I Still Remember (YJA2017)

I Still Remember


You know that feeling when you’re called upon to speak
in front of a group of near strangers - that dry mouthed
trembling anxiety paired with a gut clenching nausea...

Or your very first kiss; that fiery feeling flowing from
face to feet, all encompassing, every nerve alive and on
edge...

That terrible moment when one close to you passes on
unexpectedly- that instant of disbelief, that cold, icy
chill, then everything around you recedes into the back
ground, and numbness takes over...

How about that moment when you yourself have breathed
your last, one final exhale that seems to last forever
as your sight grows dim, and then...


There are no words, but this futile attempt to describe
the indescribable:

Pressure. Intense. Inexorable. Every fiber
of my being, my very essence down to the very atoms and
beyond, compressed and stretched as though preparing to
pass through the eye of a needle.

Then, just when I am going mad, an explosion, of sorts:
A release of the binds confining me to myself, a sudden
inflation of awareness of all those I’ve ever influenced,
for better or worse, their desires and motivations, their
actions and deeds.

All of it washes over me with complete clarity.

Greed. Lust. Hate. Fear. Pride. Loneliness.
Stealing, cheating, torturing, killing.

Kindness, charity, curiosity, patience, and love.
Understanding, empathy, and sacrifice.

I have been all these, perhaps not in action but surely
in intent.

Then it all drains away and I find myself spilling
into a white featureless plane without landmark or
horizon.

I’m on my knees, would throw up if I could, and the
first thing I notice is a pair of feet and legs nearby.

Struggling upright, I find the man turning to stare
at me. “Are... are you God?” I ask with a tremble.
It feels like a stupid question, given the recent
revelations.

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he says. His
eyes are glazed over, dumb struck. He leaves me there
to cross the expanse, and as he does he slowly fades
away.

How long I lingered, I know not, but there was no further
great reveal, no appearance by a supreme being. Perhaps
this wasn’t the time or place.

Suddenly, I was struck by the idea that we are all, each
on our own, completely and entirely responsible for
ourselves. And each other.


I Woke up.

Yes, it was a dream, but one of those oh so rare as to
be indiscernible from reality.

Later, shaving, I lean over the sink, into the mirror,
and stare into my eyes, trying desperately to perceive
the mystery hidden within.

What a strange marvel that we are all here, together,
yet feel so alone.


At my apartment door, putting on my shoes, I hear the
elderly lady across the hall leaving her suite. All
we’ve ever exchanged was a wary glance, with her’s more
of a sour glare.

I lean my forehead against the door, as I usually do to
wait until she’s gone, but this time I clench my eyes
and set my jaw.

No more.


"Good morning,” I say as I catch her fumbling with her
keys. She turns and the sour look melts away to reveal
a small pleasant smile.

“Good morning.” She shoulders her purse then after giving
me the once over, adds, “Looks like it will be a lovely
day today.”

“It is,” I return with a smile.


I wish I could say I changed for the better after that,
but I am after all, just me.

But I still remember.




End.

Wow, that was wonderful!

a reply to: shlaw

I really enjoyed this. I also related to it in oh so many ways.
Great piece Shlaw.👏👏👏👏👏👏👍🤗

That was so incredible! Mindblowing, of my mind was capable of being blown anymore!
Certainly an incredible revelation, wonderful imparting of wisdom. And you were worried about falling on your face! In so glad you pushed through that to write this!

I especially love how clear you are able to link the experiences of trepidation, of passion, and of death...

Truly an honour.

a reply to: Night Star

Why thank you! I really appreciate it.

a reply to: Bigburgh

I am truly glad you enjoyed it and a big
thank you for the compliment.

a reply to: LucidWarrior

I wish I had something witty to say here, but instead
I am humbled by your high praise. Thank you ever
so much.

a reply to: shlaw

Ace writing

Maybe if we extend our lives we would all remember how we treat each other. Then that bad habit would disappear.

Nice read!

a reply to: shlaw

Very nicely written and thought provoking.
I wish others would come to the realization and stick with it

Well, in my life at least.

originally posted by: SprocketUK
a reply to: shlaw

Ace writing

Thank you!

originally posted by: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
Maybe if we extend our lives we would all remember how we treat each other. Then that bad habit would disappear.

Nice read!

If only...

Thank you so much!

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: shlaw

Very nicely written and thought provoking.
I wish others would come to the realization and stick with it

Well, in my life at least.

My wish too.
Thank you for the read!

a reply to: shlaw

Hi shlaw!

That was really interesting, poignant and poetic.
Kind of a 'death of ego' and 'awakening' theme, or at least that's how I saw it.

Really well written, you should definitely write more here for us to enjoy.
S&F
jacy

a reply to: jacygirl

Thank you Jacy- a welcome compliment from one
with such a nice writing style. Much appreciated.

I do have more stories in the pipeline so to speak
but I don't want to pollute the forum while this
month's contest is in progress. Lots of great writers
coming out of the woodwork. Good stuff.

thanks again.
cheers!

Wow really cool.