A Punderful Encounter (or... alternatively... One-Liner HELL!!)

A PUNDERFUL ENCOUNTER

The night-time.
The right time.
The darkness, and the sound of the rain.
The smoke-filled bar, the clinking of glasses, the fake smiles, dirty deals & even dirtier deeds.

I suppose I'd seen it a hundred times before, but tonight... something was different.
That girl at the bar... she didn't look right... she didn’t “fit-in”... like she didn't belong here.
Too classy. Nice shoes, nice hair, a personality you could bounce a quarter off, and she was reading a book!

I decided to find out for myself...
So I ambled over, slid onto the bar stool right beside her, flipped open a fresh pack and held it out to her...

"Cigarette?"
"Yes, I know."

A comedienne huh? This might be tougher than I thought.

"What ya readin?"
"It's a book about anti-gravity"
"Any good?"
"Yes, actually - I can't put it down."

"I guess you're a Scientist huh?"
"Actually, at the moment I'm an unemployed scientist."
"I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter because none of them work."

"I thought you were going to tell me a joke about Chemistry?
That might have got a better reaction."

"Well, I'm no photographer but I can sure picture us together.
Do I know you? ‘Cause you sure look a lot like my next girlfriend."

"I was going to give you a Nasty look, but I see you already have one, maybe your Gene Pool could use a little Chlorine?"
"Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder! If I had a dollar for every dame that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."
"I thought that you might say something like that."

"Psychic huh? You know... If a short psychic prisoner broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large!"

"I think I need a large drink!"

So, I ordered a couple of large shots and I nodded towards the nearest empty booth. She moved like silk in the breeze, and the whole bar stopped to watch. By the time she had slipped into her seat you coulda heard a pin drop.

Then this wise-guy shouts over:
"Hey babe, Can I have your picture so I can show Santa Claus what I want for Christmas?"
So I turn around and give him the evil eye and he melts into the background, but when I turned back around there's this huge dame standing there, so I said:

"Behind every big ugly woman there is a slim beautiful woman.
No seriously, you're in the way.
When God said "Let There Be Light!" did he ask you to move over?"

And I squeezed past, and sat back down beside the babe.
"You know, You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line."
"Jeeze, why are men always so pre-occupied with pick-up-lines and sex??"
"Actually, My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. But, WE'LL SOON SEE ABOUT THAT!!"

"You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body."
"Well, I tend to think that relationships are a lot like algebra.
Haven't you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"
"Yeah, If I ever need a Heart Transplant, I'd want my Ex's because it's never been used."

"When you looked at me, I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it."
"HaHa, I think you've maybe had too many drinks..."
"Well, thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot."

And that's how the night went by... We couldn't take our eyes off each other. The bar emptied and we were left there all alone, just us and the bartender who was trying to cash up and go home.
Finally, I looked deep into her eyes and I said:

"You never did tell me your name."

and she replied:

"I know."

Then she smiled, stood up, slid out of that bar and disappeared into the night...
The night-time.
Nothing but the darkness, and the sound of the rain...




G

a reply to: Gordi The Drummer

She looked at me and rolled her eyes...

I picked them up and rolled them back...

a reply to: Gordi The Drummer

That was awesome

God loves a tryer they say.

a reply to: SprocketUK

Now try figuring out what women love.

On 2nd thought...Don't.

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: SprocketUK

Now try figuring out what women love.

On 2nd thought...Don't.

Within the mystery lies the attraction mate

originally posted by: Lagomorphe
a reply to: Gordi The Drummer

She looked at me and rolled her eyes...

I picked them up and rolled them back...

She had one two lovely blue eyes. One blew this way, the other blew the other way.

Well done Gordi! I think....

Gordi!

Well done!

Tom says he prefers rare.

Enjoyed this and looking forward to a continuation of the story.

a reply to: Gordi The Drummer

Driver sauntered in to the bar to see what all the fuss was about, eyeing the lady in question with one wary eye. The other was too scared to look so he kept it closed.

"Gordi, she is absolutely smoking hot. I apologise for doubting you man, dayumm! Her hair is on fire and she doesn't seem to realise it. I'm guessing she's thinking about shoes or something...? You know how women can be sometimes. Or maybe I should hit her with not too blunt an object to put those flames out? I don't have my fire blanket with me today, can I borrow your coat?"

Driver walked over to the smoking hot lady as manly and as nonchalantly as he could, a leer on his face and his knuckles dragging over the ground as gently as he could muster. He tried wiping the leer of his face but it seemed to be resisting. Or maybe it was the scar tissue on his knuckles. He cracked open a smile and offered it to the lady.

"No thanks, those teeth look awful."

Driver thought for a moment. "Sorry, I'm English, we have that teeth thing. Do you come here often?"

"Only when I know you aren't here...." the lady replied.

"Tough crowd!" Driver thought to himself. He switched up a gear. "Are you tired because you've been running through my mind all day?"

"That's because I was trying to escape, yet here you are. Again..."

Driver was taken aback by her answer. "Again?" he asked.

"You must have a bad "memory". You were here yesterday and you were drunk."

"I thought we'd never met before...."

The lady sighed. "We didn't meet, you had your head under the beer pump. Apparently you didn't want a glass."

"Ah, now I remember that of which you speak. I hate washing up and have no dish-washer and hate to trouble bar-staff with the menial cleaning of unnecessary utensils, I was just trying to be efficient and friendly! My bad!" Driver tried to not sound gay while he said "My Bad!" but wasn't convinced that his attempt succeeded 100%.

"Your vocabulary is somewhat impressive but please stand back a step or I'll discombobulate you with my dictionary and thesaurus before calling you an ambulance."

"Do I get to keep the dictionary and thesaurus afterwards? Do I really look like an ambulance? I didn't think I was that fat..." he offered in a lamented tone.

"Possibly, but these books may be deposited in places you probably couldn't spell."

"Well, let's try some other books seeing how you like them so much! I have some cookbooks, can you cook?"

"Is there a recipe for roasted irritating asshole in it?"

"Um, no, but there is a name in Dutch that uses a bad word. It's a pudding though, nice and sweet!"

"That would certainly give an aesthetically pleasing contrast to your character, demeanor and body odour if nothing else."

Driver felt drained and wilted and grabbed hold of the nearest solid object he could see. Unfortunately it was himself and he fell to the floor slowly but surely. His eyes were bad in this dim and smoky space.

"I'm seeing you in a whole new light now." he said, looking up at her from the floor. "I apologise for being "that guy" but I have one last question for you. Can you help me up...?

The lady smiled, sorta. "Sure. Up yours!" she answered and walked away slowly.

"Outta all the gin joints in the all world, you had to assault me in mine???"

Hope it was still in keeping with the dark smoky black and white theme. Someone requested a part two and I was feeling creative.

a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

Bravo!
Absolutely in-keeping... you make a good "Inn-Keeper"! LOL


"She wanted a Doubles-Entendres... So I gave her one...."

Think This Might Be Her.....

"You never did tell me your name."

and she replied: "John" !

Different name but I actually had that happen to a Canadian friend of mine.