A question for older people. Have you improved?

When I say have you improved, I am asking whether you interact in a more ethical way than you used to do.
I don't want to say how I behaved in a somewhat shameful manner when I was younger, but it is true. I wish I could enter a time machine and erase what I did, but this is not possible.

When I think about what I did way back then, I know I wouldn't do the same today.

How to remove the shame? At least I am a better person today, but my guilt is still in my being.

a reply to: droid56

you do learn how to behave more ethically as you age but you still don't change your basic personality. If you are a mean person in your youth - don't expect to be a ray of sunshine in your old age. But you are likely to be a little less mean because experience allows you to predict the outcome of your behavior.

Tired of Control Freaks

a reply to: droid56

I am more conscious of myself and have improved but also have to remind myself when I go against my conscious that I am just a human like everyone else, thus forgive myself. That said, I am much in need of balancing the physical, mental and emotional.

Oh, and you are just human too. We make mistakes and learn or not. Your regrets say you have learned something.

a reply to: droid56

How can you change your perception of your past? I I only know one way. Accept that whatever is greater then man forgives the one who has learned from mistakes. Grace is free but it is best felt in the hearts of the ethical.

When someone says "I am human" that is justification of weakness. We have freewill, those who wish for the righteous path only need to believe in it and follow it where it leads.

Wanting it is only one step away from believing in it. Virtue is a freewill choice and one can always choose it.

I became better when I realized I was nothing, then I knocked and the door was opened. So I walked through and found a narrow path called righteousnessd.

I may stumble in ignorance but I learn from my mistakes and don't go back to the same hells from my past.

a reply to: Isurrender73

When I say I/we am human it does not justify anything. It says I and others lack the perfection we strive for, we recognize our imperfections as we all can if we have a deep examination of ourselves. It is not about being nothing. Not special yes, but never nothing. Why live otherwise.

Have you ever noticed how your/my mistake is greater than another's or vice versa. Lack of perfection should be accepted as we continue our journey to improve.

Maybe you are there. Most of us are not

a reply to: droid56

better or improved? nah. I am pretty close to the same core that i was then. My general nature hasn't changed. what has changed is my realizations and understandings. what i saw as ethical at 20 wouldn't be ethical to me today. i have a much bigger picture understanding of things in general. with that, my views on what is and is not ethical have shifted.

I feel ok about who i am. People who know me in real life seem to think an awful lot of me, which is nice. It wasn't always that way, when I was younger. So there's that. But even that can likely be chalked up to the way I project confidence in myself, where that didn't exist 30 years ago.

a reply to: droid56

I think you continue to develop your ability to behave in a way that is more clearly expressive of your ethics.

Experience just makes that possible. When younger, I was less often aware of the impact my actions had on others. There were things I did that people took as being motivated by reasons or feelings that were not accurate.

For example, I thought of one today:

When people tell me of something they are currently going through,
I usually find myself dredging up memories of similar experiences I have been through myself,
so that I can remember how it felt and empathize with them.
I would respond with , "I know that feeling- I did that too one time...." type of response.

Sometimes I noticed people didn't seem to like that. I wondered why. Didn't they want to know they are not alone? That others can sympathize and empathize with them??

The other day, I said on Facebook that I have gone back to school, at a very late stage in life, and it is very difficult.
I had a bunch of relatives respond with - " I did that! I had two toddlers and a newborn at the time as well!" -type fo responses.

I realized I didn't appreciate it.
It felt like they were trying to one-up me; oh that's nothing, I did something harder than that! I'm better than you!

Maybe it was because I feel going back to school when you are thirty, and going back at fifty, aren't comparable;
or because going to college in your native language, and doing it in a foreign language aren't comparable.
In any case, my reaction made me realize I was not looking for sympathy or empathy- I was PROUD of what I am doing. I was bragging.

So.... I took a moment to remember when I was in their shoes, doing that, and really trying to be supportive and kind.
That they might be misunderstanding what I am doing or motivated by as well. I was able to gain new insight into how to respond to others in future, to be supportive, and will apply it.

The longer your life is, the more opportunities you get to play both sides of each coin and learn!

a reply to: Bluesma

Yes to all you said. I have learned some of what you said and your words have given greater insight to my understanding.

Thank you Bluesma

I still steal the shampoo from the hotels even as i never use them

a reply to: droid56

I worked with hundreds in early 20's,things haven't changed there is still the ones who like to work,and the others that don't,I have had to be more tolerant,seems these days a lot lack any inititive,and don't like working way up corp ladder truth be told things haven't changed much,but back then it was a burn to be living with parents,be made fun of,now not so much .more incentive to be on your own,I have always been well grounded,any changes I have done would be quite subtle,still respect everyones individuality,just because I don't like it doesn't make it bad..annoying perhaps

Define "older".

I've been on this rock for a third of a century, and I've pretty much conducted business the same for the past 10 years, but then, I get told often that I'm an old soul...

Talk is cheap, integrity and character show you the true value of a person.

Be careful what company you keep.

originally posted by: droid56
When I say have you improved, I am asking whether you interact in a more ethical way than you used to do.
I don't want to say how I behaved in a somewhat shameful manner when I was younger, but it is true. I wish I could enter a time machine and erase what I did, but this is not possible.

When I think about what I did way back then, I know I wouldn't do the same today.

How to remove the shame? At least I am a better person today, but my guilt is still in my being.

Many find freedom in Christian conversion, where God grants undeserved forgiveness.

Until you can find that forgiveness within yourself, for yourself, feelings of guilt, valid or not, hold you under their sway.

Others, still feeling a need to try and redress the balance, resort to charity and acts of service to others.

Personally, I think that what has happened, has happened (not trivialising it) but there is nothing healthy in dwelling in guilt. Proactive action to redress emotions due to actions of the past, by whatever means, is valuable and many things "work".

Age gives time to learn and grow.

originally posted by: droid56
When I think about what I did way back then, I know I wouldn't do the same today.

How to remove the shame? At least I am a better person today, but my guilt is still in my being.

You take a little tour in perspective. You accept that you have learned from your mistakes, and you forgive your younger more ignorant and inexperienced self. If you need to make amends, you do so, but that doesn't necessarily have to be something that you externalise to others, it is far more about recognising who you are in the present and what you can be in the future and acknowledge that there is a path, probably somewhat scattered, that brought you to this point.

When you think about what you did "back then", don't allow the guilt to overwhelm you, contemplate why you wouldn't do that now, invariably you are going to find that there is an overlap. You are who you are because of the experiences you have had and the choices that, at any given time, were being offered to you, or the opportunities you were seeking then and now. Bear in mind that there is absolutely no changing the past, the future though is another matter entirely.

a reply to: droid56

Don't worry about it. Look people are extremely, and I mean extremely evil creatures. They're the most vial things on the planet. Including you. You're human therefor your very nature demands that you be evil. It's weird but it's true. Even all the patriaches of the bible committed really bad sins. Moses, David, commited Murder. Many others commited very very bad crimes. So the point is you'll never be perfect on this earth, I guarantee that. Of course we should all try and do better though.

a reply to: droid56
Your concept is call maturity. I am a type A personality and yes at 59 I have inproved in many way. I wish I could have been more thoughtful loving, and considerate of others whe I was younger. If I had been all of those things I would not be the man I am today.
The key to maturity is learning from your mistakes and learning from observation of others. Some times you can't really learn a lesson with out the pain.

As testosterone levels plummet you do at least approach rational thought when confronted with big boobies.

a reply to: droid56

Can't be sure if I'm older than you or not. I had some bad years going through my teens and twenties and it took some time to screw my head on straight. I learned a lot of things the hard way and I'm better for it. It's promising that you regret the way you've acted when you were younger - lots of people don't. Be smart and learn the lesson: start making choices that won't result in shame and/or regret.

a reply to: Indigent

I have a collection of Gideon's bibles, wanna trade?

a reply to: droid56

I did plenty of stupid or mean or ignorant things, when I was younger. I would not do them again, given the chance. OTOH, I do not regret my past, as those are also the lessons that got me to where I am today. Those mistakes and mendacities, are the building blocks of my character.

I do take great care to not repeat them, however. And I long ago, forgave myself my youthful failings, on the determination that I accept the learning, and always strive to be better than the younger me. The evolution of the self, cannot occur without missteps along the way. And making amends where possible is always a good idea, to my mind.

If it isn't possible to make direct amends, I pay my debts forward, by offering assistance to someone else, who needs it. Whether that be some random act of kindness.....some non-random act of kindness or assistance....or even just extending someone some needed empathy.

It may be possible to extend understanding to someone who has fracked up, without ever having a point of reference in one's own history, to compare it to. I don't know. I'm not a cleric. But, I do know that I am grateful for all the myriad of people throughout my life who have helped me, forgiven me, bailed me out, or even just offered some well placed tough advice, that I didn't want to hear at the time.

Feeling guilty, is only useful, as an indicator. Apology, forgiveness, and determination to do better going forth, are what are important, to be happy. I find the practice of Ho'oponopono to be very helpful. You need to let yourself up, for your mistakes. That starts with the resolution to always pay attention, and become a better person continuously.

Any help?

originally posted by: liveandlearn
a reply to: Isurrender73

When I say I/we am human it does not justify anything. It says I and others lack the perfection we strive for, we recognize our imperfections as we all can if we have a deep examination of ourselves. It is not about being nothing. Not special yes, but never nothing. Why live otherwise.

Have you ever noticed how your/my mistake is greater than another's or vice versa. Lack of perfection should be accepted as we continue our journey to improve.

Maybe you are there. Most of us are not

I do see the hypocrisy in saying one mistake is greater or lessor then another. Within the written law we have varying degrees of punishment. I think mankind wants to put this human characteristic into God.

But to do so is to play God. This is why Jesus could say in one breath "I am not here to judge you", and in the next say "but if I do judge, my judgements are righteouss".

In this Jesus was pointing out our right as brothers to help each other out on our paths by not turning a blind eye to each others mistakes. But that ultimately our paths end with God.

The spiritual journey is a sacred journey that can't be justly judged by anyone but the individual and God.

I wouldn't say I am there. But I can say I visit there on occasion, but the world and my confusion still gets the best of me at times.

It's a long road but I can see clearly the end and know I am headed in the right direction. It is not necessary to be him, but we should try and be like him. It is worth the effort In my opinion.