Just had someone contact me about my long lost father via social media.

I received a message from a woman asking if i was so and so's daughter. I looked at my screen and wrote back in capitalized letters WHO ARE YOU.

She said she was a social worker at the nursing home he is in. He is like 63! So I asked if he was ok and she said no and to contact his sister, whom she gave me a number for. I verified the number first online and it is his sisters. I called left a vm and sent a text. The social worker who contacted me said she was sorry if she stepped out of line. I told her no need as I dont feel she did. I have been looking for him since 2001/2002

I haven't seen my dad since I was 5/6. He was an abusive alcoholic and my mom left one night on a bus with three kids to Florida. I don't remember much of that part of my dad. Honestly I only have good memories of him and my mom has said he was good father but lousy partner and terrible drunk. So she left. Well over the years I remember him calling collect and my mom not accepting the calls. Well around 2001/2002 I believe my sister and i Were looking for him and she found his sister, our Aunt and we all got in touch. I spoke to my dad for the first time since I was a kid and it was like no time had passed. We shared recipes and talked fashion, music and cars. I know where my love of Mustangs comes from that is for sure. We spoke for about 6 months here and there then he just vanished again. Ever since I have tried to find him and with no luck, then some stranger comes along asking if I am his daughter.

So he is apparently very sick and about a 9 hour drive from where I live. I want to go visit but i honestly don't have the money so Im feeling a bit off because I always wanted my dad in my life. I think many of my problems with men stem from having no father figure. I don't blame my mom for that she left for our protection. She didn't want him to start on us as we got older and I can't say that I blame her. I later found out that my dad as a result of my mom leaving sobered up and has been sober since we were around 6/7 years old. He won't even touch couch medicine.

I have a lot of questions for him now that I'm older. The last time we spoke I was young and didn't really ask those questions. I was honestly just happy to talk to him.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Your story is similar to my wifes only she was married and pregnant when he told her off.
Abusive drunk.

No contact for 10 years then a phone call from an old school friend at a cheap holel.
Her dad was there and confused.
He drank himself into dementia.
I would have left him to rot but my wife is nicer than me. She finally got him committed to a nursing home and has been his guardian for about 10 years.

He has never met any of his 3 grandchildren.

It's sad. But you can talk over the phone as well as in person. It's not your fault, the circumstance.

Hope you get the answers you seek

Im sorry for your circumstance. I will say this though, borrow the money to see him. Considering how you feel about him, you won’t forgive yourself if you don’t go. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do. I struggle with forgiving myself for some of the decisions I’ve made.

Wow great news.

Hopefully his sister (your aunt?) can help you get together.

Good luck.

Hello mb .. I sorry to hear about your dad being ill .. and hearing about you looking for him for years and having no joy and then when you find him he’s ill has really touched me .. I hope you get to talk to him In person to ask what you need to ask ..

a reply to: mblahnikluver

And if you need a couple of hundred $s I will help you out .. send me a DM ( inbox ) if you do

a reply to: nofear39

I need about $3.50. It's for my friend, boo boo the dinosaur.

a reply to: network dude


Have a heart will you it’s xmas ..
maybe next Xmas it’s you here with a story and I’d do the same for you cuz it’s a couple of hundred
Bucks and I make that in a couple of hours .. but hope you ain’t ever needing help pal

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Hi Hun! I'm sorry that your Dad isn't doing well. I hope you do get to see him. I know how much that would mean to you. Like another member pointed out, you can still call him. Hugs!

originally posted by: nofear39
a reply to: network dude


Have a heart will you it’s xmas ..
maybe next Xmas it’s you here with a story and I’d do the same for you cuz it’s a couple of hundred
Bucks and I make that in a couple of hours .. but hope you ain’t ever needing help pal

Sorry, I was joking, It's a south park thing. Succubus ephisode. Perhaps one of the best ever. You are a good person for offering to help her. (no BS)

Mblah, I hope you find exactly what you want to find and it makes you happy.

a reply to: network dude. No problem pal ..
I don’t watch South Park so I didn’t get the joke

I really hope this ends up being a good thing for you! I couldn't imagine that feeling. I have a few family members that's I haven't been able to find and it's really hard finding people these days it seems.

I have a cousin named Michael that I grew up with when I was a young kid around 4 years old. I remember him vividly. My Aunt was an addict and these random woman who were friends of the family and lived in the apartment downstairs from us ended up taking guardianship of him. I remember one woman's name was Lucky. He disappeared with them when I was around 6 years old and I haven't been able to find him to this day.

I did get to meet his sister April a few years ago at my aunt's funeral. She also grew up in a different family because of my aunt's addiction. I wrote her a message after the funeral and she read it and did not respond. So she's not interested in knowing us which I get it. I imagine she is angry with what happened in her childhood.

Then back in 2015 I find out I have a male cousin that I never met! Everyone else knew about him and met him except me.

So it's a shock getting in touch with family you either didn't know about or haven't seen since childhood. I hope you can find a way to him if that's what you want to do. I imagine he probably does want to make ammends and explain some things.

originally posted by: nofear39
Hello mb .. I sorry to hear about your dad being ill .. and hearing about you looking for him for years and having no joy and then when you find him he’s ill has really touched me .. I hope you get to talk to him In person to ask what you need to ask ..

a reply to: mblahnikluver

And if you need a couple of hundred $s I will help you out .. send me a DM ( inbox ) if you do

OH wow that is so very kind of you.

I am trying to figure out the best way to get there. I would like to bring my 5 year old son too. If he is going to pass soon I want him to meet his grandson.

a reply to: Jess_Undefined

My mom has never really been honest about my dad. I know this because of what my Aunt has told us.

My mom didn't know she was having twins, back in the 70's sonograms aren't how they are now. The one sonogram had our heartbeats in sync. My Aunt and my mom's mother told my sister and I the baby was suppose to be adopted but when it became twins my dad refused the adoption. My mom to this day deny's it even though her own sister and mother told us and why would they lie? My dad use to call when we were kids and I remember my mom not letting us speak to him when she did take the collect calls. I remember when we graduated he called and again she wouldn't let us speak to him. I know why she left him but at some point we had a right to speak to him. We had no information on him so when we graduated my sister and I went online, that's when the internet started to get going. Sites like Ancestry. com were just starting out but without any real names or information we couldn't find anything. So around 2002 I believe my sister found his sister in Arizona, can't remember how she did. So we all called him and spoke to him. He said after my mom left he never drank again and had been sober ever since. I also know around this time he had just had open heart surgery, he would have been in his 40's. I have told my mom over the years how I didn't like how she kept him from us and that after a certain point it was our choice to talk to him when he called. She never says anything. My mom knows about what is going on and said he wasn't a bad guy just a bad drunk and abusive when he drank and he was but those are things i don't remember at all. I only know most of this because family has told us what use to happen and why my mom left. I don't blame her for leaving but at some point especially in HS she should have let us speak to him. We found all this out when we talked to him in 2002. We spoke for maybe 6 months then lost touch, his number was inactive. I kept the same number for quite some time in case he called and he never did. I had many people look for him again after that to no avail, even some ATS members with connections tried and nothing. Funny thing is I DID find him I believe now in about 2012 in NC and some guy named Richard. I called the number but he said he didn't know anyone by that name. I wonder now if this person did know him and just said that because my dad's mom lived in NC. I guess I will never know until I speak to him. I just want to know why after 2002 he never stayed in contact and WHY he was soooo below the radar that I couldn't find jack on him even with his social security number!

The times we did speak back in 2002 it was like no time had passed. We got along great on the phone. I learned where MANY of my mannerisms come from. My sister and I both look exactly like our dad as well. Many of our interests come from him. I remember he shared his special cheesecake recipe with me too! My mom was surprised because he would never give it up before. So I get cooking from both parents lol I guess it was inevitable I would love cooking.

I hope to see or talk to him soon. I really want to go visit if he really is sick to the point he will pass soon. I want to take Liam with me, something I am sure my mom won't agree with but I"m 40 years old and i want to see my dad and have him meet his grandson.



As for your relative. I hope you find them too! Have you tried online? I have ancestry.com if you want to give me names and maybe I can see if I can find something. I signed up for a free trial for right now. It's CHANGED alot since I was last a member and now I have more information than ever before.

I found out one of my second or third uncle's started a COFFEE company in DENMARK! HAHA it's still there and extremely popular. I have coffee with my name on it! That is the coolest thing ever! I will have to order it and send it to my bf since they don't ship to the states and he can send it to me!