Family and split parents

"Of course I worry about you, you're the father of my child"
My ex wife said that to me yesterday when we were chatting about something and it made me smile.
We've been divorced since our son was 2, he's now 20. We met in the rave scene of the early 90's, but fast forward a few years we grew up and had different lifestyle wishes so decided to divorce in one calm conversation in the kitchen.
ME - "We either slug away at it for 40 years and risk never being happy, or we could # it off and just be friends"
HER -"Let's just be friends then"

Neither of us wanted to be the divorce petitioner but in English law we couldn't do it as a team mutually so we played best of three poker to decide. I lost and had to divorce her, be the bad one.
We got the forms from the court and filled them in ourselves, paid 50 quid to the court, no lawyers, sold the house, paid debts off then split the profit and smiled when our joint parental responsibility was endorsed by the court. We made it up as we went along best for our child, as stated/annotated in the court forms. 3 midweek nights one week then 4 the other with our child, and both of us had either a Friday or Sat night off to have fun, again all negotiated like mates on a week to week basis.

We also did everything like parents evening at school together, sports training etc, whatever, and we have always been his family just two different locations. She is my most trusted friend, and as she said to me I say back the same, she is the mother of my child. I'll always hook up with her for a pint and some food.

So what is the deal with parents hating each other???
I see it often, pure venom and hatred, but when kids are involved, it sickens me.
I massively think many of societies problems would be solved if all parents just worked as a team and got over their bull# differences as partners.
Parents are more important than partners...

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

You are just very very lucky.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

I've heard horror stories about divorces.
The most common one I hear is the guy bitching that she took everything....
I know that he didn't have much to take...lol

Cheating is one that brings out loads of venom too.

Nice to hear the rare story of a divorced couple doing the right thing for their kid.
Reminds me of the story about a father giving his daughter away at a wedding and asking the step dad to walk with her also.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

My parents always tried to get along after they divorced even when they were mad at eachother. They never said anything bad about eachother in front of us and always tried to make sure everything worked me and my sister first. I feel like I would probably be a #tier human being if they'd acted otherwise.

Still talk to my ex every week, as we still have Sunday family dinners together.

I certainly wouldn’t call him a close friend, but he’s been there for me when the chips are down.

You can take the romance out of the equation, but at the end of the day .. family is family !

a reply to: Bluntone22
Good story, it's how it should be

a reply to: dug88
I'm with you, children seeing parents fight must be horrible. Never done it myself, and yes as another member said, maybe I was lucky with the person I loved and had a child with.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

I have a feeling you and your ex wife have a solid respect for each other and that's what works for my daughter's mom and I.

Respect and communication are two words that mean little to a lot of people nowadays.

a reply to: Sheye
Ah that made me smile
Mine is my most trusted and loved friend though, mother of my child, I like her partner of over a decade as well lol, nothing like me but I like him.

a reply to: wtfatta
Yes, respect...and love.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
"Of course I worry about you, you're the father of my child"
My ex wife said that to me yesterday when we were chatting about something and it made me smile.
We've been divorced since our son was 2, he's now 20. We met in the rave scene of the early 90's, but fast forward a few years we grew up and had different lifestyle wishes so decided to divorce in one calm conversation in the kitchen.
ME - "We either slug away at it for 40 years and risk never being happy, or we could # it off and just be friends"
HER -"Let's just be friends then"

Neither of us wanted to be the divorce petitioner but in English law we couldn't do it as a team mutually so we played best of three poker to decide. I lost and had to divorce her, be the bad one.
We got the forms from the court and filled them in ourselves, paid 50 quid to the court, no lawyers, sold the house, paid debts off then split the profit and smiled when our joint parental responsibility was endorsed by the court. We made it up as we went along best for our child, as stated/annotated in the court forms. 3 midweek nights one week then 4 the other with our child, and both of us had either a Friday or Sat night off to have fun, again all negotiated like mates on a week to week basis.

We also did everything like parents evening at school together, sports training etc, whatever, and we have always been his family just two different locations. She is my most trusted friend, and as she said to me I say back the same, she is the mother of my child. I'll always hook up with her for a pint and some food.

So what is the deal with parents hating each other???
I see it often, pure venom and hatred, but when kids are involved, it sickens me.
I massively think many of societies problems would be solved if all parents just worked as a team and got over their bull# differences as partners.
Parents are more important than partners...

I have a co-worker who seems to have a good relationship with her ex husband (father of child).

On the other hand, my best friends parents were always arguing /fighting and using him to spite the other parent. I think it really screwed him up.

Most of the divorces I've seen are pretty nasty. It is rare that both can just man up and admit the relationship isn't working and just split amicably. The court system here in the US heavily favors women, especially if there is a child involved. Women use this bias to take their ex to the cleaners. They also use the court system to prevent fathers from having good relationships with their children.

a reply to: Edumakated
All of that is so #ed up for the kids though, it's a shame on society.
It's not been a bed of roses for me but I was lucky my ex cared as much as I do for our creation, our child, to be happy.
Parents need to get over the split and focus on the little ones.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
a reply to: wtfatta
Yes, respect...and love.

This got me thinking. You can have respect without love, but you can't truly love without respect.

I've worked with a lot of divorced people, male and female.
It's kinda funny how many times I've heard the same story being told in different ways.

Women wants to get married.
Man buys stupid expensive ring.
Marriage lasts a ten years.
Bitch took everything, "meaning child support"
Jerk was an awful husband "that you pressured to marry you"

I'm rare for the two people to act like adults, it really is.
Especially when money is involved.

a reply to: Bluntone22

There was decent money going on when I split with the mother of my child, she bought another house and I did most of my share up my nose.
I'm no angel.

a reply to: wtfatta
Yes, I respect and love her...same kind of love as my twin sister...more parents should be like that when they split...for their kids ffs.

originally posted by: wtfatta

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
a reply to: wtfatta
Yes, respect...and love.

This got me thinking. You can have respect without love, but you can't truly love without respect.

And you cant respect if trust has been destroyed ..... I could write a book

about lies and deception..... The biggest killers of any type of relationship.

Well, I screwed up, and married a fellow that hid the fact he liked to hit women pretty well. I was still polite and nice when he would bring the boys home after a weekend visit. I did threaten to "injure" him recently, when a son was in the hospital. But that was because he wanted to argue in the sons hospital room. It has been over 20 years moron. Get over it!!!!


Your lucky.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
So what is the deal with parents hating each other???

Every situation is different I guess. It seems you and your ex, for whatever differences you had, are genuinely decent people and it seems you put the welfare of your child above any pettiness you *could* have had. For what it's worth, that's great.

My parent divorced when I was in my early 20s. My mum stuck it out for the benefit of my brother and I.

Parents are more important than partners...

Very well said, mate.

a reply to: chiefsmom
Wow, fair enough, when people are violent then walking away is the way forward.
Pity for any kids though as well.

I'm happy to report that my ex wives and I are still friends and lovers. Old habits are hard to break....

Thankfully I had the foresight at the age of 20 to get a vasectomy. Kids and the rock and roll lifestyle don't mix well.