We Need A Separate System for Sexual Assault Allegations

I'm so mad at the world today.

3 years ago, my neice (now 15) confided that her father had been touching her inappropriately.
Her mother informed the police, they took statements, etc.
The father then threw out al of her clothes, stuff, laptop that was at his house. He moved to the next town with his wife and younger daughter, and then eventually moved to the next city, 100kms away.

Today she finally got her day in court. Her fathers attorney asked her the craziest questions like if she lost her virginity before or after the alleged touching, had she had a relationship with an older man, etc.

The lawyer even brought up the fact that her mother stripped for one month when my niece was 3, and asked her if she thought it would be sexual assault if men at a strip club touched her mother while she was working.

After a few minutes of that, she broke down and refused to continue.

Even worse? The crown attorney told her that they didn't have enough evidence so he would have walked anyways.

We so desperately need a different way to go about these sensitive cases that is fair to both parties and takes out the court room sensationalism used to put the pressure on.

Imagine you're a 15 year old girl, and for years your abuser told you to hide your body, that sex was shameful, that you shouldn't do this that and the other thing because you were a girl; then the same person abuses you sexually, and then the people you think will help you get justice subject you to humiliating questions you can't cope with because you're mentally fragile from years of abuse. What a vicious cycle.

We need to do better.

I am sorry to hear this happened to your family.

This is an example of why I HATE when people say things like "why did she wait until now", "where is the evidence", "did you just change your mind", etc.

Sexual assault is hard to admit, harder to prove, and hardest to get a conviction.

We absolutely have to do better. Love the Children's Victims Act. A lot of people don't even fully understand the magnitude of the crime until later or denounce it's severity as a cooping mechanism.

a reply to: Atsbhct

We don't need a separate system, we need a real life Dexter!

The sad part is that almost every family has stories like this.
Mine was a cousin was that brutally raped as a teen. Then she wasn't able to go after her attacker because her family felt his family was too powerful! What kind of BS is that?

a reply to: Atsbhct

After years of watching British Crime/Mystery shows, I must say I feel your pain. The whole system is just as weird as hell to me.

In the US, the real standard in use today is that if you're accused, you're guilty unless you can prove you couldn't have done it by virtue of air tight alibi. Otherwise, you're guilty.

From what I've seen of the British system, you can't get a conviction without a full blown confession; no confession, the CPS won't pick up the case for prosecution. So, in the US, your niece's abuser would have been found guilty without her even having to take the stand.........all she has to do is make the accusation!

Maybe both systems are broken!

There was no evidence according to your OP. Are you suggesting a new system where we don't need evidence and just accept the word of the accuser? That sounds a lot like the Salem Witch trials to me. I don't think we need to take our legal system back to the 1700s. No thanks.

originally posted by: TonyS
a reply to: Atsbhct

In the US, the real standard in use today is that if you're accused, you're guilty unless you can prove you couldn't have done it by virtue of air tight alibi. Otherwise, you're guilty.

Yes and no in the US. I think in the public eye, you are absolutely correct. All someone has to do is make the accusation and the other person loses their job, money, etc. I still think the accuser has every right to be heard, but jumping to conclusions on either side is not productive.

However, when the assault is within family, or a small town, or really just in a 'normal' community, I think is it too easy to get away with assault. I think it is much harder to prove and you get people who are close to you and believe the "they could never do this" mentality.

a reply to: Metallicus

Well my post wasn't to present you with evidence.

How would there ever be regular evidence aside from confession when the allegations are that her father touched her sexually on many occasions?

I'm not saying that he should be prosecuted solely because she accused him. I'm saying we need a gentler system that allows victims to say their piece without the ridiculous courtroom posturing. These people need closure.

Wtf is wrong with people?

originally posted by: Metallicus
There was no evidence according to your OP. Are you suggesting a new system where we don't need evidence and just accept the word of the accuser? That sounds a lot like the Salem Witch trials to me. I don't think we need to take our legal system back to the 1700s. No thanks.

What would you suggest? Say a 5 year old tells what dad was doing now what? Send her back with a secret camera catch it later? By then of course dad knows she talked. What should be done let young victims be raped until they can leave on their own?

The OP case they decided that a 12 year old as things were happening should be equated with an assault stripper is that the way to handle it?.

it sucks that this happens but i choose not to take sides anymore since females can falsely accuse males, ruin their life then retract it all because they dont like the guy. they dont do a day in jail. falserapesociety.blogspot.com... . women are as bad as men so i choose to stay away from everyone and not believe anyone

a reply to: fightzone58

You think a 12 year old girl is going to falsley accuse her father?

You're what's wrong with the world. Why would you even bother to comment.

a reply to: Atsbhct

take a look at how many false accusation have been verified in the past to see my point of view. www.vox.com... www.telegraph.co.uk... www.telegraph.co.uk... some of the worst things ever done were done by kids that didnt even realize the impact of their actions. i didnt say i dont believe her. i said i dont take sides because of the way the world is

What a stupid thing to comment on this OP.

says the guy that posted this less than 2 months ago www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Atsbhct I'm really sad to hear this happened to your niece.

You are all in my thoughts, and her father and his attorney can well and truly.....themselves

a reply to: Atsbhct

I totally agree with you and I just want to chime in a bit to share something that I never have in public so to speak.

Im 32 now...

I have memories of being catatonic (its like being asleep with your eyes open but you just cannot move, its so frustrating!) whilst being raped by a male member of my own family that was six years older than me.

I was gaslighted by my own mother when I tried to speak up as a young kid. My mother fell out with her sister because of it.

I had almost forgotten about it or sort of came to terms with it after my father told me it was normal when he said boys experiement with each other.

But what really, really pissed me off... was when my own mother told me I needed a Psychologist and got other family members to believe that I was a story teller to hide her infidelity that I also witnessed.

You know, I actually went through most of my young then entire teenage years believing that my mothers claims (that I imagined it all in my own head) were real. I thought I was totally crazy.

Then as an adult I visited a business to sell insurance, the owners were old work colleagues of my mother... All was confirmed including the names I remembered...

End result... My mother drank herself to death.

Now im left with a bunch of true lies so to speak, horrific memories and outcast from family because it turns out I was the only one that didnt know aside from my own sibling who thinks im the devil etc.

Im so sorry to hear about your neice, you are a good person for providing back up, too! I reckon there are so many that are truly in the same boat that cannot dare too because of those that dismiss it when its true. Even worse, some people take your story and warp it into theirs whilst making you a victim.

If I can offer one piece of advice, please tell your neice to be careful who they share this with as it can be used against you sadly.

All the best.

The fact you are standing by your neice regardless of how the system handles this will mean more to them that you can imagine so dont get too mad at it all, you are making a difference! Trust me on that!

a reply to: XXXN3O

Giving you a star is pitiful, but it's all can offer.

Bravehearted XXXN3O

Hey, I dont say any of it for sympathy, as a man I kinda dont even like mentioning it, but I appreciate you saying you give a damn.

Im so angry at times but I know someone far bigger and better than I can ever be will take care of it in the end...

Sad thing is, a small apology would have made it right. However, no matter how much you beat, shout, confront or any form of it as an adult or how big you are... its dismissed with words in the form of... never happened! Then your disowned as if you are in the wrong??

Offt... forgiveness is a hard thing, especially when the ones needing forgiving blame you for nothing (fear of what you will say)!

I really hear the OP's post, you wont get the closure you need,accept it. Please, just keep supporting your neice! It will make the difference in the end!

Please listen, I share this below just to show you something not to make it about me but to show you what you can do with it when unheard, I cannot convey enough.
Your neice can take that pain and use it in time to express herself. Its a horrible thing but it can be a gift (very rough draught nowhere near finshed yet) but the older I get, the more I see the blessing of pain.
The pain can be turned into laughter for others to understand and above all, personal acceptance and im sorry for being overly dramatic maybe but I know how much this can mess you up and really just want to hit it home! (I didnt even want to upload this but feel I have to with what you have said here, sorry if its not welcomed).

You see, the pain and coping mechanisms (mines was movies) can be used to create something most people wont believe could be true and they laugh at it... but as a person you are free from ridicule for it, you can be you!

The horrible thing is, you feel like you dont even exist no matter how much you do because of the lack of validation. Sorry for being so preachy or in depth but fecking heck, your doing it right standing by family. Well done!

The Irony is that so few people understand why I like that Doctor Who episode, its like you need to spoon feed em all with the "kool aid".

But how sad is it... to ask other people to brave themselves to be hypnotised in front of an audience using your own life experiences when you are so sheet?

My whole shows are based around sexual abuse and hospital moments I experienced whilst making it comedy for acceptance. Take it, nurture it and smash it right back at them and so many people will turn their backs when they find out the truth, its so sad but feck the lot of them, its a painful path but heck, I wouldnt change it as it made me a hypnotist (desperate for control) yet im evil one! lol

Use it