Growing up and losing childhood

Well, here's an interesting one.

Having a heart to heart with my son, who is 16 and upset. You know teenagers - the weight of the world is on them, school, relationships, hormones and parental expectations.

His problem, after an hour of patient probing and tears was this...

He does not want to grow up! He is afraid of the future. He's afraid of being stuck like me and his mum in jobs that make us tired and stressed. He is afraid of a future that promises so much, but may deliver so little. Most of all, he just wants to be 16 for the rest of his life.

Thinking this through, he's right. He's got so many freedoms and all the world is new, fresh and exciting. Why grow up and spoil it all? Why indeed?

I'm not after advice, but thought I would share this unexpected insight into the world of someone thinking about the steps into adulthood.

a reply to: paraphi

He does not want to grow up! He is afraid of the future. He's afraid of being stuck like me and his mum in jobs that make us tired and stressed. He is afraid of a future that promises so much, but may deliver so little. Most of all, he just wants to be 16 for the rest of his life.

He's seeing clearly enough. Not embracing the future thats going to be provided for him isn't the same as 'not growing up'.

There are no greener sides of the fence.

Suck it up buttercup and embrace your servitude. That's what I would recommend.

I remember someone saying to me when I started my apprenticeship at age 16; they said, "This is only for the next 49 years, if you're lucky."

Looks like it will probably end up being 54 years in the end, if they're lucky.

Edit - But also remember that there are some fantastic benefits to being an adult.

Tell him he will have the same freedoms and more for the next 20 years if he so wishes.

If he studies well enough for his high school exams, he will be able to go to college or maybe have an internship at a company. He'll be able to have his own place or maybe share one with his drinking buddies - a couple of guys in my college class bought a beer keg to keep them going for a month. They finished it over a bank holiday weekend.
We all had computer LAN parties over the weekend. Meet women at work, go out for meals, and have parties without parents being around. Then maybe he'll find that perfect match and they'll want to share a place together.

Yup. When my daughter left home her greatest lament was that she had to actually BUY milk for the refrigerator. It didn't just always appear like it always had.

He could always be a professional student.

Find some decent learning school that is relatively cheap, then keep changing majors every two or three years. It can work until about 26 which is another 10 years of not having to face The Horror of growing up. Keeps your taxes down too! Know plenty of baristas that have taken that route! lol

Actually, just tell him the truth. It is way better leaving the safety of high school to get into the larger world. At the 10-, 20-, year reunions seeing all the same people sticking to their cliques... that is just sad. Oddly enough I was just discussing that the other night (hockey All Star game?) over beer and nachos.

Getting out into the real world is a source of growth not something to be afraid of. Way more scary not growing up. I know a couple like that (basically emotionally stunted). Yikes!

Nice mid-mid life crisis! Good insights and nice to know that you actually talked about this stuff. He'll be fine. Most parents want their kids to do better than them and you do the best you can with what you got.

Maybe some tough love will make your son great!

"Richard Branson explains the most important lesson he learned from his mom — and it included being pushed out of the car at age 6"

"When Richard Branson was around six years old, he was in the backseat of his mother's car on his way to visit his grandmother.

With about four miles to go, the future billionaire founder and chairman of the Virgin Group started acting up — and his mother, Eve, stopped the car, pushed him out, and told him to find his own way there."

www.businessinsider.com...

Hello paraphi, I think that it is good that your child knows what he doesn't want from a young age. I also think that you are a good parent for understanding that his fears are natural.

Children’s are the future of our society. Children’s are unaware of everything in the world, they don’t know anything or don’t know how to behave. The character of children is formed according to how they are trained in their childhood. It’s important to every children to get proper care in their child age. So we must take special care with them.
kindergarten qatar

a reply to: paraphi

Not advice, just a suggestion.

Help him build a small canoe. www.selway-fisher.com...

I recommend the Kate but there isn't a video of the Kate so this will have to do.


Cable ties are quicker than wire. Exterior ply is cheaper than marine ply. Keep it simple and quick. Light enough to carry easily is a must.

Use it on shallow, quiet waters. Be aware of other peoples interests in the water, don't upset the fishermen or wildlife.

With a lightweight canoe childhood is extended indefinitely.

I would tell him to relax and just enjoy being young. You only get one ride,preparing for the future is important,but fretting to the point of anxiety is counterproductive .

I look back at my high school years with a cat that ate the canary grin.. i was a junior when j was sixteen.. tell him to enjoy his proms, go to the parties, and have fun. He has the rest of his life to worry about mortgages and 401k's


Respectfully,
~meathead