Humorous(hopefully) News stories

I figured I wanted to try my hand at writing some comedy, so I thought I would try several different things starting with some fake news stories:

Back alley penguin surfers
By: Jim Josh
Location: Iowa

Back alley penguin surfing, the very name exudes a disgust in most from most of the modern world. Two teenagers found in Winchipokia, Iowa said they did not know what they were doing was illegal when they partook in their back alley penguin surfing.

In 1931 Norway was experimenting on new methods of travel on snow other than by skis. By tying several penguins together one was able to “surf” much faster than skis. With the outbreak of World War two however this research was abandoned.

In 1979, the practice was revived first in Alaska, and then became a small fad in northern states. Eventually penguin surfing was adapted to water, then later to the back alleys in larger cities. Eventually animal rights activists caught on to the cruel act and made it illegal.

Until recently it was believed that all back alley penguin surfers had been rooted out of our society until two teenagers were found in Iowa committing this audacious act. Local policeman, Officer Pedunkadunk, is pushing for the maximum penalty of 5-10 years.

Sorry I haven't had much time to write many more, I'll get more out asap, hopefully these will be more funny than the last one.

Man swallows spoon, passes “Spork”, sues McDonalds
By: Dave Dankers
Location: Chi hua, Arkansas

Jimmy-Ray, and Arkansas man,claims in his suit against McDonalds, that they stole the acclaimed invention of the spork. The spork is a combination spoon and fork used by the fast food industry, in which Jimmy-Ray is now claiming was originally his invention.

Saturday, January 5th, is the day he said it happened. He was eating his breakfast cereal when he accidentally swallowed his stainless steel spoon. The next day, Jimmy-Ray says, the spoon was notched on the cupped end, which gave him the idea for the “froon”.

“I remember clear as day, I went to my garage right after it happened and set down with several spoons and made the ‘froon’.” McDonalds, refuses to comment on the issue of where it got the spork, but promises that Jimmy-Ray’s claims are invalid.

When asked about filing for a patent application, Mr. Ray said he was no longer available for comment; the court date is set for next Monday.


[edit on 13-3-2005 by MrJingles]