Tomorrow's my moms birthday...The First One Without Her

a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

This. This right here. My mom was in my opinion the most amazing cook ever!! My mom passed about 10 years ago. Recently I found a handwritten cookbook that she had compiled. It contains ALL of the things that I still love to eat. I have tried (sometimes in vain...to recreate them...) Perhaps honor your mother on her birthday by making her favorite?

Just a thought...

a reply to: blend57

First thing is..I have to apologize to all of you. Many who've responded have or are dealing with the same scenario as me. It was selfish of me to make you have to relive those emotions. I guess I panicked a bit, my moms birthday so close and I couldn't think of what to do for it. I didn't think about others and for that I'm sorry. If I could do it again, I wouldn't. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you.

You have nothing to apologize for dear Blend! It just made two years for me since I lost my own Mother. People here who have been through the same or similar loss can relate and want to share that with you. We understand and care.

You can set up a little area in your home with your favorite pic of your Mom, place a lovely little Angel statue and flowers and a candle. Someone mentioned planting a tree which I think is an awesome idea and my family has done that in the past. Perhaps just a quiet time for reflection and some music that bring beautiful memories to mind. I'm sure you will find what is most meaningful to you.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Mom Hun. It is my belief that our loved ones go on to a better place after their physical life here. Big warm hug! If you need to talk, just a send a PM at any time. Much love and light my friend!

a reply to: blend57

My condolences blend.

My grandfather passed 2 years ago. I miss him quite a bit. Just the other day i was thinking about him, and last night he came to me in a dream.

Your mother will always be there for you, even if its not in the exact same way now, she is. Always.

a reply to: blend57

Real sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my mother. If I did I imagine I would visit her often and have discussions with her in daily activities. Odd maybe, but that would be my path.

Make a cake. If you believe in the afterlife you know she'll see it. If you don't then consider it a gift/sign of respect. Whatever it is that you do, make sure it is not just another day.

a reply to: starwarsisreal

I am one with the force, the force is one with me.

a reply to: blend57

People who will be grieving about her passing and upcoming birthday should be invited to gather and tell their best stories about your Mom. You can also play her favorite music , a special song she really liked? Talk about why she liked it so much. Some one will dream about your mother and it will be like a visit from her. Make sure all of the close members from this celebration promise to inform the others if one has a dream about her.. tell your favorite stories about her and relate how she impacted your lives.What I'm trying to say , is that get personal about her. She will be there , I know it. You may not feel it , but the dead are not 'dead' . Your Mom is not gone forever. You will see her again some day , when you die. Death is just a separation , and not much of one either. IT is awesome that you are going to honor her life. Her children are a big part of that. Her loved ones. Remembering and celebrating the personal things she liked and enjoyed would be how I would want my loved ones to celebrate my life if they were going to do it. I certainly wouldn't want them to be sad or depressing about it . There is too much of that already. Good luck ,dear. I hope you have a great remembering of your Mother and you find a way that feels comfortable with you to accomplish that .

a reply to: blend57

She'll always be alive in your head and everything she represented in *this* world lives on through you and those who loved her. When all is said and done, the memories are the greatest honour we can give our loved ones when they pass.

I'm a bit old fashioned too in believing that a tear or two can bring them alive in some way. Not in some horrible 'Monkey's Paw' scenario ('Don't open the door!!'), but in some weird interconnected way that spans time as we know it. People have their perceptions tickled or maybe see a butterfly or deer in the garden that associates with a lost loved one. These little comforts are, I reckon, more profound than the symbols of grief and respect we usually display.

Blather aside, I hope you're in good enough spirits to remember something really stupid she said or did. Or a party when she laughed her ass off. Memories that make us smile are probably what we would all leave behind if we get the choice. Your smile would make her smile.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and beautiful thoughts. I'm a bit better today emotionally because I have figured out what to do. A lot of it is a mixture of the ideas all of you have offered with my own personal spin to them. So, everything everyone said was helpful and I believe it is partly because of all you and your words that I'm sitting here, tear free, with the courage to face this day.

I've decided to make and give everyone in my family an aromatherapy candle for them to burn every year on her birthday. Either lavender or vanilla as those were my moms favorite scents. The "burning a candle" idea didn't seem like enough to me. But a candle made by loving hands that knew her somehow makes that work. And creating something beautiful (I hope they turn out beautiful) seems the right thing to do today as well.

Family will be together and I'm sure we will share memories and hopefully celebrate her life. We've not set up anything formal, but we never do, usually everyone just shows up and it works out. We planted a tree and 2 rose bushes a few weeks ago shortly after she passed, this is a tradition in our family as well.

For myself personally, I will be writing a few words I wish to say to her, reading them aloud (in private though) and then using her candle to burn the paper and let the ashes be carried away with the wind. This feels like the right thing for me to do. When I think about it, it brings peace to my heart. A fitting memorial to her that I can do every year no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing.

Thank you! All of you! As I said I don't think I would've made it to this spot without your beautiful words and kind thoughts.

blend57

a reply to: blend57

My friend, I am truly sorry for what you are going through as I have been there myself. When my Mom's first birthday came along shortly after her death I had similar thoughts about starting a tradition. I thought I'd give up something (bad, like a habit or something) for her each year. The first year, April 2015, I decided to give up sodas forever. I was successful. Last year on her birthday, I was in a darker place than the first. I didn't know what to 'give up' so I wrote instead. My girls don't want to mourn her anymore, my youngest has gotten busy back to the world of the living and my oldest is not mentally/emotionally able to handle the pain so she shuts it out. I try not to push.
I hope you and your loved ones find some peace and healing in your candles. I think it's a fantastic and loving idea.
There's a poem (I'll see if I can dig it up, you know me and poetry! LOL) about being the wind on the leaves and such...I think of Mom often when I'm hiking or just strolling in the woods and that poem comes to my mind, every single time. It helps me to feel better about the awful thing that is losing our Mother.
Almost like she IS there with me.

Found it

While i dont do anything in particular every year, i did honor what my dad had going when he died. My father passed in June leaving his largest and otherwise "best garden ever" at risk for ruin. He also mowed several yards. Since he was against wasting food and FOR sharing and helping others, I took care of the garden as he would have and shared much of it with those he knew. I also used his mower to see his yards through the season. Since then, I try to do as he would in general whatever the situation. It's not too hard, you know, the apple...?

Perhaps there is something you can support that she did while in this life?