I will never grow a thicker skin, so just stop telling me to.

This is just one trendy expression among many others that have an evil and unhealthy underlying psychology to it.

It is encouraging people to literally bend over and "take it" without complaint because the abuse is just going to continue and no one wants to hear about how much it can hurt. Cause yeah, it hurts. But everybody hates complainers... right? So everybody learns to suffer in silence and this is what "growing a thicker skin" is really about.

But some of us will never, ever grow a thicker skin. Not me, at least. I was born with a fine sensitivity, thank you very much, and I would rather just choose not to subject myself to further abuse. So how about, "go f-ck yourself," to everyone who's ever said... "grow a thicker skin," to anybody. Because I would rather just eliminate the poison from my environment so that I don't become poisoned, which is an option for all of us- mostly.

Also please reconsider the nature of a complaint:

If you go into a restaurant and order a burger with no mayo, extra well done, but receive a burger that's rare with tons of mayo on it, you have some options about the way you want to respond to this dilemma.

1. You can keep your trap shut because you have learned to suffer in silence, in which case the restaurant workers will never learn their own mistakes in order to work towards becoming a better establishment as a whole in the future. Because if you don't know there's a problem to begin with, you won't have any motivation to work towards a solution- this ignorance is a negative for everyone.

or 2. ...you can complain and change the future. Because what people have by and large apparently forgotten... is that there is a positive aspect to complaining (as long as you're not being an overboard d-ck about it) because when you let others know what they have done wrong... it can then change everyone, and thus change the future, so that the mistake doesn't happen again. Then we can all move towards manifesting a better, safer, and healthier environment for ourselves where we never have to grow thick skins.

It's about eliminating error and fine tuning our realities so we feel less pain and less stress.

It's not about growing a thicker skin just so that we can endure more pain and more stress, like really?

Cause at the end of the day? I'll never grow a thicker skin. I feel everything and furthermore... I won't be quiet about it. I will not suffer in silence any longer! But I understand your shock and I understand that you will want to silence me right away because these trendy psychological meme's have washed your brains over time and again and have become a stronghold there in your minds. But I hope that I have made you question your own reality a little more at least, regarding these trendy annoying sayings that everyone seems to blurt out without understanding what they're really saying.

Thank you.

With love,
Lou.

a reply to: geezlouise

I've noticed this also geez. Here on ATS a lot. Ooo they say. Toughen up, or as my father used to say, "Be a Man'. as if everyone should be as callous and unfeeling as he was.

Grow a thicker skin is what bullies say so that they can continue to think of themselves as good guys.
Bullies are really very shallow people I think. So here's to ya Geez. Great post.

a reply to: geezlouise

I was told by a MOD to grow a thicker skin when I complained about an insulting post.

If I wanted to participate in political discussions it's mandatory to have a skin like a pig in a mud pit.

my sig by BFFT is totally spot on...

originally posted by: geezlouise


It's about eliminating error and fine tuning our realities so we feel less pain and less stress.

It's not about growing a thicker skin just so that we can endure more pain and more stress, like really?

Very nice post and so true.

During all my working life , I have been accused of having a thin skin. Many bosses and mentors have told me to grow a thick skin. All this because I stood up against injustice; against anything which was unfair .

They still cannot understand my stance and cannot comprehend how I managed to achieve a reasonable degree of success in life with my sensitive , "thin skin "disposition.

I have never said "grow a thick skin" to anyone simply because , as you say, being sensitive prompts one to react and bring about a change.

a reply to: geezlouise

I do not equate complaining about an improperly prepared meal to having thin skin. You are paying for a service and to have it performed as requested following which you will remit monetary remuneration and most likely a gratuity.

a reply to: geezlouise

Well, you can go through life a victim and get upset and weepy every time something doesn't you your way or you can 'grow a thicker skin'. Frankly, it is easier to toughen up and not let stuff get to you that doesn't matter.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

Thank you Terry!

Yes, here on ATS but also... I feel like people have literally always said it to me.

But I think that people don't understand that I'm just vomiting out stuff when I am making observational statements or expressing how I feel about something. I'm not freaking out about it, but other people are freaking out about it. But it's like people don't know how to cope with my feelings sometimes, but I'm ok with them? So it's kind of backwards because I seem to be the one who is strong enough to just say what I feel, or dare to feel what I feel, when others can't seem to handle hearing about it much less consider that they themselves might've ever felt a similar way.

Being sensitive towards people requires the ability of empathetic self-analysis. This is something psychopaths don't possess. A lot of psychopaths have the qualities that companies need in higher positions of 'authority'. The cycle is never ending.

Being sensitive is, I think, one of the highest levels of conscious a human being can reach. Being sensitive means that you're sometimes going to be treated badly and you'll have to find a sensitive release for that. What I mean by this is the following:

A: an employee gets it in the neck by the boss and is penalized for a mistake. This employee then bottles up his rage and slowly but surely starts to release said rage against his 'lesser' workmates. This is not sensitive.

B: The employee who is scolded has a talk with the boss to iron out the reasons for the reprimand. He then informs the team under him what happened and asks them to empathize with his position. Once that's happened bridges can be built to prevent further occurrence.

Being sensitive is a HUGE leap in understanding. It's not something a lot of people understand yet. As attention spans grow shorter and the workweek is made unbearably long (with little familial contact) it may only get worse. After all sensitive people look out for one another.

Don't grow a thick skin. That's like asking someone to harden their hearts. It's the same thing, unforgivable.

I think it's more important to learn to respond, rather than react, in situations that have you upset.

You don't necessarily have to toughen up, to learn to handle things a different way.

originally posted by: olaru12
a reply to: geezlouise

I was told by a MOD to grow a thicker skin when I complained about an insulting post.

If I wanted to participate in political discussions it's mandatory to have a skin like a pig in a mud pit.

my sig by BFFT is totally spot on...

And you have...

It's the Internet...I picture everyone I'm taking to as a 19 year old punk.

In his mom's basement stealing the neighbor's wifi.

All set for the weekend with a 12 pack and a bottle of lotion.

Am I the only one that translated that entire OP as "waaah, waaah, waaah, waaaah. *tears*?"

Because seriously, and no offense intended, that's all I got out of it.

a reply to: olaru12

lol @ your sig.

a reply to: crowdedskies

I LOVE YOU!

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I used the restaurant as an example because it's easy to understand and I can definitely equate it to our relationships with one another, and with humanity as a whole. As one big establishment full of mini establishments.

Where if someone's behavior is overall degrading and unhelpful to others(a physically abusive partner or family member, for instance), then not complaining about it leads to tolerating it and also... it sets everyone else up for that persons abuse without warning. Then it's the same deal as the restaurant- nothing changes. People just get abused and it's unhealthy. Furthermore, tolerating that behavior inadvertently encourages it in others, so now it spreads like wildfire... accompanied with the annoying trendy expressions. So now we have a society full of raging sociopaths who love to say "grow a thicker skin."

Well I guess if that's the unhealthy direction you want to go into, I'll get out. Cause I would rather not subject myself to further abuse. But I won't go quietly into the night!

a reply to: daryllyn

I so agree with this. You're spot on.

a reply to: geezlouise

There is a huge difference between "sucking up" actual abuse and ongoing mistreatment. What you are complaining about is people telling you to get over interactions on the internet. Two very different things.

So yes, if someone is constantly treating you badly in the real world, or even online, up to and including physical or emotional abuse, then "remove the poison" from your life.

If you are constantly crying because people don't share your point of view and you get in arguments over opinion, you need to get over it.

a reply to: Metallicus

This either or thing is just obtuse. Like you, some may find it easy to just toughen up but not every one is like that.
And who is to say what does and what does not matter? Some social darwinist who knows exactly what each and every person should be like? Some of us live in a world that is just not that simple.

originally posted by: geezlouise
I used the restaurant as an example because it's easy to understand...

I just think that the example is not really relevant to getting a 'thicker skin', you are paying for it, you have every right to have it prepared to your specifications. No one should be telling you are anyone else otherwise. It is called the hospitality industry for a reason, people should be hospitable.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: geezlouise

I do not equate complaining about an improperly prepared meal to having thin skin. You are paying for a service and to have it performed as requested following which you will remit monetary remuneration and most likely a gratuity.

So, unless I am paying you, you are free to be an asshole. Got it. Ok.

Meh, "thicker skin" just gives bullies and fascists more room to practice 'idiotry'...

acting as if we were all the delicate flowers we truly are will result in a much nicer world... as well as "nicely tuned realities" and burgers made how we like 'em.

Tho I would like my own skin a bit thinner for increased sensitivity when it counts.

originally posted by: redhorse
So, unless I am paying you, you are free to be an asshole. Got it. Ok.

Not at all. I just think that is not a good example of when people can use the phrase 'grow a thicker skin'.

a reply to: TinkerHaus I cry, it makes me feel better... some jump into a mosh pit... as long as no one gets too bruised... just spoke to a roller derby woman today.
Expressing oneself sometimes helps a lot.


nine smiles on being brave OP!