Well whata you know... hello midlife crisis

I honestly didnt expect this... turned 40 last summer and here i am on the verge of spontaneously starting to cry in the buss on my way home from work. I have never longed so much for a hug from a woman who looked at me with loving eyes as I do right now.
I litterally have a heartache now just thinking about it feeling the longing.

originally posted by: flice
I honestly didnt expect this... turned 40 last summer and here i am on the verge of spontaneously starting to cry in the buss on my way home from work. I have never longed so much for a hug from a woman who looked at me with loving eyes as I do right now.
I litterally have a heartache now just thinking about it feeling the longing.

WHAT mid life crisis?

You have just begun to live ......looking back my best years were between

42 and 44 years!!!

So look on it as the *BEST IS YET TO COME*

a reply to: flice

Crisis? Sounds like new beginnings to me! Seems that you had other interests and priorities in the past, and now you're ready for more or different -- and possibly better. Your heart is telling you it's time, yes? You've got this!

Good luck and brightest blessings

a reply to: flice

If you don't know when your going to die how do you know that 40 is the middle of your life?

I recommend a red convertible sports car..

Yeah sorry... there was more to it than this, but I had to get off the buss and just posted.

I got fired last year just before xmas after a little under 10 years employment. Nothing more than downsizing but after so long it hurt and I fell into depression. I spent the next 6 months sitting at home. I had a severance the entire 6 months so to begin with money wasnt an issue. When the severance ended I spotted by chance a job I wanted. It turned out to be a very long proces... lasting through summer while I was on welfare. Me and my gf have two kids and she has a larger from a previous relationship. Tensions rose as money ran short.

I had made it to the last interview round and they liked me a lot but couldnt find an applicant to compare me to. Ended up taking 4,5 months due to boss travelling and summer vacation.

We had so many tough arguments during this period. 3 days before I had to go to the bank and beg for money I got the job along with a salery that was way higher than I had before.

But something was amiss... It still became increasingly hard for me and my girlfriend to agree on anything and we began to question eachothers fidelity. Previously we had both made some bad choices without actually doing anything physical.
On new years eve this year we made the choice of breaking up... 2 days before our 11 year anniversary.

Im moving out at some point...and we are ok with it. But I suddenly realise that I have been lonely for years... our sexlife died a long time ago.

I almost instantly joined a couple of renowned dating sites (not tinder). I have this incredibly urged to feel love and hugged... noticed. It takes up so much focus in my day. All female creatures I pass during the day all look like the most beautiful woman I ever saw.... but I also dont want to just be with any girl... it has to be the right one. The last one....

Oh my heart

a reply to: acackohfcc

Or a motorbike. That's what I did but I had mine early in my 30s

dont be sad. I think almost everyone has felt lonely at a point in their lives. This hard time in your life will pass. We sometimes have to go through difficult times . Think of it as a life challenge that you can and will overcome. Try to see it as your new adventures. Be kind and open and someone will come into your life!

a reply to: flice

I feel ya man.. For me, 40 was that one year I realized that I was no longer invincible. Reality of death slapped me in the face all at once. I feared every day... Heart attack - stroke - cancer... For a whole year it's all I could think about. Then all at once, it just went away.

Midlife? Maybe... I did buy a vette then a hellcat then another vette .... Though, it didn't help that I've always been a metal head wild child who loves fast cars and crazy women.

It gets better man. Find you a lady and all of those toys can disappear. Dating can be expensive! I can't say this for everyone... and like I DID say... Crazy women... I was making over 100K in the field while my X was sitting at home enjoying the luxuries but 'forgetting' to pay the mortgage and the car note. I was ALWAYS broke. When I came home, I had to cook supper after working sometimes 36 hours straight. Single and in my 40s now... I laugh at myself at all the junk I buy. Guitars, Drums, Fast cars.... only because I can. I didn't know what that was like.

Midlife crisis just means... Get out there and live a little... or a lot! Party like a college kid. Life is only over when you let it be. Depression can nail you down to one spot. Don't let it. If it has... grab a hammer and yank that bastard out and run like hell to the nearest kayak, lake, river, fishing hole, party spot... wherever. Google the nearest singles bar for the mature in your area. You have options. Don't long for that hug, man. Go getchu some!

Just remember... People around you will 'feel' your mood and walk the other way. It's instinct. You gotta throw those bricks off your shoulders and find some happiness. If you can't find meaning - make something up.

The meaning of life is.... Whatever you want but you have to do the leg work.

a reply to: flice

I have this incredibly urged to feel love and hugged... noticed. It takes up so much focus in my day. All female creatures I pass during the day all look like the most beautiful woman I ever saw.... but I also dont want to just be with any girl... it has to be the right one. The last one....

I think you should talk to someone about this. Spiralling down into this way of thinking is unhealthy and unrealistic.

originally posted by: acackohfcc
I recommend a red convertible sports car..

And a string of working girls.

originally posted by: acackohfcc
I recommend a red convertible sports car..

Yep!

That, and hair plugs!

originally posted by: flice
I have never longed so much for a hug from a woman who looked at me with loving eyes as I do right now.

No, just NOOOO! Thats the trap, Women, even the sweetest nicest one you can find is hypergamous to the core. Get a pet, lots of little critters and they will always look at you like that.

Forget the dating apps, you have one-itice over your ex and live in the illusion you must be "loved" by another person.

Do 20 push ups and see if you still feel the same, if so then keep doing increasing reps until you dont.

a reply to: flice

I'm turning 40 myself on tuesday.

I feel your pain. Whole life's been a complete nightmare for almost 2 years...

Keep your chin up is all I can say.

a reply to: flice

Nah, 40 is youth... wait till you turn 60 and you'll really feel that way. When everyone at some point in your life starts calling you "sir" and you notice that women don't look at you the same way again... I'm getting depressed now....

At 41 I got together with my current wife who was 18 at the time. Life was good.... still is, just feel that the world has moved on and I haven't...

a reply to: wtbengineer

for me it's that odd feeling that you feel the same you did when you were in your 20s - act the same, maybe a lil slower, think the same, maybe a lil quieter, chase women the same but maybe a lil less self esteem

It's like damn... I was 20 not all that long ago. I still feel the same mentally but somehow my body got older.

a reply to: StallionDuck

Yeah, exactly.. and I still feel good physically too... I work out and am in better shape than I was back then. But still, when I walk past the mirror I always sigh...

There is a great lyric from a song by the band Stabbing Westward which really works well in scenarios like you what you mention above. The video for the song is below and these specific verses are in the 2:50-2:55 timeframe:

"My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
If I must be lonely
I think I'd rather be alone (I think I'd rather be alone)"

I can speak from experience about what it is like to be in a long term relationship, much longer then those 11 years you mentioned, and go through periods both short and long where you feel isolated or alone.

Now factor that in with your age.. I am 46 currently and I can say 100% unequivocally that there is no other age I would want to be. Hit the gym, find yourself and realize that you only get one ticket to ride the full journey of your life. You are going to have horrible, soul crushing , life destroying moments and conversely experience pure, wonderful , earth shattering joy. Everyone our age can say that or something like the following which is at my core I am a cynical, realistic person that can probably plumb the depths of pseudo darkness as good as anyone, lol, also knows how to laugh and how to enjoy. Trust me, there is nothing unique, special or different about your story. It's called being human so now you just have to focus on you.

Don't let anyone tell you that 40 onward is the start of the end, it is not.
I spent my youth playing hockey non-stop, skateboarding for 15 years, not sleeping enough, eating too much sugar, getting slammed in the face and head at concerts and listening to music too loud. All of that being said, I feel great physically. No reason you can't just embrace the suck while you go through this and come out on the other side.

I started reading and believer the books that Jocko Willink put out, specifically Extreme Ownership, and those books along with his podcasts have helped out in there own way also.

Dig in and get after it because the 40s can be the best decade of your life it you let them.

originally posted by: wtbengineer
a reply to: StallionDuck

Yeah, exactly.. and I still feel good physically too... I work out and am in better shape than I was back then. But still, when I walk past the mirror I always sigh...

I feel ya but that's only because we live in a world where every little thing matters to our self esteem because we simply judge one another for every little thing. Back in highschool and middle school... hell, school in general... You stuck out by the clothes you could afford to wear. If you didn't wear the best, you were just the average joe who didn't require any kind of popularity. The prettiest girls, the handsome guys, would you get a prom invite... so and so.

Sad nature of the human race


BUT... You can always do things or go places or hang out with people to raise that self esteem a bit. Alcohol helps that some but overdoing it, you'll wake up the next day and feel like an idiot and some years later you'll still dwell on it as one of those random memories that give you a sudden bout of brain and body Tourettes. That moment when you snap to "DOH!".

Sometimes it only takes a complement or two for people who feel less of themselves. Wish more of the world understood that. Some people can't get even a hello or a smile.


Yeah... we're all that messed up. Though, seems like the people who are more modest and humble are the ones who give the most praises and often lift up others by our words and deeds. Guess that's why the meek gets all the glory in the end. They're the ones really working towards lifting others up with absolutely nothing in return but shame and spittle.


See... you just had to make me go deep on this one

a reply to: opethPA

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeye can NOT save YOU....

I CAN'T EVEN SAVE MYSELF! So JUST SAVE YOUR SEEELF!


Damn... This will be stuck in my head all day now. Great song!