I'm getting married in less than a month but I think I have just met my soul mate.

a reply to: xsocomx

Stay-away from women who give you googly-eyes, in obviously wrong situations.
She's done it before, and she'll do it again.
If you become her man: she'll do it behind your back.

Love and sex are different things for men.
Women too: but they're different, different things.

Any old farts you trust, that you can ask for advice?
Someone with experience, you can sit and have a beer with, and talk of these things?

a reply to: xsocomx

grass is always greener on the other...untill you live with someone youll never learn what they are like. dont throw away what you got.

PS if she cheats on her husband with you, shell definitely cheat on you!! Speaking from experience. I was in my early 20's....In the end it doesnt work out. KARMA is a female and shell definately screw you over in the worst way possible.... DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!DONT DO IT!!!

Ok.

There's so many unknowns to your story so here are some points to consider:

1. How do you feel about your fiance?
I'm sure you love her and have good intentions marrying her. That being said were you pressured into marriage? Did you get to the point after 6 years together and think "well I guess I have to marry her"? My parents were in that situation of being together so long, cruising through life that when it came to marriage dad felt pressured. This led to many unhappy years as a kid with my parents fighting, affairs and a broken marriage between two people who weren't the most compatible.

2. How do you feel about marriage?
If you were pressured you'll hold resentment against your fiance. If your parents had a snippy marriage maybe you're subconsciously trying to sabotage your marriage because you're scared. Some people with rough childhoods can baulk at commitment, not saying that I believe you are because you've been together so long but marriage is an official declaration and way above dating.

3. What are the motives of this other woman?
I'm a woman. Let me tell you Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It seems like this woman has serious issues within her own marriage and she is using you to upset or get back at her husband. Otherwise she wouldn't be flirting with you in front of him. This is about him and her, not you. Another thing that really stands out about her personality from what you told us is that she is very manipulative.

If you destroy your relationship just because this woman is flirting for you then that's a big red flag.

No one is so perfect and compatible off the bat. It seems like this other woman is enjoying toying with you, she loves the attention and the danger of getting caught. She's reading you well and mirroring what you like, she's enjoying dripping the honey appearing perfect to get the attention from you.

She WILL change if you started dating her. Suddenly YOU will be in her husband's position wathcing her from the corner of your eye as she flirts with a new man.

It's not fate, it's infatuation. You're going to go for it one way or another because it's something new and exciting. Unfortunately you'll most likely end up regretting it down the road.

Have fun.

a reply to: misnomer68

that's really sweet. I loved reading you post

That kind of thing always happens, right after you make plans, something seems to draw you astray from the task. I am not one to get involved with someone elses life. You may be being tested. Some women kind of like guys who are promised or married. That way there is no commitment.

a reply to: worldstarcountry

Im 28. sorry bout the comment.

The most important thing in your possible scenarios is the kid, because dude you are going to need to love that kid to, take care of him and be his dad,all the while having to deal with whatever the real dad is or becomes. LOL I've done that, got involved with a with divorced woman with 2 kids, about a year after my marriage ended , and we too did great for about 10 years thank goodness all the kids turned out great, but we were really focused on making sure their lives went as smooth as possible, even then there was tough times. LOL and by the time we raised them and into young adults, we couldn't agree on where to go from there.

There are no easy answers , though I do think there is a lot of that 7 year itch going on. I got married when I was 24 and I'd never cheat on my wife, but you do change and you do get those feelings sometimes,unless the 2 of you are in tune with each other. We held on 5 more years but the last 2 were brutal. We were young and in lust when we got married but we weren't best friends and just slowly drifted apart till it got messy. That said jumping into a relationship with a married woman with a kid isn't the answer either. Its going to sound crazy but hold off the marriage if you must but dont see the other woman initially even if you aren't the cause of her potential break up. Let that happen for it's own reasons without your involvement, if it's meant to be she will leave and after she gets herself together then maybe you can see where it leads.

But do be honest with your fiancee, it isnt fair to her that you are having these thoughts. Cause thats one thing about marriage you cant have those secrets like that either if you respect them like should if you are considering marriage. Jitters is one thing, and just screwing around one last time is another, but to get that emotional attachment to another when after 8 years you guys should be iron clad before making it permanent.

But most importantly dont ever take advice from an internet message board,

originally posted by: Nothin
a reply to: xsocomx

Stay-away from women who give you googly-eyes, in obviously wrong situations.
She's done it before, and she'll do it again.
If you become her man: she'll do it behind your back.

Love and sex are different things for men.
Women too: but they're different, different things.

Any old farts you trust, that you can ask for advice?
Someone with experience, you can sit and have a beer with, and talk of these things?

"Nothin" is EXACTLY RIGHT. I can back it up with 40+ years of life experience.

This "new gal" has nothing to lose... and she might be using you as a stick of dynamite to break things loose in her marriage. Please don't take this the wrong way... but if you think she's the kind of woman you want to spend your life with, you are an idiot.

You have EVERYTHING to lose... and "new gal" has nothing to lose, and if she's flirting with you and has told you she's "unhappy in her marriage" you should GET THE F*** AWAY FROM HER... FAR AWAY FROM HERE as soon as possible.

I'm not going all "moral" on you... this is about the obvious, that every guy reading this on ATS who has integrity and has worked to have an intimate relationship, knows I'm right... not because I'M right... because hard won life experience is right.

DON'T. DO. IT.

OH... BTW... again, don't take this the wrong way either...

But if you give a # at all about your fiancé... KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Just because you are having trouble putting your "big boy pants" on and feel guilty about it, is no reason to destroy her life.

I was given the same advice prior to getting married, over a similar situation... and thank GOD I took the advice. The 2 men who gave me that advice, (even though neither knew I talked to the other) when I told them how consumed with guilt I was... BOTH of them said "GOOD!!! You little #! Think about how it feels right now, the next time you think about doing something like that!!!"

I took their advice to heart... and painful as it was at that time... on a couple of occasions, it saved me from extraordinary pain and stupidity.

GOOD LUCK!!!

O M F G!!! One of the funniest things I've read in a while...

"Accepting relationship advice from young people is like hiring the Captain of the Titanic to head up your water safety program." ROTFLMAO!

Does it matter ? If you have committed and are thinking otherwise, you are not going to be able to stay with anyone long . 2 years at a time , maybe ? Tops.

originally posted by: mkultra11
Advice from a stranger:

She's looking for someone else bc she's unhappy with her relationship. So she's making herself available to you. She's knows you are engaged and is disrespecting your fiance. She's trouble and selfish. Stay away from her and stay with the girl that gave you 8 years and promising forever. Unless you don't love her anymore.

This ☝☝☝☝☝☝ ...

... and you need to repent.

You've been in a relationship with your fiancé for eight years ... and you behave like this? You're lucky you're not engaged to my daughter!!

Don't stray, marry your fiancee. As others have stated, the "other" woman is luring you in, as she IS in a troubled, doomed relationship. You however, are NOT. Think of your fiancee, the woman you have shared your life with for 8 years. Do you REALLY want to throw that away for a fling? I myself am engaged, and have spent almost 5 years with my fiancee. Nothing, no woman, could ever sway me to look elsewhere for what I have right in front of me. Think about it twice, three times, even four. Can you really leave the one you love, to begin something anew as two cheaters? I should hope not...

a reply to: xsocomx

If you feel this connection with this chick that is unlike the connection you have to your fiancee then it's kind of obvious that you have to approach the idea of moving in a different direction. It will be chaos though, given the child involved.....and if anyone is truly going to be hurt by this it will be the child.

But, wounds heal....and if this is your soulmate, and this woman feels the same then you need to reconsider the immediate future.

I have met two soulmates. The woman I have been in love with for 17 years and is my best friend, and the one who is weirdly like my bestie after only 5 mins after meeting her, recently in march this year. So many things in common that we've joked about how we're probably brother and sister in a previous life. Had I not had my first soulmate, and 4 beautiful children to her, I would definitely want to see where this connection with this new woman would take me.....but in saying that she is an absolutely cool chick to be friends with too. So I'm happy now the way it is and have always been happy with my first soulmate and the life we've brought into this world together.

8 years is a long time to spend with someone who may not be your soulmate.....I mean.....you should know pretty quick who is your soulmate and who isn't, and you DID ask her to marry you so there is clearly a connection there.

You need to separate all other women from how you perceive your fiance.
But to perceive her you must, at all costs. Here is a simple example:

In the movie "Bad Influence" please note how Mick holds his stomach in pain when his
fiance surprises him in his office, at work. Something about the woman bothers him, and her lack of charms, her talking, her manipulations, her princess reindeer games-all of it, even the crappy pseudo classical selection she duets with her Daddy at piano, especially the music I should say, does her in all on her own, with no interloper needed to see what a prize this
mood and mind controlling bitch is. The fiance scant appearance, essentialy cameo, in the story, but it is clear that she is repellent, and Mick is gonna owe Satan a few favors after Satan helps derail the engagement, by making him realize that he cannot stand her.

Of course it starts with a barstool party slut who satan drops on Mick's lap. Satan uses Mick's personal video gear to produce a tape of them fornicating. Later, satan cues up the tape in lieu of a business presentation, at an important party hosted by his future father in law, while posing as Francoise, an associate, of Mick, before all the guests.

So yeah, I would say someone is making you question whether you really want to be with your fiance. Is she a dypsomniac friend of religiously genital mutilating self proclaimed psychic sluts who thinks they're hilarious on booze and coke, and a mind altered bitch herself, because of decades of doping and other mood elevating and endocrine altering pharmaceuticals, or not? Can you masturbate properly, when thinking only of her? Or thinking of her, at all? Does she send care packages containing poison, to help aids cases in Africa, simply because she owns a Strychnine factory, and wants to promote brand recognition, and sales? These are important questions, the answers to which should help you to formulate your decision.

Remember. If she'll insufflate stuff in the bathroom, for the bedroom, because she can, it means that normal natural decadence, it means that you, aren't enough and you're probably sensing a slurpee basting of KY yours 'n mine, both, in there, and not natural succulence. Is this anything that true male grit ought be responding to?

More to the point: it means that she is not enough, for you.

Just some stuff to think about.

# 825

a reply to: xsocomx

You should actually tell your fiance, if you are truly selfless. Ask her what she thinks about the situation, unless she is the jealous type, then I can assure you that you are in the wrong relationship in the first place. If you cannot trust your fiance to reasonably discuss your situation then she is not really your friend. If you can discuss this with your fiance in a reasonable manner, then you should stay with your fiance. That means she is very valuable.

originally posted by: 3daysgone
a reply to: xsocomx

You should actually tell your fiance, if you are truly selfless. Ask her what she thinks about the situation, unless she is the jealous type, then I can assure you that you are in the wrong relationship in the first place. If you cannot trust your fiance to reasonably discuss your situation then she is not really your friend. If you can discuss this with your fiance in a reasonable manner, then you should stay with your fiance. That means she is very valuable.

And ruin Movie Nights ?

No more stolen glances.

You know if she is sending you signals.

All I know is a great relationship starts with trust.

Tell her you are getting cold feet.

Break up and see if soulmate does the same.

Wait a respectful amount of time.

Ask her out and hold out.

Trust me...

originally posted by: 3daysgone
a reply to: xsocomx

You should actually tell your fiance, if you are truly selfless. Ask her what she thinks about the situation, unless she is the jealous type, then I can assure you that you are in the wrong relationship in the first place. If you cannot trust your fiance to reasonably discuss your situation then she is not really your friend. If you can discuss this with your fiance in a reasonable manner, then you should stay with your fiance. That means she is very valuable.

This makes no sense to me... stirring the pot with deep confessions will break the trust... if you haven't already done that. Women aren't stupid... she probably saw the googly eye exchanges out of the corner of her eye more than once.

You aren't ready to be married OP.. put the wedding off for a bit... figure things out .

This is going to lead to alot of messy stuff if you play games now. Either get serious about being faithful to your girlfriend and fiancé or call off the wedding ASP.