Switch on, Switch off YJA2017

The music playing over the radio distracted me in the best and the worst ways possible. For a few moments I was able to leave the chaos of the last two hours behind me and just drive. Feeling free , I navigated my car along the winding road, trying to block out the contentious words of my wife that were still echoing in my mind. I had argued with her about everything and yet being alone out on the road, I couldn't help but admit she was right. I couldn't believe she had the nerve.....

The moment came out of nowhere. No warning, no alarm bells, just the sounds of impending uncertainty rushing all around me. I vaguely remember the crunching of the steel, glass exploding, a car horn blaring just a second before everything just ...switched off.

One second I was on the open road trying to leave everything behind me, and the next second I actually did. Completely surrounded by nothingness, I tried to get my bearings. Where was I ? What was I ? Everything that seemed so important a moment ago had suddenly vanished with no explanation and no apology. Everything I had worked for my entire life, gone in an instant. I looked around or at least tried to but there was nothing to see. Not just darkness, being in the absence of light, but actual complete nothingness. I had the feeling that if someone turned a light on i would still be surrounded by darkness because there was nothing for the light to illuminate.

I have no idea how long I remained in this void. Could have been years, or it could have been just a few seconds. In those moments, I was encompassed by nothing but my thoughts. Is this death? Is this part of the grand plan? Is there a plan at all? If this is the after life will I get to see my son that passed away when he was only 9? I couldn't help but feel the wind on my face as I recalled running through the park , showing little Phillip how to fly a kite for the first time. It was as if I could feel his arms around me giving me a hug as he spoke in my ear, " I love you daddy." I love you to Philly, oh god how I love you. I felt tears running down my face and a feeling of hopelessness and anger. Why why why kept reverberating in my mind and I could not come up with an answer.

In that moment a small pinhole of blueish white light opened up in front of me. It slowly grew till it enveloped my entire being. I suddenly felt my self moving quickly through this space, unsure if it was me that was accelerating or just my surroundings. I felt my self propelled forward with a force I couldn't account for, and then suddenly everything stopped.

I found my self standing in an empty room, mostly white, devoid of any real definition. I stretched out my hand , and in front of me was screen with swirling purples and blues. As I touched it the colors faded away and in its place were 3 buttons each with a description. From top to bottom they read, " TRY AGAIN", " MOVE ON", and "HELP OTHERS". The button that said " HELP OTHERS" was not highlighted, only the top two were. In my mind I asked, why is that? In response I felt the impression in my mind that I simply wasn't ready for that option. I looked around trying to see if I was alone, trying to feel something, love, faith , hope, anything. I was alone , yet I had the strange feeling that I really wasn't alone at all. I felt the presence of eyes watching me, wondering which option I would choose, yet I saw no one.

In that moment, everything I had ever thought or believed was up ended. All of our concepts of God or what life after death might be faded away. Death, like life was just a series of choices, and the answers to our questions are never going to just be handed to us. The answers have to be found inside of us. I reached for the button that said "TRY AGAIN." Closing my eyes as I pressed it , I thought about my wife. I thought about my son. I thought about the love we shared, never mind how brief and fleeting it all was. I thought about the choices I had made , both good and bad. Could I maybe do things better? Could I learn from my mistakes? Could I ever hold my boy in one hand and my wife in the other ever again?

These thoughts were swirling in my head as I felt my hand press the button. I don't know where I was and I don't know where I' m going. But I do know my journey isn't over yet. As long as I still have something to learn, I'm going to press forward. And then , in an instance.....everything switched on.

the end

Hey dark, this is an awesome entry! I could really see and feel myself there with you in the void. If it was me there is have tried pushing the 'help others' button anyway haha... Love that by the way, how simple that is.

a reply to: darknessdelmundo

Nicely done! Hope to see more entries from you in the future!

Forced to choose between the two makes you look back and reflect on the life you've lived. Don't know what I would have chosen.

That was good. Hopeful, even.

Thanks guys for the kind words, I appreciate it. It's the first time I've shared anything that I've written... I look forward to reading all the other entries.

a reply to: darknessdelmundo

You had me hooked immediately wanting to know how it turned out for him.
I see (hope for) another chapter, do you?
Good luck and thanks for sharing it with us and I hope you share more in the future.

Getting you on the first page of the SS forum, hope you don't mind.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thanks I appreciate it!! I think I do see another chapter , maybe even a whole story down the line. THanks for the kind words.

Well done! I can see another chapter to this as well!