My ex wife tried to murder me.

Since we are in the business about being open and honest about what abuses we have been through I want to tell you what happened to me.

My ex wife had many issues. I found out at the end of her life that her psychological downfall was because of being abused a s a child. When we were together we were both very young and wild. She was related to an English Lord (he was a very good man, was not him or her Dad) and I was from a council estate. She taught me about poetry and the inside out on the establishment. She was very bright and a very good poet. She really actually woke me up intellectually. However, she was very dark. She was a full on femme fatale.

I have scars on my body still from her. Once she smashed a plate over my head, once she slashed me with a knife on my arm and she poisoned me with barbiturates and alcohol.

We were splitting up and everything was going manically wrong. We were young and wild. We were drinking a lot and experimenting in many ways. It was her who turned me on to Bob Dylan and TS Eliot and got me to really understand what they were communicating. She was an amazing woman, my soul mate. I got very drunk and took something I shouldn't have. She started forcing barbiturates down me. I was out like a light. She later told me all about it as I did not really remember what she had done. I came round and she said she had called a doctor once she realized it wasn't going to work. She said that if I had died she was going to tell the authorities and my family that I had killed myself.

Many years later she actually died from what she had done to me. She died from an abuse of prescription drugs and alcohol. She became a very severe alcoholic as she got older, also bipolar and had regular psychotic episodes. She was like Sylvia Plath. She was a very beautiful woman.

I never told the police. I forgave her. We stayed in contact every few years and slept with each other once or twice down the line. She is the last woman actually that I did sleep with. She died in 2013.

I managed to survive the crazy times. I am doing fine. I am very young looking and healthy and loving my life and my music in a very humble sense. I miss her. It is much lonelier now she is no longer upon this earth. Doomed LOVE, very poetic. We were a regular Liz Taylor and Richard Burton.

Despite what she did to me what she gave me exceeded what she took from me. She gave me my intellectual self and my critical conscious self. This may never have dawned in my soul without her.

Relationships are more complex than we like to believe or would have them be if we view them laterally. They will never be squeaky clean, not where humans are concerned. Strange gifts come from Pluto's kidnapping. Forgiveness is a path that can heal the worst kind of abuses and sometimes the abuse is a Shamanic wisdom experience. The tribe would abuse the Shaman to test them and to stress them to the point of vision. The Native American Sun Dance was a self imposed abuse.

Here is her music:

[snipped]

Despite what she did to me what she gave me exceeded what she took from me. She gave me my intellectual self and my critical conscious self. This may never have dawned in my soul without her.

Every relationship teaches us something. Good. Bad. It's all a learning experience. I still talk almost every day to my ex. We have 2 children together and we put our differences aside for their benefit.
Now, that being said, would I ever Trust her again?
lmao. Not in this lifetime brother.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, I must be an idiot.

a reply to: Revolution9

Very good. You married a murderous narcissist and survived. I did that once too.

But you still have a touch of Stockholm Syndrome, perhaps.

The number one problem of victims of a narcissistic spouse is to continue to believe in the goodness of that person. This is natural otherwise one would have to grapple with the truth of one's own bad luck, foolishness and weakness. Especially because she was blue-blooded and you (presumably) are not. I've been in that kind of relationship too and it frankly sucks.

There is nothing to gain for the likes of me, or of you I suppose, from loving a person belonging to a different social class. Upper class people always abuse those beneath them, even if they don't want to. It's in their ancestry, unfortunately for them. I've seen it again and again which is why I do not befriend such people. I out-and-out avoid them, which easy living like a pauper.

Suggest not idealizing the person that hurt you. To help along with that, please read shrink4men.com... We live in a world peppered with hot, abusive ladies. They kill.

* * *

I am sorry, I should have offered my condolences. You married a narcisstic addict. I know about that too. My little town is loaded of super-talented addicts and abusers. I used to be one. Us survivors continue to suffer association with such folks for the sake of our art. I am glad you and your art survived and thrived. Suggest pouring a small libation before an image of your ex. Maybe she will become a muse for your art even more. I'm guessing, given her untimely death, that she's still stuck on this plane. Offer her a glass of ale and see what happens, I suggest.

a reply to: Revolution9

This was touching and emotional. I can be quite stubborn often so i like getting emotionally touched. I can relate in a light-version, i had an ex with similar wildness but things were not as severe as you described. I give you great respect for not getting bitter, i see you have learned a thing or two about yourself along the way!

a reply to: Namdru

You are reading me totally wrong. It is Christian forgiveness.

I can't deny what she gave me in terms of awakenings. You have to be artistic to understand this. You have judged my experience when I never would want to or dare to. You have put it into a neat little box and encouraging me to do the same, because that his how your mind deals with this. It is NOT how my mind deals with it. If my mind dealt with it like that I would be in a mad-house. I do not work like that. There are no mistakes in my life. Do you think I have been an angel? No, I have not. I was a good and proper wild child.

I have mixed with many wealthy people. They are not all like you are saying. Most are not. I like class. i like sophistication and refinement. They are fine cultural qualities. My ex wife helped me to appreciate that instead of being a typical judgmental and ignorant man who blames all his woes on the upper levels. Your post is very judgemental, but if that is how you work, that's cool. but don't ever inflict it on me. My mind will never conform to such things.

There is nothing naive about me. People mistake sensitivity for weakness. I am one of the strongest people you are ever going to meet and nobody ever gets away with abusing me. Did you not read that she died from what she did to me and the irony of that?

No, no, no, I will never fit into those silly boxes of syndromes. That utterly stinks. I could never fit into that.

How common (a joke).



Sorry, but I do like refinement. I like the rough, too. Look how many domestic violence incidents there are in ghettos. Don't EVER point the finger just in one direction. That sucks!

originally posted by: Revolution9
People mistake sensitivity for weakness.

I think that statement would deserve it's own thread. But i can't do that, it would be a poorly composed OP (just took a long sauna and a couple of beers)

Keep your head up high Revolution9. Maybe your next partner is different and you two can build something from there, but don't forget this ex of yours (and i honestly think that you will not forget her)

originally posted by: Finspiracy
a reply to: Revolution9

This was touching and emotional. I can be quite stubborn often so i like getting emotionally touched. I can relate in a light-version, i had an ex with similar wildness but things were not as severe as you described. I give you great respect for not getting bitter, i see you have learned a thing or two about yourself along the way!

For me it is an objective account. I was not wanting to make it emotional. I am nothing great myself, believe it. I despise any sympathy, lol. I am actually sharing this to say to men that we are not always the bad guy. I am writing this to say to women that if a guy has abused you there are ways to approach it creatively and all is not lost. That guy Harvey hurt a lot of people. How many women was he the Wizard of Oz to at the same time? He has given many women the celebrity experience they so desperately wanted.

Remember the movie "Starry Eyes"? What is a person willing to take to get what they want? What are they willing to give? I was attempting to communicate that relationships are not clear cut. I was brought up with an emotional blockage because of early childhood experiences and a double whammy of later family breakdown that occurred after a bereavement at a crucial point in my adolescent development. I was not being properly conscious. My ex wife gave me something I would not normally have been exposed to as a guy from a council estate that gave me consciousness. All these years later it is the greatest gift I have ever been given. She even bought me first guitar and FORCED me to practice when I was a bit of a quitter to be honest. It ain't all bad.

Believe me, I really know how to play the game now. I have been taught and learned the hard way. I have things very much on my own terms now.

The best kind of Princess for me is one who knows what it is to have been Cinderella. You/we are never damaged or tarnished goods. Attitudes condemn us, attitudes imprison us, but attitudes can free us.

Sorry, this has been a little emotionally demanding. I am trying to push the boundaries in a healthy way. It beats staying in a crazy loop and cycle of letting hate of the past sabotage the present and the future.

Now I feel exhausted. Need a break.

originally posted by: Revolution9
For me it is an objective account. I was not wanting to make it emotional. I am nothing great myself, believe it. I despise any sympathy, lol.

Yeah, but i am in an emotional state of mind due to issues in the family. I felt in your OP that you are not seeking for attention or wanting sympathy. I just wanted to give you sympathy anyway.

a reply to: Revolution9

As long as you don't take my first wife as your second wife you will be fine.

I stressed the Christian forgiveness attitude here because I believe that as I forgive her I will be forgiven, too, for when I did not make the grade. She will not be judged for what she did to me because I by my attitude have cancelled the DEBT. Is that not true and everlasting love? My marriage vow was meant. She did those things because somebody had trapped her in a loop; she had an emotional blockage. It was not her fault. It is very sad indeed. She really did have an amazingly bright loving side. She was not a usual case. She was WORTH IT. I mentioned in the joke thread just before that I try to keep my integrity intact. I am a regular "Lord Jim", a Joseph Conrad novel about a wonderful human being who loses his very head quite literally to honor his own integrity. ATTITUDES are very powerful.It was she who turned me onto Joseph Conrad, "Heart of Darkness" and made me watch "Apocalypse Now". Life is tragedy. Christ knew that only too well.

The sadness is that I was troubled myself and we were awfully young. Happiness has been torn from me many times. I have built a blooming tank now, lol. It is Russian of course and I patrol 24/7!

a reply to: Revolution9

My apologies then. Perhaps I am the naive one. But in my case, there was a child. He will grow up to repeat my mistakes, very likely. For that reason I cannot forgive certain sins, if that means forgetfulness. I am not ready to forget what it means to live with someone possessed by a violent demon. These problems run in families.

a reply to: Revolution9

While it is admirable that you have forgiven her, I feel that you are possibly in danger of repeating your past mistakes due to the torch that you still carry for her by calling her your soul mate and expressing how much you miss her. While it's wonderful that you have learned many life lessons during that time in your life, it's not healthy to keep carrying this torch for her, lest you find yourself attracted again to someone just like her. Beware.

Wow thank you for sharing your story......

I honestly have a lot more to say but it's just too personal I feel....

So briefly, i'll say, I had a lot in common with you ex at a point in my life, probably for similar reasons. Reading this really made me almost cry I'm so glad I got the professional assistance and medication when I did or I could have ended up robbing my child of both of his parents, and continuing a nasty circle of abuse.

I hope you'll never forget that relationship, and the life saving lessons to be taken from it. I'm sorry she ended up passing, the way that she did. Life isn't always fair, but if you're still here kicking, you can learn from others mistakes.

-Alee

a reply to: Revolution9

Despite what she did to me what she gave me exceeded what she took from me. She gave me my intellectual self and my critical conscious self. This may never have dawned in my soul without her.

Yes it would. Because you already had that in you, before you met her.

Now you are armed, will recognize this type of psycho bitch straight away and avoid them like a plague.

a reply to: Revolution9

Thank you for sharing your experience - I think it is amazing that you've been able to forgive her and move on with your life..

I hope this won't seem offensive, but I think your story could make a really good movie or even a stage play..

If you know any writers, you might approach them about collaborating - or you might try writing it yourself...I'm sure there are script writing tutorials online..

a reply to: Revolution9

Thanks for sharing this.
I really appreciate it.

Also thanks for giving a balanced description, I really can compare it with my own life in interesting ways.