Feeling Bad, Need Your Advice on What to Do.

You have no obligation to divulge personal health information to coworkers. The majority of people in your position probably would have done the exact same thing.
It would be rather distasteful for anyone to bring it up with you, but if they do, you can just tell them that you didn't want to talk about it, or you didn't want people worrying about you or something.

a reply to: trollz

Thanks trollz. I do have a strange feeling that someone I trusted and told, went ahead and told others. It puts me in a position I didn't want to be in and was already feeling bad about.

Some of them I didn't want to know and some I didn't want to worry. Thanks for the advice.

I wouldn't worry about your coworkers too much, unless they also happen to be actual friends.

I would just tell my friends what's going on. I'd probably also tell my "bar buddies," but at the same time, I really don't understand the concern of some sort of stigma.

To be perfectly honest, I find the whole situation a bit.. odd. But, I was never in a position where I could hide it either.

So, when I started having health issues, I was pretty open about it with no concern (or thought) for it being detrimental in that way. Over time, most of my friends did stop visiting, but I suspect that's because its not particularly fun to visit with someone that struggles to leave the house. Nor is it particularly fair that they are the ones that had to put all the effort in like driving, gas money, etc.

Regardless, I really don't know what I'd do without my friends and family. I'd simply never lie to them about such a thing, so can't say much about that specifically, but their friendship, companionship, love, and support has gotten me through Hell.

There would have never been an opportunity for any of it, had I not reached out and leaned on them. Even if the latter was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

In the end, people will surprise you in these circumstances. That's *definitely* for better or worse, but it can be effective in separating the "wheat from the chaff" in your relationships.

a reply to: trollz

I agree.

Now you know who you can trust.

Every person has told lies; big and little. Some for good purposes some for bad.

You deserve your privacy. I wouldn't even bring it up unless they did. Since you feel such guilt over the stories, you can simply explain it was something personal. Anyone with compassion will totally understand.

Please, take care of yourself and don't worry about protecting your privacy with a couple of little white lies. They, or the ones that matter will understand and not judge you.

Tell the others the truth, tell them you didn't want to say anything to people because you did not know completely what was wrong and you needed the time off to heal properly. Alcohol metabolites can actually cause a weakening of the connection, so can certain foods or lack of some necessary food chemistry to build stronger connections.

Without knowing your normal diet I cannot even start to say how to adjust it. More elastin fibers and possibly a little more vitamin c to help strengthen the connection. Also a little more glucosamine, so maybe eat some jello. Alcohol metabolites, acetelaldehyde, actually melts the sinovial fluid in joints to lubricate them but can deplete that chemical. That chemical also keeps inflamation of the joint area down and the inflammation can effect the tendon connection strength. Sugar is also turned to aldehydes by gut flora, so that can do the same thing. I am just giving a few possibilities of things, I do not know what you consume. Eat some short ribs or spareribs made on the grill. Maybe get some organic grassfed bone broth and add some to a smoothy, but that does not have the elastin fiber protein in it, deep fried pork rinds are tasty too, that has elastin in it, same with things made from the snout of a pig. Good Head cheese is actually pretty tasty. I like it on sandwiches.

Thinking about it from your friends prospective, i wouldn't think this is that big of a slight. Tell everyone you wanted to keep it underwraps until you understood it more and you didnt want people worrying or making a fuss over you so you told them something else. Not to big a deal.

a reply to: Serdgiam

Hi Serdgiam. I think the stigma idea comes from the thought of the type of work I do and then being unable to perform at the same level, like I'm getting weak or something. Also, the thought that some may have that "something" is wrong with him.

Always hate to hear about any health issues anyone has and how it affects their personal relationships. Hopefully it's like others have said, it will separate the friends from the rest.

a reply to: Justso

Thanks for the encouragements and advice. It does help me think this through and make better sense of why I'm feeling so bad about it. Maybe it's just a combination of things compounding my feelings.

a reply to: rickymouse

Hi ricky, thanks for taking the time to give me some ideas of things that could help. My diet is probably not good. I eat good foods, just not enough. I drink about 12 beers a week, probably too many. I'll look into some of the things you talk about and see if I can incorporate more of that into my diet and see if it helps me some.

I'm really not in bad shape, pain or injury-wise, I think the hurt rib just kinda caught something that may be going on a little earlier.

a reply to: esteay812

Be nice to yourself. No one is perfect. Let it go. It's really no big deal. Like I said, every one of those "friends" have lied so I doubt you'll get much reaction-you might be a joke between friends-and that's okay while having drinks with friends. Haha
! Laugh it off with them! "Yep, and in a couple more weeks, I might go to Tahiti!"

a reply to: Whoisjohngalt

You may be right. I may just be blowing it out of proportion because I feel guilty for taking this path instead of the truth to begin with. I hope that's the case, because that idea makes me feel a little better already.

a reply to: Justso

You're probably right justso. I'm gonna tell them the truth and hope it's no big deal. Any of them who give me a hard time are just not worth the worry afterwards.

i've gotten a lot of good advice about it on here and it has made me feel better so far. Probably just being alone hear, thinking about everything, that made me feel so bad over things. You guys have helped and it means a lot to me.

a reply to: esteay812

I don't know.. sometimes that stigma is straight up reality.

I'm not saying that's the case for you, and deeply hope it isn't, but for me.. I was getting weak, and there was something very wrong with me.

Interestingly, it was my friends and family that convinced me that was the case! I was breaking stuff left and right, the whole time just trying to push through it. I started to listen seriously, eventually.

Ill be blunt, and this is almost certainly projection.. but are you trying to avoid facing the situation yourself? I know from experience that even though I was going to doctors, etc. that I hadn't faced the possibility that my life had changed. For many, they never have to face it, they just get better. But, until then, there is a lot to learn about ourselves, the people in our world, and life in general. We usually don't face such things until we absolutely must.

For you, I dont think there's a reason to actually go all the way down that road, but the very possibility can be frightening. Facing even the slimmest chance of a life altering medical (or other) event is intimidating and difficult at the very best of times.

a reply to: Serdgiam

It's all happened so recently, I'm just now starting to understand the idea that things may change. There is a chance that there is nothing seriously wrong though, so I don't want to go too far into it mentally until I know what the true situation is.

The reason I wanted to avoid any kind of stigma is in the same sense as above. If there is nothing really wrong with me, I don't want people to think there is something wrong with me and give me a stigma, or gossip about it when I'm not around.

originally posted by: esteay812
a reply to: rickymouse

Hi ricky, thanks for taking the time to give me some ideas of things that could help. My diet is probably not good. I eat good foods, just not enough. I drink about 12 beers a week, probably too many. I'll look into some of the things you talk about and see if I can incorporate more of that into my diet and see if it helps me some.

I'm really not in bad shape, pain or injury-wise, I think the hurt rib just kinda caught something that may be going on a little earlier.

The chemistry that makes up the joints is important to consume some of. The beer disolving the sinovial fluid is not bad, but it depletes it over a time if you do not consume the food chemistry needed to rebuild the stores. Sporatic drinking is not bad, drinking every day is not good. The elastin binding protein that gives these tendons and muscles strength comes from certain microbes, we need to consume it or have these microbes in our guts. Some of the best producers of the elastin binding protein are not tolerated by humans in our guts well. Elastin binding protein makes tough muscles, cows with tender meat do not have a lot of this. They need to have the right microbes in them, those microbes do not do well with corn or soy, so the meat on grain fed beef is way more tender.

a reply to: esteay812

Its definitely important to just take it one step at a time. No reason to jump all the way to a life change when it may not happen.

But, I do believe that mentally and emotionally preparing for it is a good thing. We all will have to face something similar, eventually. If we are lucky, it wont be until the very end. Conversely, in that case, there is generally little time to come to terms with it.

I mean, I think we all "know" these things, but understanding them is a whole 'nother animal.

I doubt you have much to worry about with others thinking you are "weak" even if you've been medically cleared. While the motivations may differ, everyone from friends to family to coworkers will simply be relieved upon hearing the doctors OK. At worst, you will probably just be coddled for a bit until it's abundantly clear its unnecessary. That may be annoying, but its far from the end of the world and a helluva lot better than the alternative.

a reply to: esteay812

You dont need to feel bad at all, its a personal issue.
These people have no stake in the outcome and the end result is the same, youre not going to be at work.

I keep work and personal lives as separate as possible and if that requires the odd white lie or bit of obfuscation I dont lose any sleep over it

Why don't you just tell them you didn't mean to lie and how you really care about them and that you don't know what's going on but didn't want to make them feel bad or let them carry the weight when not even you know what's going on?