Something I'd like to share

Greetings fellow members of the board!

I'm writing this post to share something that both bothers me and that affects my life in levels I never thought possible. To make things very simple and concise, I recently discovered that I may possibly (it's almost certain) have Bipolar disorder. I'm still working with both doctors and myself to figure all this out, but the overall feeling is that this issue has been with me for, at least, 10 years.

Firstly, I would like to address what concerns me. Today's society (as yesterday's) seems to be very ignorant in regards to mental issues. It's not uncommon that people say "he's got everything, why does he feel like this" or "mental illness is just a conspiracy". Trust me, you would have to be in our shoulders to feel and completely understand what it's like to live with this. I recently read this thread (www.abovetopsecret.com...) and it saddened me deeply that some people think that this is sponsored by "big pharma" or that "medications are causing the problem". I was never medicated. I will be medicated.

When I say that it affects my life I would also like to provide some input. Everybody will feel sad or happy at one point in their lives. Everybody will feel depressed after someone dear to them passes out. Everyone will feel the joy of having their first born. The problem here is that with bipolar (in my particular case) you don't feel sad, you feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. You don't feel happy, you feel ecstatic. When both states clash you actually end up feeling nothing at all, just a deep state of numbness. I do have my good days, I do have my terrible days, but the swings do cause more harm than good, an fighting this alone is fighting a battle with no possible positive outcome.

To anybody here reading do feel free to share your experience, your coping, and don't feel like you're alone. There are tons of us, and we can help each other. This is not sponsored by big pharma, this is a huge issue that needs addressing by our society. Thanks for hearing me out

a reply to: JameSimon

LOL,never medicated?,you eat the same foods as others I'm sure,the results are a combination,water,sodas,food all have the ingrediants,I try and have been for last 20 yrs,may not have as bad of symptoms,but can't avoid poisons altogether

a reply to: Oldtimer2

You can try your level darndest though to minimize your intake of all the gremlins - by making all your food from scratch using organic ingredients,drinking 100% fruit juice instead of soda,etc.Which is why the healthier options are far more expensive than the unhealthy gremlin-ridden s**t

I suffered major depressive disorder since early childhood,but from your description of bi-polar it sounds like there was some of that in the mix too Boy was i messed up..didn't help that my adoptive mother told me i was unfortunately insane and i should just hide my insanity at all costs.She just handed me her Ativan tabs around age 13yo and told me to hack it(life).

a reply to: Oldtimer2

I've lived in 2 separate countries with different food intakes. My girlfriend has accompanied my in my journey and doesn't show any symptoms. This started during my adolescence and is not triggered by a burger. Of course you can't run from certain poisons, but narrowing down a disease that affects a small percentage of the population to what you eat (i'm very healthy physically) seems very narrow minded.

originally posted by: Raxoxane
I suffered major depressive disorder since early childhood,but from your description of bi-polar it sounds like there was some of that in the mix too

Boy was i messed up..didn't help that my adoptive mother told me i was unfortunately insane and i should just hide my insanity at all costs.She just handed me her Ativan tabs around age 13yo and told me to hack it(life).

Bipolar and depression are intimately connected so it's no uncommon for them to be misdiagnosed as one another.

a reply to: JameSimon

Thank you OP

I agree with you. Mental illness is unlikely to be caused by the food you eat.

Having said that however, common sense says a good healthy diet doesn't hurt either.

But what I think is ever more important is vigorous exercise, aerobic and anarobic (cardio and wieght lifting). I can't think of any disease from diabetes to learning disabilities that are not helped by exercise and a good healthy diet.

Of course the first course of action....take your medications exactly as prescribed.

For someone who can't get out of bed in the morning, all of these things are difficult. And you are most likely to go overboard when you are in the manic phase. Hopefully, a good diet and exercise program will help you be in condition to help yourself.

If I may ask, do you feel better or worse when you smoke? (if you do)

a reply to: JameSimon

I have Schizoaffective Bipolar Type and completely relate to what you are experiencing.

My heart and sympathies go out to you, it's very complicated trying to manage such emotional states with the tasks and routines and expectations of normal, every day life.

In my case, I take medications to control the psychotic aspect, but I haven't as yet sought help for the depression. In the past, anti-depressants always made things worse, so I decided to try the cognitive behavioral therapy route.

I manage.

My manic days are few and far between, but when they arise everything is possible. I forget the months long crushing soul ripping depression and drink in the endorphins like sweet summer wine. Savoring and giving thanks for such a day.

I am currently fighting another wave of depression, and it hasn't been easy.

I sometimes wonder if all the changes going on in the world (and the state of the overall collective consciousness) is the reason I feel so drained, out of sorts, exhausted, spiritually depleted and miserable. It's impossible to snap out of.

I do my best to surround myself with positive reminders and inspirational music with no lyrics.

I developed a hypersensitivity to the lyrical ramblings of modern music, the message that artists display is soul sucking and menial, and causes more harm than good in my particular instance.

Perhaps we're all highly empathic, and suffering from negativity overload.

As you said, "The Weight of the World".

I once wanted to brighten this planet, but now I have barely any energy left to do much of anything.

I spend the majority of my time praying for a return to Source.

Reunification with the Divine.

Part of me is convinced this disorder is part of a spiritual sickness affecting this planet.

Hang in there.

I will keep you in my prayers.

originally posted by: TiredofControlFreaks
a reply to: JameSimon

Thank you OP

I agree with you. Mental illness is unlikely to be caused by the food you eat.

Having said that however, common sense says a good healthy diet doesn't hurt either.

But what I think is ever more important is vigorous exercise, aerobic and anarobic (cardio and wieght lifting). I can't think of any disease from diabetes to learning disabilities that are not helped by exercise and a good healthy diet.

Of course the first course of action....take your medications exactly as prescribed.

For someone who can't get out of bed in the morning, all of these things are difficult. And you are most likely to go overboard when you are in the manic phase. Hopefully, a good diet and exercise program will help you be in condition to help yourself.

If I may ask, do you feel better or worse when you smoke? (if you do)

Smoking doesn't affect my mood at all. I do feel worse after drinking and smoking pot, and that's why I completely stopped doing both. Performing any physical exercise doesn't help as well, only during the actual activity. It usually helps getting a good night of sleep but unfortunately bipolar causes insomnia (in my particular case).

a reply to: JameSimon

OK I am glad to see that you are so self aware. That helps quite a bit.

I would like to explore a little more about you said about exercise. Can you tell me how long you maintained an exercise routine, what type of exercise, what you meant by "it only helps while actually exercising"

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

Thank you for your kind words. I've been in a depressed "phase" since I found out that a friend of mine has left us. This happened this past august and completely crushed me. It's been very difficult to manage, and while I could do it on my own before, I can't just now. That's why I'm reaching for professional help with this. Keep it going, we're all stronger than we think!

originally posted by: TiredofControlFreaks
a reply to: JameSimon

OK I am glad to see that you are so self aware. That helps quite a bit.

I would like to explore a little more about you said about exercise. Can you tell me how long you maintained an exercise routine, what type of exercise, what you meant by "it only helps while actually exercising"

I regularly play ping pong (every day) for about 1 to 2 hours. It helps when I'm actually playing it as I forget that this problem even exists, but the aftermath (feeling tired, drained) doesn't help. It's like the endorphin release in my brain only acts temporarily. I have tried gym (doing cardio and weightlifting) and I would feel the exact same effects. I do believe that being self aware helps, but at the same time is this kind of awareness that makes you feel cornered because you know you have the problem, you know that it's basically a chemical imbalance, but at the same time you see no light at the end of the tunnel. It's both a blessing and a curse, in my opinion.

I've currently quit doing pretty much everything I love doing because I don't have any actual motivation to do those things. The only actual activity that I love doing and keep doing is playing the guitar, but even that is becoming more of an hobby than my actual passion.

a reply to: JameSimon

Gotcha on the self aware thing. I have a grandson with learning disabilities. I have had to make him aware of his limitations so that we can develop strategies for coping. Everytime I have to point out what his limitations are, it breaks my heart that he has to know these things.

However, we can't address problems that we don't know we have, can we?

I guess there is no use in telling you to get exercise. If you are too depressed then your lack of motivation to do anything will prevent from doing anything and all the sympathy and advice is not going to help you.

I do have one positive suggestion.

I think in the western culture, we are too quick to seek medication to make us feel better. We don't even try alternative treatments before reaching for the pills.

I brought my grandson to a certified hypnotist. And to be honest with you, it worked better than anything big Pharma has to offer.

my grandson went from failing to take showers to reasonable mental health after only 4 sessions.

Its not really all that expensive / about 100.00 dollars (canadian) per session

here is a link for you to read

/www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hypnosis-therapy-regression-based-0216137

I also suggest that we can talk about lifestyle changes to support the hynosis therapy.

originally posted by: TiredofControlFreaks
a reply to: JameSimon

Gotcha on the self aware thing. I have a grandson with learning disabilities. I have had to make him aware of his limitations so that we can develop strategies for coping. Everytime I have to point out what his limitations are, it breaks my heart that he has to know these things.

However, we can't address problems that we don't know we have, can we?

I guess there is no use in telling you to get exercise. If you are too depressed then your lack of motivation to do anything will prevent from doing anything and all the sympathy and advice is not going to help you.

I do have one positive suggestion.

I think in the western culture, we are too quick to seek medication to make us feel better. We don't even try alternative treatments before reaching for the pills.

I brought my grandson to a certified hypnotist. And to be honest with you, it worked better than anything big Pharma has to offer.

my grandson went from failing to take showers to reasonable mental health after only 4 sessions.

Its not really all that expensive / about 100.00 dollars (canadian) per session

here is a link for you to read

/www.goodtherapy.org/blog/hypnosis-therapy-regression-based-0216137

I also suggest that we can talk about lifestyle changes to support the hynosis therapy.

Totally get you. I actually tried multiple things on the past 10 years, from pushing this inside (Which obviously didn't work) to speaking with certified therapists and even doing the whole "think positive, address your fears and whatnot" type of deal. I do appreciate your help and I'm always willing to learn more about this and myself, so that is something that I will look into.

Currently my strategy is to identify and work on what could have potentially triggered bipolar + getting medication. Medication is not the one cure to it all, it's just a means to help you reach an end. You need to get there on your own (i'm talking third person here, lol).

As for western culture, I do agree. I'm actually one of those people that experience migrains every now and then and never I take a pill for it. Same goes for cold and even the occasional flu. I do think that overmedicating is usually what makes us weaker, not stronger. But sometimes I do feel one must bite the bullet and at least try that.

a reply to: JameSimon

I would certainly never, ever under any circumstances, suggest that you stop taking your medications unless your doctor told you to. I was simply trying to lead into the idea of alternative therapies.

Have you tried the hypnosis thing? Not with the local witch doctor who gives you stop smoking treatments but with a actual certified hypnotherapist?

originally posted by: TiredofControlFreaks
a reply to: JameSimon

I would certainly never, ever under any circumstances, suggest that you stop taking your medications unless your doctor told you to. I was simply trying to lead into the idea of alternative therapies.

Have you tried the hypnosis thing? Not with the local witch doctor who gives you stop smoking treatments but with a actual certified hypnotherapist?

Nope, didn't find one yet. I'm actually in another country for a couple of weeks so I won't be looking for one now, but I can certainly do it when getting back home!

I also didn't mean to imply that, sorry if I didn't properly explain myself

a reply to: JameSimon

Like many things, change in this regard has to start at the top.

But governments, especially socially irresponsible ones, tend to either deliberately stigmatize, or passively stigmatize those suffering from mental health problems as either ALL being incredibly dangerous, or having non-existent problems, and often both at the same time. It does not make an awful lot of sense, but it happens just this way all too often, double standards at play all over the place.

On the one hand, the problem is so severe that it presents a well nigh uncontrollable threat to the safety of the citizen and the nation alike in some cases. On the other, no government appears willing to adequately fund the infrastructural elements necessary to make the knock on effects of mental health problems, something that can be coped with without undue trauma, either on the part of sufferers of those health conditions, or, in the case of actually dangerous individuals, keep them off the streets and prevent them from harming others, or themselves, as a result of their illnesses.

This is true to an extent in my own country, where gaps in the system often fail to properly deal with either providing aid and support to people suffering mental illnesses which can be safely managed in the community setting, and fail to keep those whose illness makes them a severe threat to life and limb, away from other members of the public, and in circumstances which are beneficial to the sufferers long term health, physically speaking and mentally.

But where individual sufferers used to fall through the odd crack here and there, the last few successive governments in this country, have systematically and deliberately destroyed and denatured the social care systems and national health infrastructure, and while doing so, have excused their approach by suggesting that those in need of social care, be it the health service, the social services, the mental health system which used to be in place (although imperfect as any system tends to be), are detriments to society, wasters, users, abusers of the taxpaying public's time and money.

By controlling the narrative in this fashion, they have been able to "legitimise" in the eyes of the voting public, their refusal to correctly and fully fund the infrastructural elements required to best deal with mental health issues, and for that matter the simple fact of aging populations, and the increased strain on the national health service, which comes of not only an increasing population (before even considering immigration) as a result of reduced infant mortality, but also the backstopping of that effect by people daring to live longer.

But enough of us remain in the UK who remember what things were, and ought to still be like, not to mention those who learned what things were like and rightly question how things can have been allowed to collapse in this regard, that there is a groundswell of determination to see those social systems not only return, but those who deliberately collapsed them done hefty blows by whatever means are necessary, as both punishment to them, and a warning to any rogue in the future, who seeks to unmake the good work of decent people, whose legacy was meant to be for the benefit of the people, but has become for the profit of those who barely register as human, such is their inhuman display of greed and selfishness.

But America has even greater problems in this regard, because unlike the UK, it has never had a healthy attitude toward social services, or a socially responsible attitude toward healthcare or what the true meaning of those words in combination actually is, especially when it comes to the care of the mentally ill. The options America has offered its sufferers of mental illness over the years, have been simply ghastly, ranging from being left to rot in the streets, to institutionalised in inappropriate, cold, draconian, near prison like conditions, and also outright incarceration, despite their inability to account for their actions, by way of being of diminished responsibility owing to their conditions.

At present, getting effective and useful aid with a mental health concern in America, is something that only those who can actually afford private care, really ever get to do. Everyone else is basically on queer street from the get go, especially if their condition means an increased likelihood of financial hardship, as a result of either their behaviour or frame of mind otherwise, making them incapable of holding down some sort of job, and even those who CAN hold down a job, may not find themselves paid enough to eat, AND get treatment, and this assumes their problem is not so severe, that they do not even realise they HAVE a mental health crisis on their hands, which is actually very common indeed.

This situation in the states has been maintained, cultivated, by successive generations of excuse making pieces of walking excrement, financial motivations always placed before the provision of care, the cart always placed not only before the horse, but in such a position that the horse would need something of a run up in order to move it at all.

In this era, the only institutions which even NEARLY deal correctly with those under their care, from a mental health point of view, are those which deal with persons who have criminal histories, gained because their outworkings of mental dysfunction, landed them in legal trouble, as a result of an ineffective mental health system failing to either identify, appropriately monitor, or indeed institutionalise them before their behaviour became a threat to others. Even then, these locations are not places where one can ordinarily be treated in safety as a person who has a health complaint, but has no prior history of criminal behaviour.

There is no proper system for "care in the community" options, where a care plan is developed for an individual who suffers a complaint but is no threat to the public, there is no proper system for ensuring that developing mental health problems do not translate upward into more serious and potentially threatening ones, there is no proper system for preventative institutionalisation, and many of the drugs used to "treat" mental health problems have absolutely no business being in the human body, especially those used to treat depression, which, for some bizarre reason, are permitted to be used despite the fact that many of them come with an increased risk of suicidal tendencies in users.

Its a bloody shambles, and a great deal of the reason for that, comes down to the broken, unacceptable and frankly inhuman attitude that healthcare of any kind is a business first, and a calling second. In reality, unless your motivation for treating a sickness is the patients wellness first, and your ability to earn huge amounts of money... I don't know, a hundreth on the list of priorities, you have no business operating at all, in any capacity. Healthcare of the mind or body, is a calling, and thats ALL it is. It is not an industry, it is not a business, nor do treasurers, financial officers or any other bloody boardroom douche title, belong ANYWHERE near it. Care should be provided by the state, on behalf of the state, for the benefit of everyone in the state, and in the case of mental health particularly, but all healthcare in general, that includes the sick, and those living around them.

a reply to: JameSimon

A little bit of Prozac helped me get back in the game. I self medicated with alcohol for years.

Good Luck amigo!!

a reply to: TrueBrit

Totally agree with you. I'm actually in the Republic of Ireland, where mental services are more expensive than getting the bloody pill. It's ridiculous that i have to spend north of 400 quid to get 2 appointments + medication for 1 month. Sadly, my health insurance doesn't cover mental apart from being committed to a mental facility (which is kind of Ironic as I would, most likely, loose my job in that scenario).

a reply to: JameSimon

I suffer from many so many mental problems even the doctors are perplexed, so I can relate and I can give you a tip...laugh.

You must learn to laugh-I have Social anxiety disorder, severe depression and that's the start-possible PTSD (my childhood wasn't the happiest) possible brain damage from pneumonia or from my mother drinking during pregnancy, paranoid schizophrenia or even Aspergers (that I doubt) and now I may have a cancerous growth on my neck, but it's laughter that keeps me going, despite all I've been through I can finding pleasure and laughter in the most trivial of things and I suggest you do the same.

I was so close to ending it all, but i'm still here, laughing. I believed that the world wanted me dead, but for some reason i'm still here and humor brings me comfort.

Laugh...just laugh.