Some relationship advice for young folks- The truth hurts

I've seen a lot of young people struggling with relationships lately. Here is some of my personal advice (i've been married 18 yrs this years) My parents been married 50 and my in laws were married over 50, so I think I have some insight to what works and what doesn't. I am not without fault, I had been previously married 5 years and divorced and through my share of failed relationships. Some of this advice might seem antiquated according to today's standards, but it is still as true as ever, we just like to lie to ourselves to feel better and go against nature.

Ladies, love yourself first, I can't stress this enough. If you don't love yourself, you will never find a man that can fill that void. In loving yourself be perfectly ok with being single, when you have truly embraced this the men will come pouring in. Deep down, men despise needy women, the less needy you are the better. If you can make yourself happy, entertained, it will drive them crazy, trust me on this. There is nothing more desirable than a positive, empowered happy woman! (the reverse is true, there are many men that specifically look for weak, needy woman, this is why women that are abused tend to keep going for and attract the same type of people over and over)

Young ladies, do not post the your best picture in your profile/avatar/matchup sights, if anything put your worst photo up. Then when you meet a man he will be pleasantly surprised, not vice versa! I went to a 25 yr high school reunion and 95% of people looked nothing like their profile pics(in a bad way), it was shocking!

The makeup is getting crazy, I'm a woman and I have absolutely been shocked seeing some people with their makeup off for the first time, and one time I didn't even recognize a good friend! Let's get back to the more natural side of things. Believe it or not looks will fade, so do not rely on them or it will turn on you in an instant! On the same note, do not trust a man with super manicured eyebrows, I don't care what anyone says, it never leads to good things! (just my personal opinion )

Things have not changed in a thousand years, men long for one thing, if you give it to them all at one time there is no need to keep the good fight on. I'm not saying be all prudish and such, but leave some breadcrumbs for discovery! Ever seen that really old couple and the man still desires his wife after decades, this is what i'm talking about. She know how to give him just enough medicine to keep alive and coming back for more!

Along with things that haven't changed, men love long hair, (of course some prefer short) but in general they love long beautiful hair. It is pretty, feminine, other women that tell you short hair is cute are lying lying lying! Take Katy Perry, one look at her with long dark hair vs short hair, enough said.

Ladies stop treating nice guys like crap, and crap guys nice, its old, it's played out and you wonder why you can never find the "one". You are your own worst enemy! Man this is so frustrating to watch so many times!

Embrace femininity, no I'm not talking about being submissive yet people seem to confuse the two. I'm talking about being a true woman in all her glory, this seems to be a lost art that we need to bring back. True femininity is one of the highest powers a human can have, all it really means is being comfortable with being a Woman!!!

Ok men, what is your side of the coin?

a reply to: JAGStorm

For men I would say, bathe and work.

originally posted by: JAGStorm

Ladies stop treating nice guys like crap, and crap guys nice

This was the thread here, plain and simple.

What was the advice I remember

Men : Spend time to understand her and her problems and support her and comfort her and tell her that her bums fine.

Women : Turn up naked and bring beer.

Its an old joke I know but does show the differences in the average person.

a reply to: Maxatoria

blog.relationshipsurgery.com...

So true. Men tend to be simple creatures.

a reply to: JAGStorm

yep...

I wouldn't know what to say of/for guys.

Be your damn self then if shes interested shes actually interested.

originally posted by: MiddleInsite
a reply to: JAGStorm

For men I would say, bathe and work.

Yeah, good advise... But also don't get so sensitive when you highly suspect she's copping off other dudes behind your back... Its just what young attractive females do.

Just hold out for a couple of years and you'll have probably knocked her up with a few kids... Buy that time, she'll then be old and out of options... Then she will be totally devoted and all yours, due to a lack of options and an overwhelming sense of obligation.

Isn't that how most dudes obtain a lifetime relationship, with the so called love of their life?

Right, who wouldn't jump at the chance to raise another man's kids?

a reply to: JAGStorm

And I would say that love yourself does mean be a narcissist.

But that advice goes for both the men and the women. If you don't really know who you are and like that person, then how can you learn to really know and love another?

I've been married for over 20 years myself.

You need a solid foundation to build that relationship on.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I've been married 28 years this March. I can say unequivocally, that trust and friendship is the key. If you aren't trustworthy, you will find you won't be trusted. without trust, there is nothing. Sex is wonderful, but it won't be the most important thing forever. This is where friendship comes in. If you aren't best friends with your mate, you will find you just aren't happy being around them, and that will end a relationship.

And men, remember this above all else. I cannot stress this enough.
You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.

a reply to: network dude

Friendship one is highly important.

If you can't stand spending time outside the sack with him or her, then it's not going to last. You need a friend as much/more than you need a sexual partner.

This is the person you are going to be spending lots and lots of time with and you can't spend all of it bumping uglies. If you aren't compatible as two people, then you aren't going to be together for long.

Also, your life *will* change, so if you aren't willing to make small changes to accommodate him or her to some degree, then you better not be tying the knot.

a reply to: ketsuko

And speaking from experience, when you get old, you start to really understand why they call it bumping "uglies". You also understand why sex in the dark is imperative. (My wife is beautiful, I'm old and wore out)

a reply to: ketsuko

You are so so right about the friendship part. There are so many people that Love their spouse but don't like them. That is a terrible way to have a relationship.

And yes, life will change, I don't think one can really grasp this until later in life, it's like realizing how foolish you are in youth, you don't really know until you're older and probably too late.

a reply to: network dude

And men, remember this above all else. I cannot stress this enough. You can be right, or you can be happy. Pick one.

Your post made me LOL. Years ago I was mad at my husband and he came to me, kneeling down, as serious as one could be and said, " I don't know what I did, but I am so so sorry". We both blurted out laughing.

originally posted by: network dude
a reply to: ketsuko

And speaking from experience, when you get old, you start to really understand why they call it bumping "uglies". You also understand why sex in the dark is imperative. (My wife is beautiful, I'm old and wore out)

Nice save.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Cutting for length and in particular replies;

Ladies, love yourself first, I can't stress this enough. If you don't love yourself, you will never find a man that can fill that void. In loving yourself be perfectly ok with being single, when you have truly embraced this the men will come pouring in. Deep down, men despise needy women, the less needy you are the better. If you can make yourself happy, entertained, it will drive them crazy, trust me on this. There is nothing more desirable than a positive, empowered happy woman! (the reverse is true, there are many men that specifically look for weak, needy woman, this is why women that are abused tend to keep going for and attract the same type of people over and over)

You're exactly right with that, goes for anyone looking for love.

Young ladies, do not post the your best picture in your profile/avatar/matchup sights, if anything put your worst photo up. Then when you meet a man he will be pleasantly surprised, not vice versa! I went to a 25 yr high school reunion and 95% of people looked nothing like their profile pics(in a bad way), it was shocking!

Good luck with that wish really. A more recent photo sure, but one someone doesn't feel is their best, or even if it's their picked worst photo, might not be to someone else.

The makeup is getting crazy, I'm a woman and I have absolutely been shocked seeing some people with their makeup off for the first time, and one time I didn't even recognize a good friend! Let's get back to the more natural side of things. Believe it or not looks will fade, so do not rely on them or it will turn on you in an instant! On the same note, do not trust a man with super manicured eyebrows, I don't care what anyone says, it never leads to good things! (just my personal opinion )

That might be another good luck on wishing for that. Also, depends on what someone is saying as makeup as to making an illusion of the person. Natural makeup, may also coverup and correct what the wearer has issues with.


Continued...

Long hair on women? Well, times have changed, long hair on over 50s or on moms is accepted now. Short hair is accepted on younger women. Natural biological preferences do seem to coincide with societal changes- compare Monroe hour-glass- to Twiggy and Kate Moss thin preferences and the now the JLo- to Ks now have an extreme hour glass type figure.

Men, women, and other alike all need to treat each other better!

Embrace femininity, no I'm not talking about being submissive yet people seem to confuse the two. I'm talking about being a true woman in all her glory, this seems to be a lost art that we need to bring back. True femininity is one of the highest powers a human can have, all it really means is being comfortable with being a Woman!!!

Okay well, better define that. Frilly, flowered, pink, clothes? Skirts? Those seem less popular now days since some states(at least one that I know of) desn't criminalize for perverts doing up-skirt phone photos. Instead are many opting for pants? I guess the yoga pants don't count, nor d the leggings that aren't covered.

Or as you mention longer hair. Thin only? How about heels? Stockings? Only natural makeup? See my other replies.

From a younger guys perspective I can confirm the independent attraction, and the long hair...you have to be really cute/have attractive *ahem* "measurements" to pull off the short hair.

I would tell other guys have some value of your own, whether or not a girl is going to be with you, you need to be OK. Don't be an attention seeking child. There's soooo many guys just dying to be a dominant leader in charge of everyone (and of course everyone HAS to see) and they just fail miserably. It's not something you exert on other people, it is something that is self evident.

If you see a girl with 10 desperate guys following, be wary. This is not good. You do not want to be one of those guys. Most likely she is sustained by the jealousy/competition of guys with zero options/value. Men definitely guilty of this too.

P.S. The girl who is cheating on her boyfriend with you. I know you want to think it's because you are so much better/attractive than him, but trust me, she's going to do the same thing to you.

a reply to: dreamingawake

Okay well, better define that. Frilly, flowered, pink, clothes? Skirts? Those seem less popular now days since some states(at least one that I know of) desn't criminalize for perverts doing up-skirt phone photos. Instead are many opting for pants? I guess the yoga pants don't count, nor d the leggings that aren't covered.

I think you can be perfectly feminine in pants, and women of any size can be feminine. I think it is more about a state of mind, and how you conduct yourself. For example, there is nothing feminine about saying "hey ya'll i'm going to go take a dump" and yes i've heard women say this, instead excuse yourself, be classy. I think in modern times it is almost looked down on to even like girly things like perfume, flowers, or as you say frilly attire. If you like it go for it, if not that's ok, you can still be feminine. Being feminine to me also mean not being angry and loud all the time, trying to bring out the nurturing softer side.

The ladies like the bad boys, or so I'm told.
That's fine when you're 18.
When you're 25, the bad boys are just bad men.

My best advice for a long relationship is to marry your best friend.

The OP nailed it...

You must love and be happy with yourself.

25 years married. The looks go away.

You have to like this person first thing in the first morning.

Also, live together first. Forever is a long time.

Very good advice for both Men and Women.

S&F