Trying to kill the rebel within

Good day ATS members. I think that I have this sorted out for the time being but I am seeking advice, reassurance and any replies.

I am a 37 year old man from southern Finland. I started problematic drinking of alcohol when I was 15 years old. Now I have medication and therapy and having a better season going on. Well, I blame myself for a lot of things. Things I have actually done, and things that are totally beyond my control. But I have also blamed a lot of others also. Greed of politicians, destruction by war and terrorism, secret societies, the real society itself, you name it.

Actually when I started to drink at age 15, it was rebellious. It was individualism. These days, thankfully, the youth does not think that drinking is cool, in general.

It has been like a one man war against this whole universe. How can I win? There is no way. I want to calm down, I want to be a functioning part of this society and do something productive towards me and everyone else.

This anti-everything, rebel mindset has been eating me inside for years and years and now I have to give it up. Is this part of normal growing up to be older?

Is there a way to harness the rebel within me to be a power towards something positive, or should I just pursue my plan to kill it?

I’d say you can start by unplugging from society. Get into some nature. Bushcraft and the like. No social media. You can still be a rebel, but you need to find balance in yourself first.

Sounds like you have bigger problems than a few drinks. I have had my dumb ass moments over the years going too far, moderation is important. Drying out for a bit to have a reality check it always good now and then. Take care if you are a high dependency alcoholic. Taking things one step at a time helps with any goals.

a reply to: Finspiracy

I was just like you. I started drinking at 15 and quit finally about 5 years ago. I am 38 now. I just cold turkeyed it. Eventually you wake up. Things get better just hang in there!

a reply to: Finspiracy

Hi Finspiracy

I've given much thought to rebellion, even wrote a thread about it for ATS, in case you want to check it out. (The blurb being that rebellion is a neccessary step to reaching independence, that it's all part of the journey.)
Here's the thread if you're interested.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Finspiracy

Is there a way to harness the rebel within me to be a power towards something positive, or should I just pursue my plan to kill it?

I had a ten page tome typed out telling you stuff but now I will say read those replies above this one. Chill and understand that you are finally coming into control of your own self.

This culture pushes people away from doing that, becoming individuals. Its too hard to sell product to 350,000,000 individuals. It's much easier to sell product to people when they are all the same.

Check and balance!
And yes it's part of getting old
What's to rebel against?
The coming generation?
No you don't want to become like all the other old farts you rebeld against when younger

Sincerely No Clue

Who knew. We are the same age. I have heard it said that age 35-40 is the dawn of true adulthood. In my case it is a spot-on observation.

Thanks everyone for replies. I knew i could count on the collective wisdom and life experience of ATS. Now i have things to think about, to make this life work somehow.

a reply to: Finspiracy

Hey Fin,

don't deny the shadow side of the self, only causes more struggle inside that eventually spills over to the outside.

There is an old Cherokee poem that speaks of this, it has been changed a lot and simplified these days but the original is as follows...

The Story of the Two Wolves - Original (not the bastardised internet version)

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

- Internet bastardised version ends here, only with the words "Whichever one you feed" -

Continued original version...

The old Cherokee simply replied, “If you feed them right they both win”

"You see if I only feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win.

"For the black wolf has many qualities: tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong will and great strategic thinking that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks."

"But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interests of all."

"You see son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will soon become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will servce you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life."

"Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention, and when there is no battle inside you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance."

"Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing. How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life.
Starve one or the other or guide them both."

I find it very interesting that todays shortened version actually leads to the very same problem that the original explains how to overcome.

All the best to you

a reply to: XXXN3O

I’ve never known anything but the bastardized version... and the full one is SO much better.
I think that says it all.

originally posted by: chelsdh
a reply to: XXXN3O

I’ve never known anything but the bastardized version... and the full one is SO much better.
I think that says it all.

I wonder what other older wisdom is lost, all just to fit something into a short jpeg image to share on Facebook etc...

But then again, apparently, the human attention span is lower than a goldfish these days!

Average Human Attention Span Article

Yep, Facebook strikes as the cause yet again. Needs banned in my opinion.

Rebellious nature may have been reason in the beginning, but only the excuse in the long run. The alcoholism is something that can be reasoned with with time and discipline, but the root of rebelliousness will always be in your heart. You know deep down, possibly on a subconscious level that things around you just aren't "right". So you may have found whatever way for you to comprehend the situation at the time. Becoming an ordinary "adult" is just an expectation if you think about it. I'm not saying live your life as a slob. Your mind and your body should be in tune with each other, especially if you are feeling a bit "weathered" in age. You may think of yourself as old, but I imagine a well seasoned veteran with tales to tell, and experience to share. My opinion only

a reply to: Finspiracy

Strong Enough To Rebel... Yet No Strength To Remit And Come Back.
If This Is The Case... Rest At Peace Knowing Someone Will Pick Up The Slack. You Go Now And Get That Drink. It's Okay If You Okay It.
I Can Say No More...

a reply to: XXXN3O

“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.”

I knew that i would have a whole lot to mentally chew. Because i knew that i would gain insight from you fine people. I am finished with this now. The rebel within me has been murdered now, and it is gone.

Now i am repenting.

Thank you everyone. This took much effort but it was worth it.

With gratitude
-Fin

a reply to: Finspiracy

Glad you are doing well!

Grow some herbs broh


www.planetnatural.com...

What doesn't kill you can make you stronger.

originally posted by: Lysergic
Grow some herbs broh


www.planetnatural.com...

Your advice is good. But from my behalf, growing herbs is a thing of the past.

Thank you because you replied.