5 stages of grief x 5 billion

On Grief and Grieving

The five stages, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear time line in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ‘s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is an unique as you are.

Many of us deal with loss in our own way. When it comes to losing an individual that is a part of our life, the manner in which they passed is going to determine our ability to cope with or to process that loss. If we know someone has a disease and the outcome is known, then we have the opportunity to make peace with it and any unresolved issues can be dealt with, but when that loss is sudden it takes on a whole different set of problems to overcome.

I tend to not use bargaining or become depressed, either. I generally go right to acceptance, regardless of the manner of passing. This is not something that many are capable of. I try to offer words of wisdom to those that have a problem dealing with loss, but if they are determined to go through the stages then it has to be at their own pace in their own terms.

There is another form of loss that has occurred and does not involve the passing of loved ones; there has been a loss of freedom we have been forced to deal with. 9/11 was the beginning of the loss I am referring to.

We as a world were forced to deal with the loss of life that day. The stages of grief have been ongoing since, but not just for the loss of life, but as I said above, the loss of freedom. Everyone has been going through these stages at their own pace and many have been stuck in various positions for some time. Denial has been a major step to overcome for many. Anger still pushes many to act out. Bargaining has basically been ignored, no way to bargain that day away. Depression has been rampant, for loss of life and freedom. Acceptance has not been found by my estimation in any noticeable view. How can what happened that day be reconciled and accepted?

We as a world have not been able to put the events of that day behind us because the escalation of anger is keeping us from healing. To many answers have been left for us to figure out to be able to accept the consequences. Depression is the norm for this world right now. The loss of freedom has exacerbated the feelings of denial and we gave up the right to bargain in the process of searching for the culprits.

When loss is individual there is a much better chance of getting to the acceptance, but when it is a worldwide epidemic, where everyone is processing grief at their own pace, in their own way, the ability to confront the anger and depression sensibly goes out the window. I do not know how to change your way of dealing with loss and I am fearful that the only way the world gets passed this will be to self implode, first, and from the ashes a Phoenix will rise to usher in a new beginning that alleviates the anger and gives us the ability to accept once and for all that we are bound together and the actions of few have severe consequences on us all.

The 5 stages of grief do not always happen in the same order for everyone either. Some people skip steps or ignore them altogether. I can only speak from my own experiences about this matter with specific anecdotes about the loss of those close to me over the years, but being an observer of human behavior does allow me to at least see from my perspective how others do and have reacted to the same situations at the same time concerning the same people.

First, let me clarify something for those of you reading this, I do not believe death is the end, nor do I really believe in the "normalcy" of the word death, that is why my way of dealing with loss is vastly different from say, those of my immediate family or friends. I can appear to be aloof about it to others because I refuse to mourn or cry tears of sadness when there is a member of my family that moves on. I choose to focus on the happiness I feel for them having the next step. Anger serves no purpose for dealing with this, but it is a mechanism that often plays a role in coping for many, just not me.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

The five stages, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost.

In the 1970's I watched a series of Elisabeth Klubbler Ross who talked about her experience working with with terminally ill people, mostly kids. She said as a result of her work she learned that people go through 5 stages of dying, Denial, Anger, Acceptance and Unfinished Business (tying up loose end saying goodbyes.)

This series was vary harrowing to watch and several times I was very close to tears and I'm a bloke.

Perhaps she has found that those left go thorough similar stages..very interesting.

Well, I believe the death experience on the living depends on who they were to you personally and of course the circumstances; still dealing my father's auto accident death from 1974. I will never recover. That's just the way it is-hurts everyday.
Dear friends who died from disease and left young families totally destroyed me as I saw the pain in their children's faces. There is no god. I am big boo-hooer and I am not one to hold back my sadness for the families-I feel it.
If it's an family elder-much loved and a great person-I experience great sadness but also such gratefulness for their life and all the good they did. An honor to have known them. I am sad but understand they had served their purpose and deserved a rest.
So, no, I don't believe in the steps of grief. We are not all the same and all deaths do not induce the 5 stages.

Born a born again Christian-I no longer adhere to those "teachings."
I find most funerals disgraceful as they use the opportunity to push their religion and proselytize instead of honoring the deceased. And they certainly serve no purpose for the living-unless you are an old-timer who needs this ritual.

Just a note-9/11 was a shock-it took us as a country a long time to process-we found out our government deceived us as did msm so that is a whole different situation-I don't get the loss of grieving for the loss of freedom.

Grieving for individuals we know is totally different.

I do grieve for the loss of our nation that I grew up thinking existed. Tonight's debate has helped to crush any hope of recapturing that feeling of pride. That USA is gone-not to ever return. With an uncertain future-much sadness but I go through each new day making my way not feeling the impact every second. And there's always some hope but these two are totally different situations-don't even compare.

Its a personal, strange situation. And how you handle it depends on where you are in life.

For example, I lost my father when I was 12. I was of course devastated but I bounced back rather fast. Being only 12 I was actually sheltered from a lot of the struggles my mother, for example, now had to face.

I then lost my grandfather 3 years later. I was now 16 and for some reason that one hurts me more even to this day. I think the older you get the more you struggle to deal with loss. Once you're an adult, it's real.

When you're a child you're often sheltered and maybe lied to, to keep things as "normal" as possible. Which makes it easier to bounce back.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

When I wrote this the paragraphs at the bottom were supposed to up near the top and somehow when I cut and paste this from my word program something got mixed up and i was unable to edit by the time I realized it, so please, try to read it all, I applied the 5 stages of grief to the 9/11 event because after all this time we still have not been able to get to the acceptance stage, to get past it, I do not know that we ever will and this saddens me beyond comprehension.

I want our world to heal. I want all of you to heal. There is a generation now growing up that has no recollection of that day and they are being dragged kicking and screaming into the fray without a clue as to what actually transpired that day, so the 5 stages of grief does not apply to them, but how those of us that were a part of that day and the ensuing consequences, how we deal with it is being passed on, whether we are aware or not.