Downtrodden in Van Isle

Hello ats, I'm generally not one to post but this has been a relationship story eating away at my mind and soul and I do believe I need perspective from my alternative theroied tin foil tribe. If not juse to vent this out before the image of this woman twists my last peice of sanity.

So a some time ago while recovering from a car crash I met a girl visiting Canada as an exchange student from India. A few dates later I was swearing my love to her like a fool. We began to see a lot in each other and it got serious. Being 28 myself and her 26 we even talked that it is that time to find "the one" and we had.

A few months into the relationship she began getting into big rants about how much she loved me and I didn't love her and would stop seeing or talking to me for daus before coming back. She'd go on about horrible PTSD related things and how I make her feel safe then turn around and say I do not care for her. She would talk of killing herself then cut me out off her lif and social feeds till I would beg her back.

The worse was that we were considering each other for marrige and we're planning around the details when she freaked out. Didn't know how to tell me she was. Instead she didn't talk to me for a week after a trip to Vancouver and I died of worry calling her for a whole week! After getting g annoyed with me told me she was pregnant with my child but getting married to a better man to see if I would come kick his butt. Turns out the whole thing was a lie to test me. All around the time I learned will you marry me in her native dialect of hindi.

I took her back because I am hopelessly addicted to her and it was good again. After visiting her in a city near by (she works a beach resort a few towns over) I let her drive home in a thunderstorm on a road she in a tropical rainforest and that was the final straw and I have no care for her not a strong man ect.

It's been a week since she's talked to me, no matter how much I try to contact her. Now I just feel like Pavlov's dog waiting for the bell, sitting here with a family heirloom ring and a bunch of notes on how to speak hindi depressed wondering even now if I should go to her. What is a confused man to do? Other then a few good pints at the pub

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Dear OneCrazyCanuck - I say this with all sincerity and in my 50's now, having seen it play out over and over amongst people I have worked with/family/etc. - IF you think it's crazy now... amp all this behaviour up by 100% and this is your future.

I'm sure she's the love of your life but her behaviour and issues are going to destroy you. She may be the most amazing woman in the world but she needs psychological help and I really do feel she is manipulating you. She is also abusing you. This is mental abuse.

Until she gets the help she needs you need to steer clear of her. I really am concerned about you. I am about her as well but you are both adults and it's up to her to get the help she needs.

I wish you all the best. You are worthy of being treated with mature and healthy love.

a reply to: ccseagull

Thanks for the advice. Deep down I know it won't end well unless she gets help. Still makes that time I got shanked by a crackhead for my wallet in high school seem like a papercut, I love her all of her faults and the misery she brings. Hell I might always. It's the real pain loving someone yout must let go.

Maybe I'm just getting scared with the almighty 30 coming in a year and a month and I still have none of my life goals done. Makes anything that seems like you have you (stuff) together is worth clinging to. Ty for being stright up and honest!

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Leave her alone and find someone else...

she sounds a bit shady, and shes already lied to you about silly stuff...

Go to the pub, slam a few back and start getting over her

Obsessing over someone is never good... leads down a dark road brother

Been there...

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

I hear you And my heart breaks for your. Well there is hope because if she sorts things out then it could be the most incredible lifetime shared.

30 is still young, but I know what you mean. I had my child at 35 and I am so thankful I didn't have her earlier. I had so much work to do before I could be the all giving, all present parent one needs to be. Just thought I'd add that to give you some peace about your age and that there is still time, good time.

I really do hope it all works out. Your beloved sounds like she is stuck at a teenager emotional level and she sounds very self absorbed. I don't mean that in a mean way. Whatever has occurred in her life, and maybe even the parenting style she had, and maybe the culture - she is right now only able to hurt those she loves because I don't think she even loves herself (or is so spoiled). Please, no offence intended. Hard to say what it could be without knowing her but just putting thoughts out there.

There also people out there who are so emotionally broken that they don't know how to love and they want to destroy all those around them. It may not be her intention, but it is her only way of knowing. Just sharing thoughts again.

You have so much love to give. And having your loved one be broken inside hurts the most because no matter what you do nothing seems to work. I would recommend counselling for yourself, her own counselling and couple counselling. No one wants to go that route, it's work, it's $$ but if you do go that route it is so very worth it. I am a firm believer in always growing, always improving.

I don't mean to preach. I hope all your wishes for love come true and that your girlfriend knows how much she is loved by you and as a member of this world.

a reply to: ccseagull

Again thank you. This is why I love the internet somtimes. Perspective from experiance so long as you ask the right source.

And yeah she'll he in my head awhile but after some thought yeah I got all the time left to really finish the proper milestones of life with the right people.

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Remain at the pub! Trust me, things get better after 30. You'll remember this, I know it.

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck
... IF you think it's crazy now... amp all this behaviour up by 100% and this is your future. ...

I disagree. I'd say you're looking at something more like 1000%!

RUN LIKE ALL HELL IS AFTER YOU!

Because it is.

What you've lived through with this woman will be the pattern for you entire future.

You don't want that. You especially don't want to be tied to her.

Free yourself now - a quick 'ripping off the plaster' - it will save you so much drawn out pain.

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Once, like you, I was deeply and madly in love with a broken girl. It's getting late, so I'll spare the details, but she repeatedly refused to get the help she needed. It became very clear to me that to save my future sanity and happiness I had to walk away. Don't cling to a sinking ship.

a reply to: ccseagull

Well said and I have to agree!


OneCrazyCanuck, you are still young and have many years ahead of you. I would hate to see you waste it on someone who treats you like this. I wish you the best!

Thank you for replies and you all sounder so right. I am crazy for crazy and that won't do.

Now the real test she unblocked me on a few social apps gotta not be a stalker. Damn digital age. You've all been a good help and this is why I love ats. It might turn into a flame war over politics, but we got good members out there. Thank you again!

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Come here and spend more time with us. That should satisfy your taste for crazy as well as keep you out of mischief

a reply to: berenike

HA! That reminded me of this pic.

a reply to: OneCrazyCanuck

Obviously she was beging for prove of your love.
It's complicated,
It always is, two crashing galaxies of perception. Formerly known as people.
We all have issues, she needs proof of your love, I guess.
You are super confused, didn't catch the signs which probably were there,
Before the outburst.

Be romantic, innovative, get in the mood, be "creepy", if there is a chance of going back together,
She will have a positive emotional reaction.
If not, # her, move on, you deserve better.