Homer and Bart Quotes

The one where they find Smithers father

Magician guy. I will now hipnotize you
Homer: I am in your power
MG: When I snap my fingers you will be a famouse historian. (snap)
Homer: LOOK AT ME IM A FAMOUSE HISTORIAN, OUT OF MY WAY!
MG: Now when I snap my fingers you will be angie dickenson. (snap)
Homer: LOOK AT ME IM ANGIE DICKENSON, OUT OF MY WAY!

Simpsons

Homer rules!!!

Shai_lene you posted the same ones twice LOL!!!

:w::w:

Oh, well. I'll find new ones...
Homer : Now Marge, if the unthinkable should happen, you're going to be lonely.
Marge : Oh Homer, I could never remarry.
Homer : Darn right. And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath.

The family is watching the hatching of the eggs]
Homer : Oh man! this is the most exciting thing I've seen since that Haley comet collided with the moon.
Lisa : It never happened.
Homer : Sure it did.


[still waiting for the eggs to hatch].
Homer : Why is it taking so long? Bart was born in 5 minutes.
Marge : It took 53 hours!
Homer : Really? The time just flew by, didn't it?


Bart : Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer : [checking] Nope.
Bart : What religion are you?
Homer : You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh ... Christianity.
There.

hereeeeeeeer''s Homer



Homer : [from croud] Hey, Flanders! You're the worst coach this team has ever had!
Marge : He's the only coach this team has ever had... and the season hasn't even started yet!
Homer : Yeah, well ... he's wearing that hat like an idiot.
Marge : You know, Homer, its very easy to criticize.
Homer : Fun, too.



Homer : Ah ha! I've got it! Brain, how can I ever thank you?
Homer's Brain : Just don't bump me on your way out of the car.
[Homer gets out of his car, bumping his head on the way out] Sorry.




Marge : Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer : Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seatbelts.


Homer : God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. [doorbell rings]
Ned : Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick -Homer : [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Homer : Homer Simp, I mean Max Power.
Woman : Nice name.
Homer : Isn't it? I got it from a hair dryer.

Can you believe I'm size 4?!? [Homer in Scotland wearing a kilt].

Overdue book!?!? This is the biggest frame-up since OJ ... wait a minute ... the Bronco ... the cuts on his fingers ... those Jay Leno monologues ... HE DID IT!!!

[At Stoner's Pot Place - crystalware]
Homer : We can't afford that. Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor?
Marge : May be we can use it once and return it.
Homer : What do you think it is, a toothbrush?

Saxamaphone ... Saxamaphone .. . Saxamaphone ...

[Homer thinks Bart is gay]
(to Marge) It's all your fault. Why do you have to be so feminine around him?

Name one gay Indian.

939?!?! What the hell is that? Oh! my life is ruined. [areacode change from 636 to 939 for New Springfield]

Hahaha! Joan Collins ? That girl sleeps with everybody!

Homer : Ah! I have a question!
Lisa : It's a movie, Dad.
Homer : Wait Lisa, daddy's asking a question.

And as usual, we Joe Twelve Packs are getting the Royal Screw Jobs [636-939 change]

Nice wiring, Bart [sarcasm - on a suicide belt]

I don't want to go to prison. They pee in a cup and throw it on you. I saw that in a movie. [to the IRS]

Walk!?! That wasn't part of the deal! [Homer, the IRS snitch]

Oh! a trillion dollar bill! That's some spicy meatball!

What do you say, honey! Feeling stupid? I know I am!

Heh, they are coming on right now, watch!!

BTW, the alltime best Homer quote?

"Du'oh!"

Homer, pushing a cart of drugs into the retirement community -
"Drugs, I've got various drugs! Be sure to read the directions! Uh'oh, where'd I leave the directions?"

It was hilarious as usual...love that show!

no you can't, but I see you.

Homer: DO your worst.
Mr. Burns: My worst eh? Smithers release the robotic Richard Simons

LMAO
Can you just imagine Richard as a body guard? LOL
Forgot that one Fred....Thanks
I love Homer!!!!!!!!!

[edit on 14-3-2005 by Shai_lene]

Homer: (Imitating female voice over phone) Hello, Mr. Burns, this is your mother.

Mr. Burns: Oh, hello. Sorry about pulling the plug on you, an' all. Who would have thought you'd pull through and...live for another five decades. Oh, is my face red.

Smithers: (To Homer) Mr. Burns' mother is 122 years old so try to sound more desicated! And, she doesn't call her son Mr. BURNS!








Lisa : Boy, mom sure will be happy you won 50 dollars.
Homer : You'd think that wouldn't you? But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's OK in the bible.
Lisa : Really? Where?
Homer : Uhh ... somewhere in the back.



[Lisa tells Homer about Thomas Edison]
Homer : No one man can do all that. You're a liar, honey. A dirty, rotten liar.

I think I posted these for nothing, seems no-one is reading them,it was wasted time...

Look at Views, not Replies...

My favorite character (uhmm....for no particular reason...yeah...) is the owner of the Comics shop, hehe... Any good quotes by him?

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Ralph: When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.
Lisa: I'm an ugmo.
Homer: Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Father's have to say that little stuff.
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grandpa: No. You're homely as a mule's butt.
Homer: There. See?

Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.


This reminded me of ATS

Comic Book Guy: Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

I will Look for some
is there any I'm wondering..

"Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!" -- Comic Book Guy

"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy

Three Men and a Comic Book
At the 12th Annual 'Close Encounters of a Comic Book Kind'
Convention.
CBG: Tell you what. I'll show you something very special,
if you promise to put your grubby little hands behind
your back and keep them there.
(CBG unlocks briefcase and opens it)
CBG: Behold.
Bart: Wow! Radioactive Man number one.
CBG: None other.
Bart: I bet it's worth a million bucks.
CBG: It is my lad, but I will let you have it for a hundred
because you remind me of me.
Bart: Aw, all I got is thirty.
CBG: Then you cannot have.
Bart: But I must. Until this moment I never knew why God put
me on this earth, but now I know, to buy that comicbook.
CBG: Your motion is out of place here, son.

At the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
Martin: Can you let me have it for forty dollars?
CBG: Forty bucks?! Forget it! You made me get off my stool
for that?
Martin: It's all I've got! I sold seeds, I visited my aunt in
the nursery home, I fished a dime out of the sewer
for God's sake.
CBG: No way. (Turns to Bart) What do you want?
Bart: Can I have it for thirty-five.
CBG: No! No, freakin' kids. I do not need this, I've got a
masters degree in folklore mythology.
Milhouse: Excuse me. Do you have the Carl Yazstremski baseball
card from 1973, when he had big sideburns? [hp]
CBG: Show me the thirty bucks, 'cos if you a'int got it,
I a'int getting off the stool.
(Milhouse waves thirty bucks in the air)
CBG: Okay.
(CBG goes to retrieve the baseball card)
Bart: Wait a minute. Martin, if you, Milhouse, and I went
in together, we could buy a copy of Radioactive Man
number one right now.
Martin and Milhouse: Wow!
CBG: Here you go, mutton-chop Yaz.
Milhouse: I don't want it.
CBG: Freakin' kids.
Bart: Look pal, we've got a hundred bucks and we'd like to
buy Radioactive Man number one, so why don't you just
waddle over there and get it.
CBG: Yes sir.

I have found more.........

Hereeeeeeeeee's comic guy

"Are you the creator of Hi and Lois, because you are making me laugh? That drawing is worth exactly $750 American."

Bart: "It's valuable, huh?"

"Your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply cannot allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go! For the good of the city."

"Oh, so you're Bart Simpson, eh? Well, since my breakfast burrito is congealing rapidly I will be blunt. You're too late -- I sold your soul last night. Yes, yes. I found a buyer right away for that item."

"No, now go away. We are racing for the title of Champion of the Universe."


"Oh, pardon me Santos, if that IS your real name -- Bart Simpson! But your phony credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants, and split."

"I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them."

"Okay, here we are, alt.nerd.obsessive. Need know star RM pic."



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Quotes


He's walking down the street reading a comic, just after the French launched a neutron missile at Springfield.

"But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gils. You're from two different worlds." He looks up and sees the missile just before it explodes and says, "Oh, I've wasted my life." Missile explodes and mushroom cloud devours the city.



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Bart decides to sleep in from of the comic book guy's store that night. In the morning, the owner arrives.

Owner: If you are waiting for the Hi & Lois signing, it has been moved to the Springfield Coliseum.

Bart: Please, you have something of mine on a little piece of paper.

Owner: Oh, so you're Bart Simpson, eh? Well, since my breakfast burrito is congealing rapidly, I will be blunt: you're too late. I sold your soul last night. [Bart looks worried] Yes, yes: I found a buyer right away for that item.

Bart: Who?

Owner: I am not at liberty to divulge the party, but they were most interested in having possession of Little Boy's soul. [Bart bangs his head] Um, excuse me: no banging your head on the display case, please. It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you. [eats burrito]
LOL

Judge : Homer Simpson, I find you guilty.
Homer : Your Honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.

You suck-didly-uck, Flanders.
Homer's brain : Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret.
Homer : Marge , I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Marge : Oh, my gosh!
Homer's Brain : No, the other secret.
Homer : Marge, I never passed high school.
Marge : That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.

Homer : Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Salesman : [scoffs] Your wife? [cracks an imaginary whip]
Homer : What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?
Salesman: [does it again] [and again] [and again]
Homer : [on his knees] I'll take it!

Marge : Homer's a very complicated man.
Homer : [smashing a plate over his head] WRONG!

Dasher, Dancer ... Prancer ... Nixon, Comet, Cupid ... Donna Dixon.

Homer : Mmmmm ... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch) ... 63 (munch munch munch) (cut to much later) Homer : 2 ... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)
Marge : Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer : I think I'm blind.

Marge, you're not gonna believe this, but I'm stuck between two vending machines.

Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.