It's time my story ends

I reached a very weird plateau today.

I realized the more I attempt to connect and interact with the world, the more rejection and coldness I encounter, the more pain I feel. It is clear there is a force at work here and I must stop resisting.

This bubble has been gaining volume in my mind for some time and has slowly ascended to the surface of action. Is there anything special about today? I don't know, but this has to be the day. I feel today is an auspicious day for me.

I want to withdraw from the world. I want to take a vow of silence.

I can't take the buddha approach and cease all verbal communication. I live in a city, I have a job that requires speech. I need to order meals and manage finances etc.

I wear a mask for all this anyway, because all I see are other masks.

The traditional rules will have to be tweaked. You may call it cheating. I don't. I have to modify my vow to the shape of the world around me.

I will no longer engage in any personal communication. I will do what's necessary to function in my job. That's all. I will do what's necessary to meet the demand of things like rent money and food. No more.

Minimalism is the key.

I will still sing to myself in the car and blurt 4-letter words when I drop something on my foot. But I will no longer talk to anyone tete-a-tete.

What I'm withdrawing from is you; not the world you live in. I have no choice but to live in it for the moment. I have not been called to asceticism yet; though I see it looming on the the horizon of decades to come.

Still you may think it is a false vow with so many modifications.

The intent and determination is there; the goal is in mind. The details do not matter. All that matters is that I have planted a seed in my soul and defined what's necessary for it to grow and blossom.

I may still post on ATS, as it is not personal communication. It is an extension of thoughts aimed at nothing and no one. It ripples out and returns to me as all thoughts do.

No longer will I know you, no longer will you know me. The ego is in a state of dissolution. I offer the vehicle only as an instrument of peace and love.

May you all find your sunshine in the storm. That's what I'm going to do because I am sick of being lost in the darkness.

So long.
Farewell.
Aufedersein
Goodbye
Aloha

Feel free to change your mind at any time.

Take 2 weeks off and go deep woods camping by yourself, with no connections to the outside world like cellphones etc. It can work wonders, trust me.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
Most conversation has degraded to nothing more than competing monologues nowadays...
Actions speak louder than words anyways!
Wear the mask when required, but stay true to yourself within.
Take care.

There can be peace in solitude.
Best of luck to you.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

My heart hears and understands. I wish you well. I am in need of the same but am lacking in discipline
Hoping you have a support system with this.

Will look forward to your next post

a reply to: Konduit

The old saying goes...
"Sometimes you have to turn off the radio in order to hear it again"

I hope you emerge from your dark place, most enlightened. 😑

Make sure to take a passel of the Zombies with you when you go.

I don't think I've talked to NarcoB in a few years.

Like 2 or something.

Sup

You should find a nice temple to go live in for a while.

Life isn't only about your view and thought, take some time to help others.

Theres another Budda O.o

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Good journey, NB.

I understand all too well.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Aw, NB, I know how you feel, sort of. Do you meditate? Do you volunteer to help those who are hurting?

Consider waking up from the dream. Then you can live in the world in a compassionate way but not be lost in the world. Only kindness matters. Give loving kindness in every moment to every person you encounter, whether you speak with them or not, whether you physically interact or not, and to every creature, plant, tree. Honor the light in everyone and everything.

Talking in an elevator, in line at the coffee shop, with a bus driver or cashier about seemingly trivial things can be done in a loving, honorable, noble, compassionate, kind way that leaves that person uplifted and happier. Let people merge into traffic. Let people go ahead of you at the grocery store. Make someone's day.

Do this without any hope of reciprocity. Without wanting anything in return, from people or the Universe. Be grateful for every monent.

Buddha became enlightened and came back to show others what was possible. He did not wander off to a cave or mountains or a monastery.

May I suggest reading Eckhart Tolle, Ramana or Nisargadatta.

Well Nb It is the Jewish New Year and the time of the black Moon so take some time to party and recharge the batterys

Go for it. I'm impressed.

Listen to the wisdom of my Elven Sister Galadriel.

NB, It saddens me to find you in this state of being. Not all people are the same. Perhaps embrace meeting new people who share your thoughts and feelings. Behind the dark cloud hides the sunlight shining brightly. No need to withdraw too deeply into yourself. There are like minded people here who can relate or who care. There are some beautiful people out there in the world. Not all are cold and will reject you.

Much love and light!

Toodles.

Its time my story begins

I fixeded it for ya!

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

may you find or unfind what you're looking for, your writing I have found to be enjoyable. Take care and be well

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I'm going to be blunt dude. You're withdrawing for the wrong reasons which means there's a high chance it'll make you feel worse rather than better. Don't dig a hole you can't claw your way out of.

I realized the more I attempt to connect and interact with the world, the more rejection and coldness I encounter, the more pain I feel. It is clear there is a force at work here and I must stop resisting.

You want to socialise and you want to be appreciated and accepted; this is the same for all of us. Those people who appear to be rejecting you might not be your type of person anyway. It seems you are amplifying their rejection by allowing yourself to be chased off and those hours in a self-designed hermitage might not be very fulfilling. You'll likely have the ghosts of resentment and frustration sitting next to you and they're a pair of assholes.

The intent and determination is there; the goal is in mind. The details do not matter. All that matters is that I have planted a seed in my soul and defined what's necessary for it to grow and blossom.

Your seed sounds kinda dark and the soil's a little salty. Whereabouts is the light going to come from?

I've a suggestion. This isn't advice; it's simply food for thought. Have you tried running? It's a great way to have isolation and peace. It can imbue us with mindfulness and actually shuts down the crap in our heads whenever we expend a certain % of effort. Obviously it takes a little time to get the full benefits of running and that's the hard part.

All I'm trying to say is withdrawal is only good for the right reasons done in the right frame of mind. Have a time-out and lick your wounds; it's natural and healthy. Don't be a Miss Havisham whose withdrawal was actually an act of self-harm. Be more instrumental and take your solitude when you want it knowing you can live in all worlds when the mood takes you.