Cheating as the Premise of Dating

Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

originally posted by: peacefulpete
Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

I'm a flirt, have been since I was young (also shy, go figure). I've never cheated on anyone, and do not understand the idea of it. Either your relationship is monogamous, it's open, or you are not tethered. It's really not that hard to understand.

a reply to: peacefulpete

Sex is the best thing you can do when you have no money.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: peacefulpete
Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

I'm a flirt, have been since I was young (also shy, go figure). I've never cheated on anyone, and do not understand the idea of it. Either your relationship is monogamous, it's open, or you are not tethered. It's really not that hard to understand.

Yes I agree.

Be committed, or don't lol.

It seems fundamentally nonsensical to pretend to be committed, for years, while cheating the whole time.

Then the committed person (me) experienced it as a legit relationship, while the cheater (her) experienced it as a big dramatic soap opera of cheating and lies.

Completely different experiences of the same relationship.

I don't see a meaning other than, she just likes to date with constant cheating lol.

I'm not accepting it as an insult against me... Because I wasn't the reason she was cheating. She was cheating because it's how she likes to date in general.

originally posted by: peacefulpete

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: peacefulpete
Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

I'm a flirt, have been since I was young (also shy, go figure). I've never cheated on anyone, and do not understand the idea of it. Either your relationship is monogamous, it's open, or you are not tethered. It's really not that hard to understand.

Yes I agree.

Be committed, or don't lol.

It seems fundamentally nonsensical to pretend to be committed, for years, while cheating the whole time.

Then the committed person (me) experienced it as a legit relationship, while the cheater (her) experienced it as a big dramatic soap opera of cheating and lies.

Completely different experiences of the same relationship.

I don't see a meaning other than, she just likes to date with constant cheating lol.

I'm not accepting it as an insult against me... Because I wasn't the reason she was cheating. She was cheating because it's how she likes to date in general.

You cannot take insult in others being themselves. All you can do is learn from the experience. Not everyone is worthy of trust. It's a hard lesson to learn how you have explained it. But it is a lesson all of us need.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: peacefulpete

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: peacefulpete
Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

I'm a flirt, have been since I was young (also shy, go figure). I've never cheated on anyone, and do not understand the idea of it. Either your relationship is monogamous, it's open, or you are not tethered. It's really not that hard to understand.

Yes I agree.

Be committed, or don't lol.

It seems fundamentally nonsensical to pretend to be committed, for years, while cheating the whole time.

Then the committed person (me) experienced it as a legit relationship, while the cheater (her) experienced it as a big dramatic soap opera of cheating and lies.

Completely different experiences of the same relationship.

I don't see a meaning other than, she just likes to date with constant cheating lol.

I'm not accepting it as an insult against me... Because I wasn't the reason she was cheating. She was cheating because it's how she likes to date in general.

You cannot take insult in others being themselves. All you can do is learn from the experience. Not everyone is worthy of trust. It's a hard lesson to learn how you have explained it. But it is a lesson all of us need.

Thanks, I mentioned insult because I think for her, the whole relationship (6 years) is supposed to wrap up as an insult against me. Like, I'm so undesirable that I deserve women to date me, while cheating all the time.

However, if I was really undesirable then don't date me lol. Dating me means I'm likable and all that.

It's why the insult doesn't really make sense.

a reply to: peacefulpete


To me dating is spending time with someone to see how compatible we are

for interests in common, and to see if there is a sexual spark!!


Once the sexual spark is ignited it becomes a commitment, a relationship

and dating others ceases.


How someone (male or female or indeed same sex) can get away with

deception when in a relationship to me reflects on the lack of closeness,

trust, and honesty which is for me the cement of a good relationship.

originally posted by: peacefulpete

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: peacefulpete
Just wondering if anyone has thought about this.

What's up with a person dating while constantly cheating, as the whole basis of dating?

This is not a reflection of the person who is being dated... If the whole premise of dating, was to cheat constantly, the whole time.

So basically this is a situation created by someone who just really loves cheating. It doesn't reflect on the partner who's being cheated on.

I gave some years of my life to a woman who had apparently based it on constant cheating.

What sense do you guys make of that?

I don't think a relationship can possibly work out in such a context of constant cheating. What do you guys think?

I'm a flirt, have been since I was young (also shy, go figure). I've never cheated on anyone, and do not understand the idea of it. Either your relationship is monogamous, it's open, or you are not tethered. It's really not that hard to understand.

Yes I agree.

Be committed, or don't lol.

It seems fundamentally nonsensical to pretend to be committed, for years, while cheating the whole time.

Then the committed person (me) experienced it as a legit relationship, while the cheater (her) experienced it as a big dramatic soap opera of cheating and lies.

Completely different experiences of the same relationship.

I don't see a meaning other than, she just likes to date with constant cheating lol.

I'm not accepting it as an insult against me... Because I wasn't the reason she was cheating. She was cheating because it's how she likes to date in general.

I've come to learn some people thrive on drama. They don't understand their lives are not supposed to be like tv and movies. They want everything to be exciting or like a soap opera all the time. People like that are tiring to be around and they always seem to have some kind of trouble going on their lives.

I don't get it, never made any sense to me, but I know/known plenty of people who seem to think nothing of it, like it's normal, which it pretty much is nowadays, it's just sad!

I had an ex who said she only cheated a few times a year/every so often so it was ok/not that bad, I was #ing baffled and angry!

Why is it so damn hard to just meet someone, love them and WORK to make it work!!! Nobody wants to do that anymore! why all the drama and lies? it's like people look to create problems when there is no need, or have one eye at home and another on greener pastures, which never really end up being greener, after the honeymoon period ends! Because guess what? perfection doesn't exist ... relationships take work, commitment and bloody accepting the faults each other have, It's not so complicated!!!

a reply to: dfnj2015

I disagree. Training my mind through practicing meditation and studying psychology, philosophy, mathematics, and physics, while physically training my body through exercise and yoga is the best thing I can do with no money.

In my 20's I may have agreed sex was the best activity one could partake in. However, after studying esotericism and taking '___' a few times, I've discovered a whole new purpose in life. My 30's, thus far, have been wholly transformative. Sex seems so mundane compared how I can improve myself in a well rounded manner.

originally posted by: InwardDiver
a reply to: dfnj2015

I disagree. Training my mind through practicing meditation and studying psychology, philosophy, mathematics, and physics, while physically training my body through exercise and yoga is the best thing I can do with no money.

In my 20's I may have agreed sex was the best activity one could partake in. However, after studying esotericism and taking '___' a few times, I've discovered a whole new purpose in life. My 30's, thus far, have been wholly transformative. Sex seems so mundane compared how I can improve myself in a well rounded manner.

It is funny how sex seems like the most amazing thing in the world when we are not experienced lol, like when we are in middle school.

But yeah after some years of experience with sex, it stops seeming like the most amazing thing ever lol.

Relationships are remembered more for moments of love and happiness, more than moments of sex, despite great sex.

You're giving that bitch too much credit and you deserve better. Also seems like you are relieving her of the responsibility for cheating on you.

a reply to: peacefulpete

Unless you have negotiated a special relationship in which you both may wander without recrimination, your life and heart will suffer if your loved one cheats.

I am of the opinion that such a person should be kicked to the curb, regardless of the personal pain involved in doing so. I have done so in the past and .......... yes. It hurt. A lot. I could not, however, heal otherwise. If you don't have an "open" relationship, you must distance yourself from the person you are with. Pain is geometric and it builds and crushes and gives you ideas that are unworthy of your bearing.

Find someone who loves you as fiercely as you love them and NEVER, EVER let go. That's what I did. You will never be sorry, nor wish you hadn't looked so far and long as to find that ONE.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
You're giving that bitch too much credit and you deserve better. Also seems like you are relieving her of the responsibility for cheating on you.

Thanks but I'm not sure what you mean lol. How did I give her credit or relieve her of responsibility?

Are you saying that because I blame her cheating on her own hobby, instead of being a reflection of myself?

I don't know if maybe I was unclear, but I'm not currently dating her, in case anyone misunderstood that lol.

a reply to: peacefulpete


No, you misunderstand me. By the way you are typing, you make it sound like you think cheating is inevitable, or that cheating comes with being in a relationship, that it cant be helped. Cheating is NOT part of a healthy relationship and I don't agree with making light of it.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: peacefulpete


No, you misunderstand me. By the way you are typing, you make it sound like you think cheating is inevitable, or that cheating comes with being in a relationship, that it cant be helped. Cheating is NOT part of a healthy relationship and I don't agree with making light of it.

Thanks, I'm not sure how I gave such an impression, but I appreciate your input. I agree that cheating is not part of a healthy relationship. I think it poisons the relationship, automatically.