenting them (as yet). The central thrust is that I feel disconnected from the family that raised me, from the wider familial & friendship circles which surrounded them, from the local culture of my region, and my nation, and indeed from the world itself. I feel as though I was transplanted here from somewhere else, and that the transplant didn't take, so to speak. I feel that I have lived in some sense before I was born here, but for some reason I don't think I lived here, in the traditional sense of reincarnation, which I firmly believe is a reality based on my reading & watching over the past 25 years.

Why do I feel so disconnected? Well, my family made it plain that they didn't like or want me, and although I had my flaws, they weren't suddicient at the time for the absolutely blatant rejection they expressed. I began to feel ethat I was in some sense a victim of trauma-psychology-witchcraft of some sort, as though they belonged to a secret organisation which had spiritual imperatives of some sort which demanded that I be systematically persecuted & crushed in spirit. They all attempted to do that, it seemed, over the course of the 30+ years that I had become conscious that 'something' was wrong with my situation.

I dreamed once that I was rejoicing at the Tree of Life, that I had some other-dimensional connection which wasn't available to my conscious mind. I saw my son, who spoke to people nearby, saying "It's not his fault, he doesn't have experience of being human". Which made me think very deeply about other things that I'd been musing upon, which seemed connected to the statement.

I feel totally disconnectedm though I recognise clearly that I'm human. It just seems that I haven't done this before - like I lived another way, another place, and that in some respects I might still be living there, only experiencing this life as a shadow of the other-life. I feel that I could have had connection to earthly incarnations, but that for whatever reason I wasn't called to live a life here until this time around.

Does anyone else have such feelings or experiences? This sense of disconnection, yet being spiritually fulfilled with my religious life. Very strange. Someone once told me after he had prayed for me that the Holy Spirit had told him that I was "on a journey"... When I asked what that meant, he just smiled & said "It means you're a very blessed brother".

I have tried to contemplate what this sort of statement might mean, but I come up against brick walls in my thinking which block my progress which seem unrealistic. If anyone has any thoughts on this whole situation I would appreciate your input.

Thanks, FITO.

You are not alone...

I to have recently noticed similar emotions and feeling amongst family members. I also feel the disconnect, but I do not relish in the negative aspects of my situation. Where as you are spiritual fulfilled, I'm spiritually exhausted (devote Christian 20+ years).

IMO though I feel people like us need to band together, cause it seems to be wide emotional and mental awareness amongst a certain group of the populace. Not everyone around me seems to share in this type of mind frame but then I meet and read about people like you.

Feel free to bounce ideas off of me. I would love to hear your perspective on other issue center around this topic. Remember you are not alone.... POWER OF THE PEOPLE.

POP4LIFE

a reply to: FlyInTheOintment

Born and raised human on Earth.

Certainly not alone with those feelings and numbers will only increase from now on.

a reply to: FlyInTheOintment
This is a tough one to answer. Let me start by saying I to didn't fit well in the family unit I grew up in and the typical social circles I was required to interact with. Mother told me on several occasions through the latter years, "Charles, you just didn't seem to need any attention". And I didn't get it. Evidently I was a quite undemanding child that didn't exhibit any indications that I needed attention.

Does that make me and independently liberated personality that didn't need or require the heard mentality most people posses?
I didn't do to well through to the 12th grade for reasons that are still not fully understood even now but when going back to school around the age of 34, I earned straight A's and B's in my college classes. My lack of sufficient early education is obviously evident in my writing and spelling skills but it seems now, my inquisitive nature has been my driving force through life continually trying to find answers or solutions to complex issues I encountered throughout life. I tore down a perfectly fine push lawnmower engine down to the electrical ignition system underneath the flywheel just to know how it functioned when I was 6 years old. Around the age of 14 or so, I decided to tear the carburetor off of the perfectly running engine in the family Ford and rebuild it, just because I wanted to know how it worked. Dad had to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed. I'm still doing that kind of crap.

Anyway, the point is, I was different. I am different to others. I could never understand why I seemed to be a social retard unable to function in an environment of strangers, and it haunted me for years. Because of that haunting, I did my best to avoid uncomfortable situations.

What changed my attitude about myself was the revelation that my inquisitive nature was somewhat intertwined to my spiritual nature and after much frustrating investigation and deliberation over the question we all ask ourselves, "what is my purpose for my existence", I know now and that revelation alone has brought me peace, confidence and a knowledge of who I am, not really known for 66 years.

I'm still having problems relating what I am saying to your personal inquisition but, yes, I think you may be blessed. That being said, I think you should look to God for your answers. I didn't feverishly study the bible day and night like my sister and brother but I did understand it enough to understand the concepts of his word and existence. That was enough for me to conceptualize God and use my inquisitive nature to come to the full and truthful realization that God exists. From there, I have dedicated the rest of my days to Him.

We are all different. Some more than others and maybe, just maybe your uniqueness was predetermined by Him to suit His plan for you.
Quit worrying about your perceptions of yourself and accept who you are.

I still don't know if this helps in any way. I don't know what more to say.
I will tell you this, throughout my entire life I have valued truth. It has been a stalwart conviction of mine from the day I was born, to the point where I wear truth as a badge of honor. God is the divine source of truth.


Buy an audio Bible and listen to it. Start with Mathew.


I still don't go to church much. It serves its purpose to bring the like minded together socially but I didn't find God in church. I found Him on my front porch, in my swing. Alone!

originally posted by: FlyInTheOintment
Why do I feel so disconnected?

Your path is to find your way back to your Creator is all. Of course you are disconnected from it (you asked to be) we are all in the same position. Stop whining and figure it out for yourself.

a reply to: CharlesT

Interesting to hear your experience - when I read the following, I had a thought which you might find encouraging:

I'm still having problems relating what I am saying to your personal inquisition but, yes, I think you may be blessed. That being said, I think you should look to God for your answers. I didn't feverishly study the bible day and night like my sister and brother but I did understand it enough to understand the concepts of his word and existence. That was enough for me to conceptualize God and use my inquisitive nature to come to the full and truthful realization that God exists. From there, I have dedicated the rest of my days to Him.

On the subject of where our allegiances are, and how we relate to the bigger picture of God's plan for the world, for the human race, Jesus once said:

“Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.”

“Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.s

The highlighted section demonstrates the truth I want to draw your attention to.. Jesus stated that everyone who is not against His ministry & kingship is effectively a member of the Kingdom of God. I can never understand why people are so pedantic about ensuring that we believe in only one narrow way about the Kingdom, and whether we are within it. Jesus made it plain that He welcomes all who are not opposed to His existence, kingship, mission, ministry & purpose.

Paul the apostle claimed that Jesus is "..the saviour of all mankind, but especially those who believe.."

Could it be any clearer? I think not.

a reply to: FlyInTheOintment
I may have made one mistake in thinking you were on the fence about religion and Christ but I realize I was wrong there.
You are evidently well versed. Hello brother/sister.