Bored and a little frustrated

This is my first ever rant, something very out of character for me and is more of a whine than anything. It is not about ATS, not about politics and not about anything but frustration and a little bit of boredom.

I've had a very chill day. Got up super early to watch motorsports from Europe, goofed off watching YouTube videos and visiting websites and even took a nice nap but now it's early evening and tomorrow is a holiday and I want to do something other than sit here alone all night refreshing ATS every 20 minutes looking for a topic that interests me or sitting here and writing a 10,000 words of nothing that no one will ever read. That describes most of my evenings.

I've had a shower, put on some makeup and done my hair but can't decide what I'm going to do or what I'm going to wear so for now I'm sitting here in just my underwear with the girls swinging free. Don't worry, I live alone. What's gnawing at me is that I should go grocery shopping and be responsible but later tonight a bar band I've been following for 20 years that broke up several years ago is playing a little reunion gig at a neighborhood dive bar and I want to go.

But I know I won't go and it frustrates me.

First of all, the state I live in has the toughest DUI laws in the country and I don't want to go out without drinking because what fun is that? I like to party. Ten days in jail, a huge fine and a required ignition interlock device for first the offense and I don't want to drink one beer and drive. Not that I want to go out and get super buzzed or anything but seeing what a friend went through, I'm too paranoid to drink at a bar or restaurant at all anymore unless someone else is driving. My 34 year old car is kind of a moving cop magnet too that tends to bring unwanted attention so that doesn't help either.

So, I'm telling myself I could go out and not drink or maybe have just one or two if I stay long enough to metabolize the alcohol but then there's the whole thing about going to a strange bar I've only been in once or twice ten years ago all by myself not knowing anyone except two guys in the band.

It's creepy and though I'm no spring chicken, I know the crowd this band draws and I know guys will still be hitting on me or be asking me to dance and I just don't feel up for dealing with all that. Besides the band plays loud stuff like AC/DC, Rush, Journey and some classic hard rock covers and if I do dance, it's only to reggae and for some reason whenever someone does ask, even my most polite "no thanks" makes me feel like an unfriendly stuck up bitch. Unless you're on the prowl or looking for a hookup, which is something I did plenty of and got over doing in my bar fly 20's, being an unescorted woman out on the town alone just feels too weird and I'm not feeling that adventurous. It is also a little scary. I have no friends I could ask to go with.

So, thanks for listening to me talk myself into doing what I'm going to do - throw on some shorts and a t-shirt (and a bra!) and go to the market and buy a big bottle of wine, something to eat and then find something to amuse myself with the rest of the night. Maybe I'll get tipsy, have a smoke and post something revealing and embarrassing like I usually do? Maybe I'll crank up my big stereo up to 11 and just rock out on my own?

I feel better now and have direction. Thanks for reading.

a reply to: Freija

Sounds like you have the same issue I do; not the right people around to go out for an evening! All the ones I did that with in the past moved too far away, and alone, I agree, just doesn't cut it. Frustrating, when all you want is a night out!

Boredom eh?

You sound like you've got more going on than I do.

So when you feel bored and your life lacks excitement, know that you're not the only one.

Been there.
Sucks being alone.

Just go out, because you increase your chances of not being alone.
Better than sitting at home, sometimes.
The crazy that I have encountered was because I just went out.

It's a crap shoot, you have nothing to lose.

a reply to: Freija

It's all cool Freija!! That's the beauty of this forum.....you get to share what is on your mind. I think you wrote it wonderfully and stated clearly your concerns and decisions.

When the time is right, you'll be alright.

Peace

KD

Taxi fares typically arent too bad unless you live way outside of your city... I typically drink something when I first get somewhere then hang out if I drink enough to get a buzz I walk around the area and get something to eat til poof sober. Cross your arms and legs with as closed posture and dont smile at any guys if you dont want the attention, that should ward most but likely not all of them off... a cheap cubic zirconian ring set can make you appear married and you can just hold up the hand and say no thanks.

The older one gets the more difficult it seems to make friends sometimes, as people do move off and have families... I tried that mid 20's wife got post partem and freaked out never lived what she wanted too just what her parents wanted her too so she tried to recaputure all that lost meaning bars and other guys so that fell apart... so I kinda bloomed the family early and then poof so it's been living like a lost boy ever since in my perpetual early 20's.

Maybe it's karma for always trying to stick my sister with the old maid card when I was little... I'd raise it way high up like a big enticing middle finger like oh you know you want it.

Good rant. Been there. I wish you had gone out though. Had a few drinks and took a cab home. Don't mind the boys.
After a couple of drinks, you might have felt like dancing anyway. Don't analyze everything so much. It's okay to wing it, and just BE. If you hated it once you got there, remember the door swings both ways.

But whatever, I hope you had or are having a nice evening. I personally am going to bed now.

'nite Freija.

Oh crap just give it up and go enjoy some good music!
plus...nobody likes a whiner.

Went to go see rusted root tonight, people watched and thoroughly enjoyed all the kids, dogs and chinese lanterns!!!


I "should have" not bought take out dinner, and frittered my little bit of free time on screwing off, but hey, it's the official end of summer and I've worked long and hard all summer!

Hell....I don't even like Rusted Root ( a david byrne clone) but my kids joined us and there was some ridiculous dancing.
Go have you some fun Gurl!!!!

Get an uber and go out & have fun. I live in a summer town so basically this is the last weekend for fun. Go enjoy yourself and its the best way to meet new people.

a reply to: Zerodoublehero

Luckily I met no one, but petted & loved up all kinds of dogs at the concert.....
Totally worth it!!!

Puppy-butts ROCK!!!

a reply to: Freija

Isn't it ironic that these people telling you to go out and have fun are all here at ATS giving out advice.

a reply to: olaru12

I hit happy hour and shot about 14 games of billiards...

edit to add; happy hour equals yay! its open.

DB post, my apologies!!!

originally posted by: Caver78

originally posted by: olaru12
a reply to: Freija

Isn't it ironic that these people telling you to go out and have fun are all here at ATS giving out advice.

Yeah...NO!
Earlier I was out at a concert and enjoying myself....not all of us are in the same time zone....DUH!!!!

Do what I did in my early college years . . . stuff a twenty (probably a hundred nowadays) in your shoe as cab fair, and don't touch it no matter what until you need your cab.

I totally feel you. Very similar situation here. I'm in a new town, don't know anyone and my partner is away working. There's a great bar I've been dying to try out, but I just can't manage to just walk in by myself and have a drink. Funny, I used to do it all the time, for years, in 3 different countries even... but now that I'm older I feel terribly self-conscious about it. And yes, folks do hit on you and you often don't know if they just want to chat or if they assume you're lookin' for some action. It all seems somewhat complicated, but I will say, whenever I just say, "ah, to hell with it!" and just go out anyway, I'm always glad I did!

a reply to: antoinemarionette

Make freinds with the staff of places you like, there's typically service nights in many towns and cities the whole bars are places to go hook up and have sex with random strangers is only still typical of college and military towns and cities and in those sorts of towns and cities there are some bars that, that isn't the typical climate or simply avoiding any venues on the weekends or holidays kinda helps too... I personally prefer it when my local is dead with just the regulars hanging out

originally posted by: LadyGreenEyes
Sounds like you have the same issue I do; not the right people around to go out for an evening! All the ones I did that with in the past moved too far away, and alone, I agree, just doesn't cut it. Frustrating, when all you want is a night out!

We've been less than kind to one another here in the past and have done everything except see eye to eye but it is nice to know there are still some things we can relate to or share common feelings about. I don't mind going to the movies or out to eat by myself so much but going out for a night on the town alone doesn't cut it. Especially to a hole in the wall neighborhood pub that's as likely to have bikers as it is hipsters and sports fans. It's not really a rough place, just somewhere I'm uncomfortable going alone at night. It is just awkward and you've kind of got to be on your guard all the time without someone having your back. Even if I knew one other girl to go with, I wouldn't mind so much. That would be fun!

Last time I did go out doing something like this, I called up my ex-husband's current wife and got her to go. She even dragged the old man along even though he's such a bore. We had a blast that night and if I had thought about this in advance, I could have asked them to go but that's pretty desperate and shows how much my social circle is lacking in depth, doesn't it? Damn!

originally posted by: corvuscorrax
So when you feel bored and your life lacks excitement, know that you're not the only one.

My life doesn't lack excitement, I am very stimulated and fulfilled and at times, there's almost too much excitement. It's just that this particular evening, as eve of a holiday when I know there's stuff going on outside of my little cave, I'm just feeling a bit antsy? I usually work on Sunday night too and maybe the concept of holidays is too disruptive to my schedule?

originally posted by: Onesmartdog
Sucks being alone.
Just go out, because you increase your chances of not being alone.

Ironically, I've come to enjoy being alone. I don't much even like people. I've had several committed relationships spanning nearly 23 years of my adult life but have been alone, single and not looking for the last six years or so. I kind of dig it but there are times when a little help and companionship would be nice. I used to be strongly driven to be partnered. I'm not anymore and I find that quite a relief with all the other stuff I have going on in my mind.

Besides, if I wanted to build my social circle, meet people and make friends, it wouldn't be in a bar.

originally posted by: Darkinsider...I think you wrote it wonderfully and stated clearly your concerns and decisions.

When the time is right, you'll be alright.

Thank you and to everyone for your thoughts. It seems this has given me something to do this evening that I enjoy doing.

originally posted by: BigBrotherDarkness
...Cross your arms and legs with as closed posture and dont smile at any guys if you dont want the attention, that should ward most but likely not all of them off... a cheap cubic zirconian ring set can make you appear married and you can just hold up the hand and say no thanks.

Oh, I do resting bitchface very well! I am divorced and do still have my wedding ring but I used to use that trick even before I was married and it feels deceptive. I'm not opposed to being romantically available to the right guy (or girl even) but It isn't something I'm looking for or want. I also know that things happen unexpectedly sometimes.

Maybe it's karma for always trying to stick my sister with the old maid card when I was little... I'd raise it way high up like a big enticing middle finger like oh you know you want it.

"Old Maid"? Now I'm triggered as hell. I look 10 years younger than I am (61)! I had to tell my neighbor that the thoughtful plates of holiday turkey dinner she brought over every year made me feel like some crazy poor old maid shut-in or cat lady or something. (no offense to crazy cat ladies intended). I am kind of crotchety. Maybe old maid is too close to the truth and I'm in denial? Argh!



PS - not a cat person.

originally posted by: angeldoll
Good rant. Been there. I wish you had gone out though. Had a few drinks and took a cab home.

Do you often walk into unfamiliar bars alone at night by yourself? I wouldn't have thought much about this in my 20's as I was more or less out stalking prey then and didn't mind. Having reached some level of maturity, at least as far as chronological age goes, if I do meet somebody interesting, it is probably going to be through some shared passion or hobby and not in a bar.

Don't mind the boys.

You know, there's a love/hate thing going on there. You want to be left alone but yet you don't. You can be attracted but yet not. I followed a good looking guy out of the grocery store this evening. He smelled so good and was carrying a case of beer and probably bacon? He was too young for me but I wanted to go hang out where he was going. For a moment, I did feel a bit of excitement about the idea of going out and being around people and maybe even flirting a little but I just don't need this kind of affirmation and I'm not really sure I'm any less apt to do the reckless kind of things I did when I was young. I scare myself sometimes but you know, YOLO!

But whatever, I hope you had or are having a nice evening. I personally am going to bed now.

Thank you and a belated good night! I have had a nice evening writing this reply.

originally posted by: olaru12
Isn't it ironic that these people telling you to go out and have fun are all here at ATS giving out advice.

Yeah huh! Does make you wonder, right?

originally posted by: JDeLattre89
Do what I did in my early college years . . . stuff a twenty (probably a hundred nowadays) in your shoe as cab fair, and don't touch it no matter what until you need your cab.

I've only ever taken a cab maybe three or four times in my life and maybe only once or twice as an adult. So if you take a cab home somewhere, don't you have to call another one to take you back to your car? I guess I could ride my bicycle back? What about my poor little car in the parking lot all by itself overnight? Oh noes! I'm not so much smart with all this cab and Uber business. It's only 7 or 8 miles away and I'd be more likely to just walk it. I can see me stumbling down the sidewalk at 2:30 AM while cops are out on special holiday patrol...

originally posted by: antoinemarionette
...There's a great bar I've been dying to try out, but I just can't manage to just walk in by myself and have a drink. Funny, I used to do it all the time, for years, in 3 different countries even... but now that I'm older I feel terribly self-conscious about it. And yes, folks do hit on you and you often don't know if they just want to chat or if they assume you're lookin' for some action. It all seems somewhat complicated...

I'm glad you appreciate my perspective and for another view of what this feels like. Being in line with my curiosity, I wonder if men have or can share their feelings how they deal with these "insecurities" of walking into a strange, loud crowded bar at night by themselves. I would suspect that they are not the same as mine or yours? I parenthesized insecurities because "insecurity" can be linked to weakness and I don't see a woman's extra layer of caution or awareness as being an insecurity or a weakness.

Well, thanks again to everyone for the stimulation. I prepared a nice dinner and got that wine my soul was wanting and the half buzz going I'm not sure the law would say was within the legal limit. I miss hearing and laughing at my old local hack band but not enough, at least on this night, to face the big cruel world alone and all it entails.

Cheers!

originally posted by: Freija
the hand and say no thanks.

Oh, I do resting bitchface very well! I am divorced and do still have my wedding ring but I used to use that trick even before I was married and it feels deceptive. I'm not opposed to being romantically available to the right guy (or girl even) but It isn't something I'm looking for or want. I also know that things happen unexpectedly sometimes.

Maybe it's karma for always trying to stick my sister with the old maid card when I was little... I'd raise it way high up like a big enticing middle finger like oh you know you want it.

"Old Maid"? Now I'm triggered as hell. I look 10 years younger than I am (61)! I had to tell my neighbor that the thoughtful plates of holiday turkey dinner she brought over every year made me feel like some crazy poor old maid shut-in or cat lady or something. (no offense to crazy cat ladies intended). I am kind of crotchety. Maybe old maid is too close to the truth and I'm in denial? Argh!



PS - not a cat person.

Oh I've got the resting bitch face down to a science actually thats just my face though... it does this weird thing where the corners of the mouth turn up and my teeth show from time to time perhaps it's some sort of siezure? Oh thats right seized by some moments of pleasure. Same with the romantic availability minus the dudes...

I am an old maid sliding down that middle aged hill back to it waving at all the people younger like haha I still look half my age, and wow does that screw with people, men in there 20's stepping up with the chest all out bristling with stuff to prove is enough to make me need adult undergarments from laughing and I'm like I have a son close to your age who's your daddy that looks the same age as you if not even younger looking? Of course that likely means I'll go gray tomorrow and it'll look like I fell asleep in the tub...

Speaking of tubs, I clean up very well when I take myself on dates... and not only do I get a salad I go through the main and on into desert and my two ladies known as lefty and righty never say no, sometimes they join together as not even half coverage fits the bill some times, since righty always pulls out the bank card she gets the most love but plays top when lefty gets involved... oh no have I said too much?

p.s. not a dog person and I have two cats one is cast iron stuck in a arched hissing pose and the other is on my jadeite sugar and cinnamon despenser for toast or coffee.