60% of woman cheat on their significant other

Originally posted by llpoolej
That is so sad Cryptosa. That really gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

In all honesty, I bet the infidelity rate among males is above 85%. Sad sad world we live in.

Perhaps thats just the way humans are and its not a good or bad thing. Humans might not be a monogamous animal in the first place, is it sad that a lion is polygamous? Is it sad that a lion has to kill other animals?No its just what a lion is.

I think its sad when humans pretend they are something they are not.

Thats really the only effect polls and studies such as these have.

They force us to look inside ourselves. The problem is, people are skewed by what they just read in the poll.

People who had ONLY THOUGHT of cheating will consider themselves in the 60%!!! People who have cheated will see that 'so has everyone else'.

I don't think you should keep all your love to yourself (like James Blonde there), but I also think that a humans ability to share their love with more than one person is under-rated.

Men get accused of only being interested in other women for sex, and so if you told your loved one, you equally loved another, she would think it isn't possible to love 'equally', and that your interests are physical only.

The trend in our society is that a man should go after a younger girl. I am in my early twenties, yet it is expected of me to be attracted to immature high school girls, or chase entirely career-oriented women in their twenties, interested in what car you drive, where you work, and what you make.

I never understood how being with a much older guy made women feel good about themselves.

I've been thinking about cheating for a long time. Wait, that came out wrong. Not me cheating, but what causes it and why it happens. I married at age 20. Yes, the first mistake, won't last 2 years, right? Well, I'm almost on 9. Then I think about what drives the couple apart.

Women tend to keep things in their heart forever. Bad things that happen rest heavily upon them for the rest of their lives. Men tend to just half-hazzardly waltz through life as if there are no repercussions from their actions. So, when bad things happen from the men, the women hold onto these bad things and it sits with them forever. I believe that some men reflect when things aren't so bright anymore then they see what they have done and they try to change to become a better partner. Some men, however, may remain jerks forever.

So, this leads to the confusion. The woman still loves the man, but will hold many of the bad things in her head, maybe on a subconscious level even. The man hopefully still loves the woman, but cannot take away any of the bad things he's done in the relationship. So they are set in a spiral and eventually one of them is going to break. The man may just look for a fresh start because he can't renew his relationship or the woman may look for someone who doesn't carry all those bad things with him.

Of course this is all null and void for those people with little or no moral values and just start cheating off the bat for fun. I'm talking about serious relationships. Or this may be null and void for any couples who have never had any problems whatsoever (if it's possible). If any women have any input on what I say, let me know. Because I am seriously trying to figure this whole relationship thing out.

Oh yeah, many peole mention that women may cheat because they are ignored at home. But what about the men who are ignored at home. It almost seems as if the "manly" thing to do is just accept it and talk about how lousy our wives are when it comes to sex-life. Why is this? But women get to cry about it and say it sucks that we are ingored. I'm not being sexist, I'm just talking about society as I see it.

[edit on 13-2-2005 by steggyD]

[edit on 13-2-2005 by steggyD]

I hate threads like this.

I'm six foot and 180 lbs. while my ex is 5'8" and about 120. I look at my son who is 6'4" and 240lbs and all I can say is...hmmmmmmm......

I can justify it. I can. My father was 6'2" and his brother was 6'4" so tallness runs in my family. Right? RIGHT????

Now my younest child, Beth, i could never deny. Everyone says she has not only my looks but my damn the world personality. I take it as a compliment considering no one has ever said she's anything less than ungodly beautiful. She is too.

Still, I hate threads like this...< sigh > ......

Wupy

I'm wondering, in the context of this article, what constitues cheating? Is it full intercourse? Oral? A kiss? Between my girlfriend and I (who might as well be married, we're just in no rush... we know we love each other, even without the paper proof), we've decided that we're pretty open about things. Either one of us kissing another person... no big deal. Groping another person, no big deal (my girlfriend and I are both huge flirts, and we come from a group of friends that are all very physical). Intercourse, problem, but not so big a problem as you might think. If one of us were to have intercourse with another person, and that "cheating" were to come to light, we'd most likely talk through it, and eventually, things would be good again.... maybe not the same, but good. My girlfriend and I (who have been together well over a year, and show no signs of breaking things off) have discussed this several times. We both have jobs that keep us very busy at various times of the year (but typically not at the same times of the year, her being a medical researcher for NIH, and me being a stagehand, working with lighting, sound, and scenic). It's not uncommon for us to only see each other once a week (wether we live together or not - we've done both), and the notion of cheating for purely sexual reasons has come up. Neither one of us has cheated, and we're very much in love, but it's always a possibility. Essentially, the conclusion that we've come to is simple honesty will make all wrongs right. If one of us were about to have intercourse with another, we've agreed to call the other and inform them. Now, this might not be recieved well, but the honesty shows to us that we do still care, and that it's most likely not a serious thing. My girlfriend doesn't mind when I have a female friend spend the night, whether she's in the guest bed or my bed, and I don't mind when she does the same. We're both very physical people, and sometimes just want another person around, whether the intentions are sexual or platonic. Neither one of us considers this cheating.

As I said, my girlfriend and I are both very open minded about this, and while we have an exclusive relationship, we both know and understand that there may be occasions, where it might go beyond that. Neither one of us has a desire to cheat, but yet, in a wierd way, the option is there.

I think the cheating issue is such a big deal in this day and age because people always tend to think that infidelity is a common practice, and generally accepted, but they also think they'll always be the exception to that. Even if one partner actively cheats, they never expect the other partner to cheat, and are often quite upset to find that their partner has been cheating as much as they have. In essence, even though it's getting more accpted on a general basis, it's still very taboo on a personal basis. Remove the taboo, and the urge to do so suddenly goes away. I'll use another example from my relationship with my girlfriend. Before my girlfriend and I started dating, neither one of us was exactly inexperienced. I had had many short relationships and one or two night flings in my past, and my girlfriend has had many brief relationships. Honestly, personal friends of each of us never thought either one of us was the type to really get into a long term relationship because we were both too much of a "free spirit". However, once she and I started dating, knowing each others backgrounds (we'd known each other for many years before dating), we sort of expected each other to cheat. Communication between us (one of the strongest bonds in our relationship) removed the taboos of cheating for each of us, and thus we've remained faithful, because cheating is no longer a "forbidden fruit."

Openmindedness and communication seem to be the key to a relationship without cheating, at least for my girlfriend and I. I have a strong feeling that if more couples communicated and were open about issues like these as my girlfriend and I are, there would be fewer problems with infidelity in general.

Communication avoids the problems that often cause infidelity, and openmindedness removes the taboo. Combining these two, for us at least, has removed any desire to cheat that might have otherwise been there.

And just to show you what i' talking about, here's my daughter:



Beth

And here is the boy i've been telling you about:



Eric

And here's a pic of me:





Now do you understand what i'm talking about? Hehehehe...


Love and light,

Wupy

My couples sunday school class did a study on the book His Needs, Her Needs. I don't remember who wrote it because it was years ago. The author of the book gathered some very interesting results from some poles. They polled 100,000 couples and this is what they concluded.......
A womans number 1 need from a relationship is security, being emotional, physical, monitary, and social security. Number 2 is sexless affection, number 3 is words of afirmation. Sex was like number 8 on the list.

As for men, number 1 is believe it or not A PLAYMATE. Meaning someone to " PLAY " with, do things with, hang out with. Number 2 is of course SEX. Number 3 is support.
Given these facts, we discovered how incredibly different men and women are. The problem seems to come from the fact that men seem to have a warped idea of what a man really is. Television and movies give us the idea that a man is hard, tough, drinks, and shows no emotion, and needs several women. That is not a man. A man is not superior to his wife, nor she him. The Bible says that the man is supposed to be the head of the household, but that does not mean that the wife has no say so or that she cannot make decisions. If a man loves his wife then he will treat her as his equal. There is no problem with a woman assuming that role if the man is not up for the responsibility though. The husband needs to insure that his wifes needs are met, that means giving her security, sexless affection, and words of affirmation. When he fails in these areas then the woman is succeptable to the idea of finding it somewhere else. I think that all men that enter into marriage should go to several divorce hearings and counseling before he commits so he can see what he needs to do and what will happen if he doesn't.

I've got the reason for this.

2/3 of American housewives suffers from emotional torture by their husbands

Could it be this best kept secret of America be the reason behind the rate of woman cheating on their significant others?who knows.

Find out more about emotional torture:
www.actabuse.com...

Originally posted by Heartagram
I've got the reason for this.

2/3 of American housewives suffers from emotional torture by their husbands
Find out more about emotional torture:
www.actabuse.com...

First of all, consider the source. It's an abuse site and the bias exists.

Second of all, define emotional torture. It implies someone not only cataloging your emotional responses and reactions to everything, but then consciously and intentionally doing what they can to undermine it. Examples:Source Here

2. Provoke or stimulate the other person sexually in situations in which it would be disasterous for the other person to respond or seek gratification.

3. Simultaneously expose the other person to stimulation and frustration, or to rapidly alternating stimulation and frustration.

4. Relate to the other person simultaneously at unrelated levels (ie sexually and intellectually).

5. Switch from one emotional wavelength to another while on the same topic (being 'serious' and then being 'funny' about the same thing).

The use of emotional torture is a lot different than being emotionally neglected, though many seem to equate "torture" with their inability to rise above their own discomforts. I don't pretend to be an expert on the subject(just the world's foremost amateur), but I think a lot of the things that motivate people to cheat could be worked out through a positive communication process(as referenced above ) and a variety of activity, i.e. always looking for new challenges. I think people don't take advantage of the information at their fingerprints and stagnate in their own environments because they didn't know how to "ask why" in every situation. Asking why is what motivates us to do something, whatever that may be.

My personal experiences(plural) with cheating are what I have derived my perceptions. I personally have not cheated, though considering the relationships I was in, that would have been the norm. I don't currently think that the popular conception of relationship is valid because it doesn't work....granted I'm still young, but that only means my first impression will drive my future reactions, right. At any rate, I suppose the only positive I can relate is that I am the wiser for it.




[edit on 14-2-2005 by MemoryShock]

Originally posted by JamesBlonde
So what. 90% of men do. Most of them more than once. I should know. I never bother making relationships whith girls because it just gets boring, vaiety is the spice of life and it like my variety like my spices, hot and often.

What????

I just know two of my female friends that ever cheated, and just one male, germany is a western state, can it be that much different????


btw. how were those stats done?



[edit on 14-2-2005 by Wodan]

what can I say? chicks are high maitenance, if you aren't treating her right she'll probably screw you over. Either that or she's a total bitch.

Originally posted by TrueLies
With the new low pants law, I don't see what's stopping them from bringing back the scarlett letter...


For the past two weeks, good day live, and someother morning news shows have had authors and wives who talk about cheating on their loved ones...

I think they are tyring to start the ball rolling on something without being too obvious..

There is a plan for something or all this agenda pushing wouldn't be happening.

STAY TUNED!

Subliminal Morality via subliminal advertising. It's the Radical Rightward seep.....it will come at you by a slow & steady drip...drip...drip.
How many topics, how many "flabbergasted" Desperate Housewives complaints, how many more of my God Damn Cable channels will cary religious programming!?!?
It's all about what vantage point the masses can be contolled best from......Religion & it's manufactured morality has always supplied that high ground......The Opiate of the masses for sure.

CHEATING:

It's an outcrop of the "Lifetime Warranty" mentality. Love is the Food of the Soul. Some people are well fed, some are over fed, some are anorexic.
It's the Daily Recommended Allowance of Feeling Desired, Feeling some level of Harmonic Vibration, and Having Passion....people don't get that? They cheat emotionally and/or physcially.
Proper emotional nutrition....we have to feed it and feed it well everyday.....if things aren't right, emotional "vitamins" of discussion, action & honesty will restore the vigor.
It's not soley the cheaters fault...many people lie to themselves first before they lie to their mate. They are enamoured by portions instead of the whole......like buying a house with a horrible/leaking roof because it has a killer pool.....single attribute focus.
If that person is not "read" by their mate, the mate needs to bear some fault as well. Many cheaters are spurred on by enablers who willfully turn a blind eye or wallow in denile.

A couple of facts to ponder:

Divorce rates have actually been falling since the late 1970s/early 1980s. While it's still nowhere near the rates of the 1950s, you have to realise things were very different back then. It was nearly impossible for the average housewife to support herself. There wasn't the job market, opportunities, etc. Nor was there the support socially. To be a divcored woman held a lot of negative connotation. Divorcee was a 'naughty' word.

1950, 0.26%
1955, 0.23%
1957, 0.22%
1960, 0.22%
1965, 0.25%
1970, 0.35%
1971, 0.37%
1972, 0.40%
1973, 0.43%
1974, 0.46%
1975, 0.48%
1976, 0.50%
1977, 0.50%
1978, 0.51%
1979, 0.53%
1980, 0.52%
1981, 0.53%
1982, 0.51%
1983, 0.50%
1984, 0.50%
1985, 0.50%
1986, 0.49%
1987, 0.48%
1988, 0.48%
1989, 0.47%
1990, 0.47%
1991, 0.47%
1992, 0.48%
1993, 0.46%
1994, 0.46%
1995, 0.46%
1995, 0.43%
1997, 0.43%
1998, 0.42%
1999, 0.41%
2000, 0.41%
2001, 0.40%

However, statistics are hard to come by on Adultery or cheating. Has there ever been a comprehensive study done? I looked around online and found varying numbers, but nothing I would consider hard facts.

I think this subject falls into the same sort of thing as the myth of how dangerous things are compared to the 'good old days', when statistics on violent crime show an all time low.

This thinking and behavior is the basis of a doomed relationship. You have said you will cheat if you want to and you will life if it suits you, and you are good at it.

Why would someone be lucky to be stuck with that thought pattern? That is not the basis of a good person!

It might not be the basis of a "good" person, but it is the basis of an honest one (I am aware of the contradiction here but I never specified how I use my skills except for saying opportunistically) besides, if i was in a good relationship and shared an understanding with someone then the need ti lie or cheat wouldnt necessarily apply. I really do not care for what other people think is good or bad since the people who came up with these absurd notions have brought this race to the brink of destructions and i am sick and tired of being a part of their system. So dammit i might be bad but when the proverbial interracts with the industrial it is better to find any excuse to be somewhere else.

Also your reference to the sanity any potential partner is beneath contempt (much like my typiung), perhaps such remarks are better left unuttered.

btw. how were those stats done?

In much the same way as the original. Some one made them up.

Marriage is a farce, for the most part. The number one reason for marriage is children. Then, they stay together, even though the love may be gone, and they say it's for the children. So, kids end up living with unhappy parents, as if that's better than them divorcing. People are just stupid, I tell you. They'd rather sit there and lead lives of quiet desperation, than to endure a temporary period of uncomfortable confrontation or loneliness, in exchange for freedom or happier times with someone they'd rather be with. Why? I don't get it.

Originally posted by ShadowXIX
I think its sad when humans pretend they are something they are not.

I agree. Where did this goofy monogamy idea come from, anyway? It's another idiotic religious thing, isn't it? Society tends to make people into fools, sometimes.

Originally posted by llpoolej
When you go in front of everyone and PROMISE to love that person until death, that is just wrong.

You can't promise to love someone forever. It's a lie. That's like promising to live until your 90. You have no more control over that than you do of how long you might love someone. People fall out of love quite often.

[edit on 14-2-2005 by Moe Foe]

I dated and had short-term relations until I was in my mid-30s. Got all those wild oats out of my system. Then I found a wonderful man who suits me well.
If you are in a commited relationship, as I have been for almost 15 years, you should be faithful. Esp. if there are kids involved.

I know cheaters and I don't understand them. How can they look at themselves in a mirror? Or is our society just that dysfunctional?

I am a strong willed woman. I stand fast in the NO CHEATING camp. Not on a boyfriend, so that goes sevenfold for a vowed mate. Nuh hu now way. Im honest to a fault, and dont condone cheating on any levell.
If a person is not in a relationship of trust, well then it cant not BE cheating then.
I was married for 8 years,and have been divorced for 6 now. I have not gotten CLOSE enough to someone since my divorce to 'cheat'......heck I dont even sleep with someone without real trust and some measure of commitment. I am single raising my son and dont see a change in this situation due to the fact I an at HOME with my son, and not running around seeking a possible mate.

I have seen these stats about 60% of females cheating...and sadley, I have to say I have seen this with my own eyes. My own group of female friends, who I trust with my closest musings, once away from they're spouse, can be seen groping, kissing, and 'dissappearing' with other men. This behaviour APPALLS me at such a deep levell I have spoken out, reminding them MY marraige was destroyed by my husbands infidelities, and if they care for the family they have to STOP THIS! Well.......the spring of 2004, all of us lady friends went on a cruise to Mexico. I believed it was for 'girl talk' and to be away from children, but was agast to learn that it was all about HOW MANY MEN they could gather! They even kept score! I was the only single woman in this group and I was the ONLY one who did not get LAID on this vacation.
On our way home to Utah, driving from California, they SWORE me to secrecy binding on our friendship. I have kept the SECRET. I have looked their husbands in the face and said NOTHING.
Still...my friends deeply knew on wich side of this issue I stoodd, and today I no longer talk with these friends, who I have had in my life for 20 years plus. They weened me OUT of everything, little by little, till I was no longer included in anything. Because I dont giggle about the 'slight slip ups' they see as due them. I guess I was just a reminder to them of BAD things they have done and share in the knowledge of dates and times and WHO. I am sad my friends have found it easier to dump me as PART of the group, than to stand in the true light of what marraige is SUPPOSED to be about. I will say, I did not bring up transgressions to them, I took them for who they are, faults and all, I thought they were still my friends.........but now I know better. I am ostisised from them now. Outcast. I guess I truly AM in the smallest percentage of woman.

My husband cheated on me. I did NOT learn of this for 8 years, and once I did it was over. That is how I stood.
Come to find out his cheating started at day 8 of our marraige, and was prolific! By the time I found out of his 'indiscressions' he had been with 72 other woman He claimed EVERYBODY does this, so what was my problem? He claimed "since we were married OUTSIDE, with no roof over our heads, that meant we had an OPEN marraige, and this is something everybody knows!" hmmmm talking to me like this, I wonderd WHO was this person? I tossed him out then and there, I refused counselling....for in not even knowing his strange ideas on our marraige, I had zero interest in knowing his warped mind any deeper. I am steadfast in my vows I make to others, and DESERVE a mate that is likewise trustworthy. He had LIED and LIED during our marraige. He only told me these 'other' ideas about our marraige AFTER I had discoverd the truth.........I swear, IF he had come to me during the marraige, and told me he had this problem honestly, we WOULD have gone to counselling to work on his 'issues'.....no way was I willing to forgive this and work it out AFTER the facts became known via other channells than my husbands own mouth. His silence, his lies, and his trickery while we were a couple is what insured my ending the farce. Honesty WOULD havw saved him.......but he choose silence and tricks instead.

Well....this was MY rant.......my personall experiances with infidelity.
I guess I would have to agree with the statistics stated. Sad as that may be, from the numbers of people I personally KNOW who choose 'cheating' as an acceptable past time, with no regrets.

I dont care if it becomes the ultimate fashion! This is a practice I will never join the ranks of. So be it if I am alone the rest of my life.

[edit on 14-2-2005 by theRiverGoddess]

Originally posted by Moe Foe
Marriage is a farce, for the most part. The number one reason for marriage is children. Then, they stay together, even though the love may be gone, and they say it's for the children. So, kids end up living with unhappy parents, as if that's better than them divorcing. People are just stupid, I tell you. They'd rather sit there and lead lives of quiet desperation, than to endure a temporary period of uncomfortable confrontation or loneliness, in exchange for freedom or happier times with someone they'd rather be with.

BS.

Me and my wife have been married for over 25 years. We just celebrated our anniversity jan. 30. She is more beautiful to me today than she was the day we met.

We have raised four kids, lived through good times and bad.

Far from living in quiet desperation, I wake up every morning next to her and think of how lucky I am.

As I posted elsewhere she is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning and I hope she is the last thing I see in this life and the first thing I see in the next.

Unlike what most people claim (Anti-gays are the worst) a good marrige is not based on children. It is based on finding the person you want to spend eternity with. Children are just a by-product.

I love my children with all my heart but they grow up and leave, my wife will be holding my hand when I die

Originally posted by Amuk

I love my children with all my heart but they grow up and leave, my wife will be holding my hand when I die

aww. That's so sweet.


My mom and dad fought the whole time I was growing up (it seemed to me) - but when they got old, they were there for each other 100%. It was incredible and beautiful.


.