TCD 2018-- The Dream of the Condemned

The Dream of the Condemned

Twenty-four hours don’t seem like a lot. The dim green glow on my watch flashes 12:01 and thumbing through my catalogue of memories, the various ways I’ve spent this hour, it all seems so hollow: the Pan-fueled riots and the burnt candles and the sticky-sweet embraces-- the all-consuming desperate impulse; that never-ending striving for something unknown and always unattainable. Coming up short at every endeavor. And now here at the end of the rope for me.

Tomorrow I pay the debt I owe, a life for a life. For seemingly the thousandth time, I weigh the value of mine, dropping each memory on the scale--some heavier than others--the balance is always too dear. I note a dropping sickening sensation in my gut with dispassionate interest… at least I can feel my body (for now), I think, spreading my hands out for examination. I look at every line, spot, hair, with a scrutiny I’d never shown myself before. These hands, chubby and unlined, ages ago in another lifetime, would reach up impulsively to grab on to the nearest grown-up for balance and security. They have tested the earth, gripped handlebars, steadied the path for others who stumbled, falteringly brushed against a smooth, flawless cheek, have held innumerable bottles, objects, and tools, have held on despairingly to my own sobbing face-- the only comfort I allowed myself when the last person on this earth to love me departed-- have remained clenched, throbbing with impotent rage, for hours on end, have come up grasping and empty time and again, all leading to the tragedy in their final act when with brutal and blind impulse they stole that which can’t be given back.

Not knowing what to do with them, I let my hands fall limp at my sides. Enervated, I too drop down on the pallet and thin mattress which will support my last respite on this earth before that terrifying and final rest I face tomorrow. I close my eyes, let out a bitter sigh, and drop like a stone into the cool depths of the unknown, where I reemerge feeling refreshed and pure.

I am walking through a rippling and changing landscape, breathtakingly stunning in peripheral, and wherever I train my eyes dissolves into brilliant rainbowed fractals. I’m home. My awareness expands and I realize there is another being next to me, we are two in form only, and conversing without sound but with the deepest love and respect. From the peripheral glance I have of my companion he (?) is blindingly beautiful, and I know I am his brother. Our words are not so important. I agree that this time around it is I who will wrong my brother, for it is his time to inspire love, pity, grief, empathy, forgiveness, and finally and most importantly, MERCY. We both understand that this is only part of a very long but transformative process, that our souls are still becoming. Here we know that perfection cannot be created, that it must be earned and attained and that the trials leading to great things will also be great. With that understanding embedded in our breast, we embrace, show our gratitude and love, and depart, knowing we will soon meet again here, but as fuller and more aware beings.

I woke from what must have been the most restful sleep of my life and though the first thing my eyes focused on were cold stone walls, and despite the realization of my impending final hour flooding over me, I felt at peace for the first time I can remember. I wondered greatly at this peace. Perhaps I could ease my relentlessly violent conscience finally once my debt has been paid. A small, mean, life, I thought, but a life nonetheless. And what man lives who can weigh the value of a human soul?

WOW... absolutely soul wrenching... loved this story so much !

a reply to: Sheye

Thank you Sheye! Your words (also other wonderful members here who encouraged me to write) really mean so much to me.

originally posted by: zosimov
a reply to: Sheye

Thank you Sheye! Your words (also other wonderful members here who encouraged me to write) really mean so much to me.

You write beautifully... and if anyone deserves writer status.. you sure do.

Still can’t get over how impressed I am .

You do indeed deserve writer's status! Good job Zos!

a reply to: Night Star

So glad you stopped in Night! You are one of those aforementioned lovely ATS friends who has encouraged me to write-- I can't thank you enough!

That was .....fantastic

It was painting..with words.

a reply to: zosimov

Well done.

a reply to: zosimov

Beautifully written and thought-provoking.

a reply to: zosimov


I hope you win Zosi, that was great.

If I ever needed a reminder of what I love about this site, here it is.

Thanks to every one of you for the support and encouragement.

(PS I loved all of your stories as well, been reading with no comments lately I'm sorry).

a reply to: zosimov

God's grace revealed at the gallows. Love it. Nice writing.

a reply to: zosimov

Hello my friend, long time no see!

You're an excellent writer and that was really good. I hope you win!

(Because let's be honest, you deserve this title more than I do)


Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

a reply to: knowledgehunter0986

Hi, Hunter!

Glad to see you

Thank you for the compliment, and I absolutely don't agree that you don't deserve your status and just enjoy reading all of the creative output from yours and other great minds here. In fact, I really hope to read more of your stuff soon.

Have a great one my friend!!!

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: zosimov


I hope you win Zosi, that was great.

Hey Augustus, you are also one of the members I can't thank enough.

I loved your story btw. That ending really hits you

originally posted by: zosimov
That ending really hits you

Hah, you're punny.

a reply to: zosimov

A terrific read. So good, I read through it several times in case I missed something. Thought provoking at the least.



My regards, Bally

a reply to: bally001

Bally, thank you sincerely for the kind words! I've thoroughly enjoyed reading all of the submissions (yours was great).. what a topic.

a reply to: zosimov

Indeed! a beautifully conceived story wonderfully written

I rarely read these threads. Today I am grateful I did.