What Gives You Confidence?

a reply to: KTemplar

I don't smile too much and if I did it would be false. Not because I am unhappy, but I need a good reason to smile. What makes you smile?

a reply to: intrptr

Agreed. We need to have a positive opinion of ourselves or not worry about ourselves or the opinions may hold of us.

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: KTemplar

I don't smile too much and if I did it would be false. Not because I am unhappy, but I need a good reason to smile. What makes you smile?

The fact that I'm alive and walking.

I've lived through more than a few major accidents, a severe beating that almost left me blind. Back problems that
Was once so bad I was told I'd never be able to have a sit down job again, but I feel fine thank you Yoga.

Being free and just grateful, because I know things could always be worse.

a reply to: ksiezyc

What Gives You Confidence?

Age.
Experience.
And a lifetime of fails.

a reply to: KTemplar

Experiencing hardships than in a nutshell. I can understand that. Hardships make us.

a reply to: DBCowboy

All of those make sense to me. I am on my way on all of those as everyone is slowly making it there.

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: DBCowboy

All of those make sense to me. I am on my way on all of those as everyone is slowly making it there.

Every time you pick yourself up from falling, you learn and build confidence.

I have a young person who works for me. He failed at something. He was upset because of it.

I told him that the only difference between him and me was that I have experience and have failed more times than he has.

Life isn't about never falling or failing.

Life is all about picking yourself up and trying again.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Pick yourself up more times than you fall down, or however the saying goes. Great advice/information. I guess I will go out and fall a bit when I get better from this cold.

originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: DBCowboy

All of those make sense to me. I am on my way on all of those as everyone is slowly making it there.

Every time you pick yourself up from falling, you learn and build confidence.

I have a young person who works for me. He failed at something. He was upset because of it.

I told him that the only difference between him and me was that I have experience and have failed more times than he has.

Life isn't about never falling or failing.

Life is all about picking yourself up and trying again.

YES!
Most everyone has fallen or failed at one time or another in their lives. You just dust yourself off and get back up again.

Perhaps Ksiezyc, there are people around you who are having a difficult time themselves trying to find confidence. Be yourself, smile even if you don't feel like it. It will show warmth and others will be more likely to open up to you. Talk about simple things to begin with until you get to know someone better. Find out what their interests are, hobbies or what courses they are taking at your College.

You write amazing poetry. Do they have some little coffee club where people give poetry readings? Check it out, you might find a friend or soulmate there.

You seem to be able to engage people at the site here, so just be yourself and engage others elsewhere. You don't have to hide behind a wall or anything. Break the damned wall down and peek out at the world. People are people. Some suck and some are awesome. Find the awesome ones.

a reply to: Night Star

I always love your input Night. I have to say though, everyone around me(or almost everyone around me) seems perfectly fine and confident around others. I say the same thing to be yourself(or myself as the case would be), but smiling isn't a part of me unless I am amused by something or with someone I cherish which isn't all too often. And it isn't just the person, but the moment. Maybe I'll ask some lass to coffee. Seems like a plan. Just go up, ask for coffee. No? Well, sure. Yes? Awesome. Maybe, once I get better though.

I feel I often look dead or as if made of stone because I do not smile, but it simply does not come as naturally to smile at a random person. A girl smiled at me(I think) when I looked at her when she was passing by on the phone. But to even return a smile for the sake of returning it is not in my nature despite finding her attractive.

Ah yes of course those would be the initial topics of discussion. There could be a poetry club. I'll need to see where I can find out. But I always tell you this, my writing is average.

Well you see that is the issue! It is so easy to communicate with others online. There is more pressure or stress when it is in person, at the very least that is the case for me. As to hiding behind a wall I think I do so all the time either hiding my interests(apparently being interested in someone historical means you support them and their crimes against humanity), my political views(young people hate Trump and his supporters or at least view them as racist or stupid) and of course my own past and feelings or thoughts though does things crack through my writing.

You know, I met a girl(I mentioned her in the Shed once) and she suggested to me the metaphor that I have a wall around me as well and she said she didn't know if she could ever see past it. Fact is I told her more than anyone else. I altered her metaphor a little to best explain my situation and my wall. I have a wall made of bricks, but now when someone wants to see inside it is like I remove the bricks and replace them with blocks of dynamite with cameras looking inside the wall. Behind is an ocean that will flood out if that person leaves me/my life and the dynamite experiences minor explosions and holes created because I expect the person to leave.

Sorry for all the text and my rambling Night.

a reply to: ksiezyc

I can't really put a finger on where my confidence comes from because I've just always had it. Maybe it's just the way I was raised but I've always had the gift of gab and I strike up conversations anywhere and with anyone. In my nearly 50 years on this rock I've realized that most people are fairly sociable but are nervous about speaking first out of fear of rejection. I have no such fear because in the very few times over the years that conversation was not reciprocated ( a rarity) at least I tried to be friendly and kind to them and maybe next time a stranger tries to strike up a conversation maybe they will be more accepting. We are all family on this planet, some folks just don't realize it yet so we must give them time- but don't give up! Just a few friendly words could change someone's day!

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

I am likely one of the least social people you will find, however just the past spring I came to the realization that despite this I have a need for people as loneliness was killing me inside. So I suppose now my goal is to become more social and outgoing and confident. Though I do have confidence in myself, when social situations come up it fades away. I do know that people actually would respond fairly well to being spoken to at random, yet the guts to do it, need to get them.

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

I am likely one of the least social people you will find, however just the past spring I came to the realization that despite this I have a need for people as loneliness was killing me inside. So I suppose now my goal is to become more social and outgoing and confident. Though I do have confidence in myself, when social situations come up it fades away. I do know that people actually would respond fairly well to being spoken to at random, yet the guts to do it, need to get them.

You just need practice. The more you do it the easier it gets. Maybe you could try just making a friendly comment to an elder or even a child next time you're out in public- less threatening than a contemporary. Start off small. Just say hello or comment on what a beautiful day it is. They may respond or they may not, but don't give up.

a reply to: ksiezyc

Lastly, I think others give us confidence, bearing us up, praise us, making us feel good about ourselves. We like being liked.

I like it when people ask hard questions about life the universe and everything. I like it when people want to think and talk about stuff.

So many have hard borders about what they have been taught, how they are expected to act or what to believe.

Its refreshing to meet someone that is just open to expression. Its no thing, I have my opinion and you yours.

So thanks for the chat.

a reply to: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk

Agreed. I do need practice. And thanks for the advice to start small. Contemporaries can be difficult as they are the ones you will most be judged by. Thank you. You are a kind and good soul.

a reply to: intrptr

Yes, of course everyone likes to be liked something that made me uncertain of this thread. It could have gone great as it did, or gone terrible with people yelling about something or the other, you know how it goes. I have another idea for a thread based on physics(something I do not understand very well) and a theory on the Big Bang and black holes. I might make a thread about it, but it is surely wrong for some obvious reason unknown to me.

Thank you too for the chat, I like the same things(of people) that you do. It is interesting to have such discussions without having to have absolute right or wrong.

a reply to: ksiezyc

yet the guts to do it, need to get them.

That's just it, don't think about it, just do it.

I just remembered where I first gained my confidence. I was a kid in school and you know how you had to read things aloud? I noticed every single kid reading parts of a story in this monotone voice...soooo boring!!!!! I thought, what if I read it like it should be read? You know, give the different characters different voices and make it interesting. It couldn't hurt, right? Well it came my turn and even the teacher was impressed as hell. All the kids laughed and said how great that was. I was like a star after that. It gave me the confidence to join drama and I got even more praise and attention that I wasn't used to. I just had to take that one chance.

a reply to: Night Star

Great moment of triumph! Well I won't do anything so grand, but I will (try) to engage people in conversations.

a reply to: ksiezyc

I have another idea for a thread based on physics(something I do not understand very well) and a theory on the Big Bang and black holes. I might make a thread about it, but it is surely wrong for some obvious reason unknown to me.

Go ahead, lots of people like that stuff, me included. Hope I catch it.

originally posted by: ksiezyc
a reply to: Night Star

Great moment of triumph! Well I won't do anything so grand, but I will (try) to engage people in conversations.

Like others have said, start simple. If you observe people all around you in conversations, what are they talking about? What about strangers in stores when they are just talking...small stuff. What about sitting around at a barbecue...a lot of small talk about family, their schools, their other friends, music etc. Then you can delve into deeper things when you know them better. Observe and take in everything around you. Throw something interesting into the conversation and ask what they think about it.