How do you handle rejection in relationships?

a reply to: Quantum12

My wife of 9 years married her co-worker pilot that she flew around with collecting primies from distant small towns. 9 years later she divorced him. LOL.

I had given it my more or less best efforts with the maturity and tools I had at the time.

Mercifully, a year after the divorce signing a joint tax refund, she volunteered: "You're a GOOD man." Whatever that meant, it didn't FEEL worth a great deal at the time but it was a LOT better than her saying the opposite! LOL.

I haven't wanted to get into a close romantic relationship again. Maybe I'm chicken and many have said I'd make a wonderful husband etc. etc. But my life has been full enough trying to help those of my students and clients better their relationships.

Thanks tons for your kind words.

The IQ wasn't something I had anything to do with. LOL. And I still make plenty of stupid errors as most such folks do. LOL.

Think "Leaving Las Vegas".

Except no Elizabeth Shue.

a reply to: Unresponsible

I have no idea what either of those items refer to.

a reply to: BO XIAN

It's a fairly classic film, arguably one of Nicholas Cage's strongest performances.

Elizabeth Shue is an actress in that film.

a reply to: Profusion

I handle it with chloroform.

a reply to: NewzNose

Interesting. If that is the case, it is upon prospective partners to hang out for about that long before getting stuck in to a situation which might hurt the both of them.

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: TrueBrit

I read somewhere that, after 18 months, those chemicals (pheromones) that draws 2 people together stop . Then it's up to the 2 people to continue on without that little boost from nature.

I'll tell you about my experience with my ex-wife. Our divorce happened several years ago and we're still friends. I've been amazed that during these years when we talk on the phone it's like nothing has changed. She misses me a lot and she's been trying to get me to move to the city where she lives for a few years.

In order to make sense of that you need to know why we got divorced. She wants children and I don't. She knew that before we got married but she thought she could change me but she couldn't. The divorce had to happen because she wanted her own baby.

The point I'm trying to make is that if the connection is spiritual (or the like) rather than based on pheromones, I think the quote above is irrelevant.

a reply to: BO XIAN

You made excellent points. However, none of what you wrote changes the key issues that I brought up in the original post. The most important one being that rejection in romantic situations should never be taken personally (unless it was clearly the fault of the person being rejected). Understanding that point would have changed my life if I would have realized it at a younger age.

Why didn't my parents tell me? They didn't tell me ANYTHING about relationships that would help make me successful.

a reply to: Profusion

AGREED.

It's important to insure that one only takes responsibility for one's OWN stuff and doesn't receive, or take in, junk flung in their direction by the other party . . . who may well have the huge percentage of the problem.

I think Marisa Peer's TED TALK here is good to keep in mind in even casual conversations on such scores:
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"How to avoid rejection and get connection:"
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www.youtube.com...
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Points 4 & 5 are particularly fitting for what you are talking about, imho.
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Why didn't your parents tell you?
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Probably because they were seriously ATTACHMENT DISORDERED themselves. They probably didn't have much of a clue, themselves.
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And, some parents just never think things through very far and are too intimidated about talking about those issues, anyway. Modern life has LOTS of distractions, workaholism, chemicals, booze etc. with which to divert attention from the sources of problems.
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Maybe, in their view, they didn't have the vocabulary necessary to really discuss such issues meaningfully. Though I think that's a big cop-out.
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Maybe they had too little empathy for your situation.
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It's hard to guess with so little information.
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Thanks for your meaty reply.
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BTW, my RN-OBYN, then Intensive Care Nursery wife knew I didn't want kids, either. I didn't want to visit my family craziness on another generation. She was cool with that--until about 6-7 years into the relationship. Then she decided she wanted kids. Then she realized again that she didn't. She had enough of kids in her job. Even after marrying co-worker Mr Macho--she still didn't have kids. And, the psychologist we lived with for 18 months after moving to the PNW said I'd have made a much better father than she would have a mother. LOL.
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I call incessantly in the night and then hang up.
I key their car but still say I love you.
I follow them around and show up everywhere they do. I have a room with lots of pictures on the wall and a small table with black candles.

You get the idea.

a reply to: TrueBrit

If you can take a cross country excursion with the new person in your life...no destinations, reservations, just the two of you stuck in a car for hours and hours, day after day for minimum of 10 days...and you return still all smoochy faces, get married!

My husband always said that when his ex wife admitted she was having an affair, and left him for the other man, it was the luckiest day of his life. He actually thanked her in person a few years later!

He was so upset, it became an excuse to walk out on the job he hated, give up all his possessions, and fly off to the other side of the world he'd always dream about- and find his soul mate! He says he wouldn't have had the courage to do that if he hadn't had that painful kick in the butt.


On my side, I had come to the conclusion (about the boyfriend before him) that I had subconsciously chosen a guy I knew would treat me badly and walk out on me because I wanted to be alone, and I had a twisted attachment to victimization.
Sometimes the hardest truths to acknowledge are precisely the ones that are capable of freeing you.

a reply to: Profusion

Revenge Your Ex

Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.

The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.

According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.

I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.

Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.

Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
confidence.

Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.

Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.

Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
depressed.

Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
attracted to.

Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!

To handle rejections is quite difficult. Many people turn addicts after a rejection. Many go into depression and some even commit suicide. My point is we should show them we can live better even without their presence. Engage yourself in something, be busy always. That's my mantra.

originally posted by: Profusion
How do you handle rejection in relationships?

By bagging another woman.
women are like doritos, they will make more.

Before marriage, it would be much easier to handle than after.

I was glad that my 3-year-relationship ended because his mom didn't like me. I met his sister-in-law once and she told me that her life with the family was difficult ( they lived together in a big house ). She said her m-in-l told her to hand-wash the whole family's laundry and dishes (left the washing machine/dish washer in peace). Thank God saved my skin. And yes, it was a blessing to me.
I'm using my both machines frequently so that I'm able to sit here to read the threads. Ha!Ha! PEACE....

If ''rejection'' happens after the marriage, that definitely hurts. I wouldn't know how to handle it. Any solution?

a reply to: Profusion

Maybe in the 50s. But modern people, over half of them get divorced.

I will say my personal view and people can ridicule me disrespect me or do what ever because I know that until I go to God it is the truth and when I am with God it will still be the truth.

I have had so much pain from unrequited love my whole life (each time because of injustice in my opinion) that only one medication is strong enough to deliver me from absolute pain, and is the opioid medication (ATS says I am spelling that wrong when I am not).

Now any of you that boo hoo me or say anything defensive - you are just jealous because I am taking the neccessary steps to help myself and you just keep trust people who lie to you and keep you in your pathetic angry world.

Always value and love yourself more than the other person. Moreover, you should think of people not as something you own. If they reject you, let them walk away.

a reply to: Profusion

Totally agree with you. rejection is not a bad thing when we are talking about saving relationship

a reply to: Profusion

I have never been rejected so it's hard for me to say something. But I actually think that it's good to set someone you love free