Wtf moments we commit on ourselves

We all have one of those moments when your mind and body go on auto pilot and you end up doing something so stupid or ridiculous, that usually you would historically laugh at someone else's misfortune for doing it.
But this time it was you.
And all you can say is why the hell did I just do that?!

I want to hear some wtf moments that you orchestrated upon yourself.

One incident that comes to mind immediately is one day I was working on my jeep.
I had a coffee on the bumper and a can of WD40
For some unknown reason, I took the can of WD40 and squirted it in my mouth.
It had one of those red straws on the end so you can focus the spray in one spot.
I put that stupid straw in my mouth and gave the can a squirt.
Instantly I'm gasping for air as I run into the house and shove my head under the kitchen faucet.
Gargling and flushing my mouth out with water.
The wife comes in and asks what's wrong and goes into a panic thinking I got hurt or something.
Once I was able to say what happened she laughed till she cried and called me an idiot.

Another time I was trying to be a hot shot by dousing a sausage in FlashBang hot sauce.
You sign a waiver for it upon purchase because the bottle is packing 3.5 million SCU. For a comparable scale tabasco sauce is around 2000-2,500 SCU.
I got some of the FlashBang sauce on my hand unbeknownst to me, as I decided I needed to take a leak.
Usually I'm very adherent to washing my hands immediately after touching that bottle.
Not this time...
Screams of pain and anguish echoed the streets. Bloody murder was being sung from my lavatory.
Into the bathroom sink it goes. Cold water on,
No help.
Manically I paced around uttering a plethora or swear words as I panicked about the implications for such an action.
In my belligerent rant I noticed Someone had left the milk jug on the counter in the kitchen.
Milk usually helps neutralize the heat from hot sauce.
I took that 4 liter jug of milk into the shower and began pouring it all over myself.
As I stood in a tub of milk shaking from the pain all I could think was
How did it come to this ?
It took the better part of an hour for the pain to become manageable.
Needless to say my appetite for the sausages I had just barbecued was long gone.

Those have to be 2 of my most mindless moments.

I want to hear from you all some of your best wtf moments.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Why would you douse your poor sausage in hot sauce?

a reply to: Tundra

The first was intentional...the second...well that one was a grave error hahaha

a reply to: Macenroe82

Started a apartment maintenance job and was at it about 2 weeks and while I was bleaching a vacant apatments tub grout I got a call over the radio to go to an address to spray for ants.

Hoped in the company van and scurried to the other apartment and grabbed the ant spray. While I was spraying the carpet with a normal pistol gripped sprayer I noticed a bleach smell....

You got it I had been spraying the tub with ant spray and hit the new carpet with bleach. WTF?

The maintenance manager was really cool and just told me to be careful with the labels. I thought I was a goner.

We just had to swap the carpet, and in a 2000 unit complex it was pretty easy.

By the way I have made much much more $$$ with industrial skilled trade jobs, but none are as fun as apartment maintenance.

Very cool idea for a thread!
Kudo's!!!

This isn't a what did you do, it's more of what a family member said.
Way back in the day when you could rent VCR tapes there was a very normal message on every single one that used to flash on the screen "this has been formatted for your TV".

So in the silence as we waited for the movie previews to begin a quavering voice peeped up and said...
"How do they know what size TV we have"?

in 25 years this hasn't and will never go away. It's now the gold standard of "dumb" in our family.

I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primaries.

a reply to: seasonal

Hahah I bet you thought for sure that was a wrap for you. I know I would.
But that's right on he was cool about it.
Everyone makes mistakes...sometimes those mistakes cost another person $3.00 per square foot lol.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Crazy place to work, they had a health club, bar, indoor pool, indoor tennis courts. It was the funnest job I think I have ever had, but the pay stunk.

a reply to: Caver78

Hahah I remember those messages. That and "Be kind, please rewind"

25 years later and still going strong? That's excellent!

a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

Ouch!

Well it could had been worse...
Like if he had won and it was somewhat made public that you were the deciding vote.

originally posted by: SgtHamsandwich
I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primaries.

That was like taking a whole bottle of the Flash Bang Hot Sauce.

Then pouring all of it on your sausage.

I know the hot sauce story should be funny, but my dear God. How awful for you. So sorry. That must have been traumatizing.

I did something stupid with WD-40 that almost resulted in a car crash. I was going out of town, and it was very early in the morning, still dark. I was going to clean the windshield with Windex, but grabbed a bottle of WD-40 instead.

Everything was fine until a couple of hours later it started raining. I cut on the wipers, and instantly couldn't see past the dash. Everything was completely opaque and I was in a large city going 70 in bumper to bumper traffic. It was horrible. Traumatizing.
Obviously I'm still alive. But it was the most frightened I've ever been.

It's really a story, but to make it short (how I saved my life) I first put on the emergency flashers and took my foot off the gas. I hit the button so all the windows in the car went down at once. Stuck my head out in the rain. I could see through the rearview mirror, like traffic flying up behind me and no, they were not nice or understanding in anyway whatsoever. Just angry that I was in their way. (sniff). Finally, inched my way across another lane, and over to the side near an exit where everybody said "no matter what happens, don't get off at THAT exit".

Anyway. Something else happened too. One of those weird things people shouldn't talk about. So I won't.
Be careful where you put the WD.

a reply to: angeldoll

Oh heck yes it was traumatizing.
I've actually been calling the FlashBang sauce, Flash BACK sauce.
Every time I reach for it, I get an image of a naked man pouring milk on himself in the bathtub. It's not very sexy when you consider the circumstances hahaha.

That would had been a very scary situation you were in. It had all the makings of a tragedy.
But by the sounds of it you kept your cool and did the right thing!
Freaking WD40... that stuff will kill Ya!

I told my server "you too" when she said to "enjoy your meal".

a reply to: Macenroe82

"Flashback sauce" lol!

I was at a political fundraiser once, (it was in a bar and sort of dark in there) and they were going around with trays of "rooster tails" and beer. (a rooster tail is a raw oyster on a cracker with everything hot man has ever created piled on top of it, or poured on top of it. I was not aware of that information at the time I popped the whole thing in my mouth.
I was an idiot. I literally had a blister on my lip the next day.

Did you have blisters on your, er, blisters?

a reply to: whyamIhere

It could have been way worse.

At least I didn't donate money.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Hot Sauced the little Soldier ya did... Man that is a funny one. Painful to read even. but, fun-nay.

I got a couple.

I remember this one time, at band camp... Just kidding. Anyway, I was the night shift Main Frame Operations Lead and had just cracked this nasty failure that had stopped night processing. I finally got the other Ops and Print Jocks working.. The whole I/O Control was empty... the Main Frames humming. I was in one of those wheeled office chairs that leaned all the way back... so I lean all the way back, make myself into the DiVinci Man - you know, like his drawing, arms and legs akimbo... So, there I am laying all the way back, looking up at the ceiling, when I decide to kick my leg and give myself a good spin... 3/4 quarters of a revolution later I slam my own head into a desk... almost knocked myself the f(*&*k out. After the ringing stopped I just laughed and laughed... thinking "Man, if an Angels witnessed that..."

Another one was when I was in the Army, and a new Colonels driver. I was still a little nervous to 'have the Brass on my Ass' so to speak. One day in the beginning I had to drive 2 Colonels in the sedan. I don't know really why I started day dreaming.. I had two full birds in the back and should have kept myself squared away. But a lass I went off a lolly gagging.. I don't even know what I was daydreaming about when all of the sudden one of the Colonels yells at the top of his lungs.

"Stop, son STOP!"

I slammed the brakes on pure reflex.. screeching to a halt - almost had two birds in the front seat with me. When the dust settles I look around and find myself in the middle of a 4 way stop intersection I just blazed halfway through. That was when the other Colonel says...

"Hell, you might as well go all the way now".

I thought I was going to get smoked right there and then..Back to Private, but, the old man was cool about it.. They no doubt had some misgivings about the new guy... kept to themselves. Thankfully.

a reply to: Macenroe82

I once woke up mid road trip, peed in a bottle, set it down, felt thirsty and drank from the now full soda bottle. It was all one fluid set of motions. Seconds after filling it I was trying to empty it again. No idea what I was thinking.

Another time, I was sharpening a sword. I was stroking the sharpening stone over the blade and for some reason I made a really exagerated sweep and just flung my arm to the side really abruptly. I knocked over everything that was on the table next to me. It looked like I just wanted to make a horrible mess. It felt like I was possesed by an idiot. No clue why I spazzed like that.

I was once moving a church organ and was setting up one of those folding aluminum ramps on the stairs. I watched as the thing unfolded slowly as I was holding it....it closed on my fingers in slow motion and I simply let it happen. I was just so very ok with what was going to happen to me I didnt even try to avoid it. Then the pain hit.

Tried to look for keys while standing in front of an opened door....tried to pause the car with the radio pause button, spoke to my coworker like he was google maps.

when i was about ten, i went through a period of fascination with fire... and my parents had one of those bbq lighters or whatever, where you flip the switch and the flame springs to life at the end of a long metal tube... and i thought that thing was the bomb dot com.

well one night my parents were out and i was home by myself, screwing around in the kitchen... and i got out that lighter... and i looked at the paper towel rack hanging from the cabinet, and noticed that it was spun a little loose, with a couple paper towels hanging down towards the sink...

i lit the end of the towels on fire. no idea what i was thinking.. but it started to go up FAST, flames climbing up the roll and i was sure they were seconds away from jumping to the curtains and from there burning the whole house down.

so i shrieked like a loon and swatted at the roll of paper towels with the lighter... thankfully the holder was pretty loose and just dumped the entire roll straight into the sink, and i turned on the faucet and doused it.

once my heart stopped jackrabbiting, i put the whole sodden mess in a trash bag and put it in the outside garbage, under some more garbage. didn't breathe a word of it to my parents until about twenty years later... and you should have seen my mom's face

a reply to: angeldoll

It was very ....tender, but thankfully no blisters.
Must had been the milk bath I had hahah