So pissed I can barely think...

So I flew home for 2 weeks, spent thanksgiving with my dad, saw my sister and her kids, a good time till the last night.

I am not looking for anything... I just have to talk about it, and not have to worry about the information getting back to my father... because well we don't want to see our father die in prison.

The youngest had been struggling with depression and self harm for a little over a year, so I made it a point to be home around the time my mom passed away to offer whatever support I could.

She seems to be mending well, and the last night I was in town my sister dropped a bomb on me... told me the depression and self harm came about due to a family friend of 20 years molested her... I know the guy actually talked to him through messenger on the flight in to the home state.

So I do a little digging I have narrowed down the area he lives in now.... and I notify my sister and she has closed the case... because she still sees her daughter on the edge of suicide even though all the signs say she has passed through the darkness and is on the mend...

I changed this girls diapers... I saw her first steps and heard her first words... every fiber of my being says this guy needs to pay... and pay dearly for stealing her childhood... and I am told to mind my manners and just let my sister know when he is in town so she can be on the lookout...

I have never felt this level of frustration... anger... and so utterly and completely helpless..

a reply to: Irishhaf

Oh wow, that's awful, I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.

I really don't know what to say other than, stand strong with your family, and for your Sister. The guy that hurt your sister is an Asshole and deserves everything he's inflicted!

Peace

a reply to: Irishhaf

Awful situation for yourself, sister and of course the daughter herself!

I find that being an uncle allows you to be listener for your niece, a father figure without the pressure of it being her father may allow her to open up to you in confidence.

Support her, be positive! show her the light within herself and to not let the darkness of past experiences cloud her mind!

Any justice you do in your time is on your back, but be forthcoming to her feelings about that.

A great book which i recommended to a friend who had been abused for many years and couldn't let go is "The Power of Now" it focuses on living in the present instead of holding on to the past

Sending you love!

I know exactly what you're going through, having faced the same problem. What do you do? You can either hand out Justice and possibly spend the rest of your life in prison or keep your cool and be there for your loved one.
I think being here for that person who needs me is the most important. I may get some satisfaction out of destroying that person who hurt her, but in the long run, I need to understand that I can do more good in helping the person who's been hurt, than getting revenge.

Mate do what needs to be done, whether thats the police or something else.

The important thing is this piece of excrement doesnt hurt anyone else.

My advice is if you choose the "something else" option dont post about it on social media

If you first reaction is the same as mine...Don't do it.

Some places will still prosecute the SOB.

Confront this person, but not in person.

I know you don't want to hear this right now...

But, surely there are two sides to this nightmare.

Get Sis some help. They are empowering people to get past this.

As for your anger...Consider talking to a pro.

Make sure you get the facts before acting. It is not unheard of for people to make false accusations for a myriad of reasons, including self denial, delusion and fantasy etc...

Not saying that this is made up, but don't become too closed minded.

Sat down with the legal office today to discuss my options... so I kind of removed any chance of option 2... cause anything happens to him I will be suspect number 1...

Yes my first urge was to track him and do something... but spending the rest of my life in jail is not an option because I wont be there for them when they need it.

Your sister will probably have PTSD as a result. Please read this book, it will help to let you know what your up against and how to help her. It will tell you all about PTSD www.amazon.com...=pd_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=C4EG9WH9TN5CZ3GTTE5R

I am so sorry for your sister and your troubles.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I see two options:

Option A: Do NOT call police. Kidnap pervert take him to local swamp and give him two in the chest and one in the head and you can be sure he is dead.

Option B: Do NOTHING. Let Karma take over.... for me that works .... Revenge is mine says the Lord.... so I leave revenge to the Lord. Does it not say to forgive thy enemies so your sins will be forgiven? Doing this is like pouring hot coals onto their heads...... meaning the Lord is judging them as well and it is not going as good as they hoped.

I choose Option B. Try it and watch what happens.

Now here is a true story..... there were two friends who decided to go out for a few drinks. They get drunk and on their way home one of them decided to hit the other guy in the back of the head....for no reason... he does this repeatedly and the guy who is getting hit only ask that he stop.... this guy did not defend himself but instead pleaded with his friend to stop.

The next morning the guy who was hitting his friend in the back of the head...... his baby daughter died that night .... crib death....

We found out later the time of death was around time frame when attack occurred? All I can say ..... strange.

Never go to prison for this bstard. You need to be there for your niece and be able to handle all that should happen legally. Otherwise she'd be lumbered with those things on her own.
Thing is why you must go to the police is that this guy could hurt others. That would be my biggest worry.

It isn't just your sister's or your niece's call. It is the safety of others that may suffer because nobody did anything for [sorry to say] selfish reasons.
Even if you just let the police know about him without taking it much further so they can keep an eye on him.

I totally believe that this happened to your niece, nobody gets suicidal over nothing.

She may seem vulnerable but if he was going to jail, maybe it would help her more than any books that are suggested to her.

As I said, as sad as it sounds, it isn't just about your niece. There are innocent girls right now that are happy and playful and look excitedly into the future, yet if they meet this guy, their whole life will be destroyed. This could be avoided by going through the right channels and nail the bstrd asap.

It must be very tough for all involved but think of the potential victims that will have to go through the same if he isn't stopped.

I wish you strength and luck!

a reply to: Irishhaf

Thats terrible haf, just bloody awful.

All I can say, is that I hope the despicable bastard gets a dose of karma shaped like a kerbstone to the pelvic region. I cannot say that if I was in your situation, I would be able to resist donning the mask of war and giving karma a shot in the arm, but however you act from here on out, make sure that your loved one is the only motivator. That loved one will still need you, whether the scumbag who hurt her gets his or not.

a reply to: paraphi

I`m thinking the same thing especially since his sister has "closed the case" and doesn`t want to pursue any legal actions.

When a child has problems like this people automatically tend to think that the problems were caused by bad parenting even though that`s not always true.some parents might make up untrue stories so that people won`t think that they are bad parents and are the cause of the child`s problems.A fictitious story will also gain them sympathy instead of condemnation for their perceived bad parenting.

Yea I would effing kill him. But you cant now because you made this thread so that is premeditated ,


So the only option is to out him everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Name ,address, phone#. Call his family his friends his GF or wife.

Call the media just tell everyone .

originally posted by: goou111
So the only option is to out him everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Name ,address, phone#. Call his family his friends his GF or wife.

Call the media just tell everyone .

Bad idea.

What if the young lady in question wants this to remain out of the public's eye? People really need to understand what goes through the mid of a child abuse victim. They frequently feel guilt about what transpired and often blame themselves for the other person's actions. Outing him means outing her and unless she is comfortable with that it is probably not the best idea however well-intentioned. People should defer to her decisions on the matter since she is the one that will have to handle the public ramifications.

a reply to: Irishhaf

That's terrible--I had the unfortunate job of interacting with people like that when I did my short stint as a paralegal for Trial Defense in the military (but I really enjoyed writing up charges and helping prosecute them when I was on the prosecution side of things). I despise people like that--not to mention my grandpa (my mom's step-dad) did similar to her, and once she told me that, I had to cut him out of my life. I couldn't even look at him anymore, and the bastard STILL sends me Christmas cards every year.

Anyhoo, the only advice that I would give is to not take matters into your own hands, but do remember that there is no statute of limitations (in any state that I know of) when it comes to child molestation. Also, if you know his address, you could always...hell, nevermind.

I get what you would like to do to this guy--I'm right there with you--but it's better to remain in your sister's life on the same side of prison bars. Seeing you, an apparent emotional support and safe person in her life, taken to jail wouldn't exactly better her emotional state.

Best of luck in figuring this out--I don't wish this on anyone, and I'm terribly sorry for what happened to her. But at the very least, help open doors and avenues to people with whom she can get the help that she needs. You certainly can't force her to go, but in reality, prosecution and conviction isn't always what's needed to heal these types of wounds.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: goou111
So the only option is to out him everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Name ,address, phone#. Call his family his friends his GF or wife.

Call the media just tell everyone .

Bad idea.

What if the young lady in question wants this to remain out of the public's eye? People really need to understand what goes through the mid of a child abuse victim. They frequently feel guilt about what transpired and often blame themselves for the other person's actions. Outing him means outing her and unless she is comfortable with that it is probably not the best idea however well-intentioned. People should defer to her decisions on the matter since she is the one that will have to handle the public ramifications.

So I guess back to option a huh?

a reply to: goou111

Wrong--I've been on the prosecution and defense side of these types of issues (as a paralegal), and it generally boils down to he-said-she-said if there isn't any forensic evidence or witnesses.

If he starts slandering and libeling the guy without absolute, irrefutable proof, OP opens himself up to legal problems of his own.

Sometimes I hate being so legally minded about this stuff, but the reality is what it is, unfortunately.

originally posted by: goou111
So I guess back to option a huh?

If you like taking advice from internet Charles Bronson's.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: goou111
So I guess back to option a huh?

If you like taking advice from internet Charles Bronson's.

So then your solution is to just "let it go" Dont kill him, dont out him, so we just let it go.

Just because the victim might not want it getting out he still has the responsibility to let anyone whose children might be around this guy know what he has done.