Is this actually a known quote or did I just hear it somewhere insignificant or did I make it up?

It goes something like this:

"Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them."

It could've been "Telling someone a truth they cannot accept..."
Or, "...is no different than telling a lie."
or "...is no different than telling them a lie."
You get the idea.

Where did I hear of this?

And for fun, a bonus question... What do you think of this "concept"? And how do you handle a situation where you have reason to believe that someone cannot handle the truth or that it could be harmful to them?

Are you a "truth purist"? Always tell the truth no matter what? Or, are there exceptions?


What about Santa, Tooth Fairy or "boogie man" type lies to your children, the people who trust you to give them the knowledge they need in order to best survive? Is it ok to break That sacred trust, all because it brings YOU pleasure to see a look of wonderment in their eyes?

To take this a step further in this direction...since we are already here and so we may as well... If you would lie to your children for mere entertainment, should Anyone trust you? Could this be a reason why teenagers are known for hating their parents, doing anything they can to not be home (a social life is normal, but gimme a break here...), appearing to be totally silent, disconnected, and numb toward any stimulus you throw their way, almost as if they don't like it BECAUSE it came from You...

...and when do children learn there is no Santa clause? Right around the tween years (ages 10-12) right before they become a teenager?

Right after they've had a couple of years to process the fact that their most trusted source of information to try to get by in this crappy world, their co-pilots, their #1 to have their back, thought it would be funny and cute to lie to them for years. Using material items to manipulate your behavior, and of course you fell for it, being a helpless child who, until now, had no reason to challenge anything you say. And what is it teenagers are doing, if they are speaking to you at all? Yeah, that's right, they are challenging everything you say aren't they?

Try getting a sincere apology and you will be ridiculed and laughed at. "Oh come on Jonathan, it's just SANTA CLAUSE!" Oh, ok, why didn't you say so. It's santa clause so that makes it okay!


So how about that quote? I'll repeat it here again for you:
"Telling someone the truth they cannot handle is no different than lying to them." I could have read it in a book, could've seen it in a movie perhaps? I guess it's possible some random crazy person on youtube could've said it... I'm pretty sure it didn't come from My mind...pretty sure.

The reason I have remembered it for so long is because I myself have struggled with the answers as to whether it is a valid or useful or moral as a philosophy.

And now I'm curious where it came from or if anyone has heard it or a variation on it from a known source? Thanks in advance

From "Yes, Minister", a satirical British comedy series?

I'm pretty sure that quote can be attributed to the U.S. Government Printing Office.

D'oh ja vu

a reply to: 3n19m470

“[Not] Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them.”

a reply to: 3n19m470

Im assuming that you looked it up?

The statement sound like a justification for lying and really doesn't make much sense. How can you KNOW what will upset anyone else?

If the truth (I suspect "what you are thinking") isn't true, kind and useful - just keep trap shut.

And don't lie to your kids, please. That is where they learn to lie.

"This isn't going to hurt" can be replaced with the honest "This will hurt, only for a bit and I know you can handled it and I'll be right here.

Santa and all the other 'mysteries' can be phrased in honest fashion as well. "Every body has the Santa idea, it's just my turn now. Soon you will get to be Santa too"

originally posted by: FyreByrd
a reply to: 3n19m470

Im assuming that you looked it up?

The statement sound like a justification for lying and really doesn't make much sense. How can you KNOW what will upset anyone else?

If the truth (I suspect "what you are thinking") isn't true, kind and useful - just keep trap shut.

And don't lie to your kids, please. That is where they learn to lie.

"This isn't going to hurt" can be replaced with the honest "This will hurt, only for a bit and I know you can handled it and I'll be right here.

Santa and all the other 'mysteries' can be phrased in honest fashion as well. "Every body has the Santa idea, it's just my turn now. Soon you will get to be Santa too"

I didn't know that "safe spaces" had wi-fi...

a reply to: 3n19m470

"Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them."

Oh! That's L Ron Hubbard! Absolutley, that's L Ron Hubbard and his excuse why he can't share OT Level information. People who haven't gone through lower courses can't handle the truth. Don't tell people about XENU! They will reject the info, but because deep, deep down inside their subconscious they know it's true they'll do anything to run from the scary buried truth. And then these poor unprepared sots will destroy their lives, die from cardiac arrest or from any of all kinds of self created punishment.

I just watched Leah Remini's Scientology and the Aftermath, and then I was so fascinated I watched Going Clear. I saw an old clip of L Ron Hubbard saying pretty much that just a few days ago.

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: 3n19m470

"Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them."

Oh! That's L Ron Hubbard! Absolutley, that's L Ron Hubbard and his excuse why he can't share OT Level information. People who haven't gone through lower courses can't handle the truth. Don't tell people about XENU! They will reject the info, but because deep, deep down inside their subconscious they know it's true they'll do anything to run from the scary buried truth. And then these poor unprepared sots will destroy their lives, die from cardiac arrest or from any of all kinds of self created punishment.

I just watched Leah Remini's Scientology and the Aftermath, and then I was so fascinated I watched Going Clear. I saw an old clip of L Ron Hubbard saying pretty much that just a few days ago.

L. Ron Hubbard?

I heard he went to the cubbard to get his poor doggie a bone...

Thanks for the replies everyone! 😀Things got a little hectic last night and then I kind of forgot that I made this thread 😋 then at some point I fell asleep.

BUT I do appreciate the replies very much. I still don't know where I heard this. But I'm convinced it had to be some random scrawlings somewhere online. I was hoping to find out their justification for this way of thinking.

a reply to: stormcell

I wish... then I would have an excuse to watch that show, and I Love British satire comedies sometimes...

originally posted by: madmac5150
I'm pretty sure that quote can be attributed to the U.S. Government Printing Office.

Hmmm, yes, maybe I saw it while walking past Winston's cubicle. I'm sure you meant Redaction Department of the RE-Printing Office though...

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
a reply to: 3n19m470

“[Not] Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them.”

Thank you Les, I think I see what you're getting at

originally posted by: FyreByrd
a reply to: 3n19m470

Im assuming that you looked it up?

The statement sound like a justification for lying and really doesn't make much sense. How can you KNOW what will upset anyone else?

If the truth (I suspect "what you are thinking") isn't true, kind and useful - just keep trap shut.

And don't lie to your kids, please. That is where they learn to lie.

"This isn't going to hurt" can be replaced with the honest "This will hurt, only for a bit and I know you can handled it and I'll be right here.

Santa and all the other 'mysteries' can be phrased in honest fashion as well. "Every body has the Santa idea, it's just my turn now. Soon you will get to be Santa too"

Yes I forgot to include in the OP that I did try searching for it but nothing really close at all popped up.

I don't think I will ever have kids, but parenting is a subject that interests me greatly, since we all have to live in a world with people who were raised by specific parenting "methods". If I had kids, I think I would be 100% honest about anything they asked me about, as well as things they may not ask but that I believe they should be aware of. Everything, from Santa, to Sex and Drugs. I think a person can make the best choices when they have all the information at hand. If there is missing or false information, and they are using this information to make their decisions, it seems pretty obvious that the chances of making a big mistake are going to increase at a level congruent to the amount of false or missing information.

It just seems like common sense to me.

But let me give you an example of something that popped in my head while I was typing that yesterday, but I decided to omit for brevity.

Let's say you discover by some strange set of coincidences, like your romantic partner worms at a hospital or somewhere else where they could accidentally find this out, and let's say you discover, unintentionally, that your best friend of over 20 years was not actually conceived by their "father".

What if you found out that they were actually conceived by incest. Their mom was molested by a brother, father, uncle, grandfather, cousin and it is this Other family member who is their father. To keep it simple, let's say that both the mother, and her abusive family member are both dead from unrelated causes, like old age or something, so, there is no "justice" or "consolation" motive as they cannot seek justice against their real father/mother's abuser and they also cannot console their mother who they had no idea went through this, and they also can't ask their mom why she never told them.

You can ascertain that, for whatever reason, the mother decided not to tell him, even though she lived until after he was an adult. There is also a remote possibility that your friend knew and did not tell you, but you suspect that this cannot be, because they treated their mother's abuser with respect, and talked to you about this person with a respectful tone that makes it pretty obvious that they did not know this person was even capable of hurting another person in such a way.

Do you let your best friend live out the next potentially 40+ years peacefully and believing their uncle/grandpa/whatever was a good man and that they had a relatively normal healthy family...you even heard him or her say once "I'm just glad I have a normal family"... Or, do you tell the truth?

Oh, and for this scenario I was thinking the mom had a boyfriend who agreed to play the role of Father to your friend. He was a decent man and did an ok job, but of course nothing much can replace a real father. And for simplicity, let's just say that he is also dead. So there is nobody to confront besides living family members who may not have known. Obviously this could cause tensions since the molester was seen as respectful. He will have defenders. There is a chance that your friend might end up hating you for bringing this awful truth into their life.

But, as you said, how can you truly Know how they will feel or what they can handle. They are your best friend and you know them better than perhaps anyone, but, can you really predict Anyone's reaction to something like this?

There is also a chance that your friend may thank you and say "I Knew something wasn't right! Thank God I have you since nobody else, not even my own Family would tell me the Truth, but you did... thank you friend."

What do you do?

originally posted by: Sookiechacha
a reply to: 3n19m470

"Telling someone the truth when they cannot handle it, is the same thing as lying to them."

Oh! That's L Ron Hubbard! Absolutley, that's L Ron Hubbard and his excuse why he can't share OT Level information. People who haven't gone through lower courses can't handle the truth. Don't tell people about XENU! They will reject the info, but because deep, deep down inside their subconscious they know it's true they'll do anything to run from the scary buried truth. And then these poor unprepared sots will destroy their lives, die from cardiac arrest or from any of all kinds of self created punishment.

I just watched Leah Remini's Scientology and the Aftermath, and then I was so fascinated I watched Going Clear. I saw an old clip of L Ron Hubbard saying pretty much that just a few days ago.

Hey! That could be it... I have watched almost every episode of that show!

Edit to add: Ok I see what you're saying now. So it probably was not from the actual show, but I have done some research online, so, I probably did see it while looking at Scientology material, or maybe someone who was inspired by same. Thank you for providing the first potentially real clue!

a reply to: 3n19m470


The show, especially in the 2nd season, shows a lot of old LRH tapes. They do talk about the catch 22 of the OT upper levels being secretive, because their content could be dangerous, and then they show an old clip of LRH saying why. I don't know if he actually says telling the truth is the same as lying, he might, but he definitely says telling the truth is dangerous for the recipient, so don't. It's kinder to NOT tell them the truth than to tell them the truth.

originally posted by: 3n19m470

originally posted by: FyreByrd
a reply to: 3n19m470

Im assuming that you looked it up?

The statement sound like a justification for lying and really doesn't make much sense. How can you KNOW what will upset anyone else?

If the truth (I suspect "what you are thinking") isn't true, kind and useful - just keep trap shut.

And don't lie to your kids, please. That is where they learn to lie.

"This isn't going to hurt" can be replaced with the honest "This will hurt, only for a bit and I know you can handled it and I'll be right here.

Santa and all the other 'mysteries' can be phrased in honest fashion as well. "Every body has the Santa idea, it's just my turn now. Soon you will get to be Santa too"

Yes I forgot to include in the OP that I did try searching for it but nothing really close at all popped up.

I don't think I will ever have kids, but parenting is a subject that interests me greatly, since we all have to live in a world with people who were raised by specific parenting "methods". If I had kids, I think I would be 100% honest about anything they asked me about, as well as things they may not ask but that I believe they should be aware of. Everything, from Santa, to Sex and Drugs. I think a person can make the best choices when they have all the information at hand. If there is missing or false information, and they are using this information to make their decisions, it seems pretty obvious that the chances of making a big mistake are going to increase at a level congruent to the amount of false or missing information.

It just seems like common sense to me.

But let me give you an example of something that popped in my head while I was typing that yesterday, but I decided to omit for brevity.

Let's say you discover by some strange set of coincidences, like your romantic partner worms at a hospital or somewhere else where they could accidentally find this out, and let's say you discover, unintentionally, that your best friend of over 20 years was not actually conceived by their "father".

What if you found out that they were actually conceived by incest. Their mom was molested by a brother, father, uncle, grandfather, cousin and it is this Other family member who is their father. To keep it simple, let's say that both the mother, and her abusive family member are both dead from unrelated causes, like old age or something, so, there is no "justice" or "consolation" motive as they cannot seek justice against their real father/mother's abuser and they also cannot console their mother who they had no idea went through this, and they also can't ask their mom why she never told them.

You can ascertain that, for whatever reason, the mother decided not to tell him, even though she lived until after he was an adult. There is also a remote possibility that your friend knew and did not tell you, but you suspect that this cannot be, because they treated their mother's abuser with respect, and talked to you about this person with a respectful tone that makes it pretty obvious that they did not know this person was even capable of hurting another person in such a way.

Do you let your best friend live out the next potentially 40+ years peacefully and believing their uncle/grandpa/whatever was a good man and that they had a relatively normal healthy family...you even heard him or her say once "I'm just glad I have a normal family"... Or, do you tell the truth?

Oh, and for this scenario I was thinking the mom had a boyfriend who agreed to play the role of Father to your friend. He was a decent man and did an ok job, but of course nothing much can replace a real father. And for simplicity, let's just say that he is also dead. So there is nobody to confront besides living family members who may not have known. Obviously this could cause tensions since the molester was seen as respectful. He will have defenders. There is a chance that your friend might end up hating you for bringing this awful truth into their life.

But, as you said, how can you truly Know how they will feel or what they can handle. They are your best friend and you know them better than perhaps anyone, but, can you really predict Anyone's reaction to something like this?

There is also a chance that your friend may thank you and say "I Knew something wasn't right! Thank God I have you since nobody else, not even my own Family would tell me the Truth, but you did... thank you friend."

What do you do?

Sorry I’m late to this thread. IMHO, in this situation it is better off left unknown. Ted Bundy didn’t handle it too well.

As far as Santa, and the Easter bunny, people go along with it so their kids can anticipate Christmas like all the other kids. Not all parents of course.

My son found out “Santa was fake” by a bratty 10 year neighbor in AZ, and my son was pissed it was a lie.