The Love Story of a Delusional Madman

I honestly dont know how to tell this story, so ill just start from the beginning.
This is a true story based on my experiences as diagnosed Schizoaffective for About 6 years,
And my love for a woman who i dont know if i will ever see again.


When i was a child, i had blonde hair until i was about 10 or 11 and then it turned brown. My eyes are Hazel Brown, And people joke about how i look like the paintings of jesus with my long hair, Just to describe what i look like nowadays, except i have 5 tattoos on my arms (Both.)


When i was young i went to new york with my grandmother. I was 7 years old. I met family members that were related to me through my grandmothers side and we all went to the movies to see the first of the newer starwars movies (the one with jar jar binks and anakin as a slave child.) I saw it with a few adults and some of my family members around the same age. We went and saw "The lion king play." "The nutcracker." and "Peter Pan." as well as as one of their ballerina recitals.

Outside one of the restaurants we were at, my third cousin olivia was eight years old and she proposed to me and at the time i pushed her down. all of the adults said my name in a way that made me feel shameful.

This was the first time i had ever heard of "South park." through a video game where you would pee on the snowballs and throw them at people or make them eat it on the nintendo 64.

I remember hanging out by the pool with them all jumping off the diving board and swimming around.

IT was for about a week, and then we returned to florida and for the longest time and i had forgotten all about it.

I went through elementary school, middle school, and highschool and had a few girlfriends but had never had sex with any of them, i always dated women for the companionship that came with it.

I told myself in my heart that i only wanted to be with one woman for the rest of my life and noone else, and loose my virginity on my wedding night. Because i really believe that at least one of the people in a marriage should be a virgin, and without that the whole thing seems kind of pointless.

Time goes on and then when i was 18 i got a job at the carburetor shop with my dad, i was doing really good for a longtime. i was working 70 hours a week. then around that time my grandfather passes away from cancer.

You'll never guess who i met at the Funeral.

Olivia, looking as beautiful as the stars themselves, Graced me with her presence and went on a date with me to the mall.
She said it wasn't bad for a first date. We Talked and had a good time, and i was so happy because when i saw her for the first time in years i told myself i would never be with her. I cried my eyes out when i told myself that right after the funeral. I looked up at the sky when i was crying and i saw an angel with the sun as its halo as a cloud. I dont know why but i suppressed that memory the whole time i was with olivia. I took her to reddington beach, and we just sat there at night and talked.

We got into an argument over facebook because i backed out of going to new york to see her because i was so afraid tat she was goihng to break my heart in person if i saw her again. She told me she was sorry for making me feel this way, and told me it was legit the end.
I was acting crazy over her because i felt fire in my heart so bad.

Oneday i saw olivia on the beach, or at least i think it was her, and she pointed at me and said to her friend next to her "Thats him." I didnt recognize her at the time and it was another suppressed memory. I was on the beach contemplating a near death experience i had and when i was on my way to leave thats when i saw her.

Skipping forward to oneday at my grandmother ritas house, where my grandfather lived while he was alive, I went outside and saw the clouds arranged as a stairway to heaven, and when i turned around in the sky was a tree encircled in the clouds. That same night I was meditating imagining myself floating around grandmas house and a voice came to me. it said"Isis." in Olivia's Voice. and i suppressed it and tried again and the voice came back and said "Its nothing."

Later on i repented for all of the people that got tortured because i was thinking about it, and her voice came to me as a sex moan.
I was complaining about other voices in my head and her voice said " I Know."

I constantly feel The Facial expressions and Emotions of Olivia's spirit to this very day, and its like she knows my every thought and responds to them and looks after me as some kind of special needs child. But the thing is, She has a kid now. And i haven't talked to her in person in years.
I Really love this woman with all of my heart and i want to marry her. But i dont know if my hallucinations are real or not because things will happen to me where an animal will appear, and disappear fading away and was never there in the first place, like a gecko or bird or bunny rabit.

I wish Olivia knew i had true love feelings for her, and i dont know why her son looks so much like me,
if things go the way i want them to im going to send her a card with disney land tickets and a few hundred dollars and ask her to visit us.

a reply to: Belcastro

Have you considered trying to reconnect with Olivia or writing to her to share how you feel? Not in an overbearing kind of way, but just to honestly share that you feel you never had closure?

That might be something to consider.

Don't let opportunities get whisked away - you may find yourself unhappy and regretful in your dying days!

originally posted by: FamCore
a reply to: Belcastro

Have you considered trying to reconnect with Olivia or writing to her to share how you feel? Not in an overbearing kind of way, but just to honestly share that you feel you never had closure?

That might be something to consider.

Don't let opportunities get whisked away - you may find yourself unhappy and regretful in your dying days!

Thats what i want to do with the card and the disney land tickets it will have a letter with it.

Disneyland tickets and a few hundred bucks??? Dude don't do it.

I mean it is a nice gesture and all, but asking a girl you haven't seen in years and did not have a relationship with to come to California to see you is kinda out there.

Maybe a better course of action would be to write her and see if she responds, hell you could say you want to give her tickets to disney, disney land is cali, disney world is florida....

originally posted by: tinner07
Disneyland tickets and a few hundred bucks??? Dude don't do it.

I mean it is a nice gesture and all, but asking a girl you haven't seen in years and did not have a relationship with to come to California to see you is kinda out there.

Maybe a better course of action would be to write her and see if she responds, hell you could say you want to give her tickets to disney, disney land is cali, disney world is florida....

As a woman, I would have to agree with this. Best of luck to you, and I mean it.
I really think the best course of action would be to gently reach out first, before grabbing at stars.

It's a sweet gesture though, for sure.