Being true to self.

Being true to self.

A perspective.

All too often many have tried to live up to others expectations, even though, often, neither knew it at the time that were the case. Strange isn't it? Instead of demonstrating our normal inner strength which is often considered by others as a form of weakness or simply being uncooperative or non supportive. Many of us at times tended to bend to the will of others so as to garner their 'acceptance'. But that's a false acceptance, it's not a true acceptance of who you really are, it never could be, If in a relationship, nonacceptance by others for one being oneself isn't a fair way to live or love. This truth goes in both directions, it leads to stagnation and mistrust in relationships.

By not being true to oneself in any given situation or relationship it sabotages not just ourselves and the relationship but it depletes our natural energy when we try to reach up to the others level of expectations. It also deprives oneself and the other the full essence of ones true being and potential.

That sparkle, the drive, the Uniqueness that once attracted the two to each other initially, becomes later, that which somehow gets perceived as a negative factor. A sign of unwanted independence from one another. Simply because one temporarily slips back into being their true self and forgets to portray themselves as the other wishes or accepts.

It's all a matter of perspective.

If, I am not true to myself and I choose to stay in the situation freely then I've surrendered a small part of who I am so as to maintain harmony, But, at what cost? Are the benefits worth the expense? In love, sometimes it is, while sometimes it isn't. Each situation is unique. If there is to be a true union between two people both need to accept the true person of the other for who they are, complete with flaws and interesting personalities, mannerisms, shortcomings etc.

But, If we simply stop being who we are to garner a false sense of acceptance then it's like attempting to build a solid relationship on a false foundation which will always be doomed not just to structural/relationship issues but eventual complete collapse.

Be true to oneself, if they cannot accept and or later judge you for who you really are then whats the point of having tried in the first place.

This always goes both ways.

a reply to: SLAYER69

Wisdom right there.

Ever tried staring oneself in the mirror and had a conversation? An honest, heartfelt conversation? For me, its a good way to see exactly how im feeling about my self and my emulation of being true to who I am. My true self. It can be unsettling, even a little scary, but theres always a deep sense of reassurance.

It is true we are multifaceted beings, but certain problems that obstruct or corrupt our ability to be true to ourselves can often go unnoticed, and can go unheeded for years, for some, a lifetime.


What exactly is being true to oneself? Well i suppose it really depends on the individual. For myself, it involves respecting my identity, the flesh and blood i have in this life, the choices i make that may hopefully not hinder in a bad way and may help in a good way, towards myself and towards others, regardless of what past may exist, to a degree. A large part of my self truth very much involves not just what i have to say, but the information i my glean from those around me, or whatever other sources there may be. This gleaning requires critical judgement, resilience, careful attention, among other things.



Thanks for the thread Slayer. Speaks to me.

You mean I should have scratch my belly and burped right away and not waited until few years of marriage?

In all seriousness you can be as real and raw as you can but still some people create false expectations of yourself in their mind, "he/she will change" are always in their mind, "he/she has so much potential", "a diamond in the rough".

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originally posted by: SLAYER69
Being true to self.

I agree, if there are any caveats, it would be that your convictions should not hurt anyone else's personal convictions without good reason, as opposed to risking offence to someone else with good reason.

A bit like saying you don't believe in God, while a partner does when there is no way of proving it, while on the other hand, saying using a mobile while driving is buck stupid, since your experience tells you so, even though the empirical truth of that is also not properly understood.

Funny enough, A guy out of The Four Tops talked about that last night on the Jools Holland music show. Music is one of those things that really brings out the being true to yourself non-meme. It's a passion really.

a reply to: SLAYER69

Our society has been conditioned to be true to. . . how many likes you get on Facebook or how many star you get on a post.

So often we judge ourselves based on others perceptions. We are who we are expected to be.

We aren't who we are.

And that's a god-damned shame. I've met some incredible people in my life who were who they were. No apologies, no explanations.
They didn't owe any nor did they ever give any.

Being true to self is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for anyone else around you.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
Being true to self is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for anyone else around you.

Being happy with yourself first and foremost is the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone else around you. Too many times in my life I have let family and relationships rule me and my decisions.
Then, one day I said F$#k all that.
This is who I am, take it or leave it.

Best thing I ever did.

Good luck on your journey, Slayer.

a reply to: SLAYER69

I can't possibly begin to express how this resonated with me. At this moment in time. At this very hour.

My 'inner strength' is their expectations and I, often, fall short of being able to produce and perform as expected.

Be true to oneself, if they cannot accept and or later judge you for who you really are then whats the point of having tried in the first place.

Perhaps those moments of love and acceptance that we are , sometimes, so desperate for.

Your words are so powerful.
It is a cycle that is difficult, if not impossible, to break.

a reply to: SLAYER69

That sparkle, the drive, the Uniqueness that once attracted the two to each other initially, becomes later, that which somehow gets perceived as a negative factor.


You could have just sent me a U2U rather than start a thread to get my attention...

a reply to: SLAYER69

Another perspective from a late night wine infused poster...

Being true to self? I can relate to that but figured out many many moons ago life is barely worth living if you aren't. I spent the first years of my childhood into adolescence trying to live up to the expectations of others and be someone I wasn't at a very fundamental level beyond normal personality quirk or manner.

By not being true to oneself in any given situation or relationship it sabotages not just ourselves and the relationship but it depletes our natural energy when we try to reach up to the others level of expectations. It also deprives oneself and the other the full essence of ones true being and potential.

As someone that has felt crushed with the life being sucked out of them by going through this very thing, this statement rings true. It took me to some dark places in my youth but the outcome learned from this was that I had to be the one looking out for me and that this was my life to live on my terms and not someone else's. Those that haven't understood this have been left behind or sacrificed. Fortunately, there have been few if any in my life subject to this because when you do know and are true to yourself, it shows.

Being true to yourself is a powerful thing. Sometimes finding yourself is a terrifying thing. Some never even look and some look deep. Being true to self first requires self-acceptance and depending on the circumstances, this in and of itself can come hard.

I think most of the regulars here are somewhat familiar with my life history as dog knows I've talked about it enough but your OP spoke to me. People cannot live a lie or not be themselves and ever expect to have meaningful relationships and interactions or to find that true self. Sometimes these things are minor and sometimes they are yuuuge. I've never been anything less than real and authentic with people and would hope and expect others I share emotions, feelings and the world together with to be the same. Life is too short to waste playing games, hiding from your truth or twisting yourself into something else to make others happy or for acceptance. We all make compromises, sure, but when they run deep or impinge on our core personality or sense of self we know as true or when too much has been surrendered, then we're not doing ourselves and those we are involved with any favors. It's corny but if you can't know and love yourself, how can you truly love someone else?

If, I am not true to myself and I choose to stay in the situation freely then I've surrendered a small part of who I am so as to maintain harmony, But, at what cost? Are the benefits worth the expense?

I know you're thinking relationships but for some like myself, that "situation" can be life and society as a whole and the parts that are surrendered to maintain harmony are too monumental to ignore or deny. The costs are often great both figuratively and literally. Are the benefits worth it? Depends on how much is at stake. If it's everything, there's little other choice other than to pay the price. We all decide what we can live with and what we can't. If we don't, we're just coasting and life is too short to not live it to the fullest.

In summary, do you. Someone out there will appreciate it.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
Being true to self is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for anyone else around you.

I wish more people understood this. I know it to be true.

a reply to: SLAYER69

One's convictions, ideologies and philosophies should never be etched in stone, one should try to remain maleable and maintain an open mind and heart because change is a given.

I have learned that it is very important in how one delivers their thoughts, or their truth, so always put a little sugar on top.

Being true to oneself is fine and all. Fine line between that and being selfish or manipulative.

Being true to ourselves is drawing a line between ourselves and others that deceive or otherwise attempt to control us to their 'truth'.

As far as 'our own' trueness, just be careful how you impose that truth on others.

As far as true to ourselves, what decisions did we make that went against our 'grain', grating against our conscience as it were? Where does the knowledge or wisdom to define the notion of our trueness come from? Others, our own will and pride, or somewhere from / through our inner self / soul?

I hope your answer includes some measure of selflessness.

Thanks for inviting me to play along.

originally posted by: SLAYER69
Being true to self.

Unfortunately that is the conundrum, what is "being true to oneself" ?

We are constantly at odds with many things within ourselves internally in this thing we call life. With the ego typically ruling our lives we project our own faults, insecurities, and inadequacies onto other people, because god forbid it's our fault.

If you read my saying " The Real Truth appears to be subjective in our world" it attempts to make light of the thing we call "True or Truth", in this illusive world.

What we are is a collective of what society has taught us to be, and we have a thing called intuition that screams loudly and tells us what we are, but not many of us listen to it.

a reply to: SLAYER69

Great Thread Slayer!
This right here from You; " If there is to be a true union between two people both need to accept the true person of the other for who they are, complete with flaws and interesting personalities, mannerisms, shortcomings etc."
Nails it!!!
Very well written My Friend! Very well Done Indeed!!!

Ugh... Just... Ugh.

Well, thank you for this thread. It feels like a slap to my face, honestly. A well deserved one at that.

How many times does a person have to hear the same things over and over before it finally makes sense? I don't know.

Life is hard, you know? It really is! It's just so full of.... Everything!

Not too long ago, I took a look at myself in the mirror. I mean, I really did, for the first time. And...I smiled.... This might be a weird explanation of how I felt but it's the best I got, but, I felt the same way I felt when I used to get crushes on someone. I felt all bubbly and giddy and I just wanted to hug myself! I felt beautiful. Truly beautiful. And it WAS because someone else saw me that way. But not because they forced those thoughts into me, they only ever looked at me dead in my eyes and I just knew.

Sadly, life is hard, and MY expectations of that person were crushed. As were my newly found expectations of myself.

How can I be true to myself when I have no clue who myself is?? I've spent so much time being true to others vision of myself that I think I've nothing left to surrender.

Sorry to go on like I have. Maybe someone can share with me the process it takes to finding oneself so that they might then be at peace...

originally posted by: PageLC14
How can I be true to myself when I have no clue who myself is?? I've spent so much time being true to others vision of myself that I think I've nothing left to surrender.

Sorry to go on like I have. Maybe someone can share with me the process it takes to finding oneself so that they might then be at peace...

Where would you look for you? When would you look for you?
You are what is looking.

Can what is seeing be found?

You are not a thing - you are what is seeing.

Saint Francis of Assisi said that you are looking for what is looking. Seek that which is seeking and the search will end.

a reply to: Itisnowagain

Hmmmm...


That will take some time to wrap my head around. Watched it twice now and still having some difficulty.

I'll get it. Thanks for this!!

a reply to: PageLC14

The head will never wrap itself around what you are - the thoughts (head) appear in what you are.
You are the seeing of thought.

You are the unconditional ever present space which allows all there is to appear. Without the ever present aware space could apparent existence appear?

You are like the tv screen - no image could appear without the screen.

a reply to: Itisnowagain

So

I am me?
I am everything?

I am the seer, the observer..?
Quantum Physics....
Without the observer, no thing exists...