TCD2018 - Writer - The bitch (dog) is dog food now.

The bitch is dog food now.

10..00 am. After takin me hat off, swearing upon the bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I lowered me hand and sat down in the witness box.

My solicitor spoke first,

"So, Mister Ball, please give your testimony, in your own words what occured at your property on the moring of May 11th this year."
" Well, in answer to yer question, (at this point I faced the magistrate) can I explain to you sir, the events that lead up to the shooting?"

There was silence in the musty, varnished timber local courtroom.

My solicitor stared at me over the rim of his glasses. (This wasn't in his intitial brief to me prior to the hearing)

I saw the R.S.P.C.A. (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Inspector turn to the Police Prosecutor. The Magistrate sighed. The Police Prosecutor stood up. "Your worship, I object. Counsel for the defendant Mister Ball has opened with a specific question. The defendant attempts to manifest or explain his reasons for shooting his neighbours dog. Wounding it to the point where it was consumed by wild dogs. Suffering. I point out here, at this opening question that Mister Ball should answer the specific question as asked by my learned friend defending Mister Ball."

I glanced at me solicitor. Bugger me if he just didn't look down.

The Magistrate, without even looking at me said, "Answer the question and no, you may not explain your reasons." The Police Prosecutor sat back down. Nodded to the R.S.P.C.A. officer who folded his arms, tilted his head to the left and gave me the 100 yard stare.

'Crikey' I thought. 'I'm for it.' So I gave it my best shot. (pardon the pun)

"Well." I offered. "It was at day break on that May day that I heard me chooks goin off. I did have over 180 of em."

The Police Prosecutor stood up. Yelled, "Objection! your worship. The defendant is attempting to lead the court into prior events that were not included in the opening question. And,,I ask that his answer be taken from the testimony records."

This time the magistrate turned to me giving me a look that a mother in law would be proud of. "Mister Ball, without going into detail, what happened on the morning of May 11th this year. And yes, Sergeant, Mister Balls answer will not be included in evidence."

Me two bob solicitor in his cheap chequered suit pretended to fiddle with paper work, all the time hanging his head down without acknowledging me.

"Righto," I sighed, "I get it now, okay, I was woken up for about the hundreth time."

The Police Prosecutor stood up, "Objection!" He said in a tone of voice that startled the audience in the meagre country court room including me.

"Mister Ball," said the magistrate. " If you don't specifically answer the opening question. Have no doubt, then you are wasting the courts time and I may, HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT."

I was stumped here. "Err, strewth, I saw a dog when I got up ripping into me free range hens. I had me Lithgow, so I shot it."

A woman, Wendy, my neighbour, the owner of the dog started weeping in the back second row. Her younger druggy boyfriend hugged her saying, "It'll be alright, he's going down."

My solicitor finally stood up, still looking down "Explain to the court what a Lithgow is."

"Umm, its a twenty two mate, me dads old rifle from the sixties."

He said, "Whats a twenty two?"

I replied, "jeez, thought everyone knew what a twenny two is." I smiled around the courtroom. No one returned a smile. "Mate. it's a point two two calibre. You know, small bullet, good for rabbits and rats."

"Right." said my solicitor in a quiet tone. "How many bullets does the rifle shoot."

"One." I offered in a surprised voice looking around."

"So, you shot the female dog with one shot?"

"Yep"

My learned friend then asked me, "If the gun is for rabbits and rats, as you say, why did you shoot the dog?"

Well,,, mate,,,,I thought. I leaned back in me witness chair. Rolled my head around. "Because it was killing me chooks! Whose side are you on anyways?"

Now the Police Prosecutor and that R.S.P.C.A. mongrel were smiling. The Magistrate stared blankly to the back of the courtroom.

The chequer suited man said, "Were did you aim."

"At the dog!!!"

"Where did the bullet hit?"

"Dunno exactly. Think in the guts, as I heard a thump after me shot and the wretched thing ran around squealing then took off down the back into the bush."

"What happened then?" Asked my non committed solicitor.

"I heard what I think was a big dog fight as there was a lot of barking yelping and growling commin from the back hill."

"What did you do then." Now the paid man was looking at me.

"Ran down to me chooks with the missus."

"What did you see?"

I replied in a matter of fact way, "Three dead hens, dead rooster and six of me layers in the roost. No eggs by the way."

"Alright Mister Ball, you say you might have shot the dog in the guts. Why didn't you shoot it in the head?"

Sitting up a bit more rigid now I answered. "Mate, it had a chook in its' mouth, so I shot where I could stop it. Can't aim for a shaking head. Sorry about the dog but I'm sick of burying chooks."

"Objection!" The police prosecutor stood up. My solicitor sat down. "The defendant, Mister Ball, in this matter is again attempting to enter evidence that is not, I repeat not, in context with the opening submission. Mister Ball said, 'I am sick of burying chooks.' Which leads evidence to believe prior acts. This is one instance."

Well I'll be blowed. After the police prosecutor sat down. Me solicitor stood up. "Your worship." He said in an uplifted voice. "My client, Mister Ball, is only clarifying that he was, and I quote, 'sick of burying chooks', which, in evidence can be permitted as Mister Ball was offering only the fact that he was tired of burying the fowls and not offering the evidence that this particular dog caused the prior acts but, was simply saying, he was tired of burying fowls, chickens, from what ever occurrence albeit, death be old age or disease."

My solicitor seated himself. The magistrate turned to me and asked, " Is this correct Mister Ball?"

I looked the presiding member straight in the eye, nodded and said, "Yeah, that'll be right yer worship, sir."

That old magistrate then said, staring at the police prosecutor, "I'll allow this evidence by Mister Ball. Sergeant prosecutor, may I remind you that the matter before the court is in regard to an R.S.P.C.A. complaint against the defendant for the offence of 'Aggravated Cruelty to an Animal.' Objections as I have granted to you in this regard for having Mister Ball give the facts do not extend to discounting personal experiences within other areas where, in his knowledge, he states a fact. 'I am sick of burying chooks.' Granted, this does not relate to the said offence but, as evidenced here. Mister Ball, for whatever reason, is sick of burying chickens."

I'm thinking that this was the turn of events. I now had more respect for my legal counsel and the magistrate. Then again I'm figuring that the luncheon adjournment was about due and all had quite enough of the death of a dog that was a chook killer.

Now cut a long story short.

Part 2.
So, I was cross examined by the now, flustered police prosecutor. My solicitor was looking at me in the eye. Even 'His Worship' was dismissing the prosecutor's questioning. I was a bit more obliging in my evidence and got to explain I used the single shot Lithgow legally to rid wild dogs, vermin and chicken killing domestic animals. I'm sure by the lunch adjournment, where everybody was peckish, that all had experienced enough. Even Wendy who had to concede that it was her dog I had gut shot. That bitch of an beast ran back to the wild dog pack up the hill, bleeding, where those mongrels had then ripped her apart and ate the bitches innards. Found by Wendy who heard the shot and resulting commotion that morning, the R.S.P.C.A. were called and investigated me. I was honest, yes I shot the dog.

During this days adjourment, where perhaps the magistrate had his lunch and perused the evidence, I walked across the road to 'Pauls Perfect Pies' and shouted my solicitor a Steak and Kidney Peppered Pie. Cost me five bucks fifty. But it was worth it I figured.

While munching on my own beef, bacon and cheese pie I asked my solicitor about his cheap suit. Tongue in cheek of course yer know aye. He said, in an honest manner, "Bally, I can tell you aren't a man of means. Just someone making do day to day. I only over dress in District or Superior courts to suit the occasion. Your case was simple. Concede, then I go for it, and, the magistrate is in my rifle club. Nuff said."

2.00pm.

"All stand" said the court orderly. The magistrate walked in behind the bench and seated himself. I sat now next to me solicitor. We bowed our heads and sat.

The magistrate addressed the courtroom assembly. I guess that included the back second row. Simply he said, while he didn't approve of shooting domestic dogs, the actions by me were justified seeing, as he put, it I'd lost upwards of a 100 chickens during the previous months. Well, strewth, crikey and strike me pink. The look on the Prosecutor and the R.S.P.C.A. In spector spoke volumes. My evidence was apparently considered.

Tears behind me, I could hear Wendy sobbing. Her boyfried said, "Eff this." Loudly, then stormed out of the court room without even bowing to the magistrate. My goodness. Where has court etiquette gone. (Sarcasm).

The Magistrate continued, stressing that, while my gut shot injured the dog it didn't determine the ultimate death and that I was justified in shooting the beast as best I could, in the body, as attempting to hit the moving head, or any other limb would require me to reload my single shot Lithgow and by that time the killing animal may have made its' escape. The owner of the said attacking dog should have made better attempts to keep it under control, and, failing that could themself be considered with failing to properly care for their domestic animal. Matter was dismissed, no compensation awarded to either party.

My feelings, well, no more chooks or eggs for me. There are too many wild dogs where I live and too many people calling for those who eradicate them to be held to account. That and it's hard to hold onto your shooter's licence and a simple rifle when you have to appear for a firearms related offence.

This is fiction.

THE END

Nice and well written..S&f

a reply to: 727Sky

Cheers Sky.

Kind regards,

Bally

That was beaut, mate! Still can't give a flag, but it earned one.

Flagged

a reply to: bally001

A fun story to read, great narrative!

a reply to: bally001

Great read. Where I live if your dog is running with the pack its a bad thing. Loved the story.

a reply to: SprocketUK

Thanks for the kind words.

With regards to flagging, I only got around to fixing that problem after reading the suggestion on ATS that I decrease my screen size (zoom).

That worked but have to squint.

My regards,

bally

a reply to: DBCowboy

Cheers DB.

Kind regards,

bally

a reply to: Tarzan the apeman.

Thanks Tarz, same here. The wild dogs around my dig live in the hills. This time of year I can here them howling. Some are dingo and others are a mongrel breed. Can be savage when cornered or eating in a pack.

Kind regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Good job mate , loved it , Aussie lingo and all . Can imagine people world wide are googling some words . lol. See the cows are out , next year for both of us im thinking . Crabbing , give it some thought .

Good one Bally!

S+F bally.

Love the tongue-in-cheek writing style and the different take on the story theme.

a reply to: bally001

You are a really talented writer. Very authentic dialogue, and you've developed the setting so well!
Also I really enjoyed the light-hearted tone. I definitely found myself chuckling.
Best to you Bally!

a reply to: hutch622

Good on ya Hutchy. Thanks for the Pavalova compliment.

Crabs are on the agenda. To get away, methnks 2 weeks, I'd have to get someone to live on the selection and cover the needs of the canabil animals.

Workin on it with the missus.

As always, kind regards to you and yours,

bally

a reply to: PillarOfFire

Cheers Pillar.

regards,

bally

a reply to: Morrad

Thank you Morrad,

I like a larconic lifestyle if I can put it that way.

my regards,

Bally

a reply to: zosimov

Uplifting words for me indeed zossy.

Thanks for the comments.

regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

I already had starred and flagged your story. bally ... but I forgot to leave a thumbs up. Job well done ! 👍🏼

a reply to: Sheye

I thank you Sheye.

My regards to you and your story upon which I proffered my latest comment.

kind regards,

bally