Tomorrow's my moms birthday...The First One Without Her

She died 2 months ago. I was doing ok all week, had no real emotional outbursts to speak of, was holding it together pretty well. Then a couple of hours ago it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I want to honor her tomorrow. Start an annual tradition to keep her memory alive. But I just can't seem to come up with an idea that is good enough. Not one thing seems to be as special and unique as she was.

I've looked online and so far I've seen light a candle, leave an empty chair, visit the grave, send balloons (???), and also do nothing. I can't think of any others that stood out.

What do you do to honor your loved ones who've past on their birthdays? I've been thinking about it all week and can't seem to come up with the right thing. I would like it to be positive and loving. I know she would've wanted it to be that way too.

Maybe this is something only I can figure out . I thought about that as well. But maybe I'll be able to think of something after hearing other peoples traditions/tributes.

Thanks to everyone who can help. And I am sorry this isn't a longer more informative thread..

Thanks,
blend57

a reply to: blend57

Sorry about what happened. May the Force guide her in her journey in the afterlife.

I'm sorry for your loss, blend. I lost a close family member in July, and I've been thinking about what to do when Thanksgiving and Christmas roll around this year, and have read the same suggestions you've come across. Same boat here, none of them seem right. It's my sister's husband, so all I can do is offer suggestions to her, but really I just so want to try to make it bearable for her. So I will be following this thread for sure! Thank you for starting this thread, and I will definitely be sending good thoughts your way.

Maybe starting a journal where you write to her on special occasions ? I know I would love if my kids did that after I passed on. Just a suggestion... it may not feel right for you.

Sorry to hear about the passing of your mom. 😕

a reply to: blend57

For a while it will feel that you are becoming her. That's good - accept

a reply to: blend57

Sorry for your loss. My mom died July 22 2016. Her birthday was on November 2nd. My sister's and I started the tradition of drinking a bottle of mom's favorite wine on her birthday. It's terrible, awful wine and it nearly causes physical pain to choke it down, but we do. We light a candle and set it on the table with us. Mom used to get so excited to see all three of us together as adults since we all spread out to different states. This will be the second time coming up in a few weeks. I hope maybe this year there can be some funny stories about better times we had with mom.

a reply to: blend57

Sorry for your loss Blend.

My Father passed away last Christmas Eve. But my attitude about death is probably different than many. When his birthday came by this summer I reminisced for a while about the past, then just went back to being happy for him to have "graduated" his earth life. I believe he is in a much better place and I'll be happy when I get there. Time flys.

a reply to: blend57

Honoring her is the best thing you can do - and she will know what you're doing.

I just had my brother's first birth day without him and it was very difficult.. I can totally relate. But we honored him like never before and even had a statue made of a black bear holding a "BeLikeIke" sign (his nickname was Ike), so I know he felt the love from above.

It will be a very difficult day but you will also likely find some beauty and awesomeness in the process of honoring your mom. Stay strong and make her proud.

a reply to: blend57

Then a couple of hours ago it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I want to honor her tomorrow. Start an annual tradition to keep her memory alive.

You know that 'ton of bricks' feeling? Grieving is a part of love. You do her honor by feeling that and sharing it with others.

Tell us a story, some fond memory you have during your time together.

My dear blend,
I have thought that planting a tree in someone's honor would be such a great way to remember, nurture, and love their memory.
My heart goes out to you, and I am sending love to combat the grief. Having seen your kindness at work, I am sure that you honor your loved ones all the time through your thoughtful actions and random acts of care.

It's been over 40 years since my father died-he was only 44 and died in a car accident. My family still feels the shock today-but especially on his birthday and the day he died. On those days my brothers, sister and mother all call each other and talk about how we still miss him-how he was such a great father and husband, loved fishing and people. This is how we comfort one another and continue to honor his memory. Hope you can find a place of peace through your pain-I understand as many here do what you are going through-you are not alone.

I found the first mother’s day more difficult.

I lost my mum when she was quite young.

All of the “firsts”are really difficult, the seconds are still rough but they get a little easier.

Also delayed grief is totally normal, after a year all of a sudden I had problems, when I broke it down it was all grief.

As for her birthday, honestly I do t let it get to me, don’t mark it in anyway, usually have a quiet moment when I think back for a while. That’s about it.

Sorry about your loss. My mom died 4 days before her birthday in 2011...her funeral was on her birthday. March 16th has a whole new meaning for me now. Too add, my daughters birthday day is March 17th. I feel for you, I don't have any words of advice for you as we all process in different ways. Just as long as your mom is in your thoughts it's like she's around. Peace. I agree with othersdieofthecoin in that mothers day is far more difficult for me to deal with than her birthday or the day she died. Mother's day is special at least it should be.

What do you do to honor your loved ones who've past on their birthdays?

a reply to: blend57

I'm so sorry.

What I do is I make a point to tell them that I love them frequently, not just Birthdays. I ask for their guidance and I don't accept that they are gone. Because, to me they never died, they just shed the meat suit they were occupying while they were here learning their lessons with me. Lessons that we all agree to experience together. Some have longer roles here in the physical world than others...

So Beloved, have no fear. I'll never die, you'll never die and no one ever dies, ever. We just change - we go back home to plan our next adventure.

Go ahead and talk to your loving MOM. She is right there with you and she can hear you. Tell her that she has your permission to contact you, at her will. She probably wouldn't want to invade your privacy without your permission. Ask her to meet you in your dreams, if you like....It will work.

I wish you luck.

a reply to: blend57

Sorry to hear of your loss Blend ...

Did she have a favourite place to go or meal she loved ?

Did she have a favourite charity or animal shelter ?

Perhaps you could do something to make a difference towards a favourite passion of hers ...

I hope you can find something that will do her justice as well as put a smile on your face.

You have my thoughts in this difficult time.

a reply to: blend57

I'm sorry to hear, friend.

I find the best thing to do to honor them is to give back to the community or to help others in their name. Make your mother proud by making the world a better place, just as it was before her passing.

Losing those close to us can be quite sad when we least expect it. I lost my wife a few years ago. My hardest day is Mother's Day as it was the day that the headstone was placed upon her grave.

Whenever I have very sad days and wish that she was still here I open the memento box I made that has some of her belongings in. These items have unique characteristics to them that always point me back to her personality

Love and hugs.

a reply to: blend57

I can only think of one thing. It's probably sucky.

Try and make your favourite meal. I mean, the meal she made for you that you liked so much. I don't know much about Mom's but I know most guys have a meal that only Mom can make the way Mom makes it.

Don't be disappointed when it doesn't taste so good. That's why she is Mom. She makes it look easy and effortless. Every time.

My condolences. I hope you are not alone at this difficult time.

I've tried responding to this thread 4 times now. Every time I try, it doesn't seem like it's good enough. So, I will just type from the heart and hope it comes out ok.

First thing is..I have to apologize to all of you. Many who've responded have or are dealing with the same scenario as me. It was selfish of me to make you have to relive those emotions. I guess I panicked a bit, my moms birthday so close and I couldn't think of what to do for it. I didn't think about others and for that I'm sorry. If I could do it again, I wouldn't. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you.

Secondly, as I read through the responses, I just wanted to give each and every one of you a big hug. Going out of your way to make someone feel better, because you know their pain...even though you didn't have to. You are truly amazing, high caliber people. Thank you for taking the time. You really don't know how much your words have helped, and I am truly grateful to you.

And finally and most importantly, I'd like to offer my condolences to each of you that has lost someone. It is one experience that I wish no one had to go through.

I don't know what I'll be doing tomorrow for my moms birthday, but I do know that you guys have helped me to be strong enough to get through it. And I can't thank you enough.

blend57

a reply to: blend57

It will take a long time to heal from your loss, but I do believe your Mom will know whatever you decide.

Maybe just have a "talk" with her.
Share whatever you are feeling.

[[[hugs]]]