Weeping for Others: Does it Help?

This will sound strange, I am sure.

I am 32 years old and I have made many hard choices in life. My family lives in a religious cult and so I had to say goodbye to them in order to pursue truth. I lost my wife for the same reason. I am otherwise fine and have no problem finding work or paying bills, etc. I am healthy and I feel like my friends like me. I'm happy every day and my dreams are always empowering and affirming. I never cry for myself. I'm tough in regard to myself.

However, I do cry for others.

When I see or read a particularly piquant story of sorrow, I feel a little nub in the back of my mind that gives me the 'option' to weep. If I give in to it, the tears start coming and the sorrow I am feeling is as if I AM that person who is suffering. I literally can conceptualize what their pain feels like. It's like I'm tasting it in my mouth. It's tangible.

This happens maybe every month or two. It happened recently when I saw a woman holding her dead child (tsunami), and it happened again the other day when I read this account of a vietnam veteran's post-traumatic stress. He describes an ambush in which his friends were killed. In both cases and in those before, I am THERE, living that pain. I am always alone when this comes upon me (watching tv, reading, etc). It lasts for maybe five to ten minutes and then WHOOSH, it's gone. I'm back to normal.

Every time this happens, I can elect not to weep and have done so for years like most men would. However for the last year or so, I CHOOSE to weep. After I do, I feel as if I have done something good. I have a distinct sensation that I have somehow carried some small part of the burden for that person who is, or who was, suffering.

There seems to be a very strong current in humankind that pushes us to become cold, and for a while, I was the coldest man you'd ever know. I have only recently come to be convinced of the power of compassion and empathy, which I suppose has allowed me to share this.

I still have the coldness-persona in me, and if I want to, I can verbally dissect anyone who challenges me. Lately though, these feelings of compassion seem to be getting stronger in me and I feel compelled to investigate this phenomenon more.

Does this make sense to anyone or has anyone felt anything similar?

Smallpeeps, Youre human, and a nice one too. Many of us here have discussed how we feel and how we mourn victims of tsunami or anything else that pops up. I immediately put myself in their places and the gut wrenching pain is such that i become physically ill. I think we're all connected in this universe and thats why a lot of us feel the pain. There's nothing wrong with being human.

I think many people are like you, myself included, compassion is not discriminating, even evil bastards can have compassion. Whats important is how we express compassion in our everyday lives, how much we can fight or denie the emotional selfishness and coldness you spoke of, a place in our normal daily conciousness.
We give gifts and get gushy at christmas, but can we express our love and compassion as well on the other 364 days?
We get sad and teary when see and hear of tradgety like the tsunami, but do we feel sad and teary on any normal day when we pass a sad lonly homeless person in the street? and do we just feel sad and teary or do we overcome our inate selfishness to do something tangible about it?
There is no point in feeling compassion alone. IMHO

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We weep because we feel pain, just as we say "ouch!" when we hurt ourselves.

Crying is extremely important, because it gives us a way to wash away our own sadness.

But the best way to help others lies not in weeping, but in loving them.

This means keeping them in our minds in fondness, and sending them "good vibes" (Solists call this "radiance") and letting not our pain be our message, but our deep and abiding love.

Do this, and both the person for whom you are concerned and you yourself will be blessed with healing and growth.

After sorrow comes joy. It should never be otherwise.

Originally posted by smallpeeps
However, I do cry for others.

Lately though, these feelings of compassion seem to be getting stronger in me and I feel compelled to investigate this phenomenon more.

Does this make sense to anyone or has anyone felt anything similar?

I think, if you feel empathy to others, it means that your soul is changing direction from that cold blooded behaviour to a more sensetive thinking. You start to care for others, meaning that you are more than just an individual. They are prescious feelings that you possess, you should keep them in shape.

Yes. This is not really about me feeling sad, because I do not. It's more about the idea that by empathizing, we can affect the world. For men, weeping is forbidden. In fact, the whole concept of being a man in this deteriorating world is total and utter bull****, IMO.

This all started around the time I read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. His story of death-camp survival affected me deeply, particularly the part where he is digging in the snow, and he is at his limit, ready to lie down and die, and a tiny little bird lands in front of him and looks at him RIGHT at the moment when he is thinking of his wife and how he is ready to die, in spite of his love for her. That little bird saved his life.

I have also researched the idea that some humans thrive on the tears of other humans. That some humans have spiritual connections to darkness that allow them to gain pleasure and power when others suffer. Such stories are not uncommon and I have met victims of Ritual Satanic Abuse so I know that it is a fact. It is also said that these abusers are equally charitable. They do good works that are as good as are their evil works. The problem is, there is no feeling involved in either act.

I feel as if by being compassionate and by CHOOSING to empathize and absorb that pain as if it's my pain, I am making myself stronger in a different way.

There's lots of talk about what "they" have in store for "us". What isn't really discussed is that "they" have surely been traumitized also because that's what ORDER is all about: trauma and punishment. Perhaps opposing "them" is not the right thing to do. Perhaps what "they" need is for someone to listen to their pain or imagine it.

Originally posted by smallpeeps
Yes. This is not really about me feeling sad, because I do not. It's more about the idea that by empathizing, we can affect the world.

YES! Never forget that we are all brothers and sisters.

You can affect the world, and verily, verily I say unto thee, all you need is love (with apologies to The Beatles and the Mormon version of Jesus).

That's really all there is to it. The differences between us are nothing more than a thin veil that may be rended by the irresistable force that is called "love".

Love others, and you will love yourself.

Originally posted by smallpeeps
I have also researched the idea that some humans thrive on the tears of other humans. That some humans have spiritual connections to darkness that allow them to gain pleasure and power when others suffer. Such stories are not uncommon and I have met victims of Ritual Satanic Abuse so I know that it is a fact. It is also said that these abusers are equally charitable. They do good works that are as good as are their evil works. The problem is, there is no feeling involved in either act.

Some people?? Most people thrive on the suffering of others. It is a common human nature, and you could hardly find a person these days, who feel empathy to those who suffer. No need for satacic community or evil rituals. I guess, you understand the point.

Dude:

Belive me you are not alone , you are a lot like me!!
It happens to me all the time (to night for example after watching
more about the tsunami)Is like I can feel their pain and the tears will flow.

I was a E.M.T. in Florida for two years and I had to stop doing it, because
I'll become to emotional after the call and more so if kids got hurt.

You know , I belive that in a spiritual way we are REALLY conected to
each other.

We are Human you know.

I think, if you feel empathy to others, it means that your soul is changing direction from that cold blooded behaviour to a more sensetive thinking. You start to care for others, meaning that you are more than just an individual. They are prescious feelings that you possess, you should keep them in shape.

Shame you didnt feel that way for tsunami victims Vertu!

After all, the Thai leadership is responsible for the 130thousand+ dead, not the tsunami. Seeing the area on TV, and the things they say about them here in EU, I have nothing else to think of. But perhaps in reality they could be knowledgeable wise people.

Right... how about those few hours time, until the tsunami reached the shores? The entire World was warning the Thai authorities that it will come and destroy everything. What did that highly corrupt government do?! Nothing! Let's call these people smart and educated, with 100% survival rate.

Anyway, the World will probably talk about this issue too, because it wasn't a natural disaster. Far less could have died if the authorities would have warned the population.

One thing is sure: The Thai authorities did nothing, but they had their chance.

www.abovetopsecret.com...


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Originally posted by instar
Shame you didnt feel that way for tsunami victims Vertu!

How do you know my feelings that well? Anyway, I'm very curious of what actually happened there... of course it is not a thread to discuss that.

Originally posted by latinwolf
Belive me you are not alone , you are a lot like me!!
It happens to me all the time (to night for example after watching
more about the tsunami)Is like I can feel their pain and the tears will flow.

There are quite few reports about the tsunamis, nothing to hear about them recently. No pics, vids or reports. As if nothing happened. I guess, the media resources are prescious, they don't want to use them up. The WTC attacks were far greater issues lasting for at least 6 months in all media. Who knows why is this...

The WTC attacks were far greater issues lasting for at least 6 months in all media. Who knows why is this...

I Do! it was because they were American lives lost!

Anyway, I'm very curious of what actually happened there... of course it is not a thread to discuss that.

You seem to think you know exactly what happened there Vertu, you wrote...

quote: Right... how about those few hours time, until the tsunami reached the shores? The entire World was warning the Thai authorities that it will come and destroy everything. What did that highly corrupt government do?! Nothing! Let's call these people smart and educated, with 100% survival rate.

Anyway, the World will probably talk about this issue too, because it wasn't a natural disaster. Far less could have died if the authorities would have warned the population.

quote: One thing is sure: The Thai authorities did nothing, but they had their chance.

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Originally posted by instar
You seem to think you know exactly what happened there Vertu, you wrote...

What I wrote was only a portion of what will come to surface, and it originates in news sources. It's not yet a good idea to talk about it, because there is huge chaos , noone knows or states anything.

What I wrote was only a portion of what will come to surface, and it originates in news sources. It's not yet a good idea to talk about it, because there is huge chaos , noone knows or states anything.

That didnt stop you though did it

I believe only a small number actually thrive on negativity...most people feel for others! Those that don't have serious problems....no doubt...you have have mental issues to cling/thrive/desire negativity.
Is someone doing research on this, right now in this thread? Hmmmmm......

There's nothing wrong with being human

Yes there is, you just have to take a look at human history, and how most human beings behave.

Smallpeeps: Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Its touching when men can show their emotions.

I cry a lot these days, everything is so heartbreaking. So much so, that I also cry when I see happy things and good news. Sad comment, but those occurences are few and far between.

You are not a Psycopath. (don't take this the wrong way)

I once heard the technical definition of what is a Psychopath (both criminal and social (those that don't end up in jail and never spill blood themselvs(these are numerous))

Psycopath = Physical inability to feel empathy towards others

They lack a certain chemical substance (for example), in the brain, and no matter what, it prevents them from feeling that empathy, that you feel.


Without wanting to be moralistic here, or give lessons to people who probably don't need them, i would say that one of the traps i frequently observe, is this sort of manipulation of emotion, when the Media, for instance, manipulates people into feeling empathy at a certain moment for a certain reason.

Most of the troubles that arise in human relations come from emotional states, so lets imagine for ex, that someone convinces you that someone else suffered immensely at the hands of some atrocious criminal, you will likely think "man, if i could get my hands on him"..

I don't know if im making myself clear, i just think there's a risk here
people can abuse your empathy, we live in very deceiving times, where honor and loyalty do not carry the same weight as they did in the past, or distant past.


I do think your attitudes is very generous, and if you mean all the things you said, you're the type of people that this Planet needs.

Just a finishing remark..

We can have access (due to information), to certain tragedies, but imagine all the amount of misery that goes on in the world, the unnamed ones, those whom the world does not even know that they suffer..!

Its like you said, its as if they do not exists, unless, we also share their pain
(or, like you actually said: By sharing their pain (even for a short period), they exists through you)

These are not just gracious words, and one should not have the attitude of fearing this, in fact this ideal , feeling empathy, is as high and noble as its gets.

empathy is a superior feeling


Great thread, you're unusually open

Originally posted by smallpeeps
This will sound strange, I am sure.

Hi smallpeeps,
I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.
I feel sorry for those who died, but I do not cry for them. However I do feel sorrow for those who live. Someone once said "It's easy to be saint in paradise", but we live in hell. You can't expect desperate people to act as wisely as they could in normal circumstances.
What touched me the most in this tsunami disaster was what a young girl who lost her parenst said: "If I die, at least I'll die only once". Well that's the world we live in, we have to accept it, learn from it and do our best not to turn our back to people in need.