A thread for the ladies

Men BEWARE.. although you may want to read it for a little insight.

I'm at that happy time of month where I hate everyone and everything, cry at some ATS posts and generally am miserable.

That reminded me of a product review that I read years ago and thought that it might get a giggle out of some of the ladies on ATS.

It is an open letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble regarding Always maxi pads, written in 2007.

Mods excuse the quote length please, but it frames the link pretty well...

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”

Are you f##ing kidding me?

Continued here...

An Open Letter to Mr. Thatcher

So I thought I would post it for fun, excuse me if I put it in the wrong forum and I love and hate every single one of you today.

a reply to: Lumenari

Plot twist: DB was the author of that letter using one of his nom de plumes, and it goes without saying...he doesn't bring out the Foreman Grill anymore.

a reply to: Lumenari

Uhhhh……..

a reply to: Lumenari

That made me laugh, thanks for sharing and I hope you have a short period this month.

Also, I heard period sex helps with the cramping and general discomfort... just saying!

a reply to: Lumenari

Interesting read, I'm a guy though so will never experience it only ever witness to it, and thank **** as well!
There are only two reasons that nail the question "Am I glad I was born male not female?" in my mind, menstruation and childbirth 😂

...and curiously I think they might be two things which only a woman can do, no matter how one identifies 👍

a reply to: Lumenari

Margo Hanson quote, "Yep it's shark week! You can thank my uterus later"

originally posted by: dfnj2015
a reply to: Lumenari

Margo Hanson quote, "Yep it's shark week! You can thank my uterus later"

I'm doubly pissed because I was planning on hiking tomorrow and I can't now, because bears.

Although I'm pretty sure I could take one on right now...

~thinking out the odds~

There were times when I lived my ex and her 2 teenage daughters and my two teenage daughters, and when they would sync up.Id get gallons of chocolate ice cream and just throw in the living room for them to devour. Id mostly live in the basement during these times. We went to Florida one week during these tumultuous times, by the second day Id only visit the condo to get more ice and lived on the beach.

originally posted by: putnam6
There were times when I lived my ex and her 2 teenage daughters and my two teenage daughters, and when they would sync up.Id get gallons of chocolate ice cream and just throw in the living room for them to devour. Id mostly live in the basement during these times. We went to Florida one week during these tumultuous times, by the second day Id only visit the condo to get more ice and lived on the beach.

You are a very smart man and survived under terrifying conditions.

I remember this letter, it went viral in an AOL email chain back in the day. Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

I suffer from PMDD...

I learned from a website reading about the “condition” years ago, a large percentage of women admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts/behavior have their period within a day or two of admission?

I know immediately when I’m pregnant.... simply because I remain far too calm and happy on week 3...

Makes for the longest pregnancies ever. It’s like an extra month tacked on. Lol.

As someone who started at 11...before 95% of her friends, I’m hoping my eggs will be used up by the time I’m 40....so I can enjoy the rest of the childhood I feel was stolen from me -as some sort of pseudo retirement from women hood. I hear menopause is an even bigger bitch though, so it may kill me.

a reply to: Lumenari

You know what helps with Bears during those lively times.... Testicles.

Get your man to stop bathing and urinate on his small clothes... rubbing testicle everywhere....

Keeps bears away I swear!

originally posted by: Newt22
a reply to: Lumenari

You know what helps with Bears during those lively times.... Testicles.

Get your man to stop bathing and urinate on his small clothes... rubbing testicle everywhere....

Keeps bears away I swear!

Thank you for the thought!

I will go to town tomorrow and get some testicles from someone pumping gas or hanging out at the local store and make a necklace of them.

~Wandering off to get some Kahlua~

a reply to: Lumenari

I've been married for a long time so (of course) that makes me an internet expert on the female "time".

I panic and throw chocolate and wine at my wife until she doesn't want to kill me any more.

If that doesn't work?

Jewelry.

a reply to: Lumenari

SAAAAA-WEEET


Fierce is fierce.


Dont spit on Superman's Cape and never cross a woman...

Isn't there a song or something....

a reply to: DBCowboy

Ahhhh,chocolate and diamonds...

I would love to be prone to crying when I'm PMSing (My emotional trauma all happens the week before my period...I'm evened out by the time is starts, but then I just live in PTSD-type fear for an entire week that I'm going to ruin every piece of clothing I own and every surface I sit on. It's happened many a time, no joke). Instead I am the RAGE type. Every LITTLE thing makes me SO ANGRY. The girl in front of me in line at the grocery store has on a shirt that is an ugly neon color: I want to kill her, so bad. A co-worker touches my arm when he says hello: I want to kill him, so bad. The announcer on the radio sounds too effeminate: I want to kill him, so bad. A little girl giggles at a baby puppy in a field of daisies on a puffy-clouded blue sky day, and I want to kill her, so bad.

Totally support that open letter to the maxi-pad guy. Glad I never noticed that little slogan on the pads. Wouldn't have ended well.

a reply to: KansasGirl

I never had any urges to kill during my cycle,just breaking dishes.

WHO are these women, for whom chocolate works?

The few (brave, I suppose) men in this thread seem to think that chocolate can help a woman during these times. Bless their little hearts!

(NOTHING can help a woman during these times) (If one more person, by the way, comes with that stupid "period sex helps cramps!" comment I swear...if I were PMSing, I would want to kill you)

originally posted by: mamabeth
a reply to: KansasGirl

I never had any urges to kill during my cycle,just breaking dishes.

At least you can follow through on that one and not go to jail.

a reply to: DBCowboy

You fool.

Chocolate and wine cause bloating, we already feel like Violet Beauregard in Willy Wonka when she blows up to a giant blueberry.

If my husband brought me wine he'd end up with a heel spike in his temple.