Funny things your kids have said

My son will be 5 on Saturday. He is quite chatty, no idea who he gets that from He will say things at times and make 100% sense and I am left laughing my bum off.

I am on my iMac which is something I don't get to do much at all anymore. I use my phone most of the time to view ATS and other sites. Well I am sitting at my computer tonight organizing pictures and planning for when my sweet Dutchman comes to visit in November and my son comes in to see what i am doing. I tell him I am organizing pictures and looking up things to do in November. He tried to touch my keyboard and I told him, "no you aren't suppose to touch the computer." So then he says this and I about die of laughter


It's not about the computer.
No it's not about getting water on it.
It's about not breaking the computer screen, that I could do and you would be very mad.





What are some funny yet insightful things your kids have said?

a reply to: mblahnikluver

When my daughter was little she was spending time with her grandmother.
They were sitting on a bench and grandmother commented that the bench was loose.

My kid proceeded to say...

"Call my dad, he can screw up anything"

a reply to: mblahnikluver

My boy was 8, 16 years ago. Just was driving home from the local little store, got him some candy. In the 1975 Jeep with no top and no doors. 90 degrees out. He offered me some of his candy that I just bought him. I said no thank you.

He looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and said, "Are you insane dad?"

Will never forget that day.

originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: mblahnikluver

When my daughter was little she was spending time with her grandmother.
They were sitting on a bench and grandmother commented that the bench was loose.

My kid proceeded to say...

"Call my dad, he can screw up anything"

HAHA that is too funny!

My grandson is 4 years old (5 in late August.) He saw the neighbor on a ladder cleaning out his gutters.

"You better get down off that ladder," my grandson said.
"Why?" asked the neighbor.
"Because you are vulnerable," he replied.
"Why am I vulnerable," said the neighbor.
"Because I saw a T-Rex in the woods and you'd better be armed."

As far as we know, the T-Rex has not made a reappearance.

originally posted by: Starbuck799
a reply to: mblahnikluver

My boy was 8, 16 years ago. Just was driving home from the local little store, got him some candy. In the 1975 Jeep with no top and no doors. 90 degrees out. He offered me some of his candy that I just bought him. I said no thank you.

He looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and said, "Are you insane dad?"

Will never forget that day.

Haha! That's cute. My son has asked if I was insane before too.

originally posted by: schuyler
My grandson is 4 years old (5 in late August.) He saw the neighbor on a ladder cleaning out his gutters.

"You better get down off that ladder," my grandson said.
"Why?" asked the neighbor.
"Because you are vulnerable," he replied.
"Why am I vulnerable," said the neighbor.
"Because I saw a T-Rex in the woods and you'd better be armed."

As far as we know, the T-Rex has not made a reappearance.

That is too cute!!

Maybe T-Rex is waiting for the right time

a reply to: mblahnikluver

My youngest was 3 at the time and repeating everything she would hear.
Christmas morning I made myself a coffee and said something stupid to my wife like, oh looks like santa didn't bring you a coffee, maybe next year.
We both laughed and she called me an asshole just as the kids came running in the living room.
I guess my youngest took note of that.
I was giving all the kids a good morning hug.
My youngest puts her hands on both of my cheeks, gives me a kiss right on the lips and says:
Merry Christmas asshole!

I was screaming in laughter lol

We have 6 year old granddaughter...before she started school this past year, she had a slight speech problem.....had trouble with her S words.....So Scooter became Cooter, She would say, I want to go ride on my Cooter.....child still has no idea why I would loose it evertime she said Cooter. AKA Scooter.

When my oldest figured out how to talk, that was it, we knew we were screwed. She's always had a knack for dry sarcasm & colorful objections and the like. One of her earliest high-bar ones was probably around 4 or 5 years old, and I got her & her younger sister settled for dinner at the table. I don't remember what I made, probably gussied up pasta or something. Whatever it was, neither of them found the appearance & smell very appetizing.
My oldest sits there and just blurts out:

"What is this? Is it hot barf on a plate? 'Cause I'm not eating hot barf on a plate, mom."

Younger kid just poked at it a few times, and literally up & brushed her teeth, changed her clothes, & put herself to bed. I'm not sure which in hindsight was funnier, the comment, or the totally silent disgust that prodded a 3 year old to do her entirely nightly routine herself & tuck herself in XD

Their best friend lives up the street, and she has a 4 year old brother who is...well, grating. The kid exists on fast-forward and max volume, he's a good kid, but my god, he is annoying beyond words. Always into something, always Megaphone Mouth.
One day, all 3 girls came back over from their house & tried to ditch the 3rd wheel little brother (didn't work) After a while I figured it was time to offer some snacks up. The thank you I got from him was a little over the top:

"THAAANK YOUUU MAAA'AM. ALSO, I FAAARTED."

a reply to: mblahnikluver

This involves my two year old niece. My brother told her to stop getting into stuff. She said, "I'm a baby."

We were driving out to my folks' this past weekend, and instead of paying for the toll, we took the back road. As we passed through Topeka, this took us past the Goodyear tire plant, and they always have some massive tires sitting outside in stacks. Husband says to son, "Hey, look! Those are some huge tires out there on our right."

Kid (7) is watching a movie on the portable DVD player with his head under a blanket. He pokes his head out and says in a disgusted tone, "This is not a tour!"

But he wasn't done with us yet ...

"So, dad, if you look out on our left, you will see some exciting construction equipment!" he continues. "And if you look over on the right, you'll see an elevator ..."

a reply to: mblahnikluver


"I'm hiding under your bed!"

But it wasn't so funny when I realized I didn't have any kids.

Ah, what the hell, one more, because my cooking skills are just that lacking.

Last summer, I had a particularly bad streak of rotten luck with the grill, I kept catching it/the meat on fire. One dinner was supposed to be a lovely marinated grilled chicken breast deal, except it went up in flames toward the end of the cook time.
I had just taken it off the grill & set the plate on the table when a bunch of sirens went through the neighborhood. Cops, ambulance, firetruck, the works got called out. My older kid (9 at the time), without missing a beat or looking up from her sketch pad, deadpans:

"Uh-oh, somebody saw you cooking again."

a reply to: mblahnikluver

One morning I woke up and went to the kitchen and saw some trash under a chair...

So I looked and it was a plastic grocery bag with a broken raw egg on it.

So I called my daughter in, who was around 4 at the time, and asked her "What's this?".

She replied "I'm sorry daddy but I thought that's how you cooked eggs."

I told her "No honey, stay out of the fridge, if you want food ask mommy and daddy, we'll cook it and you can watch".

Then I asked "Why did you put it under the chair?", and she said "After I broke the egg on the bag I hid it because you'd get mad at me".

I laughed though cuz this was so funny and told her "I'm not mad I love my little girl".

Several years ago I had my daughter in a private school. At home she would say "sorry" way too often. I started telling her to say " I apologize".

Well, one day we got caught on the playground by her teacher. She said a little girl had tripped her and apologized to my daughter. My daughter had replied "Sorry does not cut it in our family!". LMAO still She was about 6 yo

She is not 18 yo yet and has 41 college credit hours, so I did not parent bad. IDT

Gosh I have had some wonderful ones from my son over the years. I've written some down somewhere.

But the latest was pretty amusing by my standards of dad jokes/puns.

We are waiting for a train and my son (8) decides to try his hand at knock knock jokes... none of which are amusing or make sense... he gives up and goes quiet for a bit...


Poking my knee he tells me quietly "I kneed you"

Man the pigeons suddenly took off and all on the platform swiveled their heads at the sound of my sudden raucous laughter.

My step-son (now in his twenties), had my wife CONVINCED that, as a teenager... he did NO wrong. He portrayed himself as a saint... she never questioned it...

When he was 18 (still living at home), I built him a custom computer with Linux as his OS. I bought him a copy of "Linux For Dummies", and he loved it.

Fast-forward 3 months... his computer locked up... he asks me to fix it.

I found the problem quickly (bad DIMM), but I had to mess with him... he was outside with his mom, and I broke the bad news to him... (with her present, of course...)

I told him all of his porn crashed the hard drive... as a joke. (I never looked at the hard drive at all... )

His response was "Oh my God, you found that??!!"... my wife nearly fainted.

BEST DAY EVER!!

My boy when he was 6 had a friend in the car with us, we were on the way back from the supermarket, they had seen a promotion for maccona instant coffee, the add on TV says it's " coffee for lovers " when his friend was asking him what it was he said " I don't know it's for lovers of coffee I think it is a love potion " his friend was like what's that he says" I don't know, hey dad what's a love potion "...

a reply to: mblahnikluver

For my son’s 4th we got him a lab puppy. As the puppy starts licking and nipping at him my son says “Please stop eating me, I’m not food!” My wife and I died laughing. They’ve been besties ever since.