Muh Russia

Muh Russia

I have a Russian friend, Sergey (yes, Sergey). We play chess together. But recently I felt compelled to make him promise me he wasn’t a Russian spy. I was already risking my own livelihood by being near him. For my own safety, I forced him to denounce any and all affiliation with the Kremlin, Putin, or any Russian oligarchs. What else could I do? Given the breathless coverage of Russia by the political and media classes in the West over the last couple years, not to mention the seemingly intimate ties between every single one of the 144 million residents of the Russian Federation, one could never be too sure.

Besides, like every Russian diplomat, Russian news source, Russian official, Russian attorney, Russian UFC fighter, Russian lobbyist, Russian diplomat, and every two-bit Russian celebrity, there was something nefarious, and—dare I say—Kremliny about Sergey. He weeps a certain je ne sais Putin.

Certainly he has ties, however distant, to Russia’s most dangerous institutions: the KGB, the FSB, and the Russian Orthodox Church. They are all in one way “linked”, after all. And at this point it’s a safe bet that anyone with an “ov” or “itch” in their name has such ties.

Sure, Sergey doesn’t use twitter, so I can’t say he is one of those “threats to democracy” we hear so much about. But he is an engineer, no less capable of crippling Western infrastructure, institutions, and democracy as any Russian Twitter troll. One thing is for certain, if he had made the mistake of talking to any member of the Trump campaign, his life, and the life of the person he talked to, would be ruined.

This is all due to what paranoid NYT columnist Max Boot called “the worst attack on America since 9/11”—the hacking of the DNC email servers. We cannot ignore something like that. Sure, the DNC and Podesta, both private organizations, are not America, but we get the general gist of Boot’s assertions, if only because we’ve heard it a thousand times before. Admittedly, life must be good if this was the worst attack since 9/11, not only because the casualties of such attack were exactly zero, but also because the effects of that attack left no further residue beyond the paranoid dreams of those who believed it. Those who ran into the towers at 9/11 and survived had to contend with cancer and various other ailments; those who survived the hacks of the DNC and the subsequent Twitter meme-war need only keep their TDS in check.

Frankly, the DNC should have employed a good Russian hacker like Dimitri Alperovitch to protect its data. The world—or at least the press—might not be in its current predicament. Alperovitch was so good at investigating Russian hacks that the FBI, the DHS, and journalists simply took his word for it without doing their own investigation—and here we are.

I told Sergey to take note of the good Russians at work here. They are out there.

Other good Russians in recent memory include the sources of Christopher Steele’s now infamous dossier. These Russians, though unnamed and unknown, were so good that they convinced a vast section of the western world to refuse their own leaders. Though their information ultimately led to division, confusion, and misinformation, their actions were definitely not a form of Russian active measures, unlike the tweets of Russian bots.

Recently the UK accused Russia of poisoning and attempting to murder a Russian double agent working for UK intelligence. Why the Russians didn’t murder him while he was wasting away in a Moscow prison, long before they returned him to the UK, we will never know. But it led to many western countries dispelling a whole host of Russian diplomats, who were probably spies anyways. Those are the bad Russians.

After some convincing Sergey eventually denounced his Russian ties. I banished him anyways. I even banished his lovely Bulgarian wife, as well, because of her obvious ties to Russians. Admittedly, I feel bad for them. Sergey seems like a decent Russian. But if our political class has taught us anything, I should distance myself from anything to do with Russia.

Before we departed ways I shook his hand and wished him luck. As he left, solemn in stride, he turned and spoke one last time.

“How do I become a good Russian?” Sergey asked me, “I do not want to be deported”.

“It's obvious. Don’t support your president. ‘Matter of fact, you should actively oppose him. Then, and only then, will you be a good Russian in their eyes. Hell, that’s also how you become a good American”.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

That was fun to read, I enjoyed it immensely.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

I shook his hand and wished him luck

Will washing them remove the chessonium 215 he wiped onto your hands?

Admit it your real name is Sergio Engineerov Spock. ( playing 4D chess )

You've been a double triple agent all along!

Only Russia could afford to pay you the price you demand for such fine additions to ats

“How do I become a good Russian?” Sergey asked me, “I do not want to be deported”.

The Clinton Foundation is accepting "pay to play", open to all nationalities.

a reply to: watchitburn

Me three as well...oh wait thats my phone watching me

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

It's really hard to pull off a good satirical piece... well done!

originally posted by: zosimov
a reply to: LesMisanthrope

It's really hard to pull off a good satirical piece... well done!

Thanks zosimov. I think I might head down the satire road. Been into Swift lately. Any suggestions?

Read this if you get a chance:

Sinking Giggling Into the Sea

a reply to: LesMisanthrope

I started this response a couple of days ago by reading the linked article you suggested (excellent read) and am still thinking about it-- very interesting topic.

First off, I hope you do pursue/explore the genre and always enjoy reading your work. What a great exercise of thought, and it would be fun to find different ways to execute (Swift's Modest Proposal and Dostoevsky's Grand Inquisitor are two fascinating ways to present satire, imo). Here's a link to "The Grand Inquisitor" if you haven't read it.
www.gutenberg.org...

A couple of things that stood out to me from the essay you linked:

‘To go on mocking the Establishment,’ he wrote, ‘has more and more meant making the audience laugh not at themselves at all, but at a standard target which is rapidly becoming as well-established as mothers-in-law.

The sketch makes it clear that laughter is not just ineffectual as a form of protest, but that it actually replaces protest

If anti-establishment comedy allows the public to ‘disclaim with laughter’ any responsibility for injustice, the sticking point is not really satire itself (for satire can take the gravest of forms) but laughter (or ‘s'n-word'ing’, to use Peter Cook’s term) in the face of political problems.

Anti-establishment comedy was a product of a more naive and deferential age, when to stand on a West End stage and make fun of the prime minister could be seen, briefly, as a radical act.

Very interesting and worthy of consideration. What, if any, role can political satire play today-- how can it be effective? We have already reduced our politicians to absurdity (Hilary's diapers, Trump's bedroom escapades) also-- as the article you linked suggested-- rendering very real and horrific actions done by the establishment (and our complicity as well) meaningless.

I found an interview with Nabikov where he's asked to distinguish satire (he claims NOT to be a moral satirist) from parody, and he says, "Satire is a lesson, parody is a game." It would almost seem as if one truly wanted a lesson to be learned, one would have to write a satire that forces each of us to look within and confront something in ourself-- one reason I enjoy social satire better than any form, when I can see the ridiculous in myself.
(link to Nbikov interview) lib.ru...

Have you read Being There by Jerzy Kosinski? It's a quick read, here's a link. Fun social satire, light-hearted but penetrative (imo)
ihecs-langues.be...

I'd recommend A Confederacy of Dunces if you haven't read it, in the very least for the massive literary figure Ignatius J Reilly.

Here's an interesting take on Socialism by Vonnegut, seems more relevent now than ever:
www.tnellen.com...

Looking forward to reading more of your work, and I hope you decide to pursue the satire route. Have a good one Les!

a reply to: zosimov

Oh, you have to read all of Dostoyevski. The Grand Inquisitor scene is from The Brother’s Karamazov, which is a long but good read. Give Notes from the Underground a look. He’s one of my favourite authors. My life is much better having read him.

Honestly I never gave Vonnegut a try. I suppose I should.

I’m going to pour through what you linked. Thanks Zosi!

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
a reply to: zosimov

Oh, you have to read all of Dostoyevski. The Grand Inquisitor scene is from The Brother’s Karamazov, which is a long but good read. Give Notes from the Underground a look. He’s one of my favourite authors. My life is much better having read him.

Same here, Dostoevski is absolutely one of my favorite authors!

I hope you enjoy the reading. I really do like Vonnegut, although I don't know why I find his and Bradbury's writing to be a little unsophisticated (unlike the ideas behind them).