Hug your children. Call your Mom. Make up with you siblings. Forgive your Dad.

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: TinySickTears

Whew! Thank you!!

I hesitated to submit my previous response thinking of the backlash it would likely bring out from you.

Instead of dropping a ton of F-bombs on me, you were engaging, clarifying, and genuine. I get a better understanding of your position and will just offer you this:

There are people who care just because they can.

hey youre welcome. im not that kind of dude.
i just dont like people very much. always been this way.

i dont know who first said it but it rings true for me

'i only feel alone when i am with other people'

i have always preferred to be in my own company. my wife is/was the same way. my daughter seems very outgoing and friendly. i dont discourage it. its her personality. just not mine.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: intrptr

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: searcherfortruth
I'm going through the same sorts of things with my immediate family right now.

I sincerely hope you have better results than I.

I may not, but my conscience is clearer for trying a second time round.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

I hug my child, and I see my mother every day, hug her too. I love my sister and her husband, and all my friends, both locally and in the global community. But forgive my dad?

I understand the drive behind your post, and appreciate its sentimentality. I also appreciate that this must be an emotional time for you, and I respect that. But my father is a ten tonne bastard, and when he stops, when he takes responsibility for his actions, grows a set, and gets his narcissistic personality dealt with once and for all, not to mention drops dead, I will CONSIDER praying for his soul. If he set himself on fire in front of me, I would only pour on more fuel as things stand, and I am right to feel that way.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

I hug my boy every day, hopefully i get to see my daughter soon so i can give her a hug, my father passed away and i recently made up with my sister...now i just have to find the courage to make up with my mother even though she is a selfish so and so, and my brother is just as useless at communicating as i am ...we are cool though....

I agree with your sentiment there is little use in holding onto hate or keeping a grudge it only impacts negatively on your own life....

yes, everyone keep saying you have to forgive.. i don't understand why I should forgive people who are ignorant of me, who did me harm, if they don't regret it.
I love and give my heart to whom I love and who gives the same to me, to those I say I Love You every day.

a reply to: MariaConsuelo

Forgiveness is for yourself, so as to not hold anger. I was abused and I had to find a way to forgive in order for me to get past it, otherwise all my negative energy would have destroyed me. Relationships we have with our family can be dismissed out of spite over silly arguments about a number of issues. I would be the first to admit that trying to maintain contact with people who do not care is difficult, but the effort to made is a choice on both parts.

I reached out. I did my part. For me, not them, if they do not reciprocate that is their choice.

This OP was about making sure we all realize that life is fleeting and can end in a second, I just want to make sure when mine ends that I did everything I could to leave with a clear conscience and this I can be sure of. What others choose to do about their own family situations is for them to decide.

a reply to: searcherfortruth

Relationships are complicated one on one, let alone when others chime in with judgements. I am separated from my family too. It was just bad beginning with childhood, which I won't bore you with. But when I became an adult, I thought things would be different between me and my parents. And I spent many years trying to make it work. But in the end I decided that the toxic people they were were not worth it. I cut off all ties. I had to! That decision totally changed my life for the better! It's unfortunate that I had narcissistic parents, but I'm glad I recognized what was happening to me while I still had time to decide the kind of person I wanted to be and the kind of parent who would not repeat these patterns of behavior. ( even though at the time I had never heard of NPD) But this decision to cut ties made me the target of a lot of judgement from family and others....but they don't know. It's worth the sanity.

a reply to: Lynzer

I am glad it worked out for you, but saddened by the lack of family. Blood is hard to replace, but it is possible to have other people become family in nature.

Good advice OP. I especially liked how you said that forgiveness is for yourself. I can attest to that truth because when relationships get contentious in my life I feel a rush of so many negative emotions to the point of being physically affected to the point that the only thing on my mind is at least attempting to mend the fence.

Only once some kind of reckoning occurs preferably positive but any closure is necessary to let my mind and body be truly at peace again.

It's especially important for me to forgive my siblings and mother for they are the only ones really there for me. Kids and spouse aren't for us mentally ill folks.

Love you dad.