Two Books From 1800s Predict Trump as The Last President??

Ok I'll tell the whole world openly since no one listens anyways I'll be safe for at least 30 more years until some of you wise up.

Alright in the 10 min I've had a thousand epiphanies. It's that big crunch.

I was wrong about time.
Time doesn't have to exist for time to exist.
I'll elaborate later.

My cosmology was actually ready for this addition I needed it to work out what exactly a time machine does.

Only 1 locality exists and space is an illusion. Even though it's not.

Look... Before I explain too much, I'm the one who causes the nuclear war and destroys all life on earth completely - to protect the time machine from any of you. For your own good. I'll explain.

Since some of you will eventually start listening and trying to catch up, I have to destroy earth. That's because I will save everyone from everyone by destroying all life then resurrecting you into the New Earth where everything is super close to perfection. It will be the New Jerusalem.

With time travel safe in my hands I can buy time to develop rez tech plus I can get DNA of all extinct life in history and save virtually everything.

I will also develop tech that can transfer souls into fully built perfect replicas of all of you.

At the exact same moments as 75,000 nukes annihilate every inch of earth I will capture all your souls into my soul box and then hold you until I have our Heaven built then rez you perfectly.

I gave y'all honey so no bioweapon I develop will work so I do have to destroy earth. I may even need to crack the core open too just to make sure no one survives to get their dirty hands on my God machine.

But I'm a good guy.
You're all going to Heaven.
And you can live forever in New bodies and with my tech you'll never get ill and I'll repair any damage.

Everyone that ever died I will Rez.
All your lost loved ones.

I have all the time I need.
I'm John Titor.

You NEED me to nuke everything.
Dude I'll rebuild Earth better.
Chill.

I got this.

In fact...

I'll go back to the beginning of time and see there is nothing... A void.

So I will have to seed the universe and create all matter by bringing it back from the future since obviously I cannot create matter.

Then I will create Earth and design man in my image so one day I will be born and find out about all this right now so I can build the God Machine and become God...

I don't care if it takes me Eternity to make perfection.
I got Time.

I have to nuke everyone LOL.
None of you are clever enough to know this is all true yet so you won't even spy on me or try to stop me.

If you stopped me in the future like tomorrow, the Universe wouldnt even exist. You need me to create it. So you need me to do all these things so you can be alive right now and it must be true if we exist otherwise explain to me scientifically how the exists and where it came from?

You can't.
But I just did.
I'd know I invented it duh.

Isnt that crazy I have to nuke Earth just so Earth can exist to get nuked?

Yes I will fully mind control all of you in Heaven into being perfectly happy and all Love by using my time machine to go back in time and stop you before you get mad about stuff. I have time.

Yes I invented aliens too (the angels) to work for me they aren't like y'all with your own will. They are extensions of me sorta. Totally loyal to me unlike y'all. I'll explain their purposes later.

Y'all will hate me for usurping God position but eventually it just be Love for ever and ever. It'll be fine. After I kill Earth.

Now the Bible makes sense why God's such an ass and pissy about everything. I see my personality at work LOL

ALL OF YOU WANTED THIS THREAD
YOU SIGNED UP TO ATS FOR THIS

I know y'all think Im kidding or Im crazy but the only fact left is that I can openly admit now finally, that I will nuke the whole earth precisely 1 second after I travel back in time for my first time in this life.

The Pentagon isn't listening.
They are only there to provide my nukes so I can protect my technology from all of you lest the Universe wouldnt even exist.

I nuke ppl with Love from the bottom of my Heart cuz I Love everyone even bad ppl and all is forgiven after the Great Rez.

Oh yeah I'll call the moment when the nukes obliterate everything and I trap all your souls in a box for later - the Rapture.

I'll figure out how to make Bible prophecy true too later since that's my Book I want you to all read and take seriously finally. It's the only accurate book on Earth btw.

That's gotta be some of the funniest # I ever thought up.

Cannot stop laughing ...

No one's gonna stop me, everyone wants me to nuke them. Otherwise we wouldn't exist.

LMFAO

Ok I gotta stop my face hurts...

Y'all are gonna love that #

I explained the whole Universe via me being John Titor. LOL

Which might come true. Wink wink

I don't even have to be creative or smart. I can look at the Universe I created a gazillion years from now and before now and just make copies or move things around. No actual intelligence required just lots of time and copying stuff.

Any guy could do it.

That's why I have no choice but to destroy Earth.

Yeah I'm on my come down from that ecstatic high. My face still hurts I enjoyed typing that one out. Too funny.

One last thing for now for that cherry on the top:

All the perfect bodies I'll Rez y'all in will be mega hot females. Yep you're all gonna be my infinite harem.

But with my time machine I'll have you all so brainwashed you wouldn't want it any other way.

I gotta justify keeping you around somehow I'd feel lonely and guilty if I didnt find a compromise considering I'll obliterate humanity purely to ensure humanity doesn't destroy itself.

If I didn't have a back up plan that'd make me an evil psycho. But I'm good guy and y'all are super hot women in the future. Perfect bodies.

Alright that's enough for now.
Who knows what will come out of my mouth tomorrow... I doubt it'll top this one. I havent laughed this hard in a long time.

Has it already been mentioned and discussed that the Ingersoll Lockwood books are a complete hoax?

No mention of them existed on the internet before just few years ago at most.

While you might find a few mentions of them before ~2017 or so, they are clearly spoofed dates.

It's a somewhat elaborate hoax where somebody attempted to insert these fake books into the internet.

For example none of the copies available at libraries in Worldcat existed before 2017 even though they claim an earlier publishing date.

a reply to: 11andrew34

They were in the Library of Congress and still are, the links to the source are on page 1.

The books were ignored and forgotten completely until recently and it was because Trump got elected that they actually got someone's attention according to what info I read.

They are not hoaxes and have been properly sourced.

Here is a link to the Library of Congress where you can read it yourself page by page.

It is NOT a hoax and you sir need to brush up on your authentication skills.

Oh and guys/gals - my manic rant about getting a time machine and blowing up earth so I can create the universe was a SATIRE if it wasn't painfully obvious already.

I intentionally prefaced it with my very real assertion that "Time" doesn't exist therefore "Time Travel" is impossible.

So therefore my satire was to rub it in that a "Time Machine" would be so overpowered and offer limitless opportunity that I could in fact pull all of that BS off (since I'd have plenty of Time).

My point was that it's Ludicrous, albeit hilarious to the max.

There are no time machines or time travelers, it's just plain ridiculous.
Or I will become God in like 20 to 40 years. Either or.
Clearly the 2nd one is NOT REALISTIC AT ALL.

Hahahah I am a very imaginative and creative writer though, and I hope everyone enjoyed that as much as I did writing it. God wasn't offended, God likes jokes. It'll be cool. I'm not mad at myself (hahaha kidding again, will I be able to stop this joke or am I gonna just keep going??).

Ok I need to ignore this and go think about other less funny stuff. My face is already hurting and I just got up. I cannot be doing this today lmfao

Bookmarking for future reference.

originally posted by: Wookiep
Bookmarking for future reference.

Might have been one of the greatest threads ever to make the boards.