Having a relationship as an autistic person

Hi ATS,

How as a young adult autistic man how do I start dating/having a relationship with a girl? Asking because i'm lonely and I don't be alone all my life.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Just like you have a relationship with everyone else.
Relationships are about communication

originally posted by: Conspiracyskeptic
Hi ATS,

How as a young adult autistic man how do I start dating/having a relationship with a girl? Asking because i'm lonely and I don't be alone all my life.

wish i could help you my friend
im terrible with social #. its a miracle i found my wife

i would go with the usual just be yourself. i think that is the best option pretty much all of the time

unless youre a dick. if that is the case be the opposite of yourslef

Is there any adult autistic support groups in your area?
That could be a good start.
Or if there isn’t one, post an ad on Craig’s list or kijiji saying your looking to meet with other adults with autism.
By doing so, you will increase your social circle and meet new people.
maybe not a girl your interested in at first, but at least it opens doors for the possibility.

Autism is a spectrum, right? People with autism can have a mild case or be totally incapacitated. Since you are obviously communicating, my guess is that you have a mild case. What that means, exactly, only you can say. I have a grandson with Aspberger's, and I have to tell you, he's pretty normal--only a little bit crazy. :-) But I think the danger you face, really, is becoming obsessed with your diagnosis, which, frankly, is one aspect of autism, being obsessive. So DO NOT see yourself as an "autistic person." Instead, see yourself as a person who has some autistic traits. See the difference? It may go a little easier for you.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Autism can be difficult most of the time but, as you are asking the question,it suggests that you are open to the idea of a relationship?
If you are then you will find one eventually, it may take time, but then it takes time for most people to find somebody that they can be comfortable with. If you think it is taking a little longer then don’t worry.

I have read that people who are on the spectrum who eventually find someone compatible tend to have longer relationships.

I’ll have a look, see where I have read this and post a link.

Edit- spelling

originally posted by: Conspiracyskeptic
Hi ATS,

How as a young adult autistic man how do I start dating/having a relationship with a girl? Asking because i'm lonely and I don't be alone all my life.

Start by opening a door for a girl, and treat her with respect. Then let her see you buy a magnum condom. Just joking about the condom part.

I was told Im mildly autistic.
I read up on it (when i was in my 20's, im 52 now), and laughed a bit........made me sound self centered....LOL

It may take a bit more effort, to be 'out there' emotionally, and more concision thought, to be a good partner.
(I hope that made sense?)


As far as meeting someone...thats the hard part for anyone. I met my wife on pof.com......but just get out more, dont go into a discussion expecting an instant romance. Be yourself, and just have fun. Love will come.

God Bless and good luck.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Hi!

As everyone tells you, just be yourself. But, as an autistic person, you know there's a bit more to it than that.

If you can identify your personal "tics and traits", great! If not, work with your support team to learn them. A big part of being in a relationship is knowing yourself well enough to be comfortable opening up to another person.

Be honest with your potential partners about any triggers or dislikes you have in an open and easy going way. By addressing things calmy, and before they really get to you, communication melt downs can be avoided.

Be honest with yourself when it comes to who might be a good partner for you. Is it another autistic person who would "get" you? Are there certain qualities in a partner that might bring out the best in you? Deal breakers?

Someone mentioned autism support groups, you could certainly start there, but don't be scared to branch out to meeting people at shared interests like activities or hobbies.
Whatever you do, be careful with online dating.

Best of luck!

I already like you.

And, I had no idea.

You will be fine...

First, don't let being autistic define you. It's fine to understand who and what you are.

Second, please know you are as worthy as anyone finding love-and accepting love.

Third, be open to the ups and downs in relationships and learn from them where you might have handled situations better but learn to love yourself, the way you are and that you are worthy of love.

Fourth, understand that not everyone is going to understand you, that goes for everyone, and it's okay. Most relationships dont work out like you would have hoped and you may have a broken heart sometimes. That's okay too, if you learn from it.

Finally, be good to yourself and accepting of others and their idisyncracies. We are all different.

Bet you'll find that special one sooner than later. Best wishes-go get em.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Is there a girl who you know, who is your friend? A girl at your workplace or another place who regularly comes around to chat with you, who might go out of her way to say hello? This girl could possibly be interested in a relationship with you. I recommend talking to her. Ask her to have lunch with you. Then at lunch, ask her the same question you posed in your original post.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic


I just looked online and there are in actuality several dating sites that cater to people with autism. Maybe give them a shot.

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Hey! How are you? You know we are all different rt? Get involved in volunteering for a few different things and meet some people...and you will.

Look here at us!? You just made 300,000 ATS members your friend with your thread! Ask us anything along the way.

Making friends is not easy sure. But you never have to be alone...because you have us and we are all here for you!

Best luck, your friend, Mysterioustranger

a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic

Just be yourself. We all have issues. Not a single person is perfect, so don't worry. If the girl is worth it, you'll know, and she will respond well.

a reply to: gr8skott

I don't know any girls do far so it's a bit harder than that.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: Conspiracyskeptic


I just looked online and there are in actuality several dating sites that cater to people with autism. Maybe give them a shot.

Unfortunately I live in Auckland,New Zealand so those sites probably won't be of use to me.But thanks for the information.👍

Love yourself, then it doesn't matter what your social circle is or isn't.

Besides, count your blessings - women may be delightful, but they may also bring many problems. From STDs to cheating, broken heart, custody problems, alimony, false accusations (of any kind), trying to change you, nagging you, making all the decisions from furniture and decoration to what you should be doing every second of your life, especially your free time, and so on. All the while they are having 'headache' every time you'd like to have the one of the few rewarding experience a woman can offer you.

Ask yourself; what do you really need a woman for? We all know the obvious answers, the 'intimacy' (which you may or may not get in the long run), and other 'naughty stuff', and.. companionship? (You might not get this one, except a fake version at first to hook you)

People here aren't really telling you direct answers, so here you go, if you decide to go for it and want to attract a female partner for yourself; women love status.

Status means a man's high place in the hierarchy between men. There are many forms of status, but you can't be 'average', you can't be 'boring', you can't be 'normal'. Here are some forms for an example so you get what it means in the real world:

- Outlaw Biker
- CEO
- Wealthy man
- Celebrity
- Alpha Male
- PUA
- Preselected by some other woman / women (i.e. husband, rock star, someone with fangirls / groupies)
- Prisoner (especially for a violent crime, including the dreaded R-word)

That's the reality, so by becoming or being one of those (or having some other form of status), you can find plenty of female attention. "Just being yourself" is not going to cut it.