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Falling: An Epic Fantasy
page: 6share:
a reply to: jacygirl
I think you don't give yourself enough credit, Jacy. You have a unique voice that is both engaging and witty. I think the best stories are the ones that form in our heads and refuse to stay put. The stories that, as you say, our brains start putting together and push us to unchain them. That is all this story of mine is - it stemmed from one prolonged personal experience, that I think in order to process I needed to let it out somehow.
And I should mention, you know that at least one scene in Falling has several strokes from your brushes in it. It would not be as good as it is without your help, so thank you.
I think you don't give yourself enough credit, Jacy. You have a unique voice that is both engaging and witty. I think the best stories are the ones that form in our heads and refuse to stay put. The stories that, as you say, our brains start putting together and push us to unchain them. That is all this story of mine is - it stemmed from one prolonged personal experience, that I think in order to process I needed to let it out somehow.
And I should mention, you know that at least one scene in Falling has several strokes from your brushes in it. It would not be as good as it is without your help, so thank you.
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Aww, sheesh...thank you!
And thankfully there is an audience for every writer, eh?
"War and Peace" may not be on the shelf next to "The Cat in the Hat" but they both deserve their place, lol.
Don't you be starting anything here with your talk of strokes and brushes! If anybody knew which scene you were referring to, people would talk. (Thank YOU for even asking for my opinion!)
I keep responding because it keeps your thread current, lol.
jacy
Aww, sheesh...thank you!
And thankfully there is an audience for every writer, eh?
"War and Peace" may not be on the shelf next to "The Cat in the Hat" but they both deserve their place, lol.
Don't you be starting anything here with your talk of strokes and brushes! If anybody knew which scene you were referring to, people would talk. (Thank YOU for even asking for my opinion!)
I keep responding because it keeps your thread current, lol.
jacy
originally posted by: jacygirl
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Aww, sheesh...thank you!
And thankfully there is an audience for every writer, eh?
"War and Peace" may not be on the shelf next to "The Cat in the Hat" but they both deserve their place, lol.
Don't you be starting anything here with your talk of strokes and brushes! If anybody knew which scene you were referring to, people would talk. (Thank YOU for even asking for my opinion!)
I keep responding because it keeps your thread current, lol.
jacy
Hmm...
I think I will read both of those at the same time,
alternating pages from each. I shall call my new
portmanteau The War Cat In The Peace Hat.
Oh...and bump to the top ( still reading )
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Shep as long as we get another entry you can put the cat on my head while wearing the hatted cat! I just need more!
Shep as long as we get another entry you can put the cat on my head while wearing the hatted cat! I just need more!
Whew!
A sweeping epic that leaves one feeling that
there is still a world more yet to be revealed.
Your descriptive skills are on point as well as
your sense of character development and the
intrigue it brings their believable interactions.
Well done.
If there is one complaint it's that the story
begins rather slow. It is my uneducated opinion
that a story should be started with a hook that
keeps the reader hanging while other details
are filled in afterwards. That being said, there
are many successful novels that don't do that,
so what do I know.
I am in full editing mode on a future e-book so I
feel compelled to ask the following:
Do you consider this the final version of our story
(not including the odd error) that might appear in
your finished novel - meaning the order of events,
details included/excluded, etc.
Which authors do you read most and do you think
you are emulating them here to some (any) degree?
How many estimated words would be in the final
work?
Again, great job!
Now back to editing my book, which by the way,
your descriptive prowess has made feel like a
desolate desert to me.
Thanks for that.
A sweeping epic that leaves one feeling that
there is still a world more yet to be revealed.
Your descriptive skills are on point as well as
your sense of character development and the
intrigue it brings their believable interactions.
Well done.
If there is one complaint it's that the story
begins rather slow. It is my uneducated opinion
that a story should be started with a hook that
keeps the reader hanging while other details
are filled in afterwards. That being said, there
are many successful novels that don't do that,
so what do I know.
I am in full editing mode on a future e-book so I
feel compelled to ask the following:
Do you consider this the final version of our story
(not including the odd error) that might appear in
your finished novel - meaning the order of events,
details included/excluded, etc.
Which authors do you read most and do you think
you are emulating them here to some (any) degree?
How many estimated words would be in the final
work?
Again, great job!
Now back to editing my book, which by the way,
your descriptive prowess has made feel like a
desolate desert to me.
Thanks for that.
60 - Dredged to the Surface
“Kaena, put it away! She won’t --”
“Lady Commander,” Siere cut in, “if you want to get to the bottom of this you will sheathe your weapon. You are a warrior; that is what you do. This is what I do. You may not believe me, but I swear by Aomm the One I will not hurt him. Now put that knife down and be silent,” the Seeress told her calmly without looking away from Gaalen.
Kaena’s eyes widened in indignation and the moment stretched. Slowly she put her dagger away. The Seeress paid her no mind. She was completely focused on Gaalen, studying him. Gaalen felt the memory of the Bearer arriving surface, as if the memory was being pulled up from the depths of his mind. He remembered the girl’s greeting, and her command to show her his back. Seeress Meron’s eyes narrowed.
“Seeress,” Gaalen said, but found it hard to concentrate on anything but the memory. His kir felt warm.
Then the entire scene began to replay in his mind, every detail, every scent, every sound, every feeling. He tried to fight it off, to shove the memory back into the dark where it belonged.
“Don’t resist, Lord Braeghe,” she said softly. How does she -- are you reading my mind? Was it coincidence that the corner of her mouth pulled slightly upward just at that instant?
The memory pushed inexorably forward, and Gaalen started to get uncomfortable. It seemed obvious that the Seeress could see what he was remembering – changes in her expression seemed to be perfectly synchronized to his memory – the Bearer’s Commands and attitude toward men. When the Bearer cut his thigh, the Seeress’ mouth opened slightly, then her lips pursed and her eyes hardened. He relived the entire episode, every bit of it. Time seemed to slow. The Seeress held his head firmly in her hands the whole time, right up to where he laid the glowing-hot knife blade on his own thigh.
The Seeress let go, almost recoiling, and for a moment Gaalen thought he saw raw revulsion in her eyes as she studied him. Shame flooded him again, and once more he felt unclean, as if somehow by the mere act of her touching his head he had soiled her white Seeress’ robes. He couldn’t bear the disapproval in her eyes, and he looked at the floor.
“Lady Commander," she said, her voice tight, "I think I understand what has happened here.” She turned to Kaena, clearing her throat.
“What did you do to my,” Kaena caught herself, “to the Lord Captain?”
“You are correct, he has been Commanded,” the Seeress began.
“Seeress, please,” Gaalen said weakly.
“It was for good reason,” she continued, ignoring Gaalen, “there is a life at stake, possibly more than one. However, I am unable to relate the details to you, nor even who gave him the Command. Tamborae is,” she hesitated, “fickle at times, very difficult to manage. I can assure you I did not do this to him, but I have methods of finding out who did. This is a Temple matter and will be handled here.”
“I accidentally gave him a conflicting Command because of this, Seeress,” Kaena grated, “It needs to be ended, not 'handled.'”
“Oh I promise you, I will put an end to it, Lady Commander. I will send you word of when this situation has been resolved. Until then, I would advise against any further Commands to the Lord Captain,” she said evenly.
There was a pregnant silence as Kaena and the Seeress stared each other down. Gaalen would not have been surprised to see frost on the Seeress’ vanity mirror.
“Let me make this clear, Seeress,” Kaena said finally, her voice low, “I still think this is somehow your doing, and that there is more here than you let on. And if I am able to confirm my suspicions, I will make you pay in kind, do you understand?”
“Clearly, Lady Commander. Now if you please?” she motioned to the door.
“Kaena, put it away! She won’t --”
“Lady Commander,” Siere cut in, “if you want to get to the bottom of this you will sheathe your weapon. You are a warrior; that is what you do. This is what I do. You may not believe me, but I swear by Aomm the One I will not hurt him. Now put that knife down and be silent,” the Seeress told her calmly without looking away from Gaalen.
Kaena’s eyes widened in indignation and the moment stretched. Slowly she put her dagger away. The Seeress paid her no mind. She was completely focused on Gaalen, studying him. Gaalen felt the memory of the Bearer arriving surface, as if the memory was being pulled up from the depths of his mind. He remembered the girl’s greeting, and her command to show her his back. Seeress Meron’s eyes narrowed.
“Seeress,” Gaalen said, but found it hard to concentrate on anything but the memory. His kir felt warm.
Then the entire scene began to replay in his mind, every detail, every scent, every sound, every feeling. He tried to fight it off, to shove the memory back into the dark where it belonged.
“Don’t resist, Lord Braeghe,” she said softly. How does she -- are you reading my mind? Was it coincidence that the corner of her mouth pulled slightly upward just at that instant?
The memory pushed inexorably forward, and Gaalen started to get uncomfortable. It seemed obvious that the Seeress could see what he was remembering – changes in her expression seemed to be perfectly synchronized to his memory – the Bearer’s Commands and attitude toward men. When the Bearer cut his thigh, the Seeress’ mouth opened slightly, then her lips pursed and her eyes hardened. He relived the entire episode, every bit of it. Time seemed to slow. The Seeress held his head firmly in her hands the whole time, right up to where he laid the glowing-hot knife blade on his own thigh.
The Seeress let go, almost recoiling, and for a moment Gaalen thought he saw raw revulsion in her eyes as she studied him. Shame flooded him again, and once more he felt unclean, as if somehow by the mere act of her touching his head he had soiled her white Seeress’ robes. He couldn’t bear the disapproval in her eyes, and he looked at the floor.
“Lady Commander," she said, her voice tight, "I think I understand what has happened here.” She turned to Kaena, clearing her throat.
“What did you do to my,” Kaena caught herself, “to the Lord Captain?”
“You are correct, he has been Commanded,” the Seeress began.
“Seeress, please,” Gaalen said weakly.
“It was for good reason,” she continued, ignoring Gaalen, “there is a life at stake, possibly more than one. However, I am unable to relate the details to you, nor even who gave him the Command. Tamborae is,” she hesitated, “fickle at times, very difficult to manage. I can assure you I did not do this to him, but I have methods of finding out who did. This is a Temple matter and will be handled here.”
“I accidentally gave him a conflicting Command because of this, Seeress,” Kaena grated, “It needs to be ended, not 'handled.'”
“Oh I promise you, I will put an end to it, Lady Commander. I will send you word of when this situation has been resolved. Until then, I would advise against any further Commands to the Lord Captain,” she said evenly.
There was a pregnant silence as Kaena and the Seeress stared each other down. Gaalen would not have been surprised to see frost on the Seeress’ vanity mirror.
“Let me make this clear, Seeress,” Kaena said finally, her voice low, “I still think this is somehow your doing, and that there is more here than you let on. And if I am able to confirm my suspicions, I will make you pay in kind, do you understand?”
“Clearly, Lady Commander. Now if you please?” she motioned to the door.
originally posted by: shlaw
A sweeping epic that leaves one feeling that there is still a world more yet to be revealed.
Your descriptive skills are on point as well as your sense of character development and the intrigue it brings their believable interactions.
Well done.
Hi shlaw! Thanks for this ^^^! That is exactly one of the things I was going for. An air of mystery and the feeling there's more to discover. I have to say I find the same feeling in your story D'Arc. I get the idea of what the world is, but the question is how. and why did it end up that way? Why are they called Prepoc?
Your compliments on my description skills are humbling - thank you!
If there is one complaint it's that the story begins rather slow. It is my uneducated opinion that a story should be started with a hook that keeps the reader hanging while other details are filled in afterwards. That being said, there are many successful novels that don't do that, so what do I know.
I can definitely see that. I will say this: at its deepest core, Falling is actually a love story. It is set against the backdrop of a vast conflict of good and evil, journeys of faith, and the idea of standing on principle and truth.
Also, the finished work would begin with a prologue, which has something of a hook. Perhaps I shall post that at some point, to see what you all think of it in this thread.
I am in full editing mode on a future e-book so I feel compelled to ask the following:
Do you consider this the final version of our story (not including the odd error) that might appear in your finished novel - meaning the order of events, details included/excluded, etc.
Which authors do you read most and do you think you are emulating them here to some (any) degree?
How many estimated words would be in the final work?
Barring input by an actual editor (as opposed to myself), yes, at least for this arc it would be pretty much what I would submit to a publisher for consideration, minor tweaks and technical bug fixes notwithstanding, of course.
Which authors? Good question, but a long one. I would say there are a few authors whose voices I enjoy tremendously, and therefore I suspect their influence can be found in my writing if you look hard enough. The first is probably Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series. His depth of world-building is almost unparalleled in the epic fantasy genre, and I am willing to state that in my opinion, the first 5 books of The Wheel of Time are the best epic fantasy writing I have ever read.
Second would be Brandon Sanderson, who is the man that finished the last 2 1/2 books of The Wheel of Time after Jordan passed away. He brought back an urgency and sense of action that was sometimes lacking in the middle of the series. His Mistborn series is wonderful for its protagonist - a slender young woman named Vin - and his system of magic, slowly revealed throughout the series. He proves the value of a consistent set of rules for magic use in a fantasy series.
Third is of course J. R. R. Tolkien, from whom we get the vastness of time and history and the value of creating a mythos that is consistent and underlies the story.
I have read a few books of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, which the HBO series "Game of Thrones" is based upon. Martin writes dirt and ugliness very well. What I mean by that is that the characters in A Song of Ice and Fire are mostly not beautiful and not perfect. This is very difficult but very important for me to remember, because as I identify strongly with my characters it's hard for me to make them less than perfect. But it is our imperfections and how we deal with them that make us human - and therein lies the drama.
Similarly, I owe a not to J. K. Rowling for her Harry Potter series. Her entertaining whimsy and dialogue is so engaging to read it reminds me that you do not need pages of description to convey important information to the reader. Also, the character of Severus Snape was wonderfully written and has shown me what power there is in ambiguity and misdirection.
I also owe a nod to Lloyd Alexander, author of The Chronicles of Prydain, for his wonderful YA stories of Taran the orphan in the kingdom of Prydain that was remarkably similar in geography and legend to Wales. Mr. Alexander sucked me into the world of fantasy from which I have never escaped.
Ken Follett, Jr. is another influence. Mr. Follett has a magnificent (and sinister) gift for beautifully describing and giving life to his characters hopes, dreams, and ambitions, then brutally and mercilessly crushing them with extreme prejudice.
Finally, I should also list the Bible. A theme in Falling are two journeys of faith. I draw from my own experience and the Bible in constructing those elements of the story. It's also a rich trove of stories, situations, and I admit, names.
Now all that having been said, whether I am actually emulating any of those masters of storytelling remains to be seen. I feel much like a child writing in crayon compared the likes of those authors I have listed.
Again, great job!
Now back to editing my book, which by the way,
your descriptive prowess has made feel like a
desolate desert to me.
Don't try to write with my voice or anyone else's, shlaw. Write with your own voice - however that comes out. Your story is engaging and interesting, drawing me on to dig out the nuggets that you leave behind. Don't sell yourself short - you can write, my friend. Keep writing and keep telling stories!
OMGosh this turned out long - SORRY!!
edit on 4-17-2017 by PrairieShepherd because: Because I'm retentive.
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Oh wow. That was so clever.
I could feel it.
Your characters are coming to life for us Shep. You are clearly talented, and there is indeed an audience.
I feel like I'm luckily getting a sneak peek into the beginning of something grand.
I really think you can take this far.
jacy
Oh wow. That was so clever.
I could feel it.
Your characters are coming to life for us Shep. You are clearly talented, and there is indeed an audience.
I feel like I'm luckily getting a sneak peek into the beginning of something grand.
I really think you can take this far.
jacy
a reply to: jacygirl
a reply to: Night Star
Thank you, dear Jacy and Night Star. And Admin, too. You ladies are like my fan club - LOL.
And Chirp - I see you over there in that grove of noblethorn. You can come out and sit by the campfire with us, you know.
a reply to: Night Star
Thank you, dear Jacy and Night Star. And Admin, too. You ladies are like my fan club - LOL.
And Chirp - I see you over there in that grove of noblethorn. You can come out and sit by the campfire with us, you know.
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Now I feel like a groupie.
Glad to be a part of your fan club.
Now I feel like a groupie.
Glad to be a part of your fan club.
edit on 17-4-2017 by Night Star because: (no reason given)
a reply to: Night Star
Are we groupies? (I almost wrote 'gropies', rofl)
I'm okay with that. Didn't have a wild youth, it's time I ran with a gang or something.
Shep, if you really want a devoted fan base of wimmen, you need to add those 'bodice ripping' scenes. Only yours are kind of reversed. Like "Fifty Shades of Ripping".
I'm just gonna stop typing now.
Are we groupies? (I almost wrote 'gropies', rofl)
I'm okay with that. Didn't have a wild youth, it's time I ran with a gang or something.
Shep, if you really want a devoted fan base of wimmen, you need to add those 'bodice ripping' scenes. Only yours are kind of reversed. Like "Fifty Shades of Ripping".
I'm just gonna stop typing now.
a reply to: jacygirl
OK, I'm going to show my naivete here and ask: what's the difference between a "bodice-ripping scene" and what Kaena does to Gaalen a couple times? She kind of invites him to untie a few pieces of clothing...?
This is probably going to skirt the T&Cs isn't it?
PM if necessary, that is all.
ETA: And considering the content of your post, "Gropies" works, right?
OK, I'm going to show my naivete here and ask: what's the difference between a "bodice-ripping scene" and what Kaena does to Gaalen a couple times? She kind of invites him to untie a few pieces of clothing...?
This is probably going to skirt the T&Cs isn't it?
PM if necessary, that is all.
ETA: And considering the content of your post, "Gropies" works, right?
edit on 4-17-2017 by PrairieShepherd because: (no reason
given)
a reply to: PrairieShepherd
Ahh...hahahaha...
Well, I can keep it chummy (and T&C friendly)...after all, it's literature we're discussing.
There is a certain genre of 'romantic history' novels that include steamy sessions whereby the leading man is so besotted by his love interest, that he eventually starts groping at her bodice (because of course the ladies wore gowns with fitted bodices, in history).
Women can tend to fantasize about the man of their dreams becoming so attracted and roused by her beauty and charm that he literally cannot control his desire for her.
(Yeah, I know...walking a fine line there but it's fiction and it sells BIG TIME!).
So your story, with the men being 'controlled' or 'corrected' by women is rather a role reversal. But you have created such fascinating in-depth characters, that nothing seems shady or even coarse.
No pun intended, but it's a touchy subject. It's also a popular one that sells lots of books.
jacy
Ahh...hahahaha...
Well, I can keep it chummy (and T&C friendly)...after all, it's literature we're discussing.
There is a certain genre of 'romantic history' novels that include steamy sessions whereby the leading man is so besotted by his love interest, that he eventually starts groping at her bodice (because of course the ladies wore gowns with fitted bodices, in history).
Women can tend to fantasize about the man of their dreams becoming so attracted and roused by her beauty and charm that he literally cannot control his desire for her.
(Yeah, I know...walking a fine line there but it's fiction and it sells BIG TIME!).
So your story, with the men being 'controlled' or 'corrected' by women is rather a role reversal. But you have created such fascinating in-depth characters, that nothing seems shady or even coarse.
No pun intended, but it's a touchy subject. It's also a popular one that sells lots of books.
jacy
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