Help I'm stuck in the friends zone

Well what would you do if you wanted to be more than friends with a girl???

Awhoooo! Not good. It is my impressing that once a girl sees you as just a friend that is the end of it. Sorry. You could always be mistaken and she may not know if you will return her possible feelings. There is that chance. Any other information you can give?

Originally posted by Jonna
Any other information you can give?

OK I'm 14 we did go out for 3 years. After we broke up she wanted to be friends. now theres one guy who also likes her and is saying all this crap about me that is not ture. When I did ask her out she said no but she said she was glad that i asked. whatever that means. and just so u don't ask i have no idea why she broke up with me. she won't say but i think its have to do with this oter guy saying stuff ( Former Best-Freind )


[edit on 25-2-2005 by KC8]

If you both went out for 3 years prior to the jerk's bad-mouthing of you in an attempt to elevate himself (or perhaps he feels threatened by you), then I would think that her opinion of you is stable enough not to be shaken by a new-comer.

It is interesting that you stated she was glad you asked. This could be taken several ways depending on her personallity. It could mean that she felt uncomfortible that you may have always been hinting as to your feelings. The reasoning is that now it is out in the open and she has given you a decision, the possible 'hinting' will stop.

It could also be a power thing in that she knows she is desired or that she has control over someone. But I'm an eternal pessimist, so perhaps another member here could give you the optimist angle.

I can relate to this topic in so many levels.....I have a friend and she told me I'm her best male friend......I felt like #e after she told me thath. Why? Because I knew I will never ...never have the bloody of being with her. I suggest that you go look for another girl while your young, since their are plenty of fish in the sea why bother going after a fish you have already tried? Go try some thing new.

I was best friends with a girl for about 8 months or so, and I just kept pressing her for being more and she didnt seem to budge much, but I finally learned what made her click and after about a month or less of continually pressing that button I found that made her like me as more, we started dating and still goin strong even now- been 2 months since we have dated! take my advice... starting out big with a "will u date me?" to yer best friend is a bad move... but taking little bites out of it works like a charm... like talking about "love" to her, so its border line and when she opens up a little, pry her open more. good luck son.

Originally posted by KC8
Well what would you do if you wanted to be more than friends with a girl???

Good luck getting out of there buddy... i get stuck in that stage alot... its the problem of being a nice guy... often you have to cut the friendship to get over them too... its a sad sad occurance.

start dressing like elvis around her......and keep singing' love me tender'.....try that for about a week...if she doesnt budge ....move on.




how could any women resist?

Oh man, I think I'm going to be sick...(Elvis pic)

Dudes should NEVER have camel toe!!!

Good luck getting out of there buddy... i get stuck in that stage alot... its the problem of being a nice guy... often you have to cut the friendship to get over them too... its a sad sad occurance.

Just the opposite with my wife and I. Friends for years, she asked me out once, I turned her down. We were still friends. Eventually though, we both realized the friendship had grown to a new level, and acting on it was pretty simple, we didn't get out of bad the entire day!

Instead of "asking her out", try just DOING things together....things you both like, like movies, activities, etc. just as friends. If it's meant to happen, eventually she'll see that the right guy has been right there all along.

Being a "nice guy" myself though, I've been in that trap many times before in life prior to this though...so dude, I can identify....

Originally posted by Gazrok
Oh man, I think I'm going to be sick...(Elvis pic)

Dudes should NEVER have camel toe!!!

LMFAO................

I take it this guy never dressed in front of a mirror !!



:shk:

Gazrok, I think you are the exception to the rule. Once you hit the "friends zone" you either stay there or you walk altogether. In fact, walking altogether is just about the only thing you could do to get in the "more than friends zone." Once you are not in the "picture", she will have a chance to see what she is missing, and if she wants what she is missing, she'll come to you. If you are continually in her life, she'll never get to know what things are like without ya.

just my 2 cents

I always get the right now you're not anymore than a friend.... but if you keep being nice and hanging with them and getting to know them better. They may wanna go out.

Dont get all worked up over this "Friends" stuff. Its just a method, a technique for girls/women to put you in storage until the appropriate time for them. You are still on tap if they are bored...but they still maintain the fantasy guy..you know the boy toy..and your not it...yet. Dont worry about it...its just a strategy.
You decide for yourself if you are going to play or not. This stuff about being a nice guy....lol lol its laughable. You are not here to be a nice guy per se. You are not to be uncivil ..but not also a "nice guy".
KC8 you are learning to become a man....it takes time..and internal development . You do not buy more manhood in a squeeze tube or a spray can as is often done by many women to pass for womanhood.
Grey fox is correct..you need to see other girls and learn from and about them. Get over this friends stuff and move on.
Remember something else..also. No girl or woman is noble enough to teach you about the female of the species just to get you ready for the next female. It just isnt done... Its up to you to learn..and this rubbish about "Friends" is just one facet or stumbling stone ..in the learning process. Your time and moneys are a valuable commodity in the marketplace...KC8. Do not settle for seconds from any woman...when you put your time and moneys out there. Friends isnt it...you can get that without spending time and moneys. Very important to understand this or they will send you around in circles playing the "Friends " game under the guise of not hurting your feelings.
When you get older and develope some skills the "Friends " type of woman will have you doing all kinds of work for her ..under friendship and seperating you from your time and money in a different way ..and saving herself alot of labor...and moneys..dont fall for this stuff. Women and females are equal now days...and accountable..dont let them hold you accountable..in this manner..its called a "Nice guy/Friends". This is what it leads to if you dont catch on at a young age.
Good luck and good hunting
Orangetom

KC8,

Look at it this way....."Friends" is a default setting. Just like this computer. It,s set to go there automatically when you log on. Learn what it really is..learn to log off or if you'r really talented ..change the settings to ones that suit you.

Orangetom

Well before you kill your friendship first make sure that she likes you back. there are many ways to find that out.

and let us know how it ended.

yavis

In my experience, once you're stuck in the 'friend's zone', you never get out. It's not completely a lost cause though, because some girls will change their minds after you spend a lot of time with them. Every girl is different. Some will only stay friends with you, others will change their minds. You won't be in college for awhile KC8, but you can still relate to this story:

At my college, there is a huge girl/guy ratio, where 65% of students are female, so needless to say, the vast majority of my friends at school are girls. I have about 3 guy friends, and 30 or so girl friends. Let me just say that most of the girls I'm now friends with are girls that I wanted 'more' from than just friendship. After we became 'just friends', I lost any chance I had of ever getting into something more with them. I tried like you're trying now, but in the end I gave up because I realized that there are many, many more people out there and I shouldn't confine myself to just a few people.

It's definately hard to get back into a relationship after the girl declares you just friends, but it is possible...it's happened to a few of my friends. If it's really important to you, keep trying ....but if it doesn't work out, there are plenty of other girls available to you, you have plenty of time! If you want advice, I'd say try until you are tired, or you realize without a shadow of a doubt that it will never happen. After that, I would move on. Also, explain to this girl that everything the new guy is saying is false. She should believe you if you've known her for awhile.



[edit on 18-7-2005 by zhangmaster]

I would stay in the friend zone.

You are already ahead of the game concerning who she may date.

I realize this may be a difficult task, but a true friend would be happy for her when she is happy.

Friendships can blossom, don't rush it.

Besides, wouldn't you rather be accepted as a true friend for who you are, than a boyfriend for who you are not.

And, boys who have girls as just friends .... are more likely to be more with her friends if romance isn't in the cards for you two.

No worries, things work out.

Let her know how you truly feel, not with just words, but honest words!
Let her know how you truly feel with actions and behaviours, as well!

Then, after you make your intentions known, BE A FRIEND!
Let her make the next step.
smile with your eyes, not just your mouth when talking to her.
And, most importantly:

LOOK INTO HER EYES, when you are talking to her, and let her do most of the talking. Slowly she will feel more comfortable around you, because you are a great listener!

Good luck!

Originally posted by optimus fett

What a great pair of.........................................................................glasses!

Peace

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher
Friendships can blossom, don't rush it.

Besides, wouldn't you rather be accepted as a true friend for who you are, than a boyfriend for who you are not.

Let her know how you truly feel, not with just words, but honest words!
Let her know how you truly feel with actions and behaviours, as well!

Then, after you make your intentions known, BE A FRIEND!
Let her make the next step.
smile with your eyes, not just your mouth when talking to her.
And, most importantly:

LOOK INTO HER EYES, when you are talking to her, and let her do most of the talking. Slowly she will feel more comfortable around you, because you are a great listener!

All right I get the Idea.

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher
And, boys who have girls as just friends .... are more likely to be more with her friends if romance isn't in the cards for you two.

I like that dude - she has a lot of friends (girls)

Just be very careful about what it is.

Remember ..in the West female socialization expectations and "givens" "entitlements" are very different from other places in the world.

K8C read my post earlier up on this board about friends. Do not become a doormat for women who cannot make a decision and stick to it or back it up. Do not spend a career "Rescuing " these "friends" from problems they create over and over.
I know several guys at work who have girls as friends and they are always getting them to do stuff for them. These are independent self sufficeient women..Wow!! These guys are really dumb. I dont need attention from women so much that I need to be solving problems for them that their independence should be able to handle. You will not find these women coming over to solve problems for you ...female socialization standards or more appropraitely non standards in the West do not factor this in. Be very careful in this arena..it is a formula for indentured servitude.
You dont need female approval this much that you need to try out so hard with your time skills and moneys. Your time and moneys are valuable commoditys in this world..you will learn this intimately when you get out of school and into the real world. The competition for them is often fierce.

Thanks,
Orangetom