what is Love? 3 ways to a stable relationship!

a reply to: NoClue

They all screw each other...

I can see and understand that happening. I guess I'm thinking in terms of the stage of life I'm in.

get aware of the three aspects at hand and see which one you don't understand.

At this stage in my life, I only have to worry about the occasional, "What the hell were you thinking?" state of mind towards my husband that might interfere for a brief moment with the other two. Luckily, it never lasts. Ha!

originally posted by: JAGStorm

originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: NoClue

I was always told that marriage was a 60/40 split.
As long as both people give 60 percent the marriage with thrive.

After nearly 25 years of happy marriage I feel I've got the experience to give an real world assessment.

People that keep score will never be happy in a relationship.

We are in a rare club these days.

I was told that in order for a marriage to be successful
A man must love a woman more than himself.
A woman must respect her husband.

I guess those things are very rare now, especially since a lot of people can't figure out what they are.

Today people cant figure out which bathroom to use..

Might be prudent to look into ancient cultures that use different words for different types of "love."

I suspect that is a more accurate way for a culture to deal with it. In English, we tend to lump in very different experiences and perceptions under the same word.

The best definition of love I've read is one from a young child, in a book containing childrens' views of the world:

"Love is when you share a cookie and you give someone the bigger half."

That captures it for me.

a reply to: Deetermined

Good are the actions of your husband that make you go huh, mental, spiritual, or physical?

It's you that doesn't understand his and/or your, programming.

Try to observe your thoughts and emotions and how they come to the "huh" outcome!

Sincerely No Clue

a reply to: Serdgiam

What cultures are you referring to?

Thanks No Clue

originally posted by: NoClue
a reply to: eletheia

I'm sorry you suffer from break ups.

In the singular and not the plural......However it was the best thing I ever did

when I got rid of the lying sociopath, a very long time ago. If I wrote a book on

the truth nobody would believe it!!

But hey..... no regrets life's been good to me, very good.

I'm working on a model to explain emotions. But it's a bit wobbly still

Good luck with that!!!!! Without the truth explanations are invalid.

I currently know of three situations one of twelve years, one of twenty-six

years and one of thirty years, all in chaos due to dishonesty, disrespect,

and selfishness.

a reply to: eletheia

I think you should write about it, it helps a lot to order your thoughts, emotions, and desires. I'm currently finding out...

Sincerely No Clue

originally posted by: NoClue
a reply to: eletheia

I think you should write about it, it helps a lot to order your thoughts, emotions, and desires. I'm currently finding out...

Sincerely No Clue

I half started one, got draft passages and chapters, things written down so as.

not to forget. But I find it taking up too much of my life ......and lifes for

living. I also thought for a time about a ghost writer? At present it stands in

abeyance .

a reply to: eletheia

A thread a day keeps the ghost writer away...

NC

a reply to: NoClue

Hello

You put this well together. Good topic.

Why are family relationships everything but not harmonious?

Maybe the answer would be in accepting yourself and others just the way they are? When you accept others - you talk to them, you try to understand them, you make compromises, you show them respect, all in all your goal is peaceful life with others.
When someone doesn't accept others, their focus is more on them, they impose their beliefs on others, want things to be their way, they lie, fight...or how people feel about themselves they project it onto others. In this case their goal is satisfying their needs.

a reply to: 7Belle

originally posted by: 7Belle
a reply to: NoClue
or how people feel about themselves they project it onto others.

The model i layed out only works in real human relationship!

On the internet the only thing you can do is offering projection space.
more often than not, people get irritated by what they don't understand about themselves, and discussions often starts from there.

If you would just seek harmony you would superimpose your beat, instead of dancing and slowly dissolving the unknown!

If there is a strong polar opposition to you, in order to find balance you have to give projection space for the opposite polarity.
Now we can dance and find a center, and overtime even see we are part of the same!

Honestly No Clue

originally posted by: 7Belle

Maybe the answer would be in accepting yourself and others just the way they are? When you accept others - you talk to them, you try to understand them, you make compromises, (2) you show them respect, all in all your goal is peaceful life with others.
When someone doesn't accept others, their focus is more on them, they impose their beliefs on others, (3) want things to be their way,

(1) they lie, fight...or how people feel about themselves (2) they project it onto others. In this case (3)their goal is satisfying their needs.

We go to my first post?

The killers of any relationship are......

(1) Dishonesty and

(2) Disrespect and

(3) Selfishness

a reply to: NoClue

Hello

Thank you for explaining it this way, it gives a clear picture.

Everything I wrote referred to real human relationships, not to online ones. Maybe I used the wrong word - "projected", what I meant was, there are people with certain issues or complexes which they take out on their partners and family members.

From your perspective, what happens in waking life with a relationship couple who dances and approaches to the center, for example an empath + narcissist? How does the center-balance achiving look like in their case...they come to certain realizations, they become more aware and receptive of the other (opposite) side, what changes for them?

a reply to: eletheia

Hi eletheia

I've read your posts. I'm sorry for your negative experience, I do know what those people are capable of so I'd believe in the content of your book :-)

It would be much easier when life would function from Fairness perspective - who you are and what you do, you get back so in that way you experience the environment on your frequency. And if you wish to experience something different or opposite you choose so willingly.
Well, this experience taught you something which you can pass further to other people.

I wish you love that you deserve.

a reply to: 7Belle

Wouldn't an empath feel love being with a narcissist? He loves himself and the empath would sense this love...

I can imagine where the problem arise!

Let's just say the empath learns to distinguish between his and someone else's feelings and the narcississt learns to love others the way he loves himself?

Sincerely No Clue

originally posted by: NoClue

Wouldn't an empath feel love being with a narcissist? He loves himself and the empath would sense this love...

So she loves him (narcissist) and he loves himself? Hardly a balance for a good

relationship? My personal belief is a successful relationship is as near 50 /50 as

possible. 45 /55 can be good but the wider the difference the less harmonious?

The narcissist would eventually drain/devour the empath.

Let's just say the empath learns to distinguish between his and someone else's feelings and the narcississt learns to love others the way he loves himself?

The narcissist has loved themselves for so long it becomes a hard habit

to break??!!

a reply to: eletheia

They are not mutually exclusive. The narcisst can love other's AND love himself, and the way he loves others, would actually tell if he really loves himself or not!
Maybe she's no narcissist and he's no empath after all...


If the empath would love himself as much as the narcissist.
And the narcissist would love the empath as much as himself.

I can see harmony in many ways possible...

Balance as you pointed out is the key out of duality into harmony.


Sincerely No Clue

originally posted by: NoClue
a reply to: 7Belle

Wouldn't an empath feel love being with a narcissist? He loves himself and the empath would sense this love...

I can imagine where the problem arise!

Let's just say the empath learns to distinguish between his and someone else's feelings and the narcississt learns to love others the way he loves himself?

Sincerely No Clue

Ok, it makes sense, I guess there are more ways through which a balance can be achieved within a relationship.

In your words, "Balance is the key to harmony"

15 years together later this year, 13 of them married as of next month. I can't see anything in the OP to argue with, but you did forget a very important 4th Step people ignore ---

Put the marriage first. not the jobs, not the kids, not the dogs, not the relatives. The marriage comes first & foremost. It's the foundation for the rest of your life, and if the foundation is neglected, it won't last.

It goes against everything people tell you about what to put first but trust me, our kids haven't been harmed for being a second place focus. Marriage is like a VERY fickle orchid -- it takes dedicated effort, and it has to come first to work for the long-term.