What to do about my uncle

54 is young.

Get him a bicycle.

He has a home. Keep him busy.
He needs something to dull the pain. Have he try some grass, and he wont drink much anymore. Then get him a part time job, and lots of hobbies

Contact your county social services administration. And your area Catholic Diocese for help.

There is a ton of money out there if you want to jump thru hoops to get it.

The long and short of it seems to be that somewhere in his life, changes will have to be made in order for him to get on his feet. Going on as he is won't work to allow him to stand back up. I'm not sure even him having more money will help. His lifestyle is unsustainable.

Until he realizes that and makes those changes, this is what it is.

Your job will be to try to make sure the changes are positive and not destructive because he will make them sooner or later. If you don't feel up to it, get help!

a reply to: wantsome

Contact the VA. You will need his discharge papers or something to prove he was in the military.

It's easy to find online. They'll clean the house, provide meals, provide nurses. And pay for assisted living, etc.

My parents just went through the process, not easy, but the VA will help.

Bless you. You are a saint. You need your own life though. Will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

Your uncle sound a bit like me, but not to that extreme.

If someone is not willing to help themselves to get out of a bad situation, not much you can do.

I'm 55, but when # went down, I took life by the reign's and took control back over in my life.

Good luck with your uncle, sound's like a good man willing to work.

a reply to: wantsome

Keep in mind most high functioning alcoholics present a different persona at work .

It never hurts to try. The only stupid question is the one you failed to ask .

You can at least put the bug in his ear to reach out to some of his former employers contacts .

If his ex employer didn’t make your uncle sign a noncompete . Shame on them the clients are fair game if he can undercut them enough you never know how they’ll help.

It’s worth mentioning at the very least your uncle will pop a beer and laugh.


Now for your other uncle .

You’ve got to tell us the story of how he fell off a ladder cleaning carpets ?

Please!! Lol

a reply to: wantsome

You've had a tough row to hoe in life and it's obvious you're goodhearted. Sounds like your uncle has been supportive and helped fill in some of the holes that death threw in your path. Glad you decided to share with us and talk about it a bit.

We may argue & fuss like any dysfunctional family but when it comes down to it there's a lot of support and encouragement to be found here---minus a few idiotic comments here & there ahem.

Prayers on repeat and please keep us up to date, brother.

All I'll say is you're asking for trouble if you meddle in the affairs of someone else. Even if they are family. This doesn't sound like something that's gonna end well one way or another. The only part of it you have any control over is whether or not you're going to be in the middle of whatever is coming.

a reply to: BrianFlanders

If someone doesn’t try to help it probably won’t bode well .

The OP mentioned that he was totally dependent on his mother .

They call that “Peter Pan syndrome “. ( he never grew up )

It’s pretty hard to come back from on your own .,

a reply to: wantsome

Some kid messed something up and they told my uncle to fire him.

My Dad owned a manufacturing plant until he retired .
His favorite saying was - " I will not fire someone for making a mistake. I will fire someone who has never made a mistake because that employee is not doing anything"

a reply to: PhilbertDezineck

😂😂😂gold!!!

a reply to: wantsome

My heart, my hope, and my prayers are with you and your family.

Your uncle has his own demons. You cannot do anything for him. You can only be there for him and help him do for himself. Keep doing what you're doing, be open to suggestions and ideas and opportunities, encourage and uplift, and pray. For yourself, for your grandmothers, and your uncles.

And take care of your own needs. Right away. Perhaps tell your uncle, as well, and give him the opportunity to help you, or at least support and encourage you. It may give him a new purpose or motivation to do better.

Big B I G hugs for you.

I don’t have much advice to add OP as you’ve seemed to have had plenty of good advice already.

I too just wanted to add that I see a truly good heart in you and a person who wants to help despite the really tough odds they’ve had to fight. You are so brave to keep on keeping on and to try and help others going through tough times to keep keepin on.

Do take some of the great advice on this thread.. it may very well help your uncle.. and may you all be especially blessed this holiday season. Your grandmother is praying for all of you.

a reply to: wantsome

Oh no. This life has really tested you. Or something. I wish better times for you and the ones close to you.

A problematic alcoholic replying here.

An alcoholic needs to want to stop. Want it, himself or herself. It cannot be forced from the outside.

originally posted by: Fallingdown
a reply to: wantsome

Keep in mind most high functioning alcoholics present a different persona at work .

It never hurts to try. The only stupid question is the one you failed to ask .

You can at least put the bug in his ear to reach out to some of his former employers contacts .

If his ex employer didn’t make your uncle sign a noncompete . Shame on them the clients are fair game if he can undercut them enough you never know how they’ll help.

It’s worth mentioning at the very least your uncle will pop a beer and laugh.


Now for your other uncle .

You’ve got to tell us the story of how he fell off a ladder cleaning carpets ?

Please!! Lol

He didn't do it cleaning carpets. He was doing something in the yard. He was wasted when he fell. He fell backwards and his leg caught the fence and it ripped almost all the way off. He was so drunk he was walking around with a giant chuck of meat flapping on his leg. He told my other uncle to drive him to the hospital. My other uncle freaked out when he saw it and called 911.

a reply to: PhilbertDezineck
Believe it or not but it does work.

a reply to: wantsome
Go to Social Security and make the case for supplemental security or SSDI.

originally posted by: Floridadreamin
a reply to: wantsome

Contact the VA. You will need his discharge papers or something to prove he was in the military.

It's easy to find online. They'll clean the house, provide meals, provide nurses. And pay for assisted living, etc.

My parents just went through the process, not easy, but the VA will help.

Bless you. You are a saint. You need your own life though. Will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

Wow that would be a great help. I can't do it all on my own. It's really taking a toll on me. I know where all her papers are. She's actually my step grandmother. She married my grandfather after her first husband died in Vietnam. My grandfather was 20 years older and he was in WW2 at D-day. Even though she's technically my step grandma she's my grandma to me. She was married to my grandfather before I was born.

I would like to thank everyone for the support and ideas. I'm going over to visit my uncle later and see how I can help. I know he's feeling down I'm going to try and tell him to stay positive.