An unexplainable situation.

I know this is quite long, but please read it.
Oh and PS. This got posted on "rant" by mistake, don't know hoe to fix it.

A couple of people before me wrote about this almost exact same issue, just figured out yesterday after some research. At least, now i'm glad I'm not the only one. However, I'm going to write about it in a more detailed way from my own perspective, and I reaaaally hope I can get some serious fulfilling answers.
As far as I remember, it started when I was about 7, that's 2nd grade. Kids in school disliked me. They wouldn't wanna hang out with me. Some used to mock me and say mean stuff. I had no friends.. It frustrated me. I was a 7 year old with no friends. I had no idea why. Some of you might think of all the kinds of things that would push kids away from a certain classmate, but I assure you that I was the kind of child whom anyone would love to hang with out with. I was super cheerful, always smiling, very smart and also very cute. There was absolutely nothing in me that would push kids away such as a stinky smell or a weird behavior or anything of that sort. Actually, two of my dad's friends were so impressed by my personality and looks that they named their daughters after me. Anyway, as years passed, I started realizing that this issue is getting serious. That it is not just a one time or a certain place's issue but it's really a thing! People did not like me. They never show verbal rejection, but i just feel it, it's obvious I'm not welcomed. However, one strange thing you need to know is that they never dislike me at first. They always get impressed by my personality. I joined pretty much every group i came across so far, I'm quite sociable and outgoing. They welcome me and they find me the funniest person in the group and they treat me like i've been friends with them for years, then suddenly for absolutely no reason, all of them -at the exact same time- just turn their backs. It has happened in all my school years. All my college years. They all suddenly just turn away. They don't contact me anymore, don't welcome me to join them, don't invite me to parties, and some don't even say hi, like we've never known each other. I am 22 years old and i literally have no friends. None. And it drives me insane, it frustrates me it keeps me up all night because i am not a lonely person by nature, i am not a nerd, i am not a weirdo i'm just none of those things, i'm actually the exact opposite.. Not bragging, but i have to state these facts out just so you're fully in the picture: i'm smart, not nerdy smart but cool smart. I'm considered one of the coolest people at both school and college, people easily point me out and I'm well known by lots because i participate in many popular activities and shows in my country. I am so fun to be around, kind of a party animal. I like to have good time and people always enjoy my company - when they hang out with me for the first two months, before it all strangely flips-. I'm helpful, i never hurt people or tell them hurtful things, i never gossip -strange for a girl, but i really don't-. I am beautiful and one of the most stylish girls at my college. I have a hard-to-get job, successful at it. I have a calm ideal life with wonderful parents and a wonderful young brother. I am saying all those things just so you don't go like: maybe she gossips, thats why they eventually leave her, or maybe she's rude..
I am all the things i mentioned, truly. That's why it drives me crazy that I can't have friends. It drives me even crazier that i actually mingle with them for good couple of months and it just all collapses and they turn against me in a very bizarre manner. The last time this happened was a week ago, and i literally almost cried my insides out to sleep. I was with this really cool group of friends, 12 of them. As usual, i was the funniest one, the most cheerful, they loved having me around, told me all their secrets, asked me for help, and always ringed me to hang out. Two months later, exactly, the same thing happened. All 12 at the same time stopped talking to me, at first not as excitedly, then not at all. I would pass by them sitting and they would look at me in this certain way, as though i had murdered one of them. I would sit with them and they wouldn't even talk to me. The strangest thing one can ever possibly come across, believe me. I stayed up all night wondering what the hell have i done? It's impossible for them to just turn against me for no reason like that. It happened before a lot of times, yes, but i thought now that i'm a graduate all the BS is gone and we're all gown ups, things are gonna be different, or lets say, normal. Anyway, for the first time in my life i actually confronted one of them about it. I called the nicest girl in the group and spoke to her, asked her are my feelings right or am i just making things up in my imagination, is the group suddenly all against me? Unfortunately, she said yes. I asked her why, what have i done?? I've always been so nice! And this is exactly what she said: "you have done nothing, literally. They all all of a sudden don't feel good about you and don't want you around". I was shocked, but at least, i got an answer for all the past years, for as far ago as the little me: it was not something wrong with "me" as a person, they just after a while, usually two months every time, did not feel good about me. Just like that. Period.
It's wrecking my world down.. Every time i try to avoid it, it just keeps haunting me. After all, I'm human. I cant live without people, cant live without friends.. I'm sick of it. And every time, i tell myself: "you know what, just stop making friends and joining groups, just for the sake of not getting hurt two months later like every time", but i just can't.. I keep getting friends thinking it would be different, the curse would be lifted or whatsoever.. But it's just there. Been there since forever and I'm guessing will be there until the end.
I searched the web regarding this issue, i found very few articles. Some say it has to do with demons, they just prevent people from liking a certain person. Some said it just happens, just like that, no reason. Some were just useless and typical: you gotta love yourself first to be loved -______-
A couple of people told almost the same story as mine, even the two month thing, but they didn't have an answer to why as well.
Anyway, i just reached to a point where i need help, i'm entirely collapsing... I need an answer i need to know why is this happening to me. I don't want a solution as much as I need an answer before i go insane! So if you have any information regarding this phenomenon or if you know people or sites that can help, please do let me know, it might change my life.
Ps. When it comes to dating, there are no issues thank god, my relationships were pretty long lasting actually, it's just friendships.
Pss. English is my second language, so do excuse any possible mistakes.

Thanks a lot for reading this =)

Maybe just maybe, your being perfect is a repelant. Humans need to feel at home, perfection is not a human trait in the least. Also rather than groups start with one on one relationships, they are deeper and function in another dynamic. a reply to: Evallina

a reply to: ancientthunder

Yeah people don't like others who brag about how great they are. All my best pals are as broken as I am .
Yeah OP just tone down the bragging maybe and heck you are 22 friends do come and go tbh you may be lucky and have a core of life long pals but many do not just friends for a while like ships passing in the night.

a reply to: Evallina
You're as perfect as can be. Expect nothing and be nice to people - that's all anyone can do. If someone is unhappy with you, that is their problem, not yours. Besides, we like you, so......

I'm going to call my Daughters and see what they think.
Good luck, Love.


One Daughter's response so far and it took about one second, with conviction. Important: I'm not saying you are but, she said "don't be fake," most importantly. For example: "oh, how do you like my shoes?, blah blah, "oh, they're beautiful, where did you get them, blah blah?" "Look, I just got my nails done, aren't they gorgeous?..."... Sounds of retreating females. Drop.

My Daughter said that that was the first thing that came to mind.

That's just her opinion, but I hope it helps.

Interesting, It sound like you are trying too hard, you say that you are the "funniest" and most cheerful in the group, I think thats is where you are going wrong.
All groups have and "alpha male" ( i realise this was a female group but i will use that phrase because everyone knows what it means) And it sounds as if you are coming to the group and asserting yourself as the "alpha male", While there is nothing wrong with that per say, You may be asserting yourself a little too quickly, Possibly hold back sometimes and know your place as a newcomer? That old saying "it takes a smart man to play dumb" Springs to mind.

It is probably the "alpha male" of the group that is turning everyone against you, remember she will have an influence over all of the group, and if she feels threatened at losing her spot as number one, She will dislike you, and in turn, the whole group will dislike you, Also, girls are notoriously b1tchy about other girls, I know many girls that just prefer to hang with a group of guys, They say it is much less bother, and they prefer a group of guys dark sense of humour anyway.

Thats my 2 cents on this, but i may be completely wrong, Its hard to give advice without knowing a person, And its hard to get in with a popular crowd no matter who you are, just out of interest, have you ever had trouble getting a boyfriend? I'll understand if you dont want to reply to that question, Im just trying to work out if its just other girls you are having trouble befriending. maby its time to find a boyfriend then the 2 of you can go out and do things together and just skip the whole going out with crowds and popularlarity contest thing, + you will meet new friends through him aswell.

Anyway, take care and i hope you over come this sooner rather than later.

a reply to: Evallina

It's hard to tell. I can feel you are being sincere. I don't believe in demons and stuff so I'll leave that part for someone else.

Maybe you're trying too hard to make friends ? Maybe you have become so obsessed with making friends that people around you can feel it, so obsessed that your behavior has become artificial a little bit too much ? And why do you need 12 friends when you can have 1 or 2 really close to you ? Don't try to be cheerful but just be cheerful when you feel like it. Would you say that you are spontaneous ?

What are the people around you saying (family and boyfriend) ?

comeon.. I'm not even close to perfect.. I know girls who are and their relationships are just fine..
And yeah i did try one on one, same story..a reply to: ancientthunder

Try finding people with similar interests and hobbies that you have. You will have stuff in common that you can enjoy together.

Oh btw i never brag, i really don't. I just wrote those stuff here to let you know what i am and am not.
And yeah, i like the ships theory hahaha, thanks .. a reply to: TheKnightofDoom

a reply to: Evallina

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. A better solution would be to learn more about yourself to understand why friendships only last two months.

I'd suggest taking an MBTI test and figuring out your personality type. Finding out your personality and reading about it can give you an 'ah ha!' moment of clarity.

If I was to guess, you strike me as an ENFP.

ENFP personalities tend to give much more of themselves than most are even capable of giving back. This sort of imbalance isn't sustainable, as (seemingly) one-sided generosity often leads to criticism and resentment on both sides.

ENFP Personality/Friendships

Awwwh hhhh that's one cute response! How old is she?
And tell her I'm not the barbie doll kind of girl so she shall not worry :p

And thanks, for liking me
a reply to: donktheclown

That makes sense, actually one of the reasons i had in mind. What about single friends though?
And by the way, i don't take over the groups i join,i actually rarely meet up with them because i'm usually busy with my job, but i am an active cheerful member when I'm around,yes.
Relaionships, as i memtioned, no problems, they go wel for me. But i am very picky so i reject most of the time, so I've been single for quite a while now.
toColaTesla

I don't try to join groups, it just happens. For example, i became friends with a girl who was a member in the group so she joined me in. Groups are never a periority to me. And as i mentioned, didn't matter if it was one, two or ten. Same Thing happens.
I have actually asked many people around me for my flaws, but all the things they listed were ordiniray flaws, human flaws, you know.. Not the kind that would repell people that way.. So yeah..
I am a spontaneous person, yes. Not too spontaneous though
a reply to: gosseyn

Yeah that could work, thanks!
a reply to: tomcat007

Ah ha! Interesting! I will check that out
Thanks!
a reply to: ghostrager

It sounds to me like you are a bit of a people pleaser, and desperate to be liked. Try finding your inner bitch and you will be fine! I think they are jealous of you also. Being "nice" will get you nothing in this life. If you genuinely have a friend you will feel that, not on a superficial level, and it works both ways. Concentrate on yourself and your goals in life and friends will come naturally. Stop trying so hard and it is true that friends will come and go. It sounds like you are on the prowl for friends, for the sake of having a friend rather than having a real connection with someone in the first place. Nobody's perfect, what are your flaws?

I'm guessing here-but perhaps you concentrate too much on yourself and don't really show more compassion or interest in others. Seems you are fun and interesting but after a while they tire of everything you talk about is about you. Perhaps you need to push your ego back and show a bit more interest and care about others.
Deep friendships really build by being there for each others during their time of need. Two months is not friendship; that's just acquaintance.
Just get the feeling you don't know how to be a real friend-it's all built on what you can get from others-and that's selfishness and certainly not a building block for any long tern friendship and a real turn off for others.
My suggestion is turn off your ego-show deep and real interest in others and don't talk about yourself so much-ask questions, show interest in others and be there for them when they need to just talk-meet one on one for a glass of wine to get to know others on a personal level and give it time.
Don't be pushy or needy-just listen and show you care.
Friendships build over time and shared experiences.
Best wishes.

I would consider myself an introvert who has learned to loosen up over the years, but I still tried not to go much past "midrange" popularity when in a larger group of friends / peers. I don't want to be the life of the party - It's just too much work!

Also, not everyone in a large group can be your close friend, if you think about your past, do you remember pairs of friends or groups of 3 friends that made up this larger group you were trying to join?

Did you have 1 or 2 friends in that group that were closer to you than the others?

From elementary school through high school there were usually 3-4 friends that I did everything with, but we would link up with the other groups to do things sometimes.

When I went off to University life, living on campus, this pattern of social behavior became even more apparent to me. I still had 3-4 friends I did everything with (new friends that I met there), but now our group was partying with something like 40+ people who we all new very well, but most were all made up of individual smaller close nit groups.

I say most because there were a couple people that went places with us that fit in as a large group, but were sort of by themselves and didn't fit in well with any of the smaller close nit groups, for some reason. Thinking back on it, I don't know exactly what that reason was.

Maybe they tried to hard, or were overbearing. Body language and mannerisms are just as important as words when it comes to determining if someone is a match for a group, or just annoying & weird.

Hope this makes sense, and no I'm not saying you are annoying

originally posted by: xenap
Try finding your inner bitch and you will be fine!

Lol i like that one! In fact, i was told before that I am being a little too nice, and in 2016, you gotta be less nice to people. But i also beleive that being nice and being kind is the right thing to do no matter what! So i dunno.. It's contradictioning..
My flaws, hmmmm.. I speak before I think somerimes, lol. Although I am nice, i get to be a little selfish lots of the times. I can be ignorant. Can be too defensive. These are the main ones. But again, every one has flaws, i know people who have a horrible amout of flaws and their personality is total crap and they are the rudest, but they have really nice friends. It's not conditional, i know.. But still, makes you wonder.

If we are lucky enough to have a few TRUE friends in our lifetimes we are blessed. It's a shame you didn't bond with any childhood friends cause I think those are the ones that usually last, shared experiences are really the foundation of most relationships in general.

Your young, as you get older you'll find that your Family are really your best friends, and someday your kids ...Good Luck!
I don't have any answers for you sweetie, maybe the people you have tried to make friends with are just mean, it happens.