The Self-Censorship Problem

Relatively recently I've had some posters here refer to me as their "friend" (I appreciate that more than I can express). However, it's causing me a dilemma.

Over the last week or so, I've counted about six thread ideas where I thought, "That would be a fun thread." Then I thought, "I don't want to be associated with that topic." Why? Previously, I never had thoughts of self-censoring myself for the sake of popularity but, for obvious reasons, I am now.

Have you heard of the "reverse halo effect"?

There is also a reverse halo effect whereby perception of a negative or undesirable trait in individuals, brands, or other things influences further negative judgments about the traits of that individual, brand, etc. If a person "looks evil" or "looks guilty" you may judge anything he says or does with suspicion; eventually you may feel confident that you have confirmed your first impression with solid evidence when, in fact, your evidence is completely tainted and conditioned by your first impression. The hope that the halo effect will influence a judge or jury is one reason some criminal lawyers might like their clients to be clean-shaven and dressed neatly when they appear at trial.

LINK

Anyone who's aware of the "reverse halo effect" has to have it in the back of their mind when their posting somewhere such as this forum (if they care about making friends and/or popularity anyway).

I would imagine that anyone with friends here is suffering from problems similar to what I've described in this post. How do you deal with it?

I highly recommend the following thread for a deeper discussion of this matter:

The Internet as a Simulacrum of Life

a reply to: Profusion

People that like you like you for who you are...you should be yourself...always. Heck, I have plenty of folks here that don't like me, but what difference does it make really? At the end of the day you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

a reply to: Profusion

Exactly what Metallicus said.

a reply to: Profusion

You're probably over thinking it. You will just gain more friends with more varied topics and keep the respect of the ones you have.

Self censorship has its place. Not in what you say but in HOW you say it. Why be a douche? As to an opinion on something, I get it. Times have changed. You can lose friends today because of your opinion. IMO F'em. If they are more married to their ideology than to friends.... well, F'em.

a reply to: Profusion

I agree that some folks 'edit' for harshness or being snarky and that's good.

I think we should be able to get our point across without being unnecessarily rude although I have been on occasion and regret it.

If folks are truly friends than it should be a given that we will have differing opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. That's the beauty of friendship. We can be different and still love/care about each other.

In my life, one of my children is an Atheist and the other is a Christian. I love them both equally and we discuss openly everything with no censorship other than to not be rude to each other. Same with friends.

Don't censor, be yourself!

originally posted by: Metallicus
a reply to: Profusion

People that like you like you for who you are...you should be yourself...always. Heck, I have plenty of folks here that don't like me, but what difference does it make really? At the end of the day you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

It's not just the content that I write. Take the following threads for instance:

"The Force Awakens" Really Is Feminist Propaganda

Is 'Star Wars' now a vehicle for constant feminist propaganda?

People took what I wrote in those threads and spun it many different ways. They made all sorts of absurd "inferences" based on what I wrote that were completely wrong. Some of the mean-spirited comments were slightly psychologically damaging to me. Just imagine how innocent bystanders would feel about me reading the lies that were posted about me in those threads. Most of the replies concerning my original posts in the threads had some kind of ad hominem attack; it was brutal. Back then, I just thought was fun and funny, though.

When I start a thread now, I have to think about all of the different ways it can blow up in my face. It's not just what I'm posting; it's what everyone else is claiming about me. Consider the impact of that on the "reverse halo effect."

"Being yourself" is fine in a one on one private conversation. When you're starting threads on ATS, "being yourself" can blow up in your face in about a million different ways.

a reply to: Profusion

There's truth in what you said above.

You can always go back to those individual posters and clarify your statements for everyone.

I have posted at times and those thoughts, that I believed were very clear, were completely misinterpreted and not understood as I had intended.

If it's important enough, go back and clarify. My $.02

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
In my life, one of my children is an Atheist and the other is a Christian. I love them both equally and we discuss openly everything with no censorship other than to not be rude to each other.

Too bad you can't bottle that. Common sense goes for a premium today. I wish that was funny.

a reply to: Profusion

One way you might like to consider dealing with this problem is not see people on this forum as your friends or your enemies.

How can people on this forum be your friend or foe when you have never met them, have no idea of what sort of people they or s who range of other things about them?

They are merely people you either agree with or disagree with in relation to a certain issue.

I will make one exception to this though and that it is that I may have an enemy without knowing in that there may be someone on this forum who regards me as an enemy of the state or of their religion, their superior race etc. Such an enemy may be using their own resources those of their state to find and harm me directly or cause me some harm in some way because of views I have expressed on this form.

With the exception of such persons I do not regard any person on this forum as a friend or an enemy. Anyone I interact with is merely somebody I either agree or disagree with and they with me.

How can I like or dislike somebody I have never met.

Hope this helps

originally posted by: Metallicus
a reply to: Profusion

People that like you like you for who you are...you should be yourself...always. .

If you're Christian you can always console yourself with the reality that:

When men hate you, it means God loves you.

When men love you, it means God hates you.

So, either way, someone always loves you.

I'm an a@$/. And as such, nobody is CAPABLE of damaging me psychologically online. All in good fun right? But people sure can light touch annoy with pass by questions they don't intend to answer. I self censor because I'd rather not. I'm not pumping my thoughts into a dead beast for free because people try to pump for the good stuffs. They should be hurt bad. And with that I'm $&$# gone. Id make a joke about being better than everyone else that I believe by about 90% but people would try to suck more. I need no excuse. I'd just rather be gone. Anything else reads like a self description. Like a personal ad. People say thanks for sharing about you n'all. I'm bloody not. Good day.





Tired. Winding down. Engines off.

a reply to: breakingbs

My case in point, I just said I'd rather be -gone-. As in I've got stuff..we've all got stuff rite? Like to do-


Thirty minutes later, I could expect to find a small post stating in first person, "I wish I was gone. Gone from life!!! Gone from earth!! I Hooman! I hurrttt!!! No make hooman!!" and while this has nothing to do with anything at all, it sure seems like projection at a distance..

I no say what gone means to me. You peeps no deservey..


ughhh...

a reply to: Profusion

I'll let you into a little secret I haven't shared with anyone. I found the latest Star Wars film deeply disappointing, and that female protagonist was a big part of it. The only time I got really excited (Empire Strikes Back excited, rather than just great special effects thrill-ride excited) was when we finally get to Luke. Man, the look in his eyes, now there's a pair of eyes that have seen from hell and back. I have higher hopes for Ep8. We shall see. But I was gutted.

A heated discussion, a bit of back and forth roasting, should not affect whether you are liked or disliked. If it does, it is just as much about them as you. If you just pander to others, that dishonestly could impede genuine friendship. It's kind of how you take winning or losing and criticism, and how you give it out, that's what makes people interesting and often likeable. It shows their character. But liking yourself, is far more significant, if you don't like yourself how can you expect others to like you.

Being passionate is fine, you don't have to force it on others on a one-track mode, you can just listen, get a better understanding of what others are interested in, and it is perfectly acceptable to live and let live, agree to disagree and just not partake in some conversations if you have nothing of value to add. That's not self-censorship, it's not being self-centred.



People who genuinely like you, will accept you warts and all.

a reply to: breakingbs

As in don't just pump me for thought energy or time if you don't intend on meeting me. Yeah? Yeah. I think we're about done here..





Smiles. So that ppl know it's hooomor.

Well, yeah.
This is part of the reason I feel very uncomfortable with compliments or when people reach out with nice things to say to me.

I have been notoriously rude at time, ignoring those.... though with age I have made more effort to respond and thank them. But the truth is, I don't want to pay attention to what others think of me because it feels like a trap.

Not that anyone has any bad intents when they compliment.... only that having an overall impression of a person as being good or bad is a trap in itself- an illusion. People I like still do things I don't like sometimes, and people I don't like still do things I like sometimes.

It seems important to me to express those reactions to behaviors or acts, instead of focusing on judging the person in a global way.

And I have seen very popular people get frustrated and feel they cannot "be themselves" at times they just don't feel like being so nice. They've gotten hemmed in by their popularity.
I also hate seeing people who are usually rather rude or lacking in tact or something, and nobody notices or responds positively when they act differently!! How are they supposed to have an accurate idea of what is appropriate or not if they don't get accurate feedback??

I don't know. I guess you'll do what you feel is more important to you. I don't feel I am authentic if anyone has gotten the idea I am saint, or a demon. I am neither one nor the other and don't wish to fool anyone into thinking I am.

a reply to: Bluesma

You're one of the more down to Earth, pragmatic, and realistic posters on this forum. Thus, you gave a balanced answer. You're able to admit the elephant in the room:

And I have seen very popular people get frustrated and feel they cannot "be themselves" at times they just don't feel like being so nice. They've gotten hemmed in by their popularity.

It doesn't even have to be "popularity" in a traditional sense. One person could be enough to make another person feel that way.

Perhaps my next rant should be:

Why ask heads-in-the-clouds idealists pragmatic questions?

I appreciate all of the replies in this thread. However, as usual, idealists cannot see beyond their idealism.

originally posted by: Azureblue
a reply to: Profusion
How can people on this forum be your friend or foe when you have never met them, have no idea of what sort of people they or s who range of other things about them?

I feel like I have to go by the probabilities. If they called me "friend", what is probability that they don't mean it? There are many other factors to consider to try to determine if they're telling the truth.

Mostly, it comes down to actions speaking louder than words in my opinion.

a reply to: Profusion

Maybe because I've always been a loner but that never affected me. I'm a "take me as I am" type of person.

ETA: Love Rita Hayworth.

Glad I finally have a name for the way I manipulated that copper when I was 12. Halo Effect.

I say what I want though, loopy or not.

Don't care about no stinkin' reverse hoohah.

Ain't got no stinkin' friends either though, so there you have it.

a reply to: Profusion

I'm here to express my opinion, not so much to argue the validity of it, although the I stand by my convictions.

The garden has variety and many are the flowers that make up its beauty.

If you've got something to say then say it, for what it's worth you're a great contributor and nothing less than full retard over many posts would convince me otherwise.