In Therapy to Deal With Stress of SJW Adult Child

I have been in a state fluctuating between anxiety and depression for months. Sleeping either 2 hours or 12 with no in between. My stomach stays torn up and my hair is falling out. All because I can't stop worrying about my granddaughter who is being raised by an Uber Progressive with mental health issues.

Before anyone tries to make this into a Left v. Right battle- it is not that. The problem lies with my daughter going off the deep end of the spectrum and becoming delusional.

Let me give you some back ground so that you have a little more understanding of the situation:

My daughter is bi-polar and on meds for such. As long as she stays on her meds and is around stable people she is great. But with the onset of the 2016 election season she began unravelling and it has been a roller coaster ride ever since. She started spending too much time online and dropped the majority of her old friends for new friends- self appointed SJWs. She then proceeded to cut off the majority of the family because we're all "racist misogynists" even though we are nothing of the sort. Then she (who had up until then always worked at least 2-3 jobs at a time) quit her jobs and started doing sketchy things for income like constantly making up stories to beg for money on social media, making Go Fund Me accounts, selling drugs and now doing nasty sexual things online for strangers. She also milks the social services system.

Back in July when my husband and I brought our granddaughter home (had her for 6 weeks during her summer break) we were in shock because she was convinced she was living in the ghetto but we found it was actually a nice, quiet, older, mixed neighborhood. My husband and I sat out on the front porch into the wee hours every night- no sirens, no gunshots, no shady characters dealing drugs on the corner. The trashiest house in the neighborhood was the one my daughter and her roommates lived in. Theirs was the house with drugs, with people in and out all hours of the night. They were the neighbors that the rest of the neighborhood looked at suspiciously, the house with weeds and trash all over the yard, the porch piled with trash. We straight up told her and her roomies they were either delusional or really did not have a clue as to what the actual ghetto is like but you know- us old farts that live in a city with an actual ghetto know nothing. Hubs and I did the best we could, cleaning up trash inside and out. I guess it made the neighbors happy because they started smiling and waving at us and a few even spoke pleasantries. I'm sure they were sad to see us go, but not nearly as sad as I was to leave my granddaughter there. Not only were we leaving her in a dirty environment but in one where the only attention she gets is by getting right up in her mother's face and screaming at the top of her lungs because mama is constantly seeking online attention. Upon our arrival and initial entry to the house she told her mother that the house was nasty and that she needed to clean it up- this from a 9 year old.

During our visit we found out my daughter had an actual job making $12 an hour in addition to all of her other money making schemes, and now she has an additional part time job as well, but she is still doing all of those other things (panhandling on FB and Go Fund Me, nasty online things). Her share of rent and bills is just over $500 per month, foodstamps feed her and the granddaughter and granddaughter has Medicaid coverage- and yet my grandchild got no new school clothes (only what we had bought her during her visit) and got free school supplies from the district and is on free breakfast/lunch program. However my daughter is buying herself new clothes every day (per her own pics posted on social media) and is now doing the nasty online stuff in return for strangers purchasing things on her Amazon wish list (no parent should EVER have to see the things I stumbled across- and all I did was Google a strange word tagged on the majority of her "begging" posts).

If anyone in our immediate family questions her actions out of concern she spews hatefulness and threatens to cut off contact with her child, but she never threatened me until yesterday. Out of fear for her safety and the safety of my grandchild I begged her to stop this nonsense (did I mention she learned of these alternative money making ways from her SJW friends and that they are perfectly acceptable within their circle?). In return I was called every name in the book and threatened with withholding contact with my grandchild. You see, wanting my child and grandchild to be safe from internet psychos makes me a disgusting sexist pig who is not worthy to be in my grandchild's life because I am "shaming sex workers" and she doesn't need to be exposed to such negativity. Also since I don't agree with her having a boyfriend who has a live in girlfriend while she also dates others (all with my grandchild's knowledge and with all of these men being around my grandchild) I am also a misogynist and several other nasty names I wont repeat here.

I have reached the end of my rope and have had enough! The exchange gave me chest pains (I am a heart patient) and as much as I love my child and grandchild I cannot do this any more. My physical and mental health cannot take it. I blocked her on all social media and messaging apps, and then when she started sending nasty texts directly to my phone I blocked her number. My therapist is on vacation until next week so my hubs is taking me camping this weekend to try to get my mind off of things. There is nothing legally I can do to help my granddaughter because in the state they live so long as she has a roof over her head, food and clean water, clothes to wear and isn't being blatantly abused there is nothing that can be done. In the meantime I live in fear of a phone call from either the police or from CPS to make the nearly 1000 mile trip to go pick up my grandchild because something bad has happened, or to make funeral arrangements.

Maybe I am over reacting or maybe not, but as a mother and grandmother I cannot help how I feel. At least getting it off of my chest might have beneficial effects. Before you judge me know that I am not a far-right conservative or any kind of religious zealot, just a woman in pain that has reached her wits end.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk


Get enough solid evidence to go to family court and get custody of your granddaughter before something bad happens to her that you will never be able to forgive yourself for allowing it to happen!

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Sounds like you are doing the right thing by cutting contact.

TDS is a an actual illness, we have witnessed it within these hallowed halls of ATS.

Good luck in all your future endeavors.

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk


Get enough solid evidence to go to family court and get custody of your granddaughter before something bad happens to her that you will never be able to forgive yourself for allowing it to happen!

As I said, so long as she has a roof over her head, food and clean water, clothes to wear and no blatant evidence of physical abuse there is nothing legally I can do. The things she is doing are not illegal (besides selling drugs, which I cannot prove) lest it would already be a done deal.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. What a stressful mess! I hope someone comes in here and knows of a way you could get your Grand Daughter back with you.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. What a stressful mess! I hope someone comes in here and knows of a way you could get your Grand Daughter back with you.

I wish it as well but the law works against me in this case. At this point I haven't got a leg to stand on in any custody case as morally sketchy does not equal criminally illegal or negligent. As long as she is housed, fed, clothed and no signs of physical abuse and no proof of any sex or drug dealings happening directly in front of her the state of Texas is on her mother's side- and I am 1000 miles away.

Either talk to a family lawyer, or hang it up and agree to never talk politics and personal choices. If the conditions of their daily life is serious enough to warrant lawful intervention, then luck is on your side. If not, then it's just not, and you deal with it accordingly.

I hate to be that person to be this blunt, but hand-wringing won't solve anything. Get you hands dirty with the legalese, or stay out of it is the best anyone can offer for advice.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk
The hell! You are not overreacting!

Yeah, yet nothing happened. What if whatever drugs are handled there, get into the childs hands?
I feel for you in this tricky situation, my half sister, similar story.

Uncle busted in there, got the two out. Not even three years later and not a month after his death, she was back in that #hole, still is.


Maybe I am just reading it super stern and I overreact, only you know the story and can judge. What I want to say is, act now.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

You know deep down that there are probably more sinister things happening there. Maybe not to your granddaughter, but that kind of environment is not safe for children. If there are drugs in the house and people in and out all hours of the day and night, that is child abuse. She should not be exposed to those things. Talk to someone. Talk to a lawyer, law enforcement, social workers.


Also, when you say filthy how bad are we talking? Some people are just unclean/untidy, but it is not really enough to be deemed unsafe...

originally posted by: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk
The things she is doing are not illegal (besides selling drugs, which I cannot prove) lest it would already be a done deal.

What about performing sexual favors for money?
What was the word you looked up, by the way?

originally posted by: Nyiah
Either talk to a family lawyer, or hang it up and agree to never talk politics and personal choices. If the conditions of their daily life is serious enough to warrant lawful intervention, then luck is on your side. If not, then it's just not, and you deal with it accordingly.

I hate to be that person to be this blunt, but hand-wringing won't solve anything. Get you hands dirty with the legalese, or stay out of it is the best anyone can offer for advice.

In legalese terms I don't have a leg to stand on, which is why I have removed myself from the situation. I haven't discussed politics with her since 2016, biting my tongue about the rest is what is making me sick. If I "apologize for my disgusting behavior" for voicing concerns about their safety and accept her lifestyle without question all will be forgiven but I cannot do that. I will not be threatened into submission like she has done to her father and sister, it just reinforces her newly learned belief that bullying people through political correctness forces people to bend to your will.

I am no prude. She came out as Bi at 12-13 years old, no prob. Her life is her own, she is 31 and an adult. I am only concerned for their safety. Asking a mother to not worry about her kids/grandkids is like asking her to not breathe- but I'm working on it.

originally posted by: trollz

originally posted by: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk
The things she is doing are not illegal (besides selling drugs, which I cannot prove) lest it would already be a done deal.

What about performing sexual favors for money?
What was the word you looked up, by the way?

I will not say because it would send you directly to a page full of links to webpages and websites all over the net that all lead directly to my daughter. If that's what you were hoping for you can forget it!

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Keep a loving and frequent communication relationship with your granddaughter. She is 9 now. I have a feeling there will come the day, not too long from now, where she will ask if she can live with you. Who knows how that will go, ie: court situation with the child asking for permission to move to you, or maybe the mother will just be bored by then, or whatever scenario. Just keep an open mind that this is a possibility. Don't feed your grandchild that idea, let it come naturally.

In the meantime love your daughter from a distance. And pray. Prayer is what you can do.

I hope this helps. Also, you must look after yourself. Sometimes the most treasured loved ones do everything to destroy themselves, but don't let them interfere in your life or take you down. Stay strong for you. And stay strong in yourself because your grandchild may need you in the near future.

Just be a Grandma that shows and says how much you love her, in a safe and healthy way. The rest will come based on that love. Do not put her parents down or say anything negative in the event that anything goes to court in the future that could be used against you. Write letters, do Facetime, send cookies which sounds boring and lame, but kids thrive on it.

All the best. I hope you keep us posted.

originally posted by: hiddeninsite
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Keep a loving and frequent communication relationship with your granddaughter. She is 9 now. I have a feeling there will come the day, not too long from now, where she will ask if she can live with you. Who knows how that will go, ie: court situation with the child asking for permission to move to you, or maybe the mother will just be bored by then, or whatever scenario. Just keep an open mind that this is a possibility. Don't feed your grandchild that idea, let it come naturally.

In the meantime love your daughter from a distance. And pray. Prayer is what you can do.

I hope this helps. Also, you must look after yourself. Sometimes the most treasured loved ones do everything to destroy themselves, but don't let them interfere in your life or take you down. Stay strong for you. And stay strong in yourself because your grandchild may need you in the near future.

Just be a Grandma that shows and says how much you love her, in a safe and healthy way. The rest will come based on that love. Do not put her parents down or say anything negative in the event that anything goes to court in the future that could be used against you. Write letters, do Facetime, send cookies which sounds boring and lame, but kids thrive on it.

All the best. I hope you keep us posted.

Best advice so far IMO, if OP can not achieve anything on the legal way.

a reply to: hiddeninsite

I have to agree with you, but ask the OP to take it a step further.
Can you buy your granddaughter a cheap phone? One she can keep with her at all times, so she could reach you day or night?
You may not be close enough to grab her right away, but it may help her to know she can talk to you at any moment.

I feel for you. I have a grown son in a bad way right now, whom when he does speak to me, can only blame me for everything wrong in his life.
Some days, his brother is the only thing that gets me through.
My heart goes out to you.

a reply to: hiddeninsite

Thank you! My husband and I have discussed the possibility that our granddaughter will most likely ask to come and live with us. The past 3 summers she has stayed with us and cried when she had to return home because she wants to live with us, but she wants her mama to live with us as well- which we cannot abide. She has her own Messenger Kids account and we videochat often, and I never say any unkind word about her mama as that would just be wrong. She knows we are here for her any time, day or night, as are her grandfather and her auntie- so long as her mama does not cut off her access to said account, which she hasn't so far. As I raised her for the first 4 years of her life I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up in my home again, but it makes me sad that her mama can't seem to put her child's best interests above her own. I keep both of them in my prayers as that is about all I can do right now, but it is hard.

originally posted by: chiefsmom
a reply to: hiddeninsite

I have to agree with you, but ask the OP to take it a step further.
Can you buy your granddaughter a cheap phone? One she can keep with her at all times, so she could reach you day or night?
You may not be close enough to grab her right away, but it may help her to know she can talk to you at any moment.

I feel for you. I have a grown son in a bad way right now, whom when he does speak to me, can only blame me for everything wrong in his life.
Some days, his brother is the only thing that gets me through.
My heart goes out to you.

She has her own tablet with Messenger Kids so she can videochat or text with me, my hubs, her grandfather or her auntie whenever she wants or needs to. So far my daughter has not blocked us all from that. Her mama doesn't take the tablet from her because it keeps her out of her hair. We all stopped sending her any electronics a few years ago once we figured out her mama just confiscated them for her own use but so far she has gotten to keep the tablet.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

What a world,, Your daughter and her daughter, most likely, are already lost causes,

You said, "when she was on her meds" most likely the meds were partly the beginning of the downfall, there are no pills out there that can fix a person.




And bi sexual at such a young age? A clear early warning sign right there.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Give me a good swift kick in my cyber pants if I'm out of line here... but could you kinda sorta bribe your daughter into giving you custody? Maybe tell her that you know how difficult it is to raise a child alone, how expensive it is, and you will assume that responsibility for her? That you know she needs time and space to work on herself or her goals or something, and you'd be happy to help her out by giving your granddaughter a home while she does so? Perhaps tell your daughter that you'd like to give her some breathing room and a chance to earn and save some money to get her in a better position?

That's all I've got. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Good luck and God bless.

originally posted by: solve
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

What a world,, Your daughter and her daughter, most likely, are already lost causes,

You said, "when she was on her meds" most likely the meds were the partly the beginning of the downfall, there are no pills out there that can fix a person.

She is still on her meds. Without them she is completely unhinged, like physically attacks people kind of unhinged and loses touch with reality. If she were off of her meds I could very easily take custody of my grandchild without any problems- but I don't wish for my child to completely lose her mind, I just want both of them safe.